[She feels the hand on hers, but it seems distant as she struggles—not with false thoughts—but her own. Her head is tipped down, pink hair obscuring her some of her features, but either man might notice warm tears have started to roll over her cheeks and her breath comes faster.
She already knew about the SAZ. She had seen the footage on that disc, but seeing isn't the same as remembering. It isn't the same as knowing each step she took across that stage or feeling the cold metal of the gun against her palm. She heard the screams that day she watched, but being there and seeing their faces and watching them fall in her wake... It was different. It was vivid and real and brutal.
The geass had given her an almost peaceful feeling about the situation. She had a clear and direct mission to kill the Japanese. Accomplishing that task was pleasing. Resisting and questioning it was the only thing that brought her pain. But that contentment is gone now—shattered by Cross' ability.
And now it all comes flooding back. Lelouch geassing her. The massacre. Shoving Orihime down the stairs. Her threats to the people of the prison. The thought is still there too.
Kill all the Japanese.
It doesn't have the same pull it used to. It doesn't make her want to kill them. It makes her want to cover her ears or scream at it to stop, but she doesn't want to fulfill the order. Her mind and heart are her own again even if they ache from the weight of what has already happened.]
No...
Please... [She slowly tips her head back up, looking at Lelouch first with pained eyes. She speaks in a slightly shaken voice.]
I don't want to hurt anyone. [It's as much to tell him that this plan—what must have been a plan—has worked as it is to reassure herself.]