Into the Sewers (Part 1) WHO: Joaco, Alejo, Hakan, Wren, Mateo, Juliet, Jomana, Fernanda, Aslan, and Faihan WHEN: May 16 WHERE: Mar Luna's Sewer System SUMMARY: Joaco leads the unawoken Chosen (and others) on an adventure to explore the tree's root system...from inside the sewers. CW: Fantasy violence; blood; spiders; grieving Titus; abandonment; homophobic parents; depression.
Joaco briefs them on his plan: he wants all the Chosen to wake up. He explains the risks, but he also tells them that it is their best bet to counter Void magic. He asks everyone who's willing to fight and doesn't have a job stone to step forward.
Fernanda steps forward, not entirely eagerly. It isn't really eagerness, but her brothers left her behind before, and she doesn't want to sit at home worrying again (not after the night before...not after learning...). She smiles at Joaco and holds up her empty palms. No crystal, not yet. "Don't think you can leave me behind a second time, JoaquĂto!"
Aslan doesn't have much to say, and while he is also tired of waiting for everyone else to go out and fix things...he is admittedly a little uneasy about doing this without having Aditi's powers. Still, he nods in acquiescence. He's ready.
Wren steps forward, bat in hand and a falcon ... probably somewhere nearby. He does as he pleases, most the time. "Let's do this."
Jomana is also here and steps forward quickly. She didn't want Wren to beat her to it. "Old impulses die hard," she says with a sheepish sort of shrug.
Watching from the periphery of explanations, Faihan continues to be quiet and distracted. Physically, at least, he is here. He is trying to appear here mentally too, and has thwarted any line of questioning by pointing out the cool shadow boots Joaco made him. Neat, right?
Jomana gives Faihan's boots a Look, eyebrow quirked.
Faihan returns Jomana's look.
"ÙŰ°Ù ŰȘŰłÙ Ù FASHION ŰŹÙŰŹÙ"
Joaqo raises his hands. "Why do you think I have everyone's job stones?"
"Because you're the one who remembers everything?" Fernanda asks.
"Do I look like an old wizard or omnipotent?" Joaco sighs and makes a hand movement before the missing job stone of the chosen appears in the palm of his hand.
"A little? I mean...the Dark Knight armor is kiiiind of evocative."
"It's supposed to look devilish!" Joaco places her job stone in her hand before turning to Wren to give her hers.
"Thank you!" Wren briefly debates pointing out that Fernanda turned out to be completely rightâJoaco did have all the stones! But at the same time, Fernanda was doing a fine job of pointing it out herself. "So. How does it turn on?"
Fernanda winks at him, but is immediately distracted by the orange-hued crystal in her palm. Her fingers warp around it and squeeze. "Is it...the original?"
"Maybe." Joaco shrugs. "It working depends entirely on you."
Juliet smirks, watching the others receive their stones. On her shoulder, Slappy the Lightning Squirrel twitches.
"So what does that mean? We need to believe in ourselves or something?" Fernanda holds the crystal above her head, clutching it tightly. "Earth power...power on!"
Hm. It's up to us? Wren pokes at her crystal a bit, looking for something like a hidden button to turn it on.
Joaco gives Aslan a look as he gives him his before turning to everyone else. "It doesn't follow logic, scientific or magical, but stress and duress does quicken it which explains..." He makes a vague gesture. "Anyway, Eli will stay here just in case. Who else wants to keep him company and protect the fort?"
Faihan considers not going, but he isâgenerally speakingâtheir medic...and if his sister is going to be involved in stress and duress (a.k.a. danger)... Plus, he has these magical boots.
Marcelo aises his hand to stay and help Eli. Icchi is also happy to stay behind and not go into a sewer. Various others also agree to hang back for now, in case reinforcements are required, or there's a new development with the tree.
Aslan gives Joaco a look in return, turning the stone in his palm. "Is this an experiment, or? How much 'stress' should we expect?"
"We're risking everything. No pressure."
"Fun." A pause. "Should we bring..." He looks around, doesn't see any good weapons or shields, sighs, and shrugs. "An umbrella?"
"We should take a car, and some other basic necessities, probably."
"I have no car."
"I want to drive," Fernanda cuts in.
"No, and that's fine. I'll get one where we can all go together."
"I have my truck, but space is limited," Mateo offers.
"I could sitâ" She stops when she remembers Alejo is here and says, "Um, on someone's lap. Like Juliet."
"I'm not as strong as Earth, Princess," Juliet says.
"Rude!" Fernanda puts her hands on her hips. "Or like, whoever." She glances at Mateo. (Sorry.) "Just...whoever!"
"I'll carry everyone!" Alejo boldly asserts.
Joaco busies himself on the phone.
"UGH, not you, Alejo!!!!" Fernanda groans.
"Why not???"
"Because we're not five anymore!"
"Yeah, I have room for two now," Alejo points out.
Mateo actually has no idea what happened to the conversation, but shrugs it off and waits for someone to tell him to get the truck or not.
"One of our drivers is bringing the biggest car in a few minutes," Joaco says, now off the phone.
Aslan does not want to sit in any laps or be sat upon, but says nothing.
Faihan stares into the middle distance, blushing faintly.
"Oh, good idea. He'll sit on mine," Alejo replies.
Zeus hops over to Juliet's shoulder, getting ready for the ride.
Faihan continues blushing, and Alejo casually drapes his arm across his shoulders.
As Joaco said, a car has been called. It seats about eight, and Joaco is driving, so everyone else please arrange yourselvesâhe's not dealing with this.
Faihan sits on Alejo's lap, but tries to make sure that it is in a very chaste way in case anyone is now looking and thinking things.
