WHO: Natalia & Faihan WHEN: AzĂșcar WHERE: November 22 SUMMARY: Faihan teaches Natalia to make tamarind paste for macarons, and they talk about what the mystery men behind the scene might actually want from them all... CW: Otherkin? LMAO.
Tamarind was not a beautiful fruit. The shape and color brought to mind certain things that normally one might not like to associate with food. It was possible to buy it pre-pulped, but Faihan never did. Whether it was true or not, he was disinclined to believe that the fresher the ingredient, the better the outcome. So he had bought a large basket of tamarind fruit for the dayâs cooking lesson. He had decided that he would riff on bolas de tamarindo, but in macaron form, since it seemed Natalia was interested in learning how to make the almond cookies.
Faihan had already placed everything they would need on the counter: the basket of fruit, cayenne powder, salt, and sugar in one group; in the other, powdered sugar, almond flour, eggs, cream of tartar, and vanilla bean. The sugar and salt would be used in both recipes, but he planned to make the paste first.
His hair was already pulled up into a small bun at the back of his head, and heâd already put on a fresh apron, tying it firmly at his hips. He was in the process of putting his hair net back on and slipping into a pair of plastic gloves when he called for her, âAre you ready, NatĂ?â
Natalia lived in a life of contradictions and she liked it like that. Letâs ignore the fact that she had a microbiology lab the day before, seeing how life itself cooked. Today, she would be doing some literal baking. She showered between then and now but even so, looking at tiny critters never ruined her appetite. In fact, she always felt hungry after her microbiology classes. It is history classes she usually loses her appetite. She didnât like to be reminded how bad humans could be to each other. At least bacteria are mindless and just living their best lives.
She liked working at AzĂșcar and when she spent time with Faihan, sometimes she liked to imagine he was her brother. She never had one but she imagined it would be similar -- a brother would tell her what to do and show her cool things. And the other way, she liked her boss because while he seemed prickly, she knew he had a soft center. He always seemed so lonely, which Nati wondered if she was projecting as someone who also felt lonely at times, even when around people.
But she wasnât alone today! She would be baking today! She wore a pair of overall shorts and a lavender t-shirt. Normally, she liked wearing sandals but it wasnât a great idea here or in the lab. To top off her outfit, she put on an apron and a hair net over her dark hair she had in a pair of braids.
âIâm ready!â She jumped through the door into the kitchen, her hands held up high. âLetâs make some sweets!â
Things had gotten easier since heâd hired NatĂ. Joaco had been right. Doing it by himself was a problem, and though he had largely run the bakery alone (struggling to find assistants that he could get along with, or who could do the job to his satisfaction), it had worn on him. He had focused so much on work, he hadnât even noticed how exhausted he really was until heâd hired her and could now work only five days a weekâcould even leave earlier in the day and let her handle closing. And it had been a little alarming at first. Heâd squeezed in exercise after work. Thereâd been just enough time to make it fit. And heâd wondered what it would be like to have a little more time than just enough timeâŠ
Still, having more time was alarming. He didnât know what to do with it. He felt anxious, being unoccupied and not so weighed down by exhaustion that his empty hours could simply be dedicated to zoning out or sleeping. He supposed that was how heâd wound up being the de facto coordinator for Weird Things. Maybe being a normal person with normal hobbies, who knew how to relax in his free time (and enjoyed doing just that), wasnât his style⊠But at least he had the option now of finding that out.
âThe first thing we need to do is remove the skin from the fruit and boil it,â he said, picking up one of the fruits and demonstrating how to crack the shell-like skin away, revealing the reddish-brown flesh beneath. He began shelling the fruit, moving with seasoned gestures. For a short time, he was quiet, focused on the task, but then he recalled that NatĂ would probably be bored by the silence. He cleared his throat. âHow are classes?â
Natalia loved to learn more than anything and she was game to learn anything about anything. And she had fun while doing it. She smiled as Faihan gave her instructions and began to shell the fruit. The first one came out rather inelegant but Nati still smirked at it, finding beauty in its imperfection. Besides, it should still work as an ingredient.
