ii. WHO: Felipe & Aslan WHEN/WHERE/SUMMARY: A continuation of this. CW: A little spicy, but not SPICY.
Aslan had been in the middle of explaining about the effect of fireworks on not just pets, but wildlifeâbut why he couldnât help but enjoy the spectacle anywayâwhen they arrived at the apartment. He wasnât nervous, but he quieted as they went inside. Was it weird to be in a third partyâs apartment? Not really. Maybe some people might think it was strange to borrow someone elseâs space, but it was just to watch fireworks, and since the owners were out of town, Aslan couldnât see how it would hurt anything.
More than that, he was a little amazed by how many people Felipe seemed to know. Sure, Aslan knew lots of classmates from high school and university, but they were all kind of passing acquaintances. He had already forgotten a lot of his high school peersâ names, if he was honest. And it was funny, too, because Felipe usually seemed so spiky, like a little pufferfish, and yet he had so many bonds with people. Maybe it was because he relied on them for his income, but Aslan doubted someone would just give Felipe full access to their home if they didnât know and trust him.
Because he was a guest, Aslan slipped off his shoes at the door, neatly leaving them there right next to Felipeâs, and as they made their way through the apartment, he was careful not to run into anything, or touch anything. (He sometimes wondered if he was so klutzy now because Aditi had been so tiny, and he was so large by comparison⊠But that seemed like a stretchâdifficult to really substantiate.)
âIt is nice and quiet here,â he observed. âOrâŠquieter.â
Felipe had cleaned the entire apartment a few days before, so everything was in its proper place as they made their way through the room. His friend didnât have kids or pets, so there was not much that he had to tend to. âAs quiet as it gets, at least,â he said, leading the way upstairs. There was a large and comfy swing couch, so he took a seat there.
âAnd no people other than meâwell, not here with us, but you can see some walking around if you squint or look outside from the window in one of the rooms.â
Aslan nodded. It was a strange thing to point out. Like the kind of thing you might point out because you want someone to notice it? But then, Felipe had done this special thing for him, so that he could enjoy the fireworks in peaceâŠand Aslan hadnât even thought to thank him for it yet. He turned a little pink, clearing his throat. That was obviously rude of him, and he should hurry and remedy that.
âThank you,â he said, watching Felipe on the swing couch. âItâs nice of you, bringing me here to see them.â He had a feeling that Felipe had a reputation to uphold, and it probably involved seeming like someone who didnât do people favors. But that said, Aslanâs impression was that actually, Felipe probably did fuss and hissâŠbut more often than not, indulged people of his own volition. The kind of guy who you didnât necessarily even have to ask for a favor. He might just suddenly give it to you out of the blue. It would make senseâŠthat he was so spiky. Probably being secretly good-natured like that would get him into trouble, with people preying on his goodwillâŠ
âItâs not a big deal,â Felipe shrugged his shoulders, pushing the couch with his legs to make it move, looking over at Aslan expectantly.
Aslan came over to the couch. He hovered and then thought better of inviting himself to get too comfortable in someone elseâs house. It seemed fine for Felipe too. He was taking care of things, and he was friendly with the owner. But Aslan felt it was probably presumptuous for him to do the same. He went instead to look over the railing.
âIt isâŠâ he wanted to say, âa little strange,â but that seemed rude. â...somehow like a hotel.â
Felipe snorted. âShe wants to turn it into a bed and breakfast, thatâs why. I had to do a thorough cleaning, and she took away a lot of belongings with her when she went on her trip.â He told her it was smarter to finish before the Carnavales, but she told him to take his time, and Juana was a stubborn woman.
He silently noticed that Aslan didnât want to sit with him, and it annoyed him more than it should, but Felipe swallowed back that feeling. âYouâre like a big kid sometimes, you knowâwhen you speak about the things that youâre actually passionate about.â
Aslan stopped, turning back, and smiled sheepishly. Like a big kid, was he? It was true. Though he admired Hasan, though he had spent most of his life trying to mimic his oldest brother, in his heartâŠhe was immature. He really had no right to be critical of Hakan. Maybe thatâs why he wasâŠhe thought to himself now. Because he was hypocritical, pretending like he didnât also eschew responsibility whenever he couldâbecause he wasnât brave enough to own his selfish side. But he realized that wasnât what Felipe was saying about him, and he smiled.
