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Rion Steiner ([info]abelminded) wrote in [info]marinanova,
@ 2012-09-19 23:04:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:cain, rion steiner

day 185 [action/closed];
[Rion's just finished up one of his last appointments for detox. there's still headaches and some headfogginess, but a lot of the feverishness and aches have gone away. so hurrah, progress. but Rion can't say he's exactly feeling good about the whole thing. not that detoxing is bad—he's glad to be cleansing himself as best he can, but that isn't helping his many other underlying issues.

even with many of the drugs out of his system, his footfall still feels heavy, resonating a hollowness inside himself with every step.

he opens the door to his house, and drags his feet inside. he pauses, lifting his head. he left the lights off when he left, but they're on.

cautious, Rion proceeds, thankfully lifted from his funk with the distraction of paranoia.]

Hello?


(Post a new comment)


[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 03:32 am UTC (link)
[Cain is face down in Rion's bed, grumbling at the wary greeting. He rolls over, looking seriously half dead. He's sweaty, pale, his eyes puffy and pinkish. He is surrounded by opened and upended bags of ice, and rubs his nose with his arm as he turned to look up at Rion]

Oh, you're here. [His eyes were distant and unfocused, his hair was clammy and greasily plastered to his head]

(Reply to this) (Thread)


[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 03:40 am UTC (link)
[Rion finds him after he's rolled over, and his eyes go wide, jumping a little at the sight.]

Cain—?

[there's several reasons Rion should be pissed. a) Cain was a goddamn punk on the network recently and b) he came without any kind of notice, but Rion can't really get mad at his sorry state.

quietly, Rion closes the door.]

What are you doing here? You look sick.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 03:45 am UTC (link)
I am probably dying. My only regret is that I'm not drunk.

[Cain falls back down to wade in ice cubes and awkwardly turn onto his side]

I already took all my Delmetor today.

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 03:57 am UTC (link)
How is that your only regret?

[Rion rolls his eyes, sitting on the edge of the bed that Cain's taken to sickly sweating all over.]

Did you take too much...? You need more?

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 04:09 am UTC (link)
[he pauses]

It's one of many, many regrets. That is just the only one I care about right now because I wish I was drunk right now. [The ice cubes were melting around him, slowly soaking Rion's bed.]

... I don't know. I feel like I didn't take enough, but I definitely have. I don't think the hospital will give me more.

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 04:16 am UTC (link)
[Rion pauses, regarding Cain. it's surreal as usual to interact with someone who looks just like him, but again even more so when this version of himself, sickly moreso than Rion's ever seen him. he really does look like he's dying. which makes him wonder why the hell Cain has decided to come to his place of residence to expire, but whatever.

hey, it's stupid fanny-pack o'clock. Rion digs a little, measures out some counted pills, and stands up with a closed fist enclosing his picked drugs. he walks to his bathroom a yard away or so, gets a disposable cup of water, and sits back down beside Cain.]

...I'm almost done with my detoxing. I don't need the medicine as much as I used to, so... these pills, [Rion's pointing at them, looking at Cain to make sure his glassy, reddened gaze is following,] are for your withdrawal specifically.

...I still need my delmetor, but I can afford to miss one dose, I think. I've been resting so much that I don't think I'm at risk for shorting. So take this one now.

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 04:31 am UTC (link)
[Cain blearily takes the medicine from Rion, swallowing it before rolling over onto his back. He scoops up a couple ice cubes, sucking on them for their precious, cold water. After a moment, his senses return to him somewhat.]

Thank you.

I still think I'm going to die, though. I feel like I'm dying. [only vaguely lucid]

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 04:40 am UTC (link)
[Rion places the water on his nightstand, staring vacantly at its clear surface, his wrists on his kneecaps. Rion's voice is quiet and distant.]

You're not going to die.

[not that he really knows or necessarily believes that. he's murdered Cain himself, so intellectually, a second death shouldn't be hard to process. but Rion doesn't like the idea, despite that. he glances wearily over his shoulder to his double.]

...Why did you come here, Cain?

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 04:46 am UTC (link)
I don't know, honestly. I guess I felt bad about dying on Painwheel's couch.

[Sort of an awkward way to say he trusted Rion with this sort of thing, but there it was.]

I might die, Rion. Look at me.

