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Tweak says, "your hamster offends me"

Captain Jack Harkness (cannot_die) wrote in mirage_rpg,
@ 2008-06-23 08:05:00

Entry tags:

austin powers, complete, day 4, jack harkness

Day Four
Who: Captain Jack Harkness and Austin Powers
When: Day 4, Afternoon
What: Jack decides some relaxation is required.
Where: The resort sauna
Rating: Well, it's already PG for naked Jack. *shrugs* He's in a sauna, what do you expect?
Status: Complete

Jack walked out of the change rooms attached to the gym facilities with nothing more than a thick luxurious white towel around his waist. While he didn't particularly like being stuck here with odd and somewhat random strangers, he had to admit that they were being looked after. The level of luxury was something his hedonistic heart could only revel in and while he fully intended to try and find a way off the planet and back to his team, that didn't mean he wasn't going to enjoy himself at the same time. Hence his current plan.

He'd always enjoyed the bathhouses that had abounded when he'd first arrived back on Earth after the horror on the Gamestation. Victorian England might have been straight-laced and stuffy but they did know how to relax. Spending time at one of the bathhouses in either London or Cardiff had been a good way of relaxing and getting rid of the tension that working for Torchwood in those days had always engendered. A good steam followed by a good massage and then hopefully a little something else had been a guaranteed stress reliever.

He'd always made time over the years to indulge though he rarely advertised it to those he worked with. Not out of anything sinister, he just liked having this time to himself.

He walked into the sauna and closed the door behind him. The heat and humidity were damn near perfect and he closed his eyes for a moment to just enjoy it. he then wandered over to the far bench and pulled the towel off. He draped it on the bench then lay down on his back, stretching out like a cat and even purring a little to himself as he settled himself comfortably. He just hoped that if anyone came in, they understood sauna ettiquette and didn't do the two things he always hated - leave the damn door open for too long and complain about his nudity. There were time he thought the 21st Century was worse than the Victorian era for the prudity of people.

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yeah_baby_yeah
2008-06-23 10:22 am UTC (link)

Austin was quite content with this Planet. It took care of him, in every way except that which he wanted most. And that was companionship. None of his beautiful sidekicks were here so he couldn't coax them into bed. He hadn't seen that wonderful witch that met him near the lake since then, and there didn't seem to be any sort of golem woman that could take care of him.

So, he had spent the last two nights alone in his room wanking. How embarrassing. Technically he had been using the penis pump, but both sessions ended with the same result. And he'd had to clean the blasted tube once again. He decided that he needed to relax and take his mind off of it.

Leaving his garish room, he wandered into the main building and went through a few rooms, not finding anything to his liking until he came upon the sauna. He tapped his chin with his fingers, thinking a moment before pushing the door open and stepping into the lockeroom. He disrobed and wrapped one of those big fluffy white towels around his waist.

He left his glasses on as he was wont to do and pushed the door open, scanning the heavily steamed room before shutting it behind him. Before his glasses fogged up almost immediately, he could make out a single figure across the room and Austin went to sit down on the opposite bench. He sat down and took his glasses off, wiping them with the corner of his towel, but it did no good.

He put them back on and leaned against the wall, removing his towel and making a sort of pillow out of it. He lay down and sighed contentedly. "Afternoon, mate. In for a bit of relaxation?"

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cannot_die
2008-06-23 05:03 pm UTC (link)

Jack opened his eyes and tilted his head when the door opened and someone entered the steam-filled sauna. The newcomer didn't make a fuss, just walked in and headed for the opposite bench, which made Jack relax again. Good, whoever it was knew a bit about saunas and steamhouses and obviously wasn't going to make a fuss about Jack's nudity.

The man sat down and Jack took the opportunity to check him out. He was an odd-looking man, short and stocky... and hairy. Jack didn't mind a bit of body hair even though he possessed little himself. The light fuzz on Ianto's chest fascinated him and he'd made the younger man laugh many times by incessantly running his fingers through it until Ianto found a way to distract him. But the body hair on this man... well, it was either impressive or excessive, Jack couldn't quite work out which.