âI hope I didnât bore you. I couldâŠtalk about animals forâŠdays. Itâs the only thing that ever seems really easy to talk about.â He came back from his wandering, hoovering again, not sure if he should invite himself to sit or not. âDo you have something like that? Something you really canât stop talking about once you start?â
The way Aslan smiled and how he behaved did make him feel younger than Felipe was, but he realized he didnât know how old exactly he was either. Heâd have to ask later when it wasnât weird or when he wasnât distracted by how obnoxiously cute Aslan was.
âNah, I like hearing people talk about things they are passionate about, it makes me happy. Uh, I mean, itâs fun? Yeah.â He folded his arms over his chest for added effect. âWell⊠I meanâyouâre going to make fun of me.â Felipe narrowed his eyes as he looked up at Aslan. âAnyway, do you think Iâm going to bite you or something?â
âI didnât want to assume,â Aslan said, but now he did assume. It seemed like he was supposed to, so he sat downâcompletely lacking in self-consciousness, or being overly concerned with personal space (despite his otherwise extremely socially awkward manner)âright next to Felipe. He only moved over when it was hard to turn his head and look at Felipe to talk to him.
âYou assumed I didnât want to sit with you.â At least it seemed like Felipe didnât mind, his knee resting against Aslanâs as he looked over to the clearer night sky before glancing over to Aslan when he spoke.
âI wonât make fun of you. It is probably funnier to most people for a grown man to talk about animals at such length. I will definitely not laugh, whatever it is.â
Felipe groaned, looking away, his lips pressed into a thin line. âLiking animals is fine, but, uhâŠâ He paused, rubbing his cheek. âI enjoy cooking, a lot, and, uh⊠gardening and knitting⊠and shut up before you say anything!â His cheeks were turning red just from remembering the last few times he mentioned any of his hobbies to someone. People were stupid, and Taboga Town could be so backward sometimesâŠ
Imagining Felipe knittingâŠmade Aslanâs cheeks go very pink. It was such a nice and wholesome image. Felipe, with a softball of yarn, like a cat. Yes, he was very like a cat, and Aslan kind of wanted to pet his head. But it wasnât like he was sitting with Hakan or Selim. It probably would come off as very condescending, especially after Felipe had expressed he found his hobbies embarrassing.
âDo you like planting vegetables or flowers?â he asked, genuinely curious. He had more questions, like what kinds of things Felipe liked to cook, and if he was good at knitting, but he stopped himself. âI also like plants, though Iâm not very good at gardening. IâmâŠa little forgetful, and even plants, you knowâŠâ He laughed, rubbing the side of his neck.
âUsually vegetables and other herbs, but I do have a few flowering plants.â Felipe had to be practical just because he needed to, but if he could afford it, heâd have a huge and beautiful garden. âYou better not be like that with your animal friends.â He turned to glare at him as his cheeks finally began to cool down. âYou need to be more mindful of your surroundings. Why are you asking so many questions, anyway? Itâs not like Iâm going to quiz you.â
âAnimals are easier,â Aslan replied. âOr at least, they are for me. Iâm always more aware of them, and when a cat needs something, it can meow at you. Itâs harder to forget about.â Which, in theory, should make people even easier to deal with, because they could use the same language at a sophisticated level to directly say what they wanted or needed. Only, Aslan found that was rarely the case: that most of the time, people talked around things more often than asked for them directly. It made things somehow even harder than taking care of plants.
âSo you prefer things more direct, then? But you do seem to not follow that yourself.â Felipe patted Aslanâs knee a few times before giving it a light squeeze and moving his hand away. Aslan glanced, but didnât move, reading the gesture as common friendliness.
