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Tonks, if you please ([info]tonks_please) wrote in [info]mirage_rpg,
@ 2008-10-17 19:37:00

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Entry tags:complete, day 19, marcus cole, nymphadora tonks

Who: Tonks and Marcus
When: Day 19, early morning
What: A thoughtful witch has an odd conversation with the Ranger who really does mean too much to her.
Where: Near the forest
Rating: TBA
Status: Complete


Normally, Tonks wouldn't be here at all. Normally, she'd still be asleep, comfortable in bed, until at least several hours from now. But, as the dark circles under her eyes that she didn't even bother to wipe away attested to, she wasn't in a normal sort of mood. Perhaps, though, she could be forgiven, given that the reason for her odd behavior was what it was. Anyone would be shocked to learn they were supposed to be dead.

Of course, that had bothered her, but strangely not as much as learning that she was married, and had a child. Teddy. Teddy Tonks-Lupin, perhaps? Her child that she would never know. A child, a husband, and a funeral. It had been a very odd few days, really, what with being kidnapped, realizing she was falling quite badly for the dark-haired Ranger who had saved her, and then Ginny's return. It wasn't much surprise, really, that she hadn't been able to sleep the night before.

The sun was rising as she wandered out from her room and into the morning air. She took a deep breath and then just walked. She'd end up where she ended up, she didn't find that she much cared. Just to be alone with her thoughts in the early morning sunshine was enough for her. When she ended up by the forest, she walked along the edge, not penetrating into the trees. A large rock ahead beckoned, and with some trial and error, she scrambled up and settled down on top.

It was an odd sight, really. She was very pale, very obviously tired with the dark circles under her eyes, and even her hair wasn't it's customary bright color. Instead, she'd gone for a completely different look, her hair cascading down her back in a dark black rush. Her clothes were wrinkled, and all in all, she gave off a very different sort of energy than usual. She didn't even notice anyone approaching, as she sat there with her knees drawn to her chest. Instead, she burst into tears, burying her face in her hands.


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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-17 10:14 pm UTC (link)
Marcus had risen early, as usual, and gone through his normal morning routines. He found himself restless, though, and his exercises had not been enough to exorcise the feeling. Grabbing his cloak, he headed out for another morning meditation, but found, when he arrived at his usual spot, that he was not able to sit still. Instead, he opted for a walk. Clearing his mind and letting his feet wander, he strolled along the heights and down along the edge of the forest of oak and pine that stood near the resort this week.

He was roused from his meditative reverie by the sight of someone, a woman it appeared, sitting not far from him, atop a large rock. She had long, black hair and appeared to be sobbing. He knew it was intrusive, but he wondered if he might be a help to her. Maybe she needed someone to pour out her troubles to. Stopping in front of the woman, at the base of the stone, Marcus looked up.

"Is this a private party, or can anyone join?"

Something about the woman was familiar. He thought maybe it was her face... Looking closer her realized it was, "Tonks?"

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-17 10:22 pm UTC (link)
If she had been asked what would be the absolute worst thing to happen right now, it probably would have been this. Of all the people to come across her right now, it would have to be him. His voice was way too familiar to her, and with an odd sort of fluttery feeling in her stomach, she raised her head and attempted a smile.

"Wotcher, Marcus?" Something was very wrong, clearly, because while she normally would have been all smiles and boundless energy, now even the smile that she mustered looked fake. And the tears still wouldn't stop coming out of her eyes, so that she had to look away and take a couple of deep breaths before she could even speak again. But she tried to act like nothing was wrong.

"Um, so... out for a morning walk? I'm the same..." The witch tucked her long, dark hair behind her ears. "It's a nice morning."

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-17 10:33 pm UTC (link)
Marcus looked up at Tonks with an expression that told her he could see right through her attempts at pretending she wasn't crying. The question was whether or not to press her on it. He cared about her too much to want to push her into something she didn't want, but he also cared about her too much to let her sit alone in pain.

"It is a nice morning. I see you're enjoying it."

He made no effort to approach her, or to climb up beside her on the rock. Their reunion yesterday had been emotional, to say the least, and he wondered if now she regretted some of the things she had said and done. What if she had come here to avoid him? Well, she should have stayed in her room, he thought. No point in going out into the real world if you don't want to risk friendly people coming up to help you.

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-17 10:39 pm UTC (link)
"Um...." It was slightly less than the most intelligent thing she'd ever said, and she could have smacked herself for it. And despite it all, she couldn't stop thinking how nice he looked in the early morning sunshine. It made his hair have these faint hints of red... mentally, she smacked herself.

