InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'll lol at you all I want to!"

Dave Strider (occupylohac) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-06-15 16:47:00

Entry tags:

aradia megido, bro strider, dave strider, dirk strider, helix wamtani, jake english, lelouch vi britannia

audio; evening of day 223
[ well, shit.

he's been here for nearly a full day now without saying anything. and you know what? he's tempted to keep it that way. but eventually, he's going to have to say something - gotta make his presence known. gotta enlighten the masses. ~~gotta post within a week of being accepted.~~ what? a third reason? there is no third reason. dave strider works entirely within the framework of double parallelisms. he's just that kind of guy.

and so, for entirely non-meta reasons, dave strider clicks on the audio feed, clears his throat, and begins his speech. ]

Well, shit. Looks like it finally happened. No real surprise here, right? The RIAA always needs new victims – they're corporate bloodsuckers, and they've got to find cattle somewhere. I mean, fuck, they're literally the man. The men? Shit, is the man really a collective noun here? That's fucked up, yo.

[ is he getting off track? maybe. will that stop him? NO SIRREE. ]

Anyway, so. We've got a bunch of suits sitting at a table Dr. Strangelove style, discussing who to sue next, right? And they're like, how about this rad dude, all pointing at an IP address on the holoscreen, since he's just too cool for us to handle any longer. And a few of the guys in the back, Connors and Jenkins - fuckin' Jenkins, man, just started here last week, doesn't really have his bearings yet - have the balls to ask well, what exactly makes him special? And see, here's the thing - he really is a fucking menace. Dude downloads like an LP a week. He got himself a free copy of Photoshop, without even paying for a student license. And you know what the worst part is? He keeps his seeder ratio above one point five.

[ he has the audacity to give a vaguely apathetic gasp. ]

What, one point five? You're fucking with me, right? Nope - dude's just a fucking paragon of shitty internet pirates.

[ ...he clears his throat. this got out of hand quickly. ]

...anyway, that's basically how I got thrown in fucking underwater prison for piracy and goddamn cyberbullying. Take notes here, kids. Don't make the same mistakes I did - drink your milk, don't do drugs, stay in school and all that shit.

[ ... ]

Oh, and try to avoid multiple counts of genocide if you can. I mean, that kind of takes a backseat to forging a digital signature on porn site splash pages, but its gotta count for something, right? Right. I'm out.

[ click! ]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	voice smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:01 am UTC (link)
	You misunderstand. Those are tears of happiness. Of relief at such a notorious criminal finally being removed from their midst. Listen: Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of fuckin' thrilled men. It is the music of a people who will not have their shit pirated again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice occupylohac 2013-06-16 12:06 am UTC (link)
	Whoa shit, it looks like you've got this all messed up. I mean, it's a pretty easy mistake to make, so I'm going to let it slide, but that song in the streets isn't about digital privacy. It's some dude with a bad falsetto calling me his son and shit and begging God to get me back. Kind of weird in retrospect, but hey, whatever. Can't help how the fans act. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:10 am UTC (link)
	It's a universal fact that regardless of time, place, or universe, fans are always gonna be shithive fuckin' insane. Ain't no one gonna hold it against you. [ ...there's something about the way this guy is talking, though. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice occupylohac 2013-06-16 12:16 am UTC (link)
	Ain't that fuckin' true. [ ...man, he's getting weird vibes here. must be the air - all stuffy and shit. probably doesn't get any decent recirculation, what with the infinite plane of water around and all. ] So what, you in here for shitty musical parodies or something? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:18 am UTC (link)
	Nah. Same as you, it seems. Piracy, copyright infringement, murder. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice occupylohac 2013-06-16 12:20 am UTC (link)
	Whoa man, murder? Shit, way to break out the big guns. Here I thought forging a digital signature was low - that's just fucking cold. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:22 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, you better watch whose signature you're forging. Wouldn't want to wind up on the wrong person's shitlist. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice occupylohac 2013-06-16 12:27 am UTC (link)
	See, I've been running with "Keanu Stiller" for a while. Think it really conveys the me I see in the mirror, you know what I'm saying? [ ...was that a threat? he gets the vague feeling it wasn't. or hell, maybe it was ironic, or like, maybe twice removed- what the fuck is he saying? not like that's a concern here. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:36 am UTC (link)
	[ A pause. ] Absolutely. I sort of had you pegged as a "Keanu" from the moment you started talking, actually. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice occupylohac 2013-06-16 12:40 am UTC (link)
	See? Finally, somebody else really gets me. [ ...okay, this is getting fucking trippy. he trails off at the end, not really sure where to go from here. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:43 am UTC (link)
	[ Ha ha ha fuck why does he feel like he's met this guy somewhere before. ] ... So you actually got a name, or is everyone just gonna have to refer to you by a pseudonym that displays your questionable taste in cinematography? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice occupylohac 2013-06-16 12:48 am UTC (link)
	What? Man, you're killing me here. I thought we had something going there for a while. [ ...he's definitely considering just rolling with "nic" next. but he's in a small enough place, people are going to find everything out eventually. and besides, he's got to admit, he's kind of curious himself... ] Dave. You? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:50 am UTC (link)
	[ Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. He's silent for a moment as he processes this. ] Me too, which is why I'm surprised. Stiller's the bomb, but Keanu? Seriously? ... name's Dirk. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice occupylohac 2013-06-16 12:55 am UTC (link)
	Uh. [ oh. oh. ] Well, fuck. [ this is really not how he was expecting this to go. in fact, he'd been trying really hard to not think about it until now. still, he's got to say something, right? right. so he goes with the only option available: he bleats like a goat and hangs up. SMOOTH. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	1/3 smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:56 am UTC (link)
	[ Did that really just happen. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:57 am UTC (link)
	[ Crap. This was not how he anticipated meeting Younger Alt Universe Bro. Also wow wardens way to fuck with him. He wanted his Dave back, not Douchebag Alt Dirk's Dave. Fucking hell. ] (Reply to this) (Parent)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-16 12:57 am UTC (link)
	[ Yeah he's not gonna leave him alone. ] Sup, bro? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-16 01:27 am UTC (link)
	[ and when dirk calls, he answers - not a trace of that earlier freakout present. he is so chill, dude, you don't even known. ] Namach. Just scopin' the place out. Sup with you? [ ACT COOL DUDE HE WON'T NOTICE ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-16 01:29 am UTC (link)
	Greeting the newbies. You know. Typical every-four-days shit. Nice goat imitation. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-16 02:55 am UTC (link)
	Yeah, figured it was a pretty regular thing. Didn't stop any of the newbs, of course. [ ...jesus. where does he even begin with this? ] Thanks. Gotta keep that shit practiced. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-16 02:59 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. Never know when you'll need it. That shit could save your life one day. Keep it up. [ What... does he do here. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-16 03:27 am UTC (link)
	True that. [ ... ] So, uh. Looks like you've already got a pretty good gist of what's happening, huh. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-16 03:32 am UTC (link)
	Yeah. They're not here right now because the wardens wound up losing their asses, but John and Jade did a pretty good job explaining the details of the scratch and the ectobiology that created us. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private occupylohac 2013-06-16 08:43 am UTC (link)
	Didn't realize it was that easy to just up and fucking lose someone. We talking like car keys, just left them in the wrong pair of pants or something? [ yeah, there's no way in HIS universe to just up and lose someone. especially jade, or god forbid john. ] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	voice, private smuppeteer 2013-06-16 08:45 am UTC (link)
	They're pretty fuckin' cagey about how the whole process works. Something to do with their coding stabilizing our presence in this universe. It's pretty fickle, and if I've heard right they've lost more people than not. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)