âHmm. I guess I always thought of myself as being easy to read,â he said, while wearing one of those inscrutable expressions heâd picked up from Hasan. âBut I want to know more about you,â he replied simply. âBesides, how do I know there wonât be a test?â he asked, amused at his own dumb reply.
âThat is so not true. I have no idea what youâre thinking. Anyway, if it makes you happy, ask away.â Felipe folded his arms over his chest and groaned. âI guess I could give you one, but it would be far more hands on than theory.â
Aslan laughed. âHow so?â What a curious thing to say. Why would a âFelipe testâ be hands on? âIs this some kind of practical? I donât have my stethoscope with me though.â
Felipe leaned over, not saying anything, just looking up at Aslan through the shadow of his lashes, his breath brushing again his skin. And then the show began with a loud bang, the colorful lights bathing the dimly lit balcony.
âYou could still give me a physical if weâre playing doctor.â He then smirked, pulling back with a soft chuckle. âBut it seems like what youâve been waiting for is about to start.â
It was probably shocking, but Aslan had been glanced at like that in a dark room before. And he had been equally unsure of how to approach the glance then as now. The feel of Felipeâs breath on his skinâŠwas a new feeling though. Something he was even less prepared for. He feltâŠstirred? But he had never felt that way with another man before. He thought maybe he was just getting confused by the proximity and the shadows. He was, he was certain, straight.
He nearly jumped out of his skin at the bang. Sitting bolt upright, eyes snapping to the window. The fireworks. The reason they had ventured up here. He had nearly forgotten, and now he was deeply grateful for the distraction. He stood. He was okay. The stir hadnât caused too much of a fuss in the area. Perhaps it was only disconcerting in his head. He tucked his hands into his pockets and smiled, because he didnât want to make things weird, and shuffled closer to the railing. He smiled, but his hands gripped the railing a little too tightly. âI-itâs a good view. AâŠreallyâŠâ He swallowed, looking over at Felipe. â...nice view.â
âAre you enjoying it? The view.â Felipe was still curled up in the couch like some sort of cat, smirking a little when he realized where Aslan was looking when he said that. He also noticed Aslan was tense but was it because he was shy or because he crossed some sort of boundary? For now, he chose to give Aslan space because he seemed to be desperately needing it.
âIs there anything you want?â He stretched out his limbs, making a little sound as he turned onto his back to better look at the light show.
Aslanâs gaze stayed on Felipe a moment longer, though perhaps because of his internal confusion, his expression had become inscrutable again when he answered plainly, âYes.â He cleared his throat softly, bringing his knuckles to his lips, and turned back to the fireworks. His heart was bumping fast. Was it embarrassment? Surprise? Something else? He didnât rightly know. Just that the colors breaking open in the night sky seemed to reflect something inside him, a feeling both unpleasant and exciting. He watched them for a moment, and when he looked back again, Felipe had made himself more comfortable in a way that didnât resolve any of his turmoil. Nothing came to mind about what he wanted to do in that situation, but he understood that some unclear part of him had an instinct to do something. He smashed it down very far.
âIâmâŠIâm fine,â he managed, finding it hard to make conversation and bury the confusing feeling inside him. âThereâs nothing else I could ask for. This view is good. Company is good.â Again, he cleared his throat. âYeah, what could I even want besides this?â
âAlright⊠if youâre sure.â Felipe shrugged his shoulders before he rubbed the bridge of his nose as he watched the other man carefully. Aslan was so hard to read sometimes, and yet very simple in others. It was more than a bit confusing. âMany things? To be honest, itâs a pretty romantic sight, so Iâd understand if you preferred to have someone else other than me here.â He would be mad, but heâd understand. Waiting for the next wave of fireworks, Felipe looked at his toes as he flexed them.
âI donât,â Aslan replied in that same simple, but certain tone. âThere is no one else I can think of.â Completely unaware of how romantic the remark seemed, he watched Felipe looking at his toes and stifled all thoughts and awareness of his new friendâs physicality, because he was perceiving it with an alarmingly heightened awareness. It was easy to be near Felipe. It was easy to talk to him. He didnât even mind when Felipe got sharp with him. He understood it was something Felipe must need, a little bubble to retreat into from time to time when things became overwhelming. But being comfortable with this man did not explain why he feltâŠcharged right now.