"Right. Well, you see, I..." She as going to make up some excuse, some lie, really, but it wasn't really in her nature to do so. Besides, she had too much respect for him to try to pretend that her tears were nothing more than a bug flown into her eye or something of the sort. He was too smart to fall for that. Finally, she settled for "It's been a weird week..."

She gazed down at him, still crying softly, but she patted the rock beside her, welcoming him to come up if he wanted. After all, he was here now and... despite everything, it was nice to have him around.

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-17 10:53 pm UTC (link)
Marcus gave Tonks a friendly smile, and took her up on her offer, nimbly climbing up the surface of the boulder. Sitting himself next to her, he looked out at the view. It really was a lovely morning. He didn't let the thought linger in his mind, however. He was too focused on Tonks, and how she was feeling.

"It's been an odd week for a lot of us. Do you know how many people were kidnapped? Not that that diminishes the psychological effect of it, but it was a bit crazy that day, wasn't it?" He let things be silent for a while. "You know I meant everything I said then, right?"

Marcus didn't know whether anything he had said was causing the dear woman beside him to cry, but he thought it was best to get it out in the open if it was.

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-17 10:59 pm UTC (link)
The witch shook her head, but for a minute or so, remained silent. She was trying to figure out the best thing to say, but in the end, just burst out with the first thing to come into her mind. That was much more her style, anyway, and she only vaguely worried that Marcus might be disturbed by the way she said this.

"Do I look... dead to you, Marcus? Do I look like I should be buried in the ground?" She turned to him, dark eyes still leaking tears, sniffling slightly from her crying. "I don't think I look dead!" Her voice was slightly desperate, and she suddenly lunged at him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder.

"I'm not dead!" As far as things that she could have said that would have made sense, this was fairly low on the list. But it was clearly on her mind, and she wasn't too worried about little things like if she made sense.

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-17 11:18 pm UTC (link)
Marcus let Tonks carry on with her outburst. It was, after all, what he had been hoping for. Better for her to let it out, than to have it eat away at her. Of course, it didn't make sense yet. He was fairly certain she wasn't dead. He reached over next to him and took her hand in his, and counted his answers off as he wrapped he folded his fingers one at a time around hers.

"Of course you're not dead, you don't look dead, you don't look like you should be buried in the ground, and no, you don't look dead to me. Does that answer your questions? Now what's all this about being dead? Is that what's inspired your lovely raven tresses today? They're quite striking."

Marcus smiled warmly and reassuringly at her, as if to tell her that her seemingly nonsensical outburst had done nothing to scare him away.

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-17 11:25 pm UTC (link)
"It's just that..." She raised her head from his shoulders when she realized the first part had come out so muffled that it was basically incomprehensible. "It's just that I'm supposed to be dead, Marcus..." The witch finally took a deep breath and let it out slowly before she tried again.

"Okay, so... this girl I know, she was brought here... well, actually, she was here before but then she left and now she's back again. Her name is Ginny, but..." Here, her words started speeding up. "She told me I was dead! In the world we're from, she and I, I fought and died with my..." Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. "Husband. We were... a funeral, a wedding, and I don't even really fancy the man!"

There was a long pause as the witch wiped her eyes and then picked up a strand of her hair. "The worst part is, to me, that there's a child. A baby. Teddy. I have a child named Teddy." It clearly wasn't sinking in really, as she kept repeating it. Her nose wrinkled up, and she changed her hair to a dark blue color. "The black seemed somehow fitting but... I dunno, it just isn't me."

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-19 12:32 pm UTC (link)
Marcus held Tonks' hand and listened very carefully to everything she was saying. It made more sense the second time around, but there were still some pieces missing. He was relieved when she changed her hair colour. It seemed as though she wasn't so close to the edge that way.

"Well, now, how can Ginny know these things about you? First of all, you would know, I think, if you had a husband and a child; and second of all, you haven't actually died, have you? You've been here! It must all be a misunderstanding."

Marcus kept to himself for the moment the possibility that the woman he had come to call his dear friend was an amnesiac, or worse yet, slightly insane. He considered it very possible that she had had a family in her previous life. Perhaps coming to Mirage had altered her memory somehow. What if he was married?

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-19 11:08 pm UTC (link)
She started off sitting very straight, but before long, she was leaning her head on the Ranger's shoulder. It was so confusing, on top of everything she'd already been feeling for him, to find out that she was supposed to be married, and have a kid. And be dead. And this was the world that she was supposed to be trying to get back to.

