InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "MY HED IS PASTEDE ON YEY"

Pavel Chekov (candothat) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-10-12 23:31:00

Entry tags:

kitty pryde (aoa), pavel chekov (au)

Day 397 [action | closed to Kitty]
[Chekov wakes up on Day 397 in a room that isn't his and with his arm draped over Kitty, who isn't usually in a bed with him. Usually no one's in bed with him. Usually he doesn't even bother sleeping in a bed. It's a disorienting way to regain consciousness for a number of reasons.

But he's quick to remember yesterday. Specifically the part of yesterday that involved Kitty asking him (with notecards--it was a strange day) to come over. She had seemed sad, but communication issues prevented him from learning why. Why hadn't really mattered once she'd curled up next to him.

He snuggles closer to her even though it would be wisest to get up. On one hand, he'd determined that giving her space was the best thing to do. On the other hand, they had ended up in bed together--fully clothed, but in bed nonetheless--and that had been her decision, so he can tell himself that Kitty doesn't want that much space after all.]

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	candothat 2016-10-16 07:16 pm UTC (link)
	[Is she going to be the big spoon? He's okay with that. A careful pause.] Yes, I do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-16 07:20 pm UTC (link)
	[She'll be either and both. She'd also tuck in against him face to face. And since she'd do all of that she might as well be honest with him and herself.] I want to. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-16 07:56 pm UTC (link)
	Okay. [He smiles because he'd really like to try all of those snuggling formations.] We can do that. Whenever you like. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2016-10-16 08:11 pm UTC (link)

I want to. I'm not sure if...

Is it a good idea? [She used to be so decisive and then her broken world fell away and there was a completely new one to live in where it's hard to grasp the rules of what is real when everything is virtual and anything can change at any time. She's been hurt and there's so much doubt. She knows what she wants. That used to be enough.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-16 08:33 pm UTC (link)
	If we both want to, how can it not be a good idea? [They aren't going for blue bands! He is genuinely puzzled.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-16 08:37 pm UTC (link)
	I'm just kind of a mess. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-16 08:55 pm UTC (link)
	No. [He twists around so he can look at her.] But maybe you're afraid. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-16 09:43 pm UTC (link)
	Of you? You're extremely unscary. [Touching his hair softly.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-16 10:29 pm UTC (link)
	Not of me, Kitty. [No one is afraid of him and he's okay with that. There are plenty of other things to be afraid of, though.] Of something like this. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-16 10:30 pm UTC (link)
	Like this? [Soft.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-16 10:47 pm UTC (link)
	Yes. [He touches her cheek. Words are hard because he doesn't want to say anything scary.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-16 10:50 pm UTC (link)
	They could take you or change you at any moment. [She has to bite her lip to keep it there without unraveling.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-16 11:16 pm UTC (link)
	[Nononono, he can feel the unraveling coming. Kitty gets bundled up in a tight hug.] That's why we need to enjoy all of our moments. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2016-10-16 11:34 pm UTC (link)

[It takes a moment but she unwinds enough to clutch him in return.] I know you deserve better than this. I just...

[It's like an emotional flinch when he gets too close even though he does it with affection she's trying to pull away and protect herself. Every time she's opened herself up it's ended in so much pain. Just ridiculous, dramatic, how is this her life levels. And she's the common link. She doesn't feel like she's been doing all the wrong things but maybe she just can't see it which means she can't fix it. What if she does it again? It's too much in her head and it doesn't serve her well and she knows that, but knowing it doesn't make it easier to break away from it.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-17 12:12 am UTC (link)
	Kitty... no. [He kisses the top of her head and doesn't know what to say. There's no deserving, there's no better, and what words can convince someone that she's not too broken or cursed to be lovable? He has no idea. Plenty of feelings, but no idea what to do with them or how to fix everything.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-17 12:28 am UTC (link)
	[She holds him a little tighter.] I want to enjoy moments with you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-17 12:51 am UTC (link)
	You can. There a lot of moments that we can enjoy. [That doesn't make much sense, he just wants to make her feel better. Barring that, he'd like to help her understand that he's here and he cares. Maybe that won't be true forever, but it's true now and he's going to try to keep it that way.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-17 12:56 am UTC (link)
	[She's facing things she isn't sure she was ready to face because of him. May never have really been ready. Sometimes you just have to confront the thing. But she's still glad he's here. He doesn't make her feel worse. She does that all on her own.] Did you have some picked out? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-17 01:08 am UTC (link)
	Not yet. [He frees one hand so he can stroke her hair. Will that help? Is that good?] I need to narrow it down from 'all of them' to a more manageable number. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-17 09:02 am UTC (link)
	[It's good.] All of them sounds good. Let's do that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-17 09:18 pm UTC (link)
	Okay. [He kisses her head again.] You deserve all of the good moments. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-17 11:11 pm UTC (link)
	[She gently butts her head against his.] No, you. [Smiling softly.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-17 11:43 pm UTC (link)
	Yes, I do too. [Affectionately, and maybe a little teasingly.] Having those moments together would be much more efficient than each of us experiencing them individually. Half as many total moments. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2016-10-17 11:51 pm UTC (link)
	Well, that does seem like the most scientific way to look at it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	candothat 2016-10-18 12:01 am UTC (link)
	Is there any other way to look at things? [Hint: there are. He's look at Kitty adoringly, not scientifically.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)