Felipeâs cheeks took a warm and reddish color at those words, glancing at Aslan then looking away. So he did like him, then, and was just being shy. That was okay, he could understand and help with that. But he wasnât used to people being emotional with him first rather than physical. What was he supposed to do?
He wasnât prone to lying, so he didnât lie, but he didnât say what it was on his mind either. He had not come here to perv on FelipeâŠor to have his new friend walk him through anythingâŠassuming there was an âanythingâ to be walked through. Again, he thought maybe it was just the romantic scene and the feline way that Felipe moved. It had reminded him of something else, maybe, and⊠He was relieved when the next wave of lights broke across the sky, and he had a reason to look away againâhad something he could hide behind for another moment.
The fireworks had Felipeâs heart rushing even more, but he couldnât sit still, so he stood up, taking slow steps towards the railing before standing next to Aslan, leaning over it a little, and letting his side press against the other manâs. âItâs real pretty, isnât it? A bit noisy, but few things can match the spectacle.â There was no need to tread over their conversation again, but he was unsure of what else to say, so he grew quiet.
Quiet, normally, was good. It was how he and most of his brothers communed. Normally, a little silence made a lot of sense to Aslan, but there was something in the air that nightâsomething that had no sound and yet was very loud inside him. He had no name for it, because he had never known it before. And he was never that good with words anyway. Silence and proximity were easier, except that the not-sound grew larger when Felipe pressed against him, it made a cacophony inside him, and he didnât pull away, but he did shiver a little, starting to feel overwhelmed by the light and the bang and the thing he couldnât understand spreading out between them.
âLoud though,â he saidâmaybe about the fireworks, maybe about whatever was booming inside him. He didnât turn his head, but he snuck a glance at Felipe. Red bloomed over his features, faded and became gold, and Aslan quickly looked away again. The light of the fireworksâŠwere somehow even prettier, cast across Felipeâs features, and he did not know where to put that information. He swallowed. âI wonder if Hakan is watching themâŠor if he already ran away to join a circusâŠâ
Felipe nodded his head before chuckling, wondering where Hakan was. "I told you that we could've looked for him." He wondered if that had Aslan on the edge, but there was little he could do to ease his worries. If he chose not to and instead to spend time with him, Felipe wasn't going to argue, but bask in the unexpected attention. That's why he leaned more against Aslan until his head was resting against his broad shoulder, his little finger lightly touching the taller man's hand.
Again, Aslanâs impression was of a cat that, once settled in, might come up to bump its head into his hand, except that he did not know that he felt quite as wholesome about the situation as that. The thoughts and feelings he was trying to push down kept resurfacing, and the overall feeling of something loud booming inside him was not subsiding. If it was just the weight of Felipeâs head, but the faint touch of Felipeâs pinkie on his skin had that same deafening feeling to it, sending an electric feeling up his arm, and his brain was not so innocent as to not begin to fill in thoughts thatâŠhe had not thought before of menâŠand only occasionally of women.
The main one, though, was, Perhaps you will kiss. And it seemed like something he should avoid, because if he allowed it, then what? He had no answer for then what, because it was unexplored terrain, and he was not really the kind of person who would do more than that on a firstâŠwhatever this wasâif at all. He wasnât sure, after all, that he would even feel enticed further, and then Felipeâs feelings might be hurt. It seemed like Aslan would be leading him on, and he didnât want to do that, nor to experiment with this new feeling at the cost of Felipeâs.
In another reality, he put his hands in his pockets, turned to lean on the railing, and plainly told Felipe: Iâm feeling confused right now. Iâm not sure Iâm up forâŠtrying anything.
But in this reality, the confusion was louder than the placidity in him, and so he continued to stand there, though now looking at the finger that was causing so much commotion inside him.