Fernanda pats her lap at Juliet. "Bring your chipmunk or whatever."
Mateo takes shotgun, mwahaha. Safe from sharing a seat!
Juliet hops onto Fernanda's lap, along with the rodent.
Wren does her best to basically wedge herself in between Hakan and Fernanda. The bat is on the floor and probably getting tangled in feet.
"...Just tell me the cross streets. I'll call a ride share," Aslan mutters.
"I'll also take the ride share," Jomana adds.
"Just get in already, babies."
Joaco will turn this van around, I swear to god, if they don't behave. He drives them to a maintenance entrance of the sewers and different cables that run underneath the city. It was, of course, closed up.
Aslan was grateful for when, at last...he could unsquish himself. First out of the vehicle.
Joaco asks Hakan to take the car and be standby nearby. Wren debates between staying behind and going in ... and decides to stay behind. For now. Fernanda stays, too...her curiosity about how Wren and Hakan will behave "alone" winning out over her desire to tag after her brothers.
Faihan shadows Alejo, sticking close to Jomana. Jomana, of course, is still with Faihan, and thus also Alejo.
Aslan regards Faihan without looking at himâpretending to survey the entrance. "How do we get in?"
"Did you ever wonder how I snuck around so easily?" Joaco snaps his fingers, his clothes becoming his armor, before he turns to the concrete wall and holds out his hand.
"Among us! Among us! Among us!" Juliet crows, following the gang towards the entrance.
A big gaping hole of rippling shadows form on the wall. "Who's first?"
Faihan glances at Alejo, half-expecting... Holding onto Faihan's hand, Alejo crosses the shadow hole. Jomana third-wheels along with Ale and Faihan. She looks...apprehensive, but puts on a pretty brave face.
Mateo is an old hand at this by now. He makes sure he has his gear set up and ready to go, and then heads straight into the shadow hole.
"Happy to go last," Aslan "offers."
Juliet just shrugs and heads through, probably punching Aslan lightly on the shoulder in good humor.
Aslan shakes his head. Danger, danger. Fun, fun. He goes through after Juliet and the others.
Joaco's portal takes them to the other side of the wall, right in front of the entrance. He makes a shadow key and unlocks the door, leading them inside. It is dark, but he's comfortable with that, so it's Alejo's turn to transform and light the way. There doesn't seem to be anything amiss...yet.
Faihan potentially adds to Alejo's light by humming "Dance of the Fireflies," which conjures small, yellow-green lights to float in the space around them.
Mateo is keeping an eye out for anything suspicious. Roots, monsters, random lost person who probably isn't random, because why would they be here...
Aslan walks behind the others, thinking about how it is pretty clean for a sewer and if the sewage is in some way recycled into the green fixtures of Mar Luna... He is not paying a lot of attention. He may have stepped on the back of shoes and nearly un-shoed people ahead of him.
Juliet looks around with her majestic eyes for roots.
Jomana is also looking with her majestic eyes. She is also using her nose to smell for things that smell...organic. Hopefully that smell will be more vegetable, or earthy. Or for the sound or smell of water. She's paying attention to the air, hoping for signs of dampness, and paying attention to the ground underfoot to see if there are any signs of fresh dirt or broken bits of anything from above.
"Guys, I got a bad vibe..." Jomana mutters.
"Somebody's watching us..." Juliet agrees.
"Yeah. Not surprising, but not great," says Mateo.
"It's not impossible they set up traps or that the tree transforms magic into creatures to defend itself..." Joaco points out.
Faihan nods in agreement with Mateo. Not really unexpected, at least, after everything else. "Try not toâ" Well, maybe it doesn't matter yet, since most of them can't use magic anyway, and those who can...have the kind of magic Nero's magic doesn't like. He, like Joaco, has sensed roots in two of the three tunnels ahead. "Your locational spell is better than mine," he tells Joaco. And, of course, magic that Nero can't use against them so easily.
"What are they talking about?" Aslan asks Alejo.
Alejo stares absentmindedly and shrugs. "Be careful?"
"Hmm... I will try to find and break any illusions they made." Joaco closes his eyes, muttering an invocation in Ilunabarrean. From his feet, tendrils of darkness spread through all three paths, and with a sudden and loud screech, the illusions faded. They would notice several magical glyphs on the walls. From the middle path, a set of multiple eyes can be seen in the dark.
"Oh, time for fun...so soon..." Faihan sighs.
Alejo steps in front of everyone with his shield up.
Very confused and now worried, Aslan stands behind Alejo, looking around for direction.
"You'll be fine..." Faihan mutters and begins to sing "Turtleâs Verse" for Mateo (having learned from last time...).
Mateo smiles at Faihan. "Thanks. That'll probably help."
But now the question of being watched. By what? Nero? A monster? A rat? The tree itself? All are equally likely. He peers into the dark and tries to figure out if there are any shadows that look more shadow-y than they should.
Juliet transforms.
Jomana can't transform yet. So she...stands there. She stands close to Faihan, maybe instinctively inches a bit closer to Alejo's shield.
From the dark, a large spider like creature launches itself at Mateo.
Alejo steadies his shield, to protect the two unawoken Chosen.
Aslan is very grateful and also creeped out, because spiders should not be this big. His practical feeling is that he should stay behind Alejo and not get underfoot, which could make the situation worse...
Now Faihan begins singing "Turtleâs Verse" for Juliet...but the magic fails. His voice sounds rough, perhaps from singing in the rain so much the day before (and singing so much on Saturday night, too)...or it could just be that he had a rather rough night, what with learning Titus's fate... In either case, his shield magic doesn't work.