He continued his appraising look. The man wasn't what he'd call handsome though he had an interesting face with rather extraordinarily crooked teeth. He was wearing thick black rimmed glasses even here in the steam, which made a quirk of a smile grow on Jack's face.

All in all, he was an odd-looking fellow and not exactly Jack's type. Not that he wouldn't flirt if he needed to but he wasn't overly interested in it going further than that. He snorted to himself as he tilted his head back and let his eyes slide closed again. Maybe Tosh was right and he was shallow - he'd only shag things that were gorgeous. Well, a man did have to have his standards.

"Mmm, seemed like a good idea," he said lazily. "We've been provided with these perfectly good luxury facilities, why waste them? I think it's important that one be relaxed before going on dangerous missions." He grinned even though his eyes were still closed. "Captain Jack Harkness, by the way."

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yeah_baby_yeah
2008-06-24 10:04 am UTC (link)

Austin was secure enough with himself that he didn't mind the nudity of others. Especially if they were women, but he could avoid looking at the men, except to compare the twig and berries, of course. It was too steamy in the room for that, though.

As he lay down, he sighed contentedly and ran his hands over his chest. He was always comforted by the thick pelt that covered him there. He had hardly any hair elsewhere on his body, and it seemed that it all convened on his head and his chest. Quite a phenomenon. Reaching back, he tucked his hands behind his head and looked in the direction of the other man.

He couldn't see, of course, but it was rude not to look at someone when you were having a conversation with them. "I'll say. I wouldn't have minded if this one had been forced on me yesterday. That rafting was quite a ride." He chuckled, remembering being tossed off the raft and just as quickly tossed right back in. And then that thin blond fellow had to show off and jump overboard on purpose.

"Wait a tick. Did you say dangerous mission? What dangerous mission? Is Dr. Evil behind it?" He turned his head back so that he was looking, sort of, up at the ceiling once more. "I knew he had to have his hand in this place somehow." He mused quietly to himself. "Oh, right!" He laughed and shook his head. "Powers. Austin Powers. Nice to meet you, Jack."

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cannot_die
2008-06-24 04:37 pm UTC (link)

Jack shifted his shoulders slightly, letting the warm steamy air relax his muscles. He made a mental note to do this more often when he got back to Cardiff... and to take Ianto with him. He wanted to see Ianto in a place like this, relaxed, steamy and covered in sweat.

Jack swiftly put a stop to thoughts like that before parts of him got decidedly un-relaxed. He shifted one hand to rest on his stomach and tucked the other under his head, opening his eyes and looking over at the other man. He couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped him at the sight of the man's steamed over glasses. He would have said something but the other man didn't appear to be stupid. he obviously felt more comfortable with the glasses on than off.

"Rafting? Ah, so my little group weren't the only ones to be forced to do some kind of activity." He chuckled again, it was a low, lazy sound. "I don't know, I think you might have gotten the better end of the bargain. I had to cook and I'm not suited to that sort of thing. My friends tend to keep me out of the kitchen."

He frowned slightly though it was a poor imitation of his normal frown. He was just too relaxed to do it properly. "Dr Evil? Isn't a name like that just asking for trouble?" He laughed. "No, I don't think anyone named Dr Evil is involved. I was talking about finding out what this place is and trying to find a way back home. I can't stay here, no matter how luxurious it is. I have responsibilities back home."

"Pleased to meet you, Austin," he said, giving the other man one of his more charming smiles, even though he probably couldn't see it.

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yeah_baby_yeah
2008-06-25 09:58 am UTC (link)

"Oh, the rafting was fun. I didn't mind being forced into it so much. Besides, I met some interesting people. Got a tad pink in the process, though." He poked the sunburnt flesh of his arm and winced. Yup, it still hurt. Apparently, the Planet would keep you from drowning, but it wouldn't keep you from getting sunburnt.

Austin had to think a moment. "I'm not sure I've ever cooked. I can see where you might have had a hard go of it. The kitchen is still intact though, I take it?" He grinned, crossing his legs at the ankles and stifling a yawn. He really shouldn't go to sleep in here. He might wake up a prune.