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 04:55 am UTC (link)
[Rion gets the message, though, and doesn't know how to feel about it. eyelids feeling heavy, he closes his eyes, and he puts his head in his hands, processing their situation.

aside from Galerians, aside from what he doesn't remember about Memorial Hospital, aside from Dorothy, Rion tries to consider that someone might be on their death bed. he can hope all he wants, but maybe it'd be..... kinda... sorta decent of him to..................y'know

his head comes out of hands and he scoots back, closer to Cain, and he watches him uncertainly.

he's not really sure what to do.]

...Is there anything I can do?

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 05:07 am UTC (link)
[Cain looks up at him and considers this seriously]

Can you rub my back maybe? [his eyes fall. It's only ever been used as a tactic against him, but here Rion is, seeming perfectly willing to comply with him. Rion is nothing like Birdman, right?]

No, nevermind, that's stupid.

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 05:12 am UTC (link)
... [blink.]

I don't really—know how to do that.

[Rion turns so that his ankle is on his knee, facing Cain a bit more fully, his palm spread out on the sheets between them.]

I mean, I can try...

[what a baffling request. but hey dying clone.]

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 05:16 am UTC (link)
No, wait, don't. You're going to do something weird.

[he stares down the horizon of the bed] How don't you know how to rub a back? You just put hands on a person and rub.

[pause] But don't do it, it's going to be weird.

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 05:18 am UTC (link)
...Do something weird? Like what? I'm not going to strangle you or something.

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 05:23 am UTC (link)
No, it's going to feel weird. My skin feels like it's asleep, but also on fire. [he rolls around on the melting water and ice chips in Rion's bed]

... I'm freezing. Can you take me to the bathroom? I want you to fill the bath with hot water.

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 05:34 am UTC (link)
[ah ok there's all the pushiness Rion was expecting, solely because Cain exists to be a thorn in his side. but he's definitely kind of dying at least a little bit, so Rion's willing to accommodate given his own manly honor.

but not before a suggestion.]

Cain, what I should be doing is taking you to the hospital.

I feel a lot better than when I first arrived here. They can at least bring you back from the brink...

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 05:43 am UTC (link)
What if I'm okay with dying right now? What is there to live for? Why are any of us alive right now?

[Cain's getting pseudo-philosophical as he starts slipping]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)


[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 05:57 am UTC (link)
...I don't know. I don't think any of us should have been created in the first place.

[it's hard to say, since Rion's been drifting in his own existential crisis. he's been replaced by a better copy of himself, and Rion was so initially unaccepting of even Cain, of being a replica, that he knows that copy wouldn't accept his existence as a copy. complicated and confusing shit as usual. and if that Rion was more worthy of protecting Lilia, the only reason Rion pushed through his personal hell, then what was there? it'd been bothering him for the last several days.

but at least he has been thinking about it.]

...But we do exist, and I think in existing, we find purpose. Without Lilia, I lost mine. But... I'm getting better instead of letting myself just die. I've thought about dying.

Don't you have people important to you, Cain?

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 05:11 pm UTC (link)
Yeah, I do.

[Cain has rolled onto his side again, fighting to sit up a little. But he aches, and his head is swimming. He still tries to think about all of that, even though his thinking is almost dream-like.]

Take me into the bath. [he grabs for Rion's arm, weakly pulling himself up, but mostly failing at that.]

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 05:22 pm UTC (link)
...Alright.

[ultimately, Rion understands being in so much suffering that it's better to die, even if it's a decidedly selfish request in the end. even if Cain does have people he cares for, he also has the suffering of Birdman to endure on top of the withdrawal.

so Rion helps Cain to sit up, then helps him off the bed, crouching just a tiny bit so that Cain can easily have his bony, dead-pale arm around his shoulders. and patiently, Rion helps Cain into the bathroom.

he sets him onto the toilet, tells him to try to stay straight, and begins to draw the hot water. steam starts to come from the faucet in slow wafts, and Rion's attention comes back to his withering mirror image.

seeing as Cain isn't very dressed anyway, and it'd be a lot of work with so many achy, stiff limbs, Rion just gets him over his shoulders again and helps him into the bath dressed as he is.]

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 05:29 pm UTC (link)
[It's just as well considering that Cain isn't wearing much of anything to begin with. He weakly stumbles along with Rion until he's eventually placed in the bath. He settles, seeming to relax at least a little bit.]

One more thing. [ he sinks down, his ears just above the rising water level.]

