InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "My face froze this way."

Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) (kitty_has_claws) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2014-03-11 15:21:00

Entry tags:

bruce wayne (tdk), elena gilbert, kitty pryde (aoa), spike, ton phanan, tyki mikk

Day 262 [action | open]

[Another newbie day. Kitty has been through at least 50 of these. More really since they used to happen even more frequently than they do now. She used to look at it as a form of entertainment. Someone new to learn about, maybe haze a little. Maybe a lot. You have to make your own fun in prison. You have to distract yourself from the way everything important in your life is suddenly gone.

But somewhere along the way she started changing and adapting even more than she expected. She started looking at people here as family or at least her protectorate. A lot of those family members have found their way back out of the facility to be lost in the stabilizer. That sucks. It always sucks, but she kept moving onward with a little piece missing.

This time they took a big piece. Huge. They got Reid. Her best friend. Her lover. Her partner.

She's been getting through every day by focusing on the next few minutes and trying not to look further ahead. That's how it always used to work. It was easy. She never saw a future for herself. People don't live long where she's from. She lived in the moment. It wasn't until Reid that she really started looking ahead. She started seeing something more—something beyond what she could hold right now. And it slipped right through her fingers like they were intangible.

As much as she knew she shouldn't she started putting a lot of importance on this day—the first newbie day since he left. It's unlikely—almost impossible—that he'd be back already, but it was the only way to wake up each morning and not simply keep lying there. So when today came she spent the morning listening to everyone who wasn't Reid chime in with whatever it was they had to say. Every voice was a let down and eventually she knew he wasn't here because if he was he wouldn't do this to her. He wouldn't be choosing to break her heart. He wouldn't pull away her last thread of hope leaving her nothing to hold on to. Nothing to get her to tomorrow.

So here she is at the Devil's Compass—Tyki's bar—because there was a bet and she lost so she's his bar maid for awhile. Maybe that time has elapsed by now. She's not putting a lot of thought into it. For days now she's been trying to hold herself in check. No drinking. No fighting. No screaming. No crying.

Right now she's just going to pour herself a shot and throw it back.]

(OOC: Forward dated to later in the afternoon/evening. Someone has no impulse control. Spencer Reid IS back today. He's just not contacting the public yet for reasons.)

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	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-15 04:47 am UTC (link)
	I don't know what I am today... [She closes her eyes as the room spins a little.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	noahism 2014-03-15 04:48 am UTC (link)
	You... [He slings his arm around her shoulders. Nothing lecherous, just amused. Slightly leaning.] Are drunk. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-15 04:49 am UTC (link)
	It's not helping. [The drunkenness. She doesn't mind the arm. It's a little steadying.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	noahism 2014-03-15 05:00 am UTC (link)
	I think I ought to cut you off. [He says, bottle in hand.] Want to throw another bottle? [He's serious, offering it to her.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-15 06:32 pm UTC (link)
	[She just shakes her head. The violence got drowned a few swigs ago. What's left doesn't have the heart for it.] Allen told me once you have to keep walking. ...But do you ever actually get anywhere? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	noahism 2014-03-15 09:30 pm UTC (link)
	[Psh, fine. He doesn't feel like throwing it either.] I don't know much about his way of seeing it. But I'd assume he'd say something along the lines of yes, at any rate. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-15 09:48 pm UTC (link)
	You have something. It all gets destroyed. You build something new up. It all gets destroyed. Wash and repeat. But that's a little over the top. It's not everything. It's just him. [Just her future.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	noahism 2014-03-15 09:56 pm UTC (link)
	[This is where he tugs her closer by the arm around her, some sort of comforting pull against his chest.] I suppose you do keep going. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2014-03-15 10:05 pm UTC (link)

[She had a lot of alcohol tonight and she is not a girl who has ever been especially good at holding her alcohol. Not to mention she's barely had any since being with Reid. She'd cut way back on her smoking too which she's been more than making up for these last few days.

It's like every feeling she pushed down away from the surface to keep herself going is floating up on that alcohol. Every emotion buoyant and real. They're all fighting to be felt and expressed and as much as she's still trying to keep them back she knows it's a battle she's bound to lose. And while this place may never attract the big crowds it's hardly private and she doesn't feel ready to be on display.]

Get me out of here.

[Any more than she feels ready to be alone.]

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noahism
2014-03-15 10:14 pm UTC (link)

[Tyki grunts, straightening up and silently following her order. It's one of a few that he'd ever listen to entirely without pause, it appeals to him with a hook deeper than any the Earl's words ever had. He followed those for the fun, the arrangement. This is just something that appeals to him, to get her out of there and - anything to try and mend that tone in her voice. He's. Weak to it.

He doesn't speak but he does turn in towards her, hoisting her up effortlessly into his arms even drunk. He has to adjust his grip but it's all done rather tender and slow.] Home?

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kitty_has_claws
2014-03-15 10:20 pm UTC (link)

[She didn't mean like this. She didn't want to feel and look even more helpless and pathetic than she already did, but when she tries to phase her body doesn't respond. That takes concentration she doesn't have right now. And even the lightest of struggling reminds her just how dizzy and disoriented she is right now. Fine. At least this is more efficient than her slipping and stumbling her way...where? Home?]

Not mine.

[Nathan is there. And it's Reid's home...even now. It's his. As much as she thinks maybe it would be best and healthiest to just move on and consider this over, she can't let go. Not today. Probably not tomorrow. Not in any of the future she can see.]