"He gave it to himslef, you know. Bastard. Who gives themselves a name like Dr. Evil? His poor kid has the same last name. He's my brother, you know. And supposedly reformed, but I have my doubts." He mused, almost to himself, but loud enough for the other to overhear. He turned his face back toward the man when he spoke of leaving.

"Do you really think you can find a way out?" He was interested, rolling to prop himself up on an elbow, the chain with the symbol for male clinking against itself as it slid down his furry chest.

Still Austin could see nothing, just darker shapes here and there, but he knew he was talking in the right direction, and that was good enough for him. "Right. Nice to meet you, Jack. Where were you before you were brought here?"

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cannot_die
2008-06-25 08:44 pm UTC (link)

"Yeah, those doing the cooking with me were an interesting bunch," Jack said with amusement. "Mind you, I don't think any of us were really comfortable in the kitchen. They seem to have chosen the four least capable people for that one."

Jack scratched his stomach for a moment then let his hand rest again. "Oh, I can cook if I have to but I'm just easily distracted. My friends know better than to let me in the kitchen. Hell, Ianto won't even let me near the coffee machine at work. He says I'm a danger to the coffee."

He snorted when Austin said Dr Evil had given himself that name and wondered briefly whether this Dr Evil was anything like the Master. And what was it about evil people that they had to give themselves grandiose names? Couldn't they just call themselves Fred? Did they really need the silly name?

He twitched though when Austin continued on blithely and said that Dr Evil was his brother, the reference bringing dark memeories of his brother Gray's recent actions that had cost him two of his team and nearly more.

"Yeah, brothers have a habit of surprising you and not always in a good way," he said grimly as he forced himself to relax again.

He deliberately pushed away thoughts of Gray. They weren't conducive to relaxing and that was what he was here to do. He thought about Gray enough as it was.

"I don't know," he said with a small shrug. "But I won't know for sure until I have a look around and see what's going on. Find out how we were brought here, who's running the place, that sort of thing." He grinned a little recklessly. "Interested?"

"Ah, Cardiff actually," he said. "Spent a fair bit of my life there actually."

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yeah_baby_yeah
2008-06-25 10:00 pm UTC (link)

"I did get the better end of the deal, then." Austin laughed. Better to be forced into an activity that was actually fun, rather than one that wasn't. Another chuckle drawn forth when Jack spoke of the coffee being in danger from him.

He appreciated the snort. It meant Jack agreed with him that his brother's name was ridiculous. His real name was Dougie Powers, so he supposed he might have gone with another one as well. Dougie just sounded like a name you'd call a baby. Of course, it had been the name he was called as an infant.

"Well, I didn't know he was my brother for a long time. I was raised as an only child. My father never said anything about a brother." Some father. His father was actually a prick, but an endearing prick. He had to love him, even if it was bad for him. Too much admiration for a man who didn't deserve it.

"Interested in seeing if someone can find a way out of this place, yes. Leaving? I'm not so sure yet. It's been quite nice here, and since Dr. Evil reformed, I'm not needed much back home. I wouldn't mind spending some more time relaxing before I had to go back to my life." Austin was a character, that was for sure. Rather silly most of the time, but irresistible when he wanted to be.

"Cardiff. Really? Smashing. Cardiff is great. Been there a time or two. I'm from London, myself." Another yawn was stifled. Hard not to feel sleepy when one felt so relaxed. "What kind of work did you do, Jack?"

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cannot_die
2008-06-25 10:42 pm UTC (link)

Jack shifted a little on his bench, slightly uncomfortable with the talk about brothers. He abruptly turned over, settling himself on his stomach and resting his head on his folded arms.

"My brother went missing when we were children," he said abruptly. "I never knew what happened to him. He turned up not that long ago but... he'd taken a similar path to your brother."

Guilt washed over him yet again as he thought of the day of the invasion, how Gray's hand had slipped from his and he hadn't even noticed. He still didn't understand to this day why he hadn't noticed. Sure, he'd been frightened and worried about their parents but he still should have noticed when his brother stopped holding his hand.