His hand inched closer until Felipeâs hand was on top of Aslanâs, rubbing the back of it with all his digits, a slow and careful stroke before his fingers skirted further up to massage his wrist and upper forearm. âWhenever I look at the night sky like this, I canât help but feel really small. Like everything I worry about is minuscule and insignificant.â He paused, wetting his lips, and finally fully leaning the weight of his head on Aslan, his muscles finally relaxing as he began to feel at ease with the other man. âBut at the same time, I start to think about how my life is a miracle full of coincidences and events that lead me to be who I am, and also how life led me to meet people I couldnât even imagine getting close to.â
Oh, this was definitely a romantic overture then. Not just accidentally sparks shooting off in Aslanâs belly. Why was he reacting so much? What did it mean? Heâd had only a small reaction before, but now, it was becoming much more visible to him. He should have done something before, Aslan thought, because Felipe was opening up to him, but it was mixed up with this other part that Aslan didnât know how to deal with.
Miracles and coincidences and the night sky. He understood those things, though he felt likeâŠhe had not understood them in this lifetime. Aditi had, maybe? She had known something about those mysteries, something that even having that understanding inside him, he didnât quite know how to articulate.
âSomeoneâŠlike me?â he asked. âIâm not so difficult, butâŠâ His thoughts were not cohesive, and he was afraid of saying the wrong thingâthe thing that would make Felipe retreat back inside of himself. âI want to be closer to you. It feels likeâŠthereâs some understanding that I canâtâŠquite grasp, but around you, it comes so close. ButâŠâ
âSomeone like you.â Felipe felt warm and nice insideâhe knew it was foolish when he barely knew Aslan, but he was nice, kind, and handsome. More importantly, he wanted to get to know Felipe and very few people cared about him as a person, so how was he supposed to not listen to his inner and hidden longing for affection and acknowledgment?
More fireworks went off with a loud pop in bright colors that bathed the balcony where they both stood. Felipe pulled back to look up at Aslan, daring to move his hand to his cheek, giving it a light and warm caress. âMaybe we just need to get closerâŠâ Felipe spoke softly, leaning up and on the tips of his feet to bring himself closer to Aslan, closing his eyes as he tipped his head to try and fit their lips together.
And that, at last, was the moment when Aslan finally got his head on straight. At that very last moment, he drew back, just a little, and finally said, âWaitâŠâ He stepped back just a little, though he didnât put his hands on Felipe. He didnât think Felipe would persist, so he didnât think it was necessary. But âwaitâ was not enough of an explanation. His mouth scrunched, a little furrow appearing in his brow, as he tried to use his words to clarify what âwaitâ meant.
âIâm⊠Iâve neverâŠâ he mumbled. It was much harder to make good use of his words than heâd expected. He pressed on as best he could, even so. âThis isâŠall very new and a little confusing. I thinkâŠI just need to think.â
Right. Of course. Who was he kidding?
Felipe took a step back then another, turning to look towards the fireworks, clutching the railing as he looked over there. âSorry, I shouldnât have assumed you wanted toâŠâ He shrugged his shoulders, frowning, more annoyed with himself for not stifling out that stupid longing for validation.
âDonât worry, it wasnât a big deal. I just thought you wanted to make out,â he spoke dismissively, folding his arms over his chest as he walked away from Aslanâs side of the railing.
Had he wanted to do that? Did he drag his feet, because he had wanted to knowâŠ? Aslan was afraid he might, indeed, have been so selfish. He watched Felipe walk to the other side of the balcony, close up once again. Heâd made a mistake. Aslan understood that much. The problem was, it was a mistake he didnât fully understand, so he didnât know how to make up for it.
AditiâŠhad been open to men and women, while at the same time being closed to both. Sheâd been married to duty first and foremost, and duty required that she not make any bad moves, especially not with her heart. But Aslan had lived this lifeâŠwithout an interest in other men. Aditiâs tastes had been hard for him to fathom at first, but when he separated her from him, he could make peace with it. Or at least, he had thought as much, except thatâright nowâif he moved from the railing, he was afraid the next burst of color could reveal the effects of Felipeâs touch on him. Was it only Felipe, then? An incidental attraction? Was he, himself, 100% sure it was an attraction and not a curiosity, mild stiffness of theâŠlimbâŠnot withstanding?