Sword glowing purple, Joaco slashes at beast and slices two of its eight legs clean off.
Juliet charges it with her blade, aiming for another leg or two.
Jomana, meanwhile, looks around for some kind of stick or scrap of metal. She remembers she was once a capable warrior, maybe if she's desperate enough...
Really, he should've assumed a big nasty would jump out at him first. Mateo manages to avoid the worst of the hit and curses having to pack lightly for this in the first place. He takes out the attack-y machine, which is a glorified laser shooter that has taken its inspiration from the tree-testing lasers, but traded the ability to change elements for POWER!
In theory.
Mateo sets its aim at the spider and shoots. The laser severs another leg, leaving five.
The spider comes at Alejo, but he's undeterred by its attempt to move past him, holding his ground against its attack. Joaco and Alejo counterattack and miss.
Aslan obediently remains behind Alejo, but notes how Jomana is being more proactive. Is he supposed to do that too? He thinks he is more likely to be a hindrance... He looks around, hoping someone will instruct him.
That seemed to work pretty well. Mateo uses his machine again, this time being slightly more careful in his aim. Mateo misses.
With the spider attacking Alejo, Faihan panics a little and stops trying buffs, instead attacking with his newly realized "Binary Star" spellâsevering a fourth leg.
Spotting a long metal rod, Jomana hurries over to snatch it up. She hefts it and it's a pose that feels familiar, so she decides to go for it and hurl the rod like a javelin in the direction of the creature's eyes.
...AND, as she lifts the rod and releases it in an arc, something begins to happen. Light begins to filter greenly through the air around her. Something flashes. Something gold, something silver. Jomana lets out a sound: something like surprise, but something else too. Something powerful. She looks a little wide-eyed, a little dewy-mouthed with shock. But, to Jomana's great surprise, she is now dragoon.
The spider attempts to strike at Jomana, lashing out with its remaining legs.
"Jomana!" Faihan shouts.
The spider overshoots it, landing badly on its back.
She gets lucky. She gets so lucky. Jomana yelps as the spider misses and waylays itself. Then she takes quick advantage, the familiar feeling of the Dragon returning to her. She twirls her magnificent lance and does a huge jump into the air, before hurtling down again toward the spider monster.
Now was the perfect time. Mateo aimed again and prayed it would be enough.
The spider screeches in pain as it tries to shield itself from the strong assault by the dragoon, losing two more limbs in the attempt.
With the spider down, and his brain still partly scrambled from an unpleasant blend of grief, recollections of what happened at the tower yesterday, and general stress from the past two days... Faihan presses on with another chorus of "Binary Star, tearing off the remainder of the legs."
Joaco, Alejo, and Juliet then set upon it, and in a join attack, squish the now unarmed spider. With the spider now out of the way...
"We have two paths to explore, we need to split up," Joaco tells them.
They break into two groups: Joaco, Mateo, and Juliet; and Alejo, Jomana, Aslan, and Faihan. Thus arranged, they prepare to head deeper into the sewers.
There is nothing in their path as they delve deeper and deeper into the sewer. Alejo, Faihan, Jomana, and Aslan finally reach an open space where one of the roots has sunk into the power cables, clearly draining the power grid.
"So...do we just chop it off?" Aslan asks.
"We have to be careful. There may be magic protecting it here, too...and that magic doesn't take kindly to 'chopping' at it," Faihan replies.
"And let's not get electrocuted either," Jomana quips.
"...good point." Faihan busies himself trying to use his magic to feel out traps around the root.
"Joaco said the roots should be an easier target than the tree, at least..." Alejo notes.
Faihan notices (and quickly deactivates) a trap where the root connects to the power line.
Aslan wiggles his fingers at the roots. "I just thought maybe they'd recognize my black thumb." He watches Faihan.
"I think we're okay now...to move in." Faihan waits for Jomana or Alejo to approach the ROOT of their troubles.
"I'll do it." Alejo dashes in, slicing half of the root with a clean swing of his sword.
"Alright..." Jomana follows on Alejo's heels, swinging her weapon to finish the job.
The root withers, turning dry and crumbling into dust.
"Well, that wasn't so bad. I thought there might be another big spider," says Aslan.
"There's probably dozens more to go," Faihan replies.
"It will be good if the rest are also this easy."
"I wouldn't count on it. The tower and the tree above groundâ"
"Where to next, Prince Leader?" Aslan asks Alejo, cutting Faihan off.
Alejo sheathes his word and rubs his chin, looking at the two paths splitting from where they stand. "We should inspect these, but not split, so let's start with the left?"
"Left is as good as any," replies Aslan.
Faihan gives a thumbs up.
Jomana nods in agreement.
As Jomana and Alejo walk towards the left tunnel, a second spider leaps suddenly appears from the shadows, swinging at them. Alejo catches the strike with his shield and is knocked back against the closest wall. It then strikes at Jomana!
Faihan makes a sound, which was meant to be his sister's name, but mostly just comes out as a frightened, angry noise.
Aslan begins backpedaling, trying to get away from the tight space where the spider and fighting is going down. "His shield" seems like he might be otherwise occupied, so not being in spider-range seems like the smart thing to do...
"Wait, there may be more...!" Faihan says, noticing Aslan moving away from the action...and thus the group. (And hadn't Alejo just pointed out that they shouldn't split?)
But with Aslan outside the narrower path, Faihan is the only thing between him and the spider. The creature launches itself at the weaker two.
Faihan realizes he has positioned himself badly at just the wrong moment. He glances towards Alejo, but cannot see him around the spider's big spider body. He puts up his arms, hopefully, like his boxing techniques will help against all those legs and pincers.