And now Gray was lying in the depths of Torchwood, frozen and still, because Jack didn't know what else to do. He couldn't kill Gray, he just couldn't, but he knew how dangerous he was. He sighed and pushed those thoughts away. There wasn't anything he could do while he was here anyway. And he trusted Ianto to do the right thing even if he and Jack didn't like it.

"It is nice here," he said, shifting his head so that he could look over at Austin. "But I need to get back."

He chuckled at Austin's enthusiastic response. "I've been to London. Not a lot recently but I spent a bit of time there in the past." That was one of the sentences that Jack liked uttering because it was both true and misleading. He had spent a lot of time in London in the past, it was just that his idea of past was usually a lot different from other people's idea.

"Special ops," he said, deciding on the closest explanation he could. After all, saying he hunted and captured (and sometimes killed) aliens and scavenged alien tech usually got him funny looks... and not the good kind of funny looks. "What about you?"

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yeah_baby_yeah
2008-06-26 09:56 am UTC (link)

He could hear the rustling of the man across the room, and assumed he was changing position. He couldn't see him, except for a shifting shadow behind his fogged glasses. When the man went on about his brother, Austin noted a change to his voice. He was reluctant to talk about him, but he was anyway.

"Bad luck, mate. We have that in common, anyway. Rogue brothers." Austin's tone was somber. He wasn't trying to make fun or joke about it, even though it would have been easy on his part. The funny thing about being frozen, had Jack mentioned it, was that Austin himself had been cryogenically frozen at one point. Saved for the time when Dr. Evil would return to wreak havoc on Earth.

Austin nodded, but realized it was too steamy in the room for it to be noticed. "I understand about wanting to get back. If I had any reason to, I might feel the need to get back, too. But, I have no children, no wife. Nothing important to do." Austin dithered on, sounding rather pathetic now that he thought about it.

"Smashing." Austin replied to Jack's mentioned time in London. Austin was proud of his heritage. As could be seen on the Shaguar, as he lovingly referred to his car, painted with the British flag. Not to mention his britches. And the slang with which he was able to talk to his father went over the heads of most people. Like having a private language.

"Mmm, about the same, really." He was a little reluctant to give the title he'd been given over the years; International Man of Mystery. It didn't really say anything about what he did, anyway. "Part spy, part detective... things like that." Dr. Evil had been his most persistant adversary, but there had been others as well. Best not to dwell on them now, though. He was supposed to be relaxing.

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cannot_die
2008-06-26 06:22 pm UTC (link)

Jack stared down at the bench for a long moment then looked over at Austin with a rather thoughtful expression. "Did it ever get to the point where you thought you might have to kill your brother? Could you have done it if it was necessary?"

He drew in a deep breath of the steamy air then let it out slowly. He laughed quietly. "Yeah, I was once the no responsibilities kind of guy. I was even a conman at one point. But... you know, responsibility isn't a bad thing." He sighed. "That and I do have someone back home. I've disappeared on him once before. I hurt him a lot doing that. I promised I wasn't going to do it again."

He was still a little surprised at how much he meant that. He'd made some decisions during the year that never was about what he wanted and what was important to him but he was still surprised at how he felt for Ianto. He'd promised himself he wasn't going to fall in love again after Estelle but yet... he thought it was entirely possible he'd done just that with Ianto.

He shook the thought away. He didn't want to think about it. Not yet anyway. Maybe later.

"Huh," Jack said thoughtfully. He knew Austin wasn't Torchwood but there was more than one group of 'special ops' people around. Austin probably came from one of the more conventional groups. "Odd that two special ops people would end up here. And the two of the others I met yesterday were... well, warriors is the only way I can describe them."

He thought for a moment longer. "Though come to think of it. They were from a vastly different time period than I am."

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yeah_baby_yeah
2008-06-26 10:22 pm UTC (link)

"Well, that's a question that's a tad difficult to explain. You see, I would have probably had no problem killing him when I didn't know he was my brother. Now, it would be more difficult, I think. But, if it had come down to a situation where I had to choose between my brother and the masses. I would have had to choose the masses. Better that one should perish, than hundreds or thousands. Even though that one would hurt terribly."