She settled in the silence because she didnât know if her boss needed the silence or not. While she didnât mind showing her weirdness to people she didnât particularly knew well, she still didnât want to drop too much on her boss. A girlâs gotta eat, you know. But she knew sometimes people needed quiet. Her father went through stages where he preferred not to talk and do his own thing.
But then, Faihan asked the question about school. She looked over at him and grinned, âPretty good. I have organic chemistry this semester which has a lot of the pre-med students in it and they complain about the science a lot. I like it though. Something about the chemistry compounds look so cute to me. What about you? I mean besides running the bakery that is. Are you getting Aâs in life?â
It had been so long since Faihan had received an âAâ in life...he wasnât entirely sure how to even measure his successes anymore. He supposed he was at least making a âC.â The restaurant was doing well enough, and now Natalia was helping out, so he had a little extra time on his hands. Heâd stopped using his apps as much, but maybe because he had noted the Video in his biography...well, heâd had some success there. Things seemed mostly good with his friends lately. His broken heart had scabbed over in most places. He hadnât personally been attacked by any monsters recently. But he wasnât sure that qualified for more than a âCâ or a âB.â He shrugged.
âGood enough,â he finally said, putting his shelled fruit into the pot with waterânot yet set to boil. âNo monster attacks in a week or so...but also no sightings of that guy who seems to be calling the monsters to attack us either. So...probably thatâs not over with yet.â
Natalia figured she was doing a C or a B. She floated through life doing the best she could and trying to take the most out of life she could. That is the most anyone could ask of her. Then again, maybe the grade metric is Pass versus Not Pass. In that case, clear pass.
âMan, I wish I could do a magical girl transformation,â Nati looked up at the ceiling, her face dreamy. âIt would make things a little bit more exciting. Even though I know someone was hurt. I donât want to downplay that or anything. ButâŠâ She looked back down on the fruit she continued to shell out.
âThe guy I was, I donât like dreaming about him very much. Like⊠I always wake up with my jaw-tight with heartburn. I donât like that feeling. Iâd rather⊠just kinda take things as they come. You know?â
âI do,â Faihan agreed. âBadr can be...a lot to deal with, even if heâs only in dreams.â And memories, too. But she already knew that. âI guess I dislike him less than I did at first, but I donât know that weâd be friends if he was here now.â
He set the pot to boil, standing back with his arms crossed. He wondered if...he was going to end up with a stone like Juliet and Eli. That bird had been strange, and it seemed strange animals were attached to the strange evolution in the monster situation. But just as likely...the bird could be their enemy. It hadnât come to him yet, hadnât dropped any magic into his palm, so he couldnât be sure if it should be trusted.
Maybe theyâd know when they found it. He was, after all, still looking. Though it seemed that the birdâs policy was more: Iâll find you; you donât worry about me. He also wondered if the bird didnât like him. Maybe it thought Badr was the better version. He shook his head. It didnât matter, because if the bird did belong to Badr, Faihan was the closest thing it was going to find here. So it would have to make do.
âI donât know if I actually want to be a crime fighter,â he finally sighed. âWhen I was growing up, I guess I probably liked superheroes? But only so much. It wasnât something my parents wanted me to focus on. So I guess I grew out of it by the time I was a teenager. The closest I ever wanted was to be a professional baseball player.â Though heâd never actually said that to anyone out loud.
âYeah, mine is a lot to deal with too. I never thought a white guy would be so stressed out,â Natalia laughed a little bit. âYou know, I always wondered what the rules are for reincarnation. In Buddhism it is linked to what you did in your last life and you have lessons you didnât learn in the former. I just never thought it linked to other dimensions.â She shrugged. âIt explains otherkin, I guess. Which makes me disappointed I wasnât a dragon.â
She wiped her hands on her apron as she returned to the task at hand. She wrinkled her nose, âI just want powers. Although I think after a good couple of weeks of just flying around or torching things with lightning powers or whatever, I would have no choice to use it for good. Because what else could I use it for besides my own enjoyment? That seems like a do not pass Go, do not collect 200 dollars way to be reincarnated as a bug next life and not a cool one like a mantis, but an automaton existence as an ant.â
Faihan couldnât help it. He laughed suddenly and sharply. It caught him off-guard, and his face immediately went red, looking away and clearing his throat. Heâd smiled more recently, but laughter still surprised him when it appeared, washing up through the wasteland in his chest and making him feel, if only for a moment, that nostalgic pleasure of being the golden child only five years prior. He shook his head, his walls momentarily down and his immediate feeling vulnerable.