Aslan makes a sound of alarm.
"Faihan!" Alejo throws the shield with full strength, catching the spider's attention, which launches itself at him, but Alejo ducks at the last second, so the spider hits the wall, making it shake with the strength of the impact and loosening up debris enough to close Alejo and Jomana in with the spider on the left path.
Jomana doesn't have time to worry about Faihan, now separated on the other side of the fallen rocks. Instead, she turns in a hurry, whirling with her lance, and launches an attack on the nearest leg.
"Stay with me, Your Grace..." (Through gritted teeth as she flies forward.) "This guy might be tougher than...space(?) pirates."
"No...Fuck..." Faihan watches in dismay as, despite all, they end up separated from Jomana and Alejo. His wrist aches, and he clasps it against him with the other hand, coughing as the debris settles and kicks up dust around them. If anything comes at them now... He glances at Aslan with a sinking feeling. Always before, he's been with others. The one time he tried to face something alone, it was only because Joaco saved him...
"Let's look for a way ... around this."
"You're hurt." It's such a bluntly obvious remark that Aslan wonders if he should even have pointed it out. He looks around without moving. It doesn't seem like there's an easy way for them to meet up with the others without moving the debris. Which also isn't an easy way. He looks back to the arm that Faihan is holding to his body. "How bad is it?"
"Not bad. It's fine." Faihan tries to take his hand away, but he can feel blood slicking his skin, coming a little too quickly for his liking. He feels a tiny bit dizzy and moves to sit down, prematurely ending his search for the others. Or at least delaying it. "I'm fine."
"You don't seem fine." Aslan presses his lips, watching Faihan sit, and then comes overâsitting not so close, but close enough. He doesn't look at Faihan. Looking at Faihan brings up a lot of things. A lot of confusing things. Like anger. Because he thinks he is very angry at this man right nowâmaybe all the more so because he's worried for him. Genuinely, very worried. "Can I see it?"
"No. I told you it's fine." He says it in the tone he used to address people with: sharp, antagonistic. A tone that screams LEAVE ME ALONE with every syllable. He grips his arm tighter. He can feel blood seeping down the front of his robes from where he holds it. It's tiring to try to stem it and remain transformed. He releases the magic, back in his plain clothes, and leans his head back. "Just give me a second."
"You can have all the seconds you need, but...what's the point of just holding it like that and hoping...what? That your will-power will fix it? I can help you."
"With what? Are you going to lecture my skin back together? Tell it what a bad job it's done and hope it fixes itself?"
Aslan purses his lips and looks away. Faihan is not Badr. Not entirely. Badr would never talk to anyone like that. Badr knew how to ask for help, at least when he wanted help. He hadn't wantedâhadn't neededâAditi's help. He'd made that clear. The dark feeling returns. Aslan looks down at his hands, annoyed because it's also true that he can't do anything this way.
"Sorry. I'll be fine. I just need a second. I'll get us out of this. I just..." Faihan risks looking down at his arm, pulling away his hand, but quickly covers it back up, feeling queasy. Blood. It's always...bothered him. He said that to Titus once, about how as a young Chosen of Song, he'd closed his eyes to heal villagers, so he wouldn't see it. He sighs. It'll stop soon, he guesses, and then if Alejo hasn't dug through to him, he'll figure out how to dig through to Alejo.
"You always hated blood."
"What?"
"You always hated it. Even if you pricked your finger sewing, you looked like..." Aslan almost smiles, but stops himself. "I guess you still do."
He can still envision a warm room, decorated in fancy rugs... Can still smell a sweetly floral tea brewing on the table...and feel the laugh in his (her) belly when Badr looks up, the tiniest drop of red on his finger, with a greenish tint to his skin. He shakes his head, trying to drive the memory away. Badr left her. Even knowing how everyone else had tossed her aside, he boldly did the same...
Faihan looks down, though away from his injury, and shrugs. After a moment, he smiles just a little. "I guess, yeah. I've been a vegetarian since I was 11. It was the first time I..." He shakes his head, but risks a glance at Aslan. "I'll survive. Just being...not liking the sight of it, it's not the end of the world."
Aslan accidentally catches the glance and quickly looks away again. He scratches his cheek, brow furrowing. It's hard to be worried and mad at the same time. It's hard to be worried at all. He wishes he could just be angry.
"Why are you acting so...weird? You've been acting weird since we got here. You messed up that spell Badr...never would have failed. Then you..." He makes a big, exploding gesture with his hands. "Is it because of what happened...to him? Back then?"
Faihan shrugs. "It's because of that, I guess. Because of that and because of what I did to him before that. What I did to..." Guilty, he looks away. He opens his mouth, but can't think of anything worth saying.
"Well, at least you know it was wrong." Aslan purses his mouth. "Though feeling bad about something, that isn't really an apology."
"I don't know how to apologize for it. It feels too big to...just say sorry and forget."
He remembers the light fixture in the dining room. The slammed door. The sound of the ocean. He remembers the confusion, the shock, and the constant anxieties. He remembers what hunger really feels like, and how even a young body can ache sleeping on hard floors. He opens his mouth again, and again his breath catches.
"When I was 20, though...when I was 20, I did...eat meat. It was...I hated it. But I had to, so I did. And that's why, too, I don't know how to apologize to him or you or anyone else."
"...Because you ate meat when you were 20...?"
"Because I had toâbecause someone...abandoned me." He laughs raggedly, looking away. "It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I didn't think I could be that...that I could do anything like that, because it was so horrible, and yet I did back then. Thoughtlessly. Not even out of anger or anything like that. I just...didn't even think about what it would mean for anyone else."
