Entry tags:

[rated] pg, [rated] pg13, [rated] r, [type] age related, [type] awkward, [type] characterization, [type] choices, [type] crack, [type] fight, [type] fluff, [type] humor, [type] love, [type] shipping

First comes marriage then...

The Parenting Is Hell meme



So it's finally happened, after however long planning (or not planning at all) nine months of carrying it (or looking) and more hours than we'll think about of labor (or a grueling last stage of the process) you have a wee little bundle of joy in your arms. You think it might be smiling! It's so magical and adorable and wonderful, you just know your life is going to be different forever. From now on everything is going to be amazing and perfect and fuzzy and wonderful and storybook and...

No.

No it isn't.

You just signed up for hell in a swaddling blanket.

Step One: Post with your character, including name, series and prefs in the subject, especially if you'd prefer the cliche-prompts or not.
Step Two: Others go to RNG and roll up a scenario, and optionally a relationship to share the suffering with.
Step Three: Optionally NPC or bring in a different person to play the child, if you want, or just discuss it without having the child there.
Step Four: Suffer.

Prompts 1-10 are straightforward, prompts 11-20 play with kidfic cliches.


1 - Shut it offffff | Baby is adorable except when you haven't slept in a week because it. won't. stop. crying. whenever you to go bed. How is it so LOUD?

2 - BABY COME BACK | Teaching baby to walk is a brilliant idea until it's up and running around everywhere, trying to trip you up every time you're not looking. What have you unleashed?

3 - So you're a wise guy huh | Good news! The tyke can verbalize what it wants without just crying all the time. Unfortunately its favorite words are 'no' and 'mine'. Arguing is fun! Are you seriously getting baited by a toddler?

4 - JUST END IT | You didn't sign up for a hellion like this. You never signed anything! They can't make you put up with it! Just drop it off at Disneyland and run or something, MICKEY CAN HANDLE IT! THE MOUSE MUST BE QUALIFIED BY NOW! YOU WON'T TELL, HONEST! YOU CAN START AGAIN!

5 - And the award for worst parents go to | IS IT BLEEDING? I THINK THAT'S BLOOD. You only looked away for a second and now it's BLEEDING. That's a LEGIT SCRAPED KNEE. Or maybe even something worse, who cares, baby tyke is hurt and it's totally your fault. WORST PARENT EVER. YOU ARE THE WORST.

6 - WHAT THE HELL, SCHOOL? | Did your baby just come home with a bruise? Oh, hell naw your kid is not going to be bullied. YOU'LL GET THAT KID ARRESTED OR SOMETHING. RIGHT NOW.

7 - YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON ME | WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY RAN AWAY? Ran WHERE? WHY?! COME BACK! COME BACK RIGHT NOW!

8 - I'M NOT CLEANING THIS UP | Did they seriously think you weren't going to double back and make sure they weren't holding a party while you went out on your holiday? Not smooth, kid.

9 - But it's cool! | You are apparently no longer cool enough to be seen in public with the kid who you buy everything for, and also you're ruining their life by being stuffy and all parent-y and saying no. Discuss.

10 - Oh yay a--wait WHAT | In 2.5 minutes your baby will be marrying off with someone and moving away. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? IT'S BEEN LIKE FIVE MINUTES. THIS ISN'T FAIR!

11 - What did he just say? | That baby is...really, really smart man. Is that even possible? It'd be cute if it weren't so unnerving.

12 - Mirror image | When they said baby was a chip off the old block, they weren't kidding. It's like living in a house with TWO of your significant other. Or two of you. Or a frightening yet uncanny match up. That's so weird

13 - In their shadow | Did baby just save the world? Without your help? What the hell was in your coffee this morning?

14 - A certain set of skills | OH NO Baby has been kidnapped! Someone is going to be paying a ransom, but is it going to be you or the kidnappers?

15 - WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT SPOILERS? | Baby just came back from the future. Apparently you HAVE a baby in the future. You'll never guess who with! Wait why did they come by again?

16 - How do you spell that? | Your sappy and thoughtful name was great until they're being picked on in school EVERYWHERE for having six names. What were you even thinking?

17 - Cheaper by the... | What, are you like trying to start your own country or something?

18 - That's just not fair. | Your kid is like perfect at EVERYTHING and incredibly beautiful and enchanting and charismatic and everyone loves them. To an absurd degree. Where did they even get the rainbow eyes gene? Good for them, but come ON it's like a unicorn just vomited them up. Is there any shared genetics?

19 - But Vegas PROMISED! | Wait wait wait. The kid is your secret lovechild with WHO? SOMEONE IS GOING TO BE GIVING YOU ANSWERS RIGHT NOW. IT WAS ONE TIME

20 - So no pressure then? | Your baby is the chosen one. Begin dealing with it. It probably involves trying not to die tragically every weekend.


Optional Relationship:

1 - Significant Other: You're in this together.
2 - Friend: Did you sign up for baby-sitting duties and late-night calls from frazzled parents?
3 - Parents: Looks like karma has finally come around!
4 - Family: Another child? THE child? A sympathetic sibling?
5 - Stranger: Oh you shouldn't have asked anything.
6 - Enemy: Delight in all the details of their suffering!