Aslan didnât want to lead Felipe on, or use him as some sort of experiment. The thoughts immediately gave him a wretched feeling. He also didnât want to say it was off the table, because the loud feeling was a much bigger feeling than he had experienced with another person before, andâŠthere was a possibility it did mean something. So what was he supposed to do?
âI donât know what Iâm doing,â he finally admitted.
Felipe turned to look at Aslan from the corner of his eyes. âWhat do you mean?â
He needed context to know if he should be angry at the other man or forgive him so he could move past this to become friends once the rejection had washed over, Right now he was unsure what to think or do, and he couldnât exactly leave even if he wanted to.
âI...â Aslan looked up, watching a white burst of light open and fall against the darkness, feeling the pleasant shudder of air in the aftermath of its boom. âI thoughtâŠI was straight? I thinkâŠI am straight. I have beenâŠthat is how itâs always been until right now, and so now isâŠconfusing.â Was that too honest? Should he be honest? He did think of himself as straightforward, even if maybe he wasnât as clear as he should be.
âI donât want toâŠmake a mistake and hurt you.â
What Aslan said made Felipe laugh. It wasnât exactly bitter, but there was more than amusement to his voice. What Aslan said explained so much, and it still stung, but at least he had a way to process it now. âSorry not sorry for seducing you?â He sauntered back to the taller man, resting one of his hands on his bicep.
âDo you think youâre going to make me fall in love with you?â Felipe chuckled, smirking as he rubbed Aslanâs arm with affection. âDonât be so full of yourself, silly lion.â He tipped his chin with dignity even with the sizzling sound of sparkles going off in the distance. Aslan smiled, a little embarrassed; it had come off that way, hadnât it? But he was used to dating women, andâŠwell, it was unwise to not consider that kind of thing. Heterosexual dating, though he actually had nothing to compare to, adhered to certain standards. But Felipe looked nice with the fireworks washing over his face, and this time, Aslan looked just a little longer than he had previously before glancing away again.
âIf thatâs your only worry, and if I make you that curious, should you really not follow your scientific instincts?â Felipe narrowed his eyes as he took a step closer, looking up at Aslan as he rested a hand flat against his chest.
He swallowed, eyes widening, and straightened. âJustâŠmakeout? Just like that?â he asked, bewildered. He had grown up thinking you werenât even supposed to kiss on a first date, and this wasnât technically even a date. âIsnât itâŠsudden?â
Felipe simply nodded. âYeah, donât you want to? Well, I can shower first if you want, but thatâs going to need a lot more of time.â He didnât think he smelled badly, at least, but it was Aslanâs first time kissing a boy, and he wanted it to be good. âYou find me attractive, and you donât want to date me, so⊠what is it sudden for?â
âIâŠyouâreâŠsecond date?â he said, tilting this head in confusion. It should not have been surprising that Aslan had never been to enough parties to see people kissing out of order. For him, it had always been something that would happen on a second date, usually to indicate that there would be a third, or that a relationship had started. ThoughâŠhe supposed that Felipe did not have an intention to date him. When would they find the time? And he also did not seem very interested in having a particularly romantic connection with Aslan. But those were not things that Aslan had foregone before, so he wasnât sure how he felt about stripping all that away and just going with the flow.
âSo you took a guy on multiple dates?â Felipe arched his eyebrow since Aslan wasnât quite making sense right now.
Aslan shook his head, but he struggled to elaborate. It had never happened like this for him before. âNo, you donât have toâŠYouâre fine like this,â Aslan said, not sure how to answer the question, so returning back to the first. âBut you said Iâm not your type before. What changed?â
Felipe felt self conscious about his appearance now, however, and at the question, he simply looked away, cheeks bright red. âHow is that any of your business?â Maybe the soft lion made him feel niceâmaybe he liked how considerate and kind he was, but there was no need for Aslan to know any of that.