Hesitantly, Aslan reaches out, the way Aditi once did, to put a hand on Faihan's forearm. "My parents also...in this life. They left us behind. I still don't...think I can understand why. I try to. I want to...believe there could be a reason good enough, and I try to think of what it would be, and... I can't think of anything."
"I'm sorry."
Aslan shakes his head. "My brother, he loved us enough for them and him. I was lucky, because I had that. This time, I had someone who wouldn't walk away."
Faihan is silent, his shoulders coming up and his legs drawing closer to his body.
"Back then, Aditi was always...pretending. Pretending that she didn't have needs of her own. Pretending she was okay with an arranged marriage, that she was okay with her family running off to be pirates... She was pretending she was okay with not being able to love the person she loved most in the world. She was pretending that she didn't have anything bad inside her. Because of her, because she didn't say what she wanted or needed...or even how she felt...except to you..." He watches Faihan flinch, and then he squeezes his arm, trying to get him to look up. "So I will tell you: she was mad at you, and now I am mad at you, because you left her even though she told you all the reasons that she, at least, deserved for you to tell her to her face that you were going. She, at least, deserved a good-bye."
"I know she did. I know..."
Faihan swallows. Aslan's hand feels somehow heavy on his arm, but he doesn't push it away. He used to. All those times Joaco first tried to breach his defenses with this or that reassuring touch, he'd jerked back like a feral cat. hissing and angry. But he has changed. He doesn't know if he has changed enough or not, but he has changed a little. He allows it.
"If I apologize, you might forgive me," he says at length. "But...I don't know how to forgive myself, and so the idea that you would forgive me...it makes me feel...sick inside. That sounds like an excuse, I know. It sounds selfish, because...I know I'm just trying to protect myself by...avoiding that. But I don't know how to accept anyone else's forgiveness, because I can't forgive it."
Aslan is quiet, trying to make sense of this rather convoluted statement. He rubs his lips as he thinks about how very tangled this version of Badr has turned out. "Hating yourself...asking other people to hate you...that doesn't change the past, or fix anything now."
"I know, but I still...I just..."
"It isn't enough for me to know you feel bad about it. If you don't apologize, I can't trust you to not do it again. And I want to trust you...I want...I want to be your friend again. I..." He sighs through his nose, tickling his beard. "I miss you."
Faihan looks up, a little surprised. "You do...? Last night..."
"I'm angry at you. I was angry at you last night, too. People say things when they're angry. Or they don't...sometimes they look things, and you know it's because they're angry, not because they want you to just disappear, or something drastic like that."
"I have to stomach all of my mistakes and his. I thought maybe that was something I could do... Until he did this. Maybe... Maybe I do..."
"Do what?"
"If you could hate me more than I hate me, it might make it easier for me to...hate me less."
"That sounds...probably impossible." Aslan smiles a little sardonically. "That's a lot of hate to put on one person. I think we'd all end up monsters if we could hate someone that much."
Accidentally, Faihan laughs a little, but quickly clears his throat. "I do...hate what he did to her. To Titus. To all the people who trusted him to be there that morning...and he wasn't."
"That's still not really an apology...but...maybe it isn't time yet. For the real thing. You aren't...like him, at least not in this way. I don't think Badr even knew what self-loathing was. He was so... Of course he didn't realize that going on an adventure to save the world could have consequences. It doesn't make it good or thoughtful. But... I guess even I know...he didn't understand why it would hurt, and so he didn't realize he shouldn't do it. Innocence is not always...a good thing. Just like anything else."
Faihan looks up, turning to Aslanârelieved, somehow, that it's been said aloud by someone. "It's subjective, after all. One person's hopes can so easily end up becoming another person's despair."
"It's subjective," Aslan agrees. "It was the best part of him, and at least in that moment, the most terrible, too. I...I guess I understand, why it's hard for you to digest that. I don't...really know how I'd feel if Aditi did do something that...crossed a line. How I'd feel about me... And well...I'm not even like her most of the time. I think...I'm really kind of a reaction to her, even?"
"I...that makes sense. I think...I feel that way about Badr sometimes, too. Or that...all the things I am now, all the things I've experienced...like it's some kind of...karma for the things he did. A punishment...since..."
"But being punished isn't the same thing as apologizing."
"No, I guess...it's not." Faihan bites his lip, feeling a little woozy again for a moment. He closes his eyes until it passes. He hates the feeling of blood on his hands. The feeling strikes him as somehow something even older than Badr. He forces himself to look Aslan in the face: this man who looks nothing like his little priestess... The one he'd taken so badly for granted. The one, he hopes, someday Badr will have sense enough to return to, to apologize to...
"I'm sorry," he says. "I want to say I wouldn't do it now, but I did think about running away a few times lately. To be honest."
"But you didn't," Aslan points out. "As long as you keep on not doing it... But I guess I won't tell you if I accept it or not, not until you're ready to know." Aslan's mouth quirks. It is and is not a dumb joke. Mostly it is though. "You know, it's easier to not want to run away...if you let people help you."
He holds out his hand. "When you remember you aren't alone, things are always a little better."
Faihan looks at the proffered hand, his lips disappearing between his teeth. He looks at it for a very long moment before hesitantly loosening his grip on his wrist and then, closing his eyes, holding it out to Aslan.
Aslan takes the injured arm between his hands, turning it over and humming.
"Instead of sitting here pretending to be fine, you should have at least let me bind this. But you'll be okay."
