InsaneJournal

Uh, Spike? [Have one blond vampire by way of California peering into her communicator, Marina.] Blondie bear?

What's going on here? Is this another one of your weird slayer fantasy things? Am I supposed to find you and not be able to thrust my pointy stake into your heart because I want you too much? Because I'm not doing it! Not after you brought me to who knows where and just gave me this ugly headset thing. You have to at least ask first.

Besides, I'm tired of playing that one. Buffy doesn't even have good hair. Would an extra minute on the conditioner kill her? I bet she's all, "no, I can't deep moisturize because I'm the chosen one, and I have to save the world" or something. Please, like she's the only one with things to do.

Come ooon, Spike. I'm not going to wait for you to answer, forever you know? I'm a vampire in my prime, and I could have any undead hunk I want. I won't stay out here all day! The sun is bad for my— Wait, sun?!

[Immediately trying to frantically brush the sun off as if it was a swarm of bees.] I'm burning! I'm burning!

...I'm...not burning?