He couldnât help it. As bewildered as he was, it was such a funny thing to say to someone that you wanted to make out withâAslan chuckled. âWell,â he said, running a hand through his hair and watching a stream of fireworks let off at a greater distance. Aditi had always done things correctly; Aslan had always wanted to do things correctly, but had also always wanted to do thingsâŠat a different pace. His own pace. His own way. If it had to be one or the other, he preferred the latter. Besides, it didnât seem like it would be more than one time, so if they only kissed, it would be fine after. They probably wouldnât even talk about it again. That seemed okay. As long as they were both aware that it might go weirdly, because Aslan was pretty sure he was mostly straight at least, if not full-straight. âWellâŠsince I did rain on your paradeâŠâ
But he did have one other question, âButâŠabout that text you sent? Do you have a partner? IâŠum, making out isâŠif you want to, then that would be good, but also if you have a boyfriend or something⊠I really hateâŠcheaters.â
âNo,â Felipe replied flatly with barely contained bitterness. âIâm single. I told you, it was for a lucky friend. Guess that friend turned out to be you.â He laughed, but it was only to conceal how flustered he truly was over that whole ordeal still. âI would neverânot if my partner didnât know and was open to it.â It didnât seem fair and it was the last thing he wanted to happen to him, so of course he wouldnât do it to anyone else.
âLook, itâs fine, if you donât want to for whatever reason, you wonât hurt my feelings.â More than what they were already, at least. âSo if you donât want to or if you want to think about it or whatever you want, just let me know.â
Aslan breathed out, relieved that there wasnât anyone else in the picture. To be honest, he hadnât been cheated on before, and technicallyâŠit wasnât exactly cheating for Kyo to have been in love with someone else, because Aditi surely had not been in love with him and they were not yet married, as he was quick to point out. Though typically, being betrothed meant that oneâŠabstained from other people in every way, but⊠Also it was hard to blame Kyo, because he was in love for the first and only time he was going to get to be in love in his life. At the same time, how could Aditi not feel frustrated, when she had obeyed the rules ofâŠliteral engagement?
Though perhaps she only did so because she had been afraid of getting in trouble. She had lacked the courage to do what she wanted and secretly resented Kyo for not being the same. Aslan thought sheâd been a bit of a goody two-shoes. But her experiences nonetheless had left him with an unpleasant taste in his mouth, and he especially didnât want to be the other man. Like that Gaius! his inner Aditi rang out. Why had she disliked the prince so much? He still couldnât understand that part. Maybe because he was also a goody two-shoes, and two goody two-shoes shared space even worse than two prima donnas? It was hard to say.
âOkay,â he said after a moment, feeling a little less apprehensive with that squared away. âI donât mind kissing, though Iâve been told Iâm not good at it,â he said, scratching his cheek. âYou might also not like kissing me very much.â
âThatâs what practice is for. Do you not enjoy it?â Felipe wondered what led to Aslan being called out like that. Most people kept it to themselves, so either he was really bad or whoever told him was very mean. âAnyway, we donât have to do it yet. Just whenever the mood strikes and youâre ready.â
âItâsâŠfine,â Aslan conceded. âI guess I never really felt very into it? So I never practiced.â He smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. âIt does seem like maybe itâs an acquired skillâŠâ He considered for a long moment. It would be a good moment to practice kissing, with the quiet house and the fireworks going off in the background. On the other hand, heâd had pizza, and he was worried maybe he should brush his teeth before practicing kissing at length. But also, Felipe had pizza, so maybe it was okay? And also, was it strange to have a kissing friend? That was definitely a new category of friendshipâone heâd never even thought of before.
âDo you want toâŠtry once? And see if itâs really bad or not? If it is really bad, then we donât have to again. I donât want to waste your time.â
Felipe glared at him. âIf you want to just get it out of the way, I refuse.â The way Aslan spoke of it almost sounded like a chore and he didnât like that.