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noahism
2014-03-15 10:25 pm UTC (link)

[He doesn't need any further instruction past that, he just cradles her in his arms as he walks; phasing's beyond his reaches and liquor has a habit of making him rowdy or putting tiredness in his bones and the latter isn't helping matters. He leaves his Tease to fester together on the wood of the bar tables and he takes her out of there. Ends up on his doorstep, feet taking a path they've taken before. Maybe he's carried her the same route in another dome, from bar to his door - past that to his bed like today but with other intentions.

Here he just sets her down there, minimal bumping along the way and one graze of his shoulder on the doorframe but everyone's in one piece. The damn cat watches them from the hallway but he doesn't care.]

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kitty_has_claws
2014-03-15 10:31 pm UTC (link)

[She closes her eyes and presses in against him as he walks. The rocking is a little hard to deal with, but the being held is helping in other ways she hasn't allowed. People have been offering her alcohol, distractions, and violence. No one has just...hugged her or held her. Not that she would have let them until now, but maybe it was what she really needed.]

He would hate this. [Her being held and carried by Tyki to his place. She doesn't need her eyes open to know where they're going.]

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	noahism 2014-03-15 10:35 pm UTC (link)
	[The way he puts her down is gentle and he just chuckles lightly, at something that isn't funny before he rolls down as well to lay next to her. "Well, he's not here." No, oddly cruel.] What he doesn't know won't hurt. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2014-03-15 10:43 pm UTC (link)

[Everything spins for a bit as she lays on the bed, still very much fully dressed with every intention to stay that way. She opens her eyes again looking up at the ceiling or maybe through it somehow out at the stars that wouldn't be marking their fake sky even if the ceiling was gone.

He's right. It's what you know that hurts. She knows a lot of things right now. For instance...]

Even if he does come back he might not remember me. Can you imagine that? Just...all of it gone.

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	noahism 2014-03-15 11:23 pm UTC (link)
	A lot of things are gone in an instant. [Certainly a few in his own life, not that he'd bring them up. Instead he just - again works his arm around her, pulls her to his chest as they lay on the bed.] I disappeared once, remember that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-15 11:28 pm UTC (link)
	[She shifts, making herself more comfortable there where she shouldn't be comfortable.] I remember. It was right after we met. You came back after a week wanting me to get you a lighter. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	noahism 2014-03-15 11:33 pm UTC (link)
	[He rests his chin against the top of her head.] Heh, yes. But I remembered. [A reassurance? He tries.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	kitty_has_claws 2014-03-15 11:34 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah. You did. ...Do you remember the first time Reid disappeared? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	noahism 2014-03-15 11:37 pm UTC (link)
	No. I don't think I took notice of him before you introduced us. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

kitty_has_claws
2014-03-16 12:00 am UTC (link)

I had only talked to him about three times before he was gone. I didn't know him that well, but he was on the force.

He didn't know who I was. [It didn't hurt at the time. They weren't anything to each other, but does that make it more likely to be that way again? She knows somewhere in her mind that it doesn't, but for the moment it feels like it does. It feels like someday after all these days of waiting and hoping that he'll be there again nervously listing off facts in an effort to sound or feel more confident about what he'll think could be a very clear sign of a mental break. She'll turn on her communicator and he'll see her and hear her voice and it won't mean anything to him.

Suddenly her throat feels thick and scratchy. Her eyes turn glassy and she closes them tightly, but the alcohol has weakened her resolve and Reid has weakened all the walls around her heart. What chance do eyelids have against all the tears she's built up?]

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noahism
2014-03-16 12:10 am UTC (link)

[He hums, hums a few notes of a song, something he used to find reassurance in when he was young. Something he just attempts to comfort her with because he's not good with tears, crying and feeling and emotions, all the things he tries to avoid but here he can't. He's too sated with alcohol to feel that urge to run away prickle in the back of his head, he's just a man with a woman he loves on his arm. Not even loves the way it used to be, just loves enough to hold.

He'll hate this all later.] We'll wait and we'll see.

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kitty_has_claws
2014-03-16 12:23 am UTC (link)

[Once the first few are out the rest come tumbling after, unbidden and unstoppable. Her hands find him and tighten into his shirt—the same shirt growing damp against her. Her body shakes with the weight of them inside her and her breath catches as she fights for oxygen in the midst of the purge.

It's only the second time she's cried since she arrived in Marina. The first was on a day when the wardens saw fit to remove their inhibitions. It had been a powerful day full of beginnings and endings. Tyki was the only witness to that tear if he even saw it. He'd been turned away at that point because they were parting ways. Before that it had been years. She hadn't allowed it back home because there was so much to cry for you could live your life in sobs and she couldn't do that. There was too much to do. She'd made herself hard and calloused until she could see the faces of starving children and grieving widows and mass graves and every other thing that never should have been, but was without crying.

The prison has always been different, but it wasn't until Reid that she really started feeling soft sometimes. Vulnerable.]

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noahism
2014-03-17 04:10 am UTC (link)

[Tyki's breathing stays deep and even, his hand around her holding her close to his chest and his palm gently rubbing circles on her back. It's an instinct from nursing Road's woes, the only other person he gives a fraction of this affection but this is a quieter, sadder moment. It affects him more than any of Road's sobs ever did.

He kisses the top of her head and says nothing.]

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kitty_has_claws
2014-03-17 04:22 am UTC (link)

[She should probably feel guilty in this moment. Not because it may bother Reid that she's taking solace in Tyki but because Tyki is letting her due to his feelings—what they shared—still share in some ways. And yet she's here crying for Reid, the man she loves. The man she would be with now if she could.

But she can't feel guilty now. Maybe in the morning when the hangover presses down on her. Right now there is only this overwhelming void where Reid is supposed to be. Maybe, just maybe, if she fills it with tears she'll feel less broken. Maybe it won't seem like a gaping wound.]

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