[ he'd thought once that he would like to see Ritsuka cry.
that was before he'd actually seen Ritsuka cry. ]
Ritsuka--
[ he doesn't know what to say. it's true. Ritsuka had made that decision. Soubi had told him that Seimei was dead, and he'd chosen to believe him. he'd put his faith and trust in Soubi, even though he shouldn't have. and as if lying to him weren't enough, Soubi had gone and betrayed him in Gora by helping Seimei escape, and he'd still forgiven him. but here he is, crying, and it's Soubi's fault--never mind Seimei.
he thinks, not for the first time, that Ritsuka would be so much happier without him. his movements are tentative but his grip is firm when he reaches for Ritsuka's wrist and brings his hand away from his face. ]
--I understand if you can't forgive me.
[ Soubi was never trained to withstand this kind of pain. he doesn't know how much of it he can take without breaking. his heart is made of iron, sinking and painful in his chest, like it doesn't belong there. but if he could stop it--all of this pain--he wouldn't. this is the punishment Ritsuka won't give him. this is what he's earned. ]