I was under a spell then. [She feels strange calling it that, but even if she called it by it's name—geass, it wouldn't sound less strange—less impossible—to her.] What I wanted to do was not something I could ever want, but the rest of how I acted was still me. [What little there was leftover she thinks.]
And of course I don't want you to feel that way. I don't like feeling that way either. [She wonders if maybe that was part of what was driving the genocidal thoughts in him. He doesn't seem like a hurtful person to her.]