InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "i am gerard way"

Jessica Hamby (virgins) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-07-15 03:26:00

Entry tags:

caroline forbes, dirk strider, elena gilbert, eric northman, hei, jack harkness, jessica hamby, martha jones, matt donovan, phoebe halliwell, piter de vries, rose, sam merlotte, sookie stackhouse, spike, terry mcginnis

Day 228 ; Video
[The network opens to Jessica who's taken the time to find some other outfits before doing this this time.]

Feels I went home for a bit, or somethin'. Or I got new memories anyways -- I remember hearin' bout that happenin' to other people. Last thing I remember was it bein' day 216 -- that was twelve days ago. The orange don't suit me much better than it did the first time. Whatever's goin' on it's sure as hell fuckin' weird.

[There's a pause, and then she adds.]

I gotta question for everyone though. If someone you loved, someone you really hurt but still care about, if they wanted to forget about you completely -- what would you do? Like if you could do that for them, would you?

[Because she did. But she's still not sure how she feels about it. Even if she's not in love with Hoyt anymore she still cares about him. For what that's worth.

There's other things, things with Bill and the Authority but that she doesn't want to talk about so publically. How he 's turned into a religious fanatic like her birth parents used to be. It makes her skin crawl. The memories are fresh and make her feel sick to her stomach. She'd rather not focus on them too much.

She closes the feed at that.]

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	private; virgins 2013-07-16 09:18 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. I 'spose so. [There's a moment and then because she realizes Sookie wouldn't know she decides to clarify a little (though not everything, Sookie doesn't need to know about how Jason lost his best friend because of her).] Hoyt -- he asked me to glamor him. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	private; thoughts 2013-07-16 03:27 pm UTC (link)
	What? Why? [ hoyt honey what even. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	private; virgins 2013-07-17 08:02 am UTC (link)
	Guess it was too painful rememberin' me if we weren't together anymore. He was gonna move to Alaska -- get away from his momma and start over for himself. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	private; thoughts 2013-07-18 03:19 am UTC (link)
	Can't really blame him from wanting to get away from Maxine, but you? Jess, I'm so sorry. I can't say what Hoyt must be thinking, being that... [ helpless shrug, because hoyt isn't here and she can't march up to him and listen in whether he likes it or not. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	private; virgins 2013-07-18 11:28 am UTC (link)
	He was hurt -- he just wanted to stop hurting. [Because she was broken, because she couldn't love him the way she used to anymore, no matter how hard she tried.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	private; thoughts 2013-07-18 04:16 pm UTC (link)
	What did you do? [ she means that in a "did you glamour him" sense, not a "what did you do to hurt him" sense. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	private; virgins 2013-07-18 10:35 pm UTC (link)
	I glamored him. [There's a pause and then something akin to guilt tugs at her, she hasn't been entirely truthful about certain things with Sookie.] It wasn't just me he wanted his memories erased of -- he wanted to forget Jason too. Cause after Hoyt and I broke up -- Jason and I well we messed everything all up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

private;

thoughts
2013-07-20 01:01 am UTC (link)

[ sookies face falls. she'd been doing a remarkable job of keeping it together, of not letting the relief at seeing jessica well again pour out of her, but that relief has molded itself into something different -- shock, confusion, sorrow for jessica and her brother (oh, jason), an even a touch of anger -- that's now seeping out of her whether she likes it or not. ]

W-Why? Wasn't-- Wasn't there another way to get around that than just-- Up and taking all that away from him?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

private;

virgins
2013-07-20 11:15 am UTC (link)

I don't know. I mean, he didn't think it was and he was so upset and he kept insistin' on it. I didn't know what to do.

[As bad as things had gotten she wouldn't want to forge the good times but Hoyt hated her so much now he couldn't even stand to have the memories of her anymore.]

I figured after everything I owed him that. It was my fault he was so miserable to begin with.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

private;

thoughts
2013-07-22 01:49 am UTC (link)

[ sookie pushes through her own tangle of emotions in order to wear some semblance of a brave face for jessica. ]

I've known Hoyt practically all my life, and you made him happier than I've ever seen him. You made him see the madness that is Maxine, something he might've been blind to forever had you not come along. He needed to have his eyes opened, no matter how much he protested it. Living like that, embracing those lies-- [ because sookie had heard maxine babble on in her head about the truth of situations that weren't hers to share, things she didn't have the heart to tell hoyt -- or tell him how she was aware of them. ] He may not know it, now that he's forgotten, but you did him damn good while he did.

[ she swallows, not wanting to bring up jason and how it hurts her heart to think of her brother's best friend not knowing who he is. ]

Especially because of how hard it must've been for you to do that.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

: private;

virgins
2013-07-22 03:00 am UTC (link)

[Oh Sookie. Jessica's quiet for a moment, trying to blink back the tears forming at the corner of her eyes. She hates crying, hates how ugly and gross it is now that she's a vampire. No one wants to see her face smeared up with blood.]

He didn't think so. He was so hurt, so betrayed by everything that's all he could see anymore. The good stuff -- I guess it just wasn't worth keepin' anymore.

[And that's probably the most painful part of this. That something could hurt so much than none of the positives mattered anymore. None of those firsts.]

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

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	private; thoughts 2013-07-23 03:35 pm UTC (link)
	Where are you, Jess? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: private; virgins 2013-07-25 10:14 am UTC (link)
	I was makin' my way back to the Clockwork Estates. Why? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	private; thoughts 2013-07-27 06:23 am UTC (link)
	I'll meet you there. [ you need a hug as much as she needs to see you in person, jess. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	private; virgins 2013-07-27 11:31 am UTC (link)
	I'll be waitin', then. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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