He reaches for his hip and then remembers there won't be a vial there. It surprises him. He very rarely feels inclinations towards Aditi's reflexes. It had just come so naturally... Just like how in that sunlit room, she'd automatically reached to her belt and pulled out a potion to make the drop of blood on Badr's fingertip disappear. Because she hated to see him in pain, hated it maybe even more than she hated seeing her brother and sister in painâand that was why all of this hurts so much, why her anger feels so big, even now, but... But still, here and now, Aslan doesn't want to see Faihan in pain, doesn't want to see him tired and scared and grieving either.
"You aren't alone," he says, because he thinks if he does not say it, he won't be able to waylay the feeling of uselessness, and he has to keep it at bay, because there is already so much on Faihan's skinny shoulders. "So don't run away."
Faihan looks away quickly, before the gleam in his eye can manifest. He breathes quickly and shakily, trying to get his threadbare emotions to shape up and come back under control. Everything has been so...much since the tree appeared, since he remembered what Badr had done, since... He rubs at his face with his free hand, already realizing he's wiping blood there, too. But he keeps doing it, because he feels frail, and because he can't seem to make the things inside him just be quiet and still, and so they are here, on his cheeks, burning his eyes.
Aslan watches Faihan curl into himself. He watches him fighting yet another thing that does not need to be fought alone, and he thinks again about how different Faihan is from Badr, and yet...there had been a time, a time of secrets, when she had watched him from across the room and known there was something locked up inside him. Something big and terrible. She had known he looked tired, and she had understood that his face had the look of someone who'd spent a sleepless night in tears (because she had spent many nights that way after the others left in pursuit of piracy). She'd known that he was holding something that he could not share, because it was so terrible, it might break anyone else, and so he was trying so hard to keep it inside himself, to lock it up and prevent anyone else from knowing what he had come to understand...
Aslan is not sure what that secret had been, because he does not think Aditi ever learned, or at least, she had not learned before the memories stopped. But whatever it was, Badr had carried it alone, and he can remember the fragility that had emanated from Badr as he struggled to stop the pain in him from spreading outwards. Because that was what her little Badr had been like: he'd wanted to be a shield, tooâjust like the Chosen of Light, just like his Chosen of Dragon. He had wanted to protect, and that was why he had left in the night.
And it had been terrible for Aditi to wake up to that silence, but Aslan knows, just as she had (under her pain), that it had come from the belief that he might protect everyone on his own, just like all the stories said the Chosen of Light once did...
Watching him now, folding under all that pressure, something runs through Aslan. A feeling that is so big, he knows it has come from Aditi. Her feelings always overcome him. They are so very hard to field, except that this one, for once, makes him feel like he knows what he is supposed to do, and when he reaches for the crystal in his pocket, it feels somehow alive in his hand. It feels alive, and everything feels so clean and good for a moment. True, this isn't a dirty sewer, but still, he smells flowers and fresh air, and when he reaches again for his hip, it's there: the vial that he expected the first time.
He is so much bigger than Faihan, which is funny...because he moves to rest his head on Faihan's shoulder just like Aditi used to do with Badr. She had been so tiny, Badr had seemed a giant to her, but now, he eclipses Faihan. Still, he does it, holding the aggrieved arm between his hands, hugging it slightly, and he uncaps the vial, making sure it thoroughly coats the wound.
"You're going to be okay," he says, and it sounds a little silly with his gravelly voice; not as soothing as Aditi's birdlike hum, but he means it.
Just like that, the skin mends together, a scab, and then a scratch, and then...nothing at all.
"Hold still a little longer," he says, pulling out another vial, for cleaningâand a rag, which is also just where he expects it to be, and it's really crazy that it really is there, but it is, and he's very grateful for the little crystal that he slides into a pouch on the belt so that he can, with both hands, clean up Faihan's arm and face. "Your boyfriendâ"
There isn't much he can do about the blood on Faihan's clothes, but at least his skin is quickly wiped clean and made good as new again. He stops short of wiping the tears away. That seems a little weird how they are nowâat least in Aslan's mind. But he makes sure everything else is tidy and then offers a fresher rag, so that Faihan can clean up the rest.
Faihan takes the rag gratefully, still looking away as he blots his face. He somehow wants to cry even more now. This act of kindness has made him feel shaky. But...maybe it's the salve. It feels like someone poured something warm and calming in his veins, like hot cocoa in medicine form. And so, after a moment, he manages to collect himself. He pockets the rag, since he doesn't like the idea of someone else carrying that, and nods thankfully, shyly meeting Aslan's eyeâknowing his own are once again red-rimmed. And well, it feels like a big thing to admit that vulnerability to other people. He clears his throat softly. "Two healers versus spiders...we probably..."
Politely, Aslan ignores the puffiness of Faihan's face. Perhaps because though he is a middle brother, he still has two younger brothers, it somehow feels right to give Faihan's hair a little ruffle before standing and looking around placidly.
"But I think that's the only way to get to them." He points to the debris...but before they can begin to dig, the debris bursts out of the way, revealing a victorious Jomana and Alejo.
"You're safe...!"
âAre you okay?â Faihan wishes they had more light. It's hard to tell what might be dead spider and what might be a real injury. But at first glance, Jomana and Alejo appear to be in reasonable shape. He is worn and a little croaky himself. Heâd spent the morning trying to replenish on hotel tea, and then heâd gone out for better tea, but he still can feel a twinge in his throat, and he's grateful that Aslan is busying himself with passing out potions.
Once upon a time, Aditi had been a common face at the âSimurghâ table. Badr had always had more female friends and relatives around than maleâAditi, Cinna, Zuya, Thora⊠He notes that Jomana and Aslan have begun to chat. It looks a little stiff. Jomana is a little more reserved in this life, and Aslan, too, is much more awkward than Aditi, but there is something familiar and warm about the sight, and Faihan is happy to see it. It also means he can turn his attentions fully to Alejo.