"Ginny's from the future in my world, she saw things happen that I didn't." She bit her lower lip, the tears starting up again, but much more controlled and less wild this time. "I wasn't married, and I obviously wasn't dead, when I left. But somehow I stayed there and did those things, and now I'm... so confused."

She shook her head and spoke very softly. "And that's the world I want to go back to, Marcus. A world where I make life good for a werewolf, pop out a baby, and then die in the war. Along with my husband, by the way. That's what I'm trying to get back to."

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-20 09:01 am UTC (link)
The Future! That made everything more clear. Marcus had noticed that Mirage had a way of pulling people not just from different worlds, but different times as well. He had never stopped to contemplate, however, what it would be like to meet someone from his future, someone who knew what would happen to him. Clearly, it had been a very distubing experience for Tonks. A werewolf?

"I can see how it would be quite a shock to learn that. And you're right to be the most upset about being dead, but, Tonks, we're all dead in the future. Anyway, who's to say that that future is guaranteed? Maybe by coming here things will have changed. Did Ginny say you disappeared for several weeks in her time, only to reappear with knowledge of a dashing space-man whom you had befriended? How could anyone marry a werewolf they don't really fancy after a life-changing experience like that?"

When Tonks leaned over and lay against his shoulder, Marcus did nothing to discourage her, putting his arm around her to comfort her instead.

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-20 07:25 pm UTC (link)
The witch sighed softly, but shifted closer to the Ranger as he put an arm around her. It felt nice, and even though it was probably a bad idea to like it, she did anyway. Just at the moment, she couldn't seem to care too much that he was from another world, and that she was falling for him anyway. It just felt nice to be held.

"I wonder who killed me?" It was slightly morbid, but she couldn't quite seem to stop poking at it. "A Death Eater, of course, and I hope I died fighting. Maybe... maybe me dying kept someone else safe." She sighed and relaxed a little against the Ranger. "I wonder if it was my aunt. I can't imagine she'd be thrilled about me living, since I'm a half-blood and all."

She laughed softly, almost despite herself, at Marcus' words. "No, she didn't say I disappeared, she just said that I got married, had Teddy, and died in the war. I think she said Snape died, too, which is odd because he's here." She raised her head to look at him, making a face at the mention of the professor's name. "No, I can't say I'm all that interested in marrying a werewolf, even Remus Lupin."

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-21 09:20 am UTC (link)
Marcus let Tonks relax against him. He was happy to comfort her, and besides, it felt nice. She was clearly shaken up, but he felt like he was helping her. He wasn't sure if any of the things he was saying were true, but he hoped they were, for her sake.

"Well, there you go. Your future will be different from Ginny's past. Mirage has changed things. Maybe Snape is proof of that. If he lived, who's to say you won't live? Perhaps, now that you've been here, it will be you that kills the Death Eater. It sounds to me like they're much more deserving. And no one is going to force you to marry a werewolf, even one as stand-up as him."

Marcus understood that Tonks was anxious because she had been wanting to return to her war a great deal. Now that she thought she was guaranteed to die if she returned, she was more reluctant. Marcus understood, because he faced a similar situation. There was always a great risk of death in war. He reflexively pulled the witch closer to him.

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-21 06:46 pm UTC (link)
She shook her head slightly, but didn't pull away. "No, Snape's in the same situation as I am. He was taken before, so he could go back and die, too. No help there." She wrinkled up her nose. As much as she didn't like Snape, she didn't want him to die. He was, somewhere underneath everything, a good person. She was almost sure of it.

"There's no way to know, Marcus. That's the simple fact. Maybe I'll go back and have no choice but to marry Remus and die. At least Ginny says I made him happy." She buried her face in his shoulder, crying softly again. "It's not just dying." The witch wasn't sure if Marcus could hear her through the fabric of his clothing, which muffled her words. "It's this getting married thing, and..."

She sighed and let her arm rest over his stomach, holding him tightly, shaking a little. "I wouldn't want to kill my Aunt, even if she did want me dead." Sure, her words were all over the place and didn't make a whole lot of sense, but that didn't matter. She had a lot going on in her head, it was probably understandable.

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-27 09:07 am UTC (link)
Marcus held Tonks, hoping he was providing some comfort. She had clearly been really knocked for a loop by this thing, so much so that she was having trouble expressing herself in her normally lucid, if bouncing, way. Her intelligence didn't appear to have been dimmed, however. The elements of what she was saying still made enough sense. He understood, for example, why Snape was no comfort to her.