Aslan reddened. âSorry. Iâm justâŠnervous. We probably should talk about it less⊠These things seem easier when you just do them instead?â
âExactly, but the moment is kinda,â Felipe made a sound effect for emphasis. âSo, itâs fine, just⊠know you can kiss me whenever the mood strikes. Itâs fine.â He shrugged, trying to sound as unaffected as possible.
A soft chuckle escaped Aslan. He thought probably he should do something besides laugh at how odd the conversation had become. It was true. The mood wasnât bad, but it didnât feel like a kissing mood to him now, and he hated for things to feel forced. Besides, the permission granted kind of amused him. âThen, Iâll surprise you,â he said and reached out to brush his fingers down Felipeâs forearm. âBut since I wonât be able to surprise you right now⊠Do you know where people are dancing down there? Because thatâs, I think, where I will be able to find my brotherâŠâ
âI guess you will.â Felipe rolled his eyes, but his lips were traitors, and he had a fond smile spread across his lips. He thought about saying something else, but letting the topic die was for the best, instead, he lightly rubbed Aslanâs shoulder in return.
âI have a few ideas, but I can narrow it down through my contacts if you give me a photo and donât mind gay men fawning over him if he looks like you.â He figured Aslan needed some space to breathe⊠plus he should go back home, anyway.
âI have a few on my phone,â Aslan said. âWhich stillâŠâ It had 5% battery, but that was still enough battery to open it up and pull up a picture of his brothers, whichâŠwell, there was a lot of family resemblance between the five. âThis one,â he said, pointing to Hakan. âAnyway, heâs a dancer, or he wants to be a dancerâa ballet dancerâso Iâm sure it wonât bother him.â He smiled at Felipe. Now that a bit of the pressure was off, he wasâŠoddly excited about the idea that he would, at some pointâhopefully soon, evenâkiss Felipe.
And maybe it would even turn out nicely? He should probably look up some tips on his phone later.
Felipe stared at the picture. âHeâs cuter than you,â he joked, but he could see the resemblance. âAnyway, Iâll text a few friends and let you know if theyâve seen him.â
âThanks,â Aslan added. He was a little sorry that the evening was ending, but perhaps he had made Hakan wait long enough, and he didnât want to wake up Selim when he got home (assuming that Selim wasnât playing video games past his bedtime). âOh andâŠI still would like to get coffee, if you need coffee between the dog walking and saving swimmers andâŠâ He thought he might need a coffee just thinking about everything Felipe packed into a single day. He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair, casting one last look out onto the night.
âThis was nice, though.â
Without saying anything else, Felipe rested his hands on Aslanâs chest, leaning up again, but this time to press a kiss against his cheek. âJust text me, and Iâll find the time, okay? Iâll return this to you next time when I wash it,â he motioned towards the shirt as he pulled away. âAnyway⊠Let me lead you outside at least.â
The kiss was sweet, and somehowâŠit made his heart do a little thing that he had only felt a few times in his life. While Aslan had liked being in the few relationships heâd been in well enoughâliked the benefits that came with them well enough. He had never had a strong enough feeling about the matter. He had, admittedly, wondered if his attraction was to women, but no men had even made the lights go on inside himâŠbefore now, and now a lot of new lights had come on, and it definitely meant something. He was glad that he would have a moment after this to speculate on what it could meanâthat he didnât have to work it out just right now. But also, the little lights, the gentle kiss, and the promise of a more in depth kiss later had left him with a pleasantly electric feeling inside.
This, he thought, was what other people had described a crush as feeling like. No wonder they thought it was so nice⊠His usually placid face had warmed into a bright smile. âTake your time,â he said, not really concerned at all about when his clothes returned (and maaaaybe just a little into the idea of his clothes being in Felipeâs room). He was not very good at words, though he did think probably he should say something good and romantic. Good and romantic often felt very forced and fake to him, though, so he decided to just let his smile do the talking, and as Felipe pulled away, he nodded. âIâm right behind you.â