âWhat is an âotherkinâ?â he asked instead, trying now to deflect the fact heâd laughed outright in front of another person. He assumed it was some sort of internet fad, but he didnât really know much about those things one way or another. âI donât know if I want powers. Having powersâŠâ Well, it put one in the situation that Kyo and Juliet were now in: having to use them. And what if he wasnât good at using his powers? He wasnât entirely sure what Badrâs powers even were, aside from probably being musical, and if they werenât intended to bake pastries, then...he was worried he wouldnât be as good as the original deal.
And everyone was going to be really disappointed.
âWould you really torch things if you had lightning powers?â he asked, trying not to think about whether he was the lesser entity after all. âAnts are a pretty important part of the ecosystem. I mean, I donât want to be an ant, because I donât want to be part of a hive mind colony thing, but still, donât bust on ants. We definitely need them,â he said, his face softeningâexpression teasing.
Natalia looked surprised at Faihanâs laughter but then she gave him a broad smile. She loved earning those laughs. They invigorated her. Faihanâs genuine laughter reminded her of her fatherâs. How the world seemed momentarily wonderful and perfect.
About otherkin, she answered almost clinically, âOtherkin are people who believe their spirit is some sort of mythological creature, sometimes fictional characters. I think it is harmless really, but maybe there is something to it. Or maybe it is because people want the world to be magical. I donât know.â
While some of her fellow youtubers liked to highlight cringe, Natalia would lightly make fun of it maybe but as long as no one got hurt, she had no real hard feelings towards it.
âOh my own things probably. And nowhere where someone could be hurt,â Natalia answered lightly. âIâd probably get bored hitting soda cans out back. And also worried I would start a forest fire.â
She smirked at the mention of ants, âOh, I know ants are important. I just donât think anyone would want to be one, and those who say they do watched too much Bugâs Life.â
âI guess they do,â Faihan agreed. âThoughâŠâ He paused, mouth drawing right. He considered and then shook his head. âI guess I donât really get internet culture,â he said after a moment. âThere are so many little...societies, I guess. And of course we grew up on the internet, but...maybe Iâm slightly more extroverted than I think. Iâve always liked doing things...out in the world? Working out, or visiting a bookshop⊠I guess most of my friendly interactions are still online.â He looked away, frowning a little. Aside from Alejo, he didnât really see his other friends in person that much. All of them lived in an entirely different world: Joaco and Eli and Alejo. They were students, they were still living as dependents; their lives and schedules were so different from his own.
So it made sense. When they were free, he was working; when he was free, they were busy. The network was the one place they could all sneak away to. But it had left him feeling a little lonely.
In truth, he missed high school and his baseball team. Sure, he couldnât really talk to them about a lot, and he had some secrets heâd had to be very careful about keeping around them, but the easy camaraderie had been so nice. A built-in friendship group (even if it was more a group of people united by one single trait than a gathering of like-minded friends). He supposed, maybe, he could borrow from Badrâtry to make all these so-called (well, he-called) âWeirdosâ into friends. They did seem to get along well enough when they were together...at least now.
Maybe not Eli and Alejo, though he didnât really get what that was about. Some kind of past life grudge? He had thought that Badr did not like ⊠Thora, his cousin. It was a little confusing to him as to why, but it seemed to have generally shaped his view of Bergy-berg (what was the name of that place?) rather crudely. He himself had no issues with Juliet. She seemed like a quirky but fun person and got along with everyone. Okay, so maybe he was a little envious of that last part, but it was still difficult to actually dislike her.
