[ Bacon is the constant and steady companion that he will always have, or at least he will always have when bacon is readily available. It is the substance that will fill the void in his heart and his arteries, the only thing that he can rely upon in times of ne--]
[ He hears a loud thump against the wall, and immediately he stops eating and looks towards the doorway.
nope. nope. nope. ]
[ Not only is he already in a highly embarrassing and compromising position, but he's in a highly embarrassing and compromising position and there is an intruder in their home ]
[ He gets up as quietly as he can, placing the bacon onto a napkin beside him (he's not going to lose this bacon if anyone thinks he's losing this bacon no he's going to die keeping this bacon safe) and taking the plate, which is of course the most viable weapon to use in a kitchen full of knives. He moves as quietly as he can towards the doorway - which isn't very quiet at all - waits a moment, and then jumps out and whips the plate at his would-be-attacker ]
[ Of course, he misses, the plate shattering to the ground beside PM's head. And of course, there is no attacker in sight, only PM. ]
[ There is no scale for the amount of embarrassment and fright on AR's face. ]