InsaneJournal

Day 330 | Action/Closed to Reid
[Maybe it's his conversation with Chuck this morning. Or the fact that this is the first day in awhile with distractions like floods or flower parties. Whatever it is Ianto has spent most of the morning feeling restless and uneasy. He's hardly left the apartment since what happened with Tyki - again, floods don't count - not because he's scared but because it just feels like effort every time, like he has to force himself to act normal and interact with people like everything is fine. Like he's not still a mess. He remembers this feeling from after Canary Warf, from after Lisa and he hates that he does the same thing every time. Hurt in private but just keep going like nothing's wrong. He can pretend everything is fine until eventually he convinces himself it is and then that's that. Problem solved.

He's avoided the library since he Tyki, just like he's been avoiding the Devil's Compass - no amount of paint or happy names from Chuck is going to change that - but he's on autopilot and ends up outside it anyway. He stands there for a long moment, then sighs and pushes open the door. It's that same stupid strategy all over again. Go inside, do his job, pretend he's perfectly content alphabetizing books and making coffee until one day it's true. Just as emotionally healthy as all the rest of his decision making tends to be.]