Of course, Alejo is in full armor, and spiders were unlikely to have bitten through that magical metal, but still, he looks him over to make sure.
âYou know,â he jokes, a hint of exhaustion in his voice despite the attempted levity, âI used to always catch spiders in a glass and toss them outside. Even the bigger ones. I donât know that I can be so merciful nowâŠâ
He moves in close to inspect him, looking at Faihan from many different angles.
Faihan is grateful for Aslanâs foresight. At least in Badrâs clothing, it isn't obvious that the spider bit him. It had been a good idea to clean up his face and hands, too. Aslan had said he was not like Aditi, but that part had felt very Aditi. She had always been very meticulous in everything she did.
âYou worry too much,â he replies softly. âIâm a big boy now, Alejandro.â He presses his lips, his mouth screwing sideways. âI prefer taking my lumps to you taking them for me. ThatâŠhurts a lot more. Butâas you can see, no harm done.â He waits for Alejo to finish his inspection. âIâm just tired. Did you get bitten, though? OrâŠspiders donât sting, do they?â
âWell, this one had a stinger and like razor legs, so Iâm not sure it counts as a normal spiderâŠâ Alejo chuckles, but he only crouches down in front of Faihan to look at his legs, squinting. âIâm everyoneâs, especially you, shield, so let me take every hit. That is my job.â
âWhy are youâŠâ Faihan asks, automatically putting his hands on Alejoâs shoulders and stepping back. âYour job isnât to be the worldâs punching bag,â he repliesâwith much less gravitas than hoped, because he's remembering all that weird talk about sitting in laps, and it makes his brain think too much of Alejo crouching in front of him. He clears his throat, trying to collect himself and return to complete sobriety. âWhen you get hurt, it scares me.â He feels his face heat up and looks away. âIt always has.â
Alejo looks up at Faihan, smiling at him as he squeezes his hips and keeps him close. âIt is, and Iâm proud of it.â Satisfied, he gets up again, reaching over to lightly caress the manâs cheek with his gauntlets, which are warmed over with light. âI know, but you should trust me to be able to take the hits. I train for this.â
âThe world alreadyâŠit already hit you plenty,â Faihan mumbles, his brain only partially able to stay with the subject when Alejo is doing entirely innocent things that remind Faihan of entirely not innocent things (and his sister is standing right by, so he really is hoping to not think of those things at this time). It's hard, because he's finding some of Badrâs old thoughts swimming to the forefront of his mind, and he also has a similar sense of excitement about the idea.
He is trying to convey something important!
He clears his throat, trying to suppress his flusterment. âY-youâre supposed to protect yourself, too.â
âThatâs why I have this thing on my back,â Alejo motions behind himself with his free hand as he continues to caress Faihanâs cheek. âBesides, Iâve got you if anything manages to hurt me. Weâll be fine. We just have different jobs.â Finally, he moves his hand away, taking a single step back.
Faihan watches Alejo from behind the bronze rings of the headdress. He takes a partial step forward when Alejo pulls away. He wants Alejo to understand why it bothers him, but he wonders if he can say it well enough to make it understood.
He moves closer, though doesn't reach for Alejoâs hand yet. Mostly he hoovers.
âButâŠbut if thatâs the caseâŠ?â he tries, chewing his lower lip. âThen why does it matterâŠif I get hurt? Because I can just heal myself, right? SoâŠthen it should be fineâŠ?â
Alejo frowns. âYou arenât equipped for it like I am, so that makes no sense. This is my job,â he stresses that last sentence because this is one of those few things that does make Alejo upset. It's his role. Why does Faihan insist every time to steal it away and leave him with nothing?
Faihan looks away, face burning for a different reason. He rubs his arm and nods. If he could somehow make Alejo feel the way these things make him feel inside... But he doesn't know how to do something like that with magic, and he doesn't seem to be able to with words. It's stupid to start a fight when they are in the middle of something this important anyway. He clears his throat softly and simply says, âSorry.â Straightening, he turns towards where the others were still chatting. âWe should get back to the roots.â
âAre you sure?â Alejo isn't. Faihan is clearly bothered by something, and Joaco had told him not to let Faihan brush things away, even if he said they were fine. He reaches over to take his hand, squeezing it. âAre you scared because of what happened to me in that timelineâŠ?â
Faihan stops, his fingers twitching for a moment before moving around Alejoâs hand. âYes,â he replies, because that is a big part of things. Heâd be lying if he says that a single night crying over Titus is somehow enough to get him back on his feet. Heâs felt brittle since⊠Well, since Alejo disappeared, but even more so since yesterday.
He bites his lip, âThatâŠand more. Sometimes, I think you and your brother have a strange perception of me, like Iâm somehow so strong... Over and over, I stand back and watch other people put themselves on the line. I watch them get hurt. You can take away someoneâs pain, but the memories of those momentsâŠâ His large, dark eyes briefly move to Alejoâs face and then slip away just as quickly. He withdraws that his hand and shrugs, forcing a chuckle. âOr something. Itâs stupid. Iâm stupid. It doesnât matter. I just feel a little tired right now.â He starts down the path theyâd been about to take before the interruption.
