InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Don't drop the soap"

Zero Kiryuu (instrumented) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2016-05-06 03:37:00

Entry tags:

damon salvatore, ichiru kiryuu, spike, yuuki kuran, zero kiryuu

374 ♦ dreams
( unwilling vampire )

[A rather young-looking Zero, around the age of 13, has been wandering the Dome for some time, now. He has no real destination in mind, but instead is just trying to figure out where he is, in general, and how he even got here. It hardly takes much for him to grow frustrated; upset, as well, but that part won't outwardly show.

All he knows is that this place definitely is not home.

At some point he winds up near the Blood Shack. It's as if on instinct alone that he finds the place. He's already keen to the presence of blood in the air as it is with being a vampire hunter. . . . Only, it's been hardly a month since he was turned into a vampire— the very thing he now loathes with every fiber of his being. He still keeps a bandage wrapped around his throat, while also in part to hide a rather large "tattoo" on the left side of his neck.

The very heady scent of blood in the air affects him belatedly, hitting his senses like a ton of bricks. And immediately is he both desperate and hateful. He initially can't even breathe, trembling where he stands with a hand clutching his chest over his heart. The desire to enter the Blood Shack to ease just how much he's physically aching is overwhelming. His other hand moves to claw at the side of his throat where that woman sank her fangs into him. Turning him into an unforgivable monster.

. . .So he turns to run, scrambling to get as far away as he can from such horrible temptation.

He isn't fully paying attention to anyone who might be in the area, only glaring at them before sneering. His eyes are a brilliant and bloody red, unbeknownst to him.]

What are you looking at?

[ OOC: Replies will come from

hatefully! Also, Zero can sense vampires, just as an FYI to any who might comment. ]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

hatefully
2016-05-09 02:39 am UTC (link)

[He can't get any words out initially. Hate him? Is he mad? Zero can't even tell yet. He's not sure if those would be the most fitting words for how he's feeling. It's far too complicated, especially in these immediate moments.]

You. . .

[He almost can't even breathe, and doesn't stop to think over any kind of verbal response. Instead, he rushes at his much-older twin, fists pounding against Ichiru's chest.]

W-Why? Mother. . .father. . .

[like earlier, tears begin to well up withing his eyes, this time spilling more freely.]

Why!?

[Although small in size, there's plenty of weight and strength behind each blow. He isn't thinking how he really may be hurting his brother.]

What had happened!?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

okay maybe I lied about not being able to tag >3>

concealed_heart
2016-05-10 05:10 am UTC (link)

[ It probably is beyond just hate and madness. He knows that but he can't help but let those cold words leave his mouth. It's how Zero used to be before he changed. The Zero he knew at this moment was nothing like this. Honestly, his brother had gone a long way since there and Ichiru, well he hasn't changed once. He's still the same as ever. ]

...

[ There's a wince from when his brother launched himself at him and beating his chest with his small fists filled with inhuman strength. He doesn't make any attempt to stop Zero. He simple lets him continue to pound against his chest in silence. At least for a while longer before he spoke. ]

Why?

[ He pauses. ]

I'm sure you know why. I'm sure you've already noticed even before now what had sort of feelings that had grown inside me.

[ -- and what he heard. Maybe he took it the wrong way then, but he was a child. He didn't understand then, and even though he never truly understood. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hatefully
2016-05-10 08:16 am UTC (link)

[At the moment Zero is hardly thinking about Ichiru's health. To a degree, he can just scarcely tell that there's something different about the way his presence feels.

The words that fall from his twin's mouth do register within Zero. He remembers everything about that night with sharp and perfect clarity. Every last moment, every single word spoken, screamed, and strained.]

How should that matter?

[He speaks lowly; maybe it's to get his emotions under control, or maybe it's just to quell his tears. Either way, instead of pounding his fists, he's tightly gripping Ichiru's shirt, his gaze both sharp and desperate as he looks up to him.]

We were family— all of us! It never mattered what the Association said or did! I wasn't going to let anyone tear you and I apart! No matter what!

[His grip tightens. Head tipping again as he clenches his teeth as if that will stop the way he's begun to tremble, or more so, as though it would prevent any further tears.

It doesn't do much.]

A-And yet, you. . . [Tighter] That woman. . .

