girlorboy (girlorboy) wrote in midway_ic, @ 2011-09-15 23:22:00 |
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Entry tags: | vlad smith, week 5 |
Private journal
I was doing Evelyn's hair last week and she asked me if I'd ever been sweet on anyone. I told her no, of course not. Then I realized. Dave. That warm fuzzy feeling. The fact that I grin like an idiot. I. The father. I mean, he's not a priest anymore, but he was and he still behaves like one and even if I was open about who I was...he's a priest. The fact that he thinks I'm a man?It's. It's worse than blasphemous. Part of me is so incredulous. Seriously? After all these years...a priest? What the hell is wrong with me. For a moment, a moment I considered telling him because it's Dave and I thought he'd understand, but then I realized how monumentally stupid that would be. "Hello, So I'm really a girl and I have these feelings for you." I'm sure that would be a lovely conversation, especially when he asked me why I was pretending to be a man. Oh that would go over so well with a priest.
Even if there was some way..and there's not, he's a priest. He's never shown any sign that he might even want to give up his vows. No. I'm just going to have to act like this never happened. With any luck, my heart and my brain will agree that it's just better that I don't do romantic shit at all. After all, who would want a man that was really equipped like a girl anyway? I knew when I decided to do this it would mean a life alone. I knew that and I accepted it and that's fine. I have a "family" here and I have friends and that is enough. I will make it be enough.