âIâm fine. Letâs keep going.â
âI donât think you are,â Alejo says, picking up his pace to hold onto Faihanâs arm with gentleness. âI also donât think we see in you something that isnât there.â It would take too much time and skill with words that he lacks, so he sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose. âWe both think⊠that youâre too hard on yourself, thatâs plain to see to anyone who cares about you. I wish I could do something so you could see yourself with my eyes.â
Maybe he is being clingy, but Alejo moves behind Faihan to wrap his arms around his middle, pressing a chaste kiss to his neck. âYou wonât get rid of me in this life, I swear.â
Faihan stiffens for a moment, but reaches back to touch Alejo. âI justâŠwant you to understand why I donât⊠Even if you can take it, even if I can heal youâŠâ He shrugs slightly, not wanting Alejo to go away now that heâs here. âYou donât like it if I get hurt, even if Iâm fine later. You still think about it and worry about it. Your job is to soak up physical damage. Thatâs what you say. I guess mine is to soak up emotional damage. ButâŠthatâs a hard job. If I have this ability, I have to use it. But maybeâŠmaybe the reason I keep wondering, just like Badr didâŠwhy us? Why were we the ones who were picked for thisâŠ? Maybe itâs becauseâŠneither of us wanted this. You already forgot about what happened to you just yesterday, butâŠI will not be able to stop thinking about it for⊠I donât know. It will be a long time.â
âI donât think even Joaco has an answer to that, even if he keeps saying he was born for this,â He doesn't have an answer either, but⊠âI donât care why itâs me; I care that I can do it and that I will do things right this time. Maybe thatâs boneheaded of me, but thatâs how I see it⊠and I can feel itâs the same way every version of me ever has, even in the moments of weakness.â He pauses, wetting his lips. âEven if I werenât special, Iâd still do what I can to save and protect those I love.â
âI am not afraid to fight,â Faihan replies, perhaps emboldened by the way Alejo tightens his gripâwhich he leans into, relaxing a little. âBecause it is so much easier to fight than to fix.â And if he could have been born Chosen of DragonâŠof Fire or Earth or LightningâŠ
âYouâve always been very fighty, yes.â Alejo is aware that a lot of Faihanâs issues are born out of his role, more so than the dangers they faced.
âBut I know. I already knowâŠthereâs nothing we can do about it. To have the ability to save someone and not use it would be wrong. Your ability is to shield, and mine is to heal, so we are locked in this perpetual cycle where you have to be hurt to keep people from being killed, and I have to accept the burden of watching that. But more and more, maybe I understand why he kept sayingâŠthat he didnât want us to wake, not until we had to. I understand why he tried to cling to his normal life.â Even if Joaco didn't indulge in it as much as Faihan has always felt he should.
âMy brother has always been so selfishly selfless,â and it drives Alejo crazy, but that's an entirely different topic, so he stays quiet after his agreement. And reallyâŠall Faihan can do is nod in agreement.
âI understand, too, why Iâand I guess probably him, tooâwanted a world without magicâŠwhy we wished for this place. ButâŠnone of that matters. It doesnât change anything.â He glances back at Alejo, trying to find his eyes. âJustâŠdonât get hurt when you donât have to, okay? And donâtâŠplease donât die on anyone elseâs behalf. Especially not mine.â
For a moment, the hint of lightness Faihan had shown on their way to the sewers reappears. The dimness of the lighting may hide some of the red in his face, but the way his lashes suddenly fall, shyly, against his cheeks betrays what the shadows could have hidden. It is, he thinks, a weird moment to feel giddy, but he does (briefly) feel a small burst of butterflies.
Whatever it is, Alejo perceives it, his smile growing wider and warmer but remaining quiet as he merely observes the shorter man and listens to him.
âI might have been in a little danger,â he admits, and Alejo simply knowingly nods. He considers adding the argument that he was still in less danger than Aslan, but he doesnât feel like upending the moment. Instead, he moves a little closer to put his arms around Alejo and rest his face against his chest as the taller man circles his arms around his waist tight. âItâs going to look worse than it was,â he warns. He had considered just wearing his robes back to the hotel and running into the bathroom to change before Alejo could see the evidence of his interaction with the spider, butâŠdecides not to be weird about it. It will, he thinks, be less exhausting if he lets up the magic once theyâre out of here.
âI know you donât need it, but⊠I can heal you too,â Alejo offers, choosing not to argue or get upset because he understands where the other man is coming from, at least, and Faihan smiles, because itâs a thought that warms him. He thinks it might be nice to be healed by AlejoâŠsomeday. If he needs it.
He moves just enough that he can look Alejo in the eye when he says, âI promise, too, then. I wonât do anything unnecessary.â He does feel a pinch, wonderingâfor both of themâwhat might end up being necessary in the future. Most of the things that have happened while the brothers were awayâŠwere both very dangerous and very necessary.
âI hopeâŠmaybeâŠsomehowâŠall of this⊠When itâs over, it really will be over, and we can finallyâfinallyâŠâ For a moment, Faihan closes his eyes, sighing softly, and then he opens them, glancing over at Aslan and Jomana, who donât seem uncomfortable in their chatting, but do seem to be looking over at them more and more now.
âI hopeâŠwe do it right this time.â
Alejo nods. âI hope so, too⊠we will be happily married this time.â He doesnât feel one bit self-conscious as he leans in to seal the deal with a brief and sweet kiss, pulling back with a smile on his lips. âWe can talk more later; for now, letâs go, okay?â
Faihan is definitely more self-conscious about the matter, but still, he tries to forget (for just a moment) that they have an audience, and that half that audience is Jomana. She probably doesnât care very much, but still, he feels a bit awkward about her being right there. âOkay. More later. You can tell me what you want to name our âfirstborn.â And maybeâŠif we get this done fast enough, maybe there will be time to rest a little.â And recommence cuddling in a more comfortably private place. A place without sisters or spiders.
âWell, Prince TitusâŠâ he says, gesturing to the others that their little break is over. âLight the way.â