action;
[There's definitely some clinging there. This was missing for a long time. Tyki was a lot of things, but she never trusted him—not fully. She wanted more from him. Hoped for more. Even expected more, but like the noah had said earlier that night if she was disappointed in him that was on her. She always knew what he was.
Tyki was exactly what she wanted when she wanted it. He was a distraction from the constant pain she was feeling over her husband's betrayals with their students and with her own life. In time he grew to be more. She considered him a friend. Never a confidante, but he meant something to her. She felt affection for him, not just lust. When he was hurt she wanted to help. More and more she lost sight of what he was—accepting or ignoring his darker urges even when they'd come to the surface until saying she knew what he was became something like lip service.
She felt like she needed Tyki. It's not something she wants to think about. She's strong and independent, but she's not an island. She feels. She has needs. And sometimes being around so many people who are so different just makes you feel more alone than being by yourself. She felt like less of a misfit around him, but she was right when she told him he was a bad habit.
And just like a bad habit, he is hard to quit.
These feelings for Reid started while she was still with Tyki. She didn't realize it then, but her reactions to their mistletoe kiss and all the spending time with him was making her feel an attachment. There was always an edge of...something more, but they never acted on it. Until tonight. So now that's all coming out in this kiss and it's a lot for one kiss, so she finally breaks it. Her breath is quick and ragged in the wake.]