[Ritsuka shakes his head] No. Seimei cared about me. He wouldn't have left me if he hadn't been forced to.
[from the bottom of his heart, Ritsuka wants to be able to believe in Seimei. but to hear such words coming from Soubi, who is usually so quick to defend Seimei whenever anyone speaks ill of him... it sends a shiver of dread creeping down Ritsuka's spine, awakens fears he's never admitted to anyone before. any confidence he had leaves him as he speaks.] Would... would he have left me if... if I no longer benefitted him? ... Is that what he did to you?
[it's almost cruel to ask Soubi this, to bring up these memories in the first place, but Ritsuka can't stop himself. all those nights he's lied awake wondering: about the gnarled sadness deep in Soubi's eyes, about those unbearably lonely first months alone with his parents, and most of all about the meaning of his name, if just by being "Loveless" he had somehow triggered Seimei's abandonment.
abandonment?
why didn't "death" come to mind first?
a thought begins to eat at him, already half-realized, a frightening, unbelievable thought he doesn't even want to acknowledge.]