[a flash of anger sends all his muscles clenching tight, eyes screwed shut in painful awareness of the empty bed behind him. the words almost make it out, don't tell me how to look at it]
[-- he can't do that to Allen, too] I don't know whether it's worse to keep this up or... accept...
[fist meets the floor, impact muffled in the carpet]
Just. Forget it. It's not your fault and I don't want to -- [ARGH] I don't even know what I'm saying today.