He shook his head, realizing heâd been getting stuck in his thoughts again. He checked the fruit to see if it was soft enough yet and then began to remove it from the water. For a moment, as he worked, his talk with Alejo floated forward. He blamed Badr, because his mind seemed eager to come back around to Alejo anytime he was idle. But he thought about what heâd said on the beach, and he frowned.
âWhy do you think it is that weâre seeing these specific memories?â he asked after a moment. âWe all suddenly start remembering things at about the same time, and then...what is the purpose of it? Why now? Why everyone all at once?â
Natalia thought about the internetâs little societies and how they gave her belonging when she felt sort of disconnected from the world around her. When Faihan said he liked experiencing the world, she smiled at him, âI think that is admirable! For me ⊠well, I kind of feel like Belle in Beauty and the Beast. I felt connections elsewhere and felt kind of isolated because of my kooky father. There are so many different communities that if one ends up not working out, you can pack up and set up shop elsewhere. It is a bit harder to do that in real life. But⊠I donât think it is completely undoable!â
His eyes lowered momentarily, the hint of lines drawing across his brow. She did have a point. He had struggled to find places and people in the real world. Kaveh and Jomana...were his family, but just two people wasnât enough, even for someone as introverted as Faihan. But he didnât know that he could find what he was looking for online either. Often, he did wonder whether it was possible to find at all, or if he simply had to accept the cards heâd been dealt and make do. He placed the fruits into two bowls and began ladling out sugar, waiting for Natalia to take note of the amount he was adding, and he began to crush the fruit, mixing it with the sugar, using his hands.
As the conversation situation shifted back to Elysium, Natalia tried to remember a bit more. What memories could she recall besides the shared one? It was so vague. She knew how she used to fight and how he worked so hard at everything he did to the point of being a stick in the mud. Why would she choose to remember that?
âI donât know. I wish I knew. I donât remember so much details that you seem to remember,â she shrugged. âMaybe it is something our past selves want the other to know. Or maybe something -- like the figures people have seen -- are controlling what we see. Maybe we shouldnât completely trust it. Like an unreliable narrator!â
âI feel like I remember more than a lot of people, except maybe Titus. He seems to have remembered all the names, and I donât know if thatâs just my past life not keeping track of his classmates orâŠâ He shrugged, kneading the fruit pulp. âBut all the things I remember...most of them are just...I mean, I guess theyâre entertaining? But it doesnât seem like Iâm remembering anything importantânothing about men with scythes, or about why Badr and I are connected. If he and I are...somehow the same person, or if he was me then...how did I get to be here? Wherever they are, itâs clearly not our Earth. But yeah, thatâs what Titus seems to thinkâthat someone is controlling what we see. Limiting it somehow, or...curating it. I donât know. But it makes me worried. Why remember anything at all, then? What could whoeverâs behind it even want from us?â
âMaybe there are two camps -- one wants us to remember and the other wants us to forget,â Natalia theorized as she tapped her chin. âMaybe you remember more because youâre more important.â She stuck her tongue out playfully. âOr maybe the person controlling memories has a greater connection to you and thus gives you more memories. That is the most I can think.â
She pushed her pulp towards Faihan, âOkay, I think I have gotten most of it.â
It was a good theory.
Sometimes, Faihan had to remind himself that even though he was largely among scientists and lawyers and software engineers...he had almost been an astrophysicist. In another life, in another couple of years⊠But still, he felt a little stupid around his friends, including Natalia. Heâd only dropped out, not lost half his brain mass. He was still the Faihan who could have been a scientist. He tried to remind himself of that.
Still, it seemed like everyone had good theories about the situation except for him. He was just being led along like some kind of sheep. So he felt dumb and out of his league, good only for being a central point for others, more capable, to organize around. He supposed he should be happy that he was even that usefulâbecause even that might be a stretch.
âDo you mind putting in the pepper?â he asked. âI want to write down your theory before I forget it.â He did, at least, keep his notepad on hand these days. âIâll just be a second. Feel free to be liberal, but also when you arenât sure, give it a taste to see. Your tongue is your best mentor when making food.â He smiled, going to wash his hands and find the notebook to jot this new theory down.