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

concealed_heart
2016-05-15 08:16 pm UTC (link)

[ It's not like that sort of memory wasn't invading Ichiru's mind. That day was still a huge memory for him. He could never forget about those days. He remembered them while he was awake and dreamed about them while he was asleep. The things he had done, the choices he had made, and the sort of outcome that came from it all.

What could he really say about it? He had known during that time there was something significantly wrong with him. Even now, he understands that but those thoughts, haven't changed since that day. After all, the place he claimed for himself was taken away-- and he was left yet with nothing. ]

It always matters.

[ He replies not moving as Zero gripped his shirt. he doesn't make any move to stop his brother nor does he have any right to. He has every right to do what he wants. After all, he took the happiness away from Zero and himself. That sort of ideal way of living just didn't suit Ichiru... or rather he was tired of seeing the faces of people from the Association, judging and treating him so differently because of his condition.

He understands his parents' roles, but he could never forget what his parents said that night-- or for the matter the things they had done. ]

What could you do then, Zero? We were children, powerless-- even father and mother were under the thumbs of the Association.

[ He almost hisses at the mention of the Hunter's Association. He could feel the fabric of his shirt being pulled tighter and tighter as he continued. Ichiru only looked at him blankly. When he mentioned Shizuka, he only knew one answer. ]

Shizuka-sama was kind to me.

[ He stated. ]

She cured me of my illness and gave me another chance to live-- yet

[ She was taken from him just like that. ]

You wouldn't understand, Zero. No one did.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hatefully
2016-05-16 04:02 am UTC (link)

[ ("We were children,") . . .What is that really supposed to mean? He still is a child. It's Ichiru, in the here and now, whose appearance is abnormal. Unless there's something more to all of this? He can't put his finger on it. However it also isn't something that has his full attention right now. Rather, his mind won't stop racing.

The most prevalent thought, however, is when had Ichiru changed? Was there an exact moment? And if so, then how did Zero not catch it immediately? Did it begin in the moments after they initially met and saw Shizuka, or. . .?]

Of course I won't.

[The reply more hushed, though tight. He's nearly trembling. The fact that she had completely wiped Ichiru clean of his otherwise incurable ailments only leaves him conflicted, because how could he hate something like that?

Either way, he doesn't even know what else to say. Does he hate Ichiru? Maybe; he hates that either way, he all but lost him, actually dead or otherwise. His other half and best friend. But apparently, that was one-sided all along, or so it seems.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

concealed_heart
2016-05-27 02:33 am UTC (link)

[ Dream or not, Ichiru wasn't one to really dill dally around answers. Even if it was the younger Zero he's talking to, it's still Zero. He knows that one day Zero will be as he is right now, different from this but he never really saw his brother in this light. The dream said all.

Who honestly knew when it started, but Ichiru knew that beyond Shizuka those sort of feelings already existed and they still exist. He can't stop them and he can't simply throw them away. The difference between Zero and him was that Zero overcame this sort of trauma, but Ichiru never made much effort to better his case. He only sunk deeper and deeper into the darkness.

Even now, he might seemed more tamed but deep down it was all the same. He's constantly reminded of it every day. ]

It's fine. You don't need to understand. It's better this way.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hatefully
2016-05-27 04:39 am UTC (link)

[But he should, shouldn't he? Wouldn't that be for the better?

. . .Yet, he doesn't. And all it does is plant the seed in his mind over one thing.

Slumping back against the wall, he sinks down and draws his knees in close. His voice quiet, and maybe even defeated.]

Was it fake, then, the entire time? [He shrinks in on himself a little more.] Did you love me?

[ (Did you need me?) it also seems to say. It feels like a pointless and absurd question to even ask, yet Zero can't help it.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

concealed_heart
2016-06-04 08:29 pm UTC (link)

[ Ichiru didn't want or needed Zero to understand where he stood. He knew where he stood and that was all that mattered to him to be honest. As Zero curls up against the wall, Ichiru leans closer to his cornered brother when he asked those questions. He didn't think at all when he replied. There were obviously simple answers to those questions. ]

I would call it fake. I did-- and I suppose I do still love you but what does that really mean anyway?