Him, huh? So the man was batting for the other team. That was alright, more women for him. He grinned in the steam filled room and stared up at the ceiling. Or... what he could make out of the ceiling. "Unfortunately, I don't think the Planet cares about promises we've made. Perhaps he doesn't even know you're gone?"

"There seem to be quite an array of people here. People from all different places and times. And people with all different abilities. I met a tall blond man yesterday that had incredible eyesight. And another woman who said she came from 23rd century London." He scoffed slightly, still not believing it. "She seemed to know a lot about time, that one did."

"I don't know what time the blond one... Legolas was his name, was from. He said something about middle earth, but I've never heard of anyone from middle earth, have you?" He turned his foggy gaze back on the man across the room.

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cannot_die
2008-06-27 12:18 am UTC (link)

Jack stared into nothng for a while as he thought. "Yeah," he said quietly. "I think I just delayed the decision really. I stopped him and he's in cryopreservation but I can't keep him there indefinitely." God he wanted a way to fix Gray, to make him better, to get his little brother back. Realistically he knew that probably wasn't possible but he had to hold onto hope. He coudn't give up on Gray.

He sucked in a sharp breath, surprised at how much the thought of Ianto not noticing he was gone hurt. No, that was impossible. Ianto always knew when he was around. He'd miss him. He'd be angry too. At least he had a decent excuse this time. "Let's hope time runs differently," he said wryly. "Or I'm a dead man when I get back."

He snorted as he realised what he'd just said. Despite the unfortunate choice of words, he was being figurative. He knew how much Ianto hated it when he died; he would never contribute to the death count.

His ears priced up when he mentioned a woman from the 23rd century who knew a lot about time. It couldn't be Rose but he'd be interested in talking to anyone who knew about time travel. Maybe they'd know something about this planet. "Really? She got a name? And what exactly did she say?"

"Middle Earth," he said thoughtfully. "No, never heard of it. But then I had people who seemed to be from the past and one of them..." He frowned. "Lestat de Lioncourt was his name. I've got a very strange feeling about him. Kind of fun, bit reckless but very, very odd." he shook his head. "This place seems to have dragged in the strangest group of people. I just wish I knew why."

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yeah_baby_yeah
2008-06-27 10:05 am UTC (link)

"Cryopreservation. Really?" Austin smiled. "When he comes out of it, he may have no inner dialogue." He laughed. "I was frozen once. For thirty years, so I could be there when my brother decided to return."

Nodding, Austin sat up. Lying down was making him far too sleepy. He leaned back against the sweating wall of the sauna room and crossed his arms over his furry chest. "I think if time didn't run differently here, it would be impossible to bring people from all different times." But that was just his opinion.

"Uh, her name was Ace, actually." He mused for a moment, trying to recall exactly what she'd said about the time thing. "Let's see... um, something about her past could be my future and time was linear and happened constantly or all at once. I couldn't make heads or tails of it myself." He shrugged as he concluded.

"Lestat. What a strange name. Oy, you've got a strange feeling about him, eh? Well, you ought to have seen the biddy that met me on my arrival. Pink hair! And tripping over everything. Strangest girl. Quite attractive though, aside from the hair." He grinned crookedly, remembering.

"Yeah, mate, this place doesn't seem to be falling into any sort of pattern with those it brings here. Very different people, different places, different times. It's random." But, perhaps it wasn't random at all. Perhaps there was some reason for the people being brought. But Austin couldn't see it yet. Apparently, neither could Jack.

"Listen, Jack. Been good talking to you, but I'm pruning up here. I better get. See you!" He stood, waving cheerfully as he headed for the door. Stopping, he turned slightly. "If you ever get back to your brother. You'll make the right decision." He nodded, then stepped out.

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cannot_die
2008-06-27 07:52 pm UTC (link)

Jack was silent as he thought about what Austin had said, only waving a hand lazily when the other man decided to leave. The name Ace didn't ring a bell but he might just look her up anyway. Might be interesting to meet someone else who knew a bit about time travel

He rolled back over onto his back once Austin had left. He intended to spend a little more time in here then perhaps adjourn to the jacuzzi... maybe.

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