"Come on, now. You always have a choice. Fate might do its best to make sure you die if you return to your world, but no one is going to make you marry anyone you don't want to. I mean, it's nice that you might make him happy, but it doesn't sound to me like it would make you happy." He rubbed her arm as he held her with his own. "And no one wants to kill their own Aunt, no matter how evil she may be; but I'm sure you would do it if you had to, to save yourself or others."

At the very least, he hoped he was addressing most of her concerns. She might resist being reassured for a while, but he was fairly confident he could keep up the optimism until she was out of depressing things to cling to.

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-27 07:50 pm UTC (link)
She raised her head to look at him, wiping her tears away with the back of one hand. She still looked pretty rough, but a bit of hope had come back into her face. "You really think that there's some chance I wouldn't die if I went back? What if it's meant to be, Marcus?"

Thoughtfully, she bit her lower lip. "I don't think I would have married Remus if I didn't..." She flushed and looked down. "I mean, I don't now but maybe if I go back I..." She shook her head slightly. "I just don't know. Time travel gives me a headache. I never did have much use for time turners."

She reached out, still without looking at him, and managed to find his face. Slowly, her fingers moved over the skin there, tracing his cheekbones, his nose, and even the scratchy hairs of his beard. "Marcus... I..."

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-29 09:26 am UTC (link)
Marcus nodded as he listened to Tonks reason things out. He was relieved that he seemed to be getting through to her, and not at all discouraged by the fact that the matter still made her head spin. Time-travel, he believed, tested anyone's limits of understanding. Human brains just weren't built for it.

"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, and there's nothing to be done; but you'd have to believe in destiny for that to be true. As for the rest, you've got the hang of it. You wouldn't marry him now, and you wouldn't if you went back, unless you fell in love with him, in which case you wouldn't mind. So, again, nothing to worry about."

He gave her another reassuring smile, even though she wasn't looking at him, feeling like he was making a difference, then was distracted by her fingers reaching for him. As they ran intimately over his features, he kept still, letting her do what she liked for the moment.

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[info]tonks_please
2008-10-29 11:48 am UTC (link)
Eventually, she allowed her hand to drop to her side. She wasn't feeling much better, but even a little bit was better than nothing. She even managed a bit of a smile as her hand, tingling slightly, came to rest in her lap.

"Well, that's that, then, isn't it?" She spoke softly, almost to herself. "Even if I do die, I have to get back. Everyone dies... just most don't know when."

The witch slid forward and off the rock, landing mostly on her feet. Surprisingly, she only staggered a little. "I think I'm gonna..." Go somewhere else before I make a complete idiot of myself was what came first to mind, but that didn't sound quite right. So she just waved up at him. "Bye!"

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-10-30 09:27 am UTC (link)
Marcus watched Tonks carefully, not nearly as convinced as she was that everything was fine. He let her end the intimate gesturing, but wasn't ready to let her get away from him without some more reassurance. Sliding off the rock himself, he stood near her, not wanting to crowd her.

"That's a good point. You'll die eventually, whether you get back or not. So, you're okay, then? You don't want me to walk back with you?"

Marcus didn't want to sound clingy or desperate for her company, but he was still concerned about her emotional state, though it seemed much improved. Of course, in addition, he found he was eager to spend any time with her she would permit, even when she was a bit emotionally-wrought like this time.

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[info]tonks_please
2008-11-05 02:51 pm UTC (link)
She shook her head a little. She wasn't really the sort to say something was okay when it wasn't. Other women sometimes played those games, but she never much saw the point in them. So when she spoke, she was honest.

"No, I think this will take some getting used to, is all. I'm not fine right now, but I will be. Just need to get used to the idea of being a ghost, is all."

She shook her head once more, knowing that it would be a very bad idea for him to be around her right now. She was way too vulnerable, way too shaky, and way too willing to act on her new feelings for him. "I'm alright, thanks. I'll just walk by myself. I'll see you around, yeah?"

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[info]marcus_cole
2008-11-07 09:06 am UTC (link)
Marcus nodded his understanding, reluctant to let her go, but more strong in his respect for her wishes. He felt certain this woman he admired so much was strong enough to deal with this, now that he had offered what help he could.

"Yeah, you'll be fine. Just remember, you're not a ghost yet, any more than the rest of us, anyway. You don't have to let it stop you from living."

Marcus gave her the warmest, most reassuring smile he could summon before he waved goodbye to her, and waited to watch her leave.

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