[ They'll never remember dreams anyway, so what did it matter what he said. At least the tone behind the words were honest. ]

You're always the person I treasured the most, and the one I hate the most.

[ His tone is a little quieter as he speaks those words. In any case, he had nothing to hide from Zero in regards to how he felt. Zero had always been someone he had treasured. It was wan understatement to say he simply "loved" Zero. There's much more conflicting feelings towards the matter. He had always depended on his strong brother and always found him easier to be with than even his own parents. Even if their parents were gone, he was content with just being with Zero but words like that--things like that, he couldn't say freely. He wasn't going to admit to them, that he quietly still wished for them, and craved for them.

Rather it was easier to detach himself from everything, including his attachment to his brother. Yet, in that same manner, he was incredibly possessive and wanted nothing more than to have his brother pay attention to him. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hatefully
2016-06-05 02:53 am UTC (link)

[Ichiru's words, the tone that fills them, both guts Zero while settles him. It wasn't fake; he did love him. Although really, of course Zero felt all of it had been - or maybe still is - genuine.

That hate being even more of a catalyst for Zero's extreme level of guilt.

. . .The thing, too, was how he, personally, might actually remember this dream. It wouldn't be too outlandish if so.

In the end, all Zero can do is remain silent. He can feel the threat of tears beginning to well up, and that's something he absolutely should not be seen.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

concealed_heart
2016-06-11 06:27 am UTC (link)

[ If there's one thing that he can admit to his brother that he never truly hated Zero. Even if he acted or seem that way, it wasn't the big picture Zero was someone he cared about a lot more than Ichiru thinks.

It wasn't Zero's fault that he was that way-- talented, well behaved, and excelled at everything he did. Twins were a curse in the bloodline of hunters. It's due to what happened in the past. No one can change that. Despite being taboo children, Ichiru had enjoyed his life for what it was worth in the past. Even no he slowly and fondly looked at it.

Personally, he'd feel better if the dream was forgotten but he can't control that. He leans over quietly, after that long silence, and pressed his forehead against Zero's. ]

Things are different-- will be different. We won't be the same pure and innocent children we once were. That is the reality.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

hatefully
2016-06-11 10:12 am UTC (link)

[He already knows that reality. He knew it in the very second those fangs which burned white hot buried into his throat.

Yet with the way Ichiru speaks them they seem to feel even more tangible.]

I never was from the start.

[The reply barely spoken. Before he knows it Ichiru has drawn in much closer. So close that it's almost too comfortable. . . and too painful.

The familiarity is both suffocating yet something he's been aching to feel again.

Zero is almost trembling when he reaches out. One hand clutches Ichiru's upper arm, fingers curling into his sleeve. The other moves around and as far across his twin's shoulders as he can reach. A somewhat awkwardly positioned embrace, practically clinging to him all the same.

Either way, this time he really can't help the tears from falling, spilling warm down his cheeks which don't seem to stop even when he squeezes his eyes shut.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

concealed_heart
2016-06-16 04:47 am UTC (link)

[ Things will work out for him. Ichiru knows this but he doesn't want to say those words or give him anymore false hope. Dream or not, perhaps it was better for him to not, he wasn't going to say anything too honestly. ]

Neither was I, so we're even.

[ He replies after a moment. Of course he's taken momentarily off guard by Zero reaches out for him and slowly, but gradually his brother's smaller frame was pulled against his, clinging as if Ichiru would disappear otherwise.

Ah, he's crying again. Just for a moment after his surprise, he returns the embrace, with the same amount of strength, if not more. It's fine for now and it's a dream. He'll just keep it at that for now. A part of him does feel guilty for being unbearable but regret and remorse-- those things were completely different. He couldn't feel anything towards those words. ]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

we can probably end it here!

hatefully
2016-06-16 10:09 am UTC (link)

[It really is fine for right now. He needs this. It's been full years for Ichiru, but barely even a month for Zero. His emotions are still frayed and overwhelming. He doesn't have the mindset at the moment to imagine that, for his brother, things feel much more evened out; he's been living for quite some time without Zero. He's moved on to a different life, and is perfectly settled and okay.

For now, though, the only Zero wants to do is stay like this. No matter for how little or long that may be.]

(Reply to this) (Parent)

(Read comments) -