Can you treat me like you would if you really thought we were brothers? [he smiles at Rion, straining.]

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 05:35 pm UTC (link)
[when the water level's still low, Rion tells Cain he'll be right back, and he takes a couple of minutes to try and fix his cold, soaked bed. the mattress is still wet when he changes the sheets and gets rid of all the ice and wrings out most of the water, so he piles towels on top of where it's the most wet.

and when he returns to the bathroom, the air is a milky white. he feels the heat against his face, and his clothing feels stifling. not minding the discomfort too much, Rion sits on the edge of the toilet, watching the water level rise against Cain's corpse-complexion flesh.

when Cain finally speaks again, Rion's head nods upwards attentively as if snapped out of some kind of trance. he hasn't really been thinking about what's happening because it feels like his brain won't let him.

he pauses, and looks back down into the water.]

...Aren't I?

After everything that's happened, I've been trying to figure out why I'm doing anything like this at all.

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 05:46 pm UTC (link)
[he considered this for a moment. That much was true. There was a reason Cain went to Rion and not Birdman. Birdman would not have been so kind and patient. He wouldn't have offered the littlest bit of amnesty either.]

I guess you're right.

[pause]

It's because we really are brothers, aren't we? Because you don't hate me, and I can't find it in me to hate you. Because no one else understands what this is like.

[he kicks his legs a little to re-situate himself. He was fine with dying, but drowning in shallow water wasn't his cup of tea.]

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 05:52 pm UTC (link)
[Rion's head feels dense and fuzzy from the conversation. acknowledging this feels like disregarding who he wanted to be. but as he thinks about this, he decides that this doesn't throw his identity away. he's been slowly coming to accept that for the last few days.]

...You did hate me. [totally besides the point, there.

Rion leans his shoulder against the tank of the toilet, absently watching the water rise and the steam swirl. eventually, his eyes close.]

...But I've been thinking about it. What it means. Us being brothers, me being a Galerian. I think... we're connected.

Not like me and Lilia, but something deeper than something ordinary.

So it's like that after all.

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 05:58 pm UTC (link)
[Cain outstretches a weak arm to Rion, silently hoping Rion would understand that he wanted his hand held.]

Then I'm sorry that I'm going to die and leave you here. I don't really see another way.

[Cain foggily considers all of this]

It'll be messy if I die in the bathtub.

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 06:06 pm UTC (link)
It's... fine.

[Rion stares at Cain's hand for a moment as if Cain's offered him something really abstract and puzzling (because in a way, he has), then after dumbly regarding it, he hesitantly takes Cain's hand. the hold is delicate and uncertain, not wanting to agitate the aching flesh and bone, but it's firm enough for his wet hand to not slip away.

he wonders if it might be better if he dies as well, but there's always a chance that Lilia might arrive with no one to protect her from Birdman or any other Galerian who might show up.

Rion watches their hands for a moment, then Cain.]

We'll see. If you last through the soak...

[Rion considers this.]

Maybe... you can just die in your sleep. I have a lot of sleeping medication. It would be better that way, probably.

[it feels weird to even be saying all this. like they're discussing the weather. this isn't even the first time Rion's helped someone die. but even as a human, nothing was ever as normal as he liked to tell himself.]

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 06:11 pm UTC (link)
That sounds nicer. [Cain moves so that Rion can help him get up. Thankfully the room is so over-steamed that he doesn't feel noticeably colder when he emerges.

They make their way back over to the bedroom, Cain dropping his weight on the bed dully, like dry bread dough hitting the kitchen floor.]

I wonder how many I would need to die that way.

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 06:17 pm UTC (link)
I don't think we can overdose on over the counter drugs.

[Rion comes back into the bedroom with a few small pill boxes in his hands.]

I mean, RED, Nalcon and D-Felon kill normal humans, don't they?

[he sits beside Cain, reading the backs of the boxes before selecting one.]

If I take three times the recommended dose of this one, it usually puts me to sleep. If you're going to die anyway, you don't need to overdose or anything...

[Rion starts extracting the capsules, and hands them to Cain, thereafter offering the cup of water from his nightstand.

he's just going to ignore that all of this feels terrible.]

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 06:22 pm UTC (link)
Ah, that's true. [Cain takes the pills, his mouth too dry this time to dry swallow them. He takes the water, drinking them down and handing the cup back to Rion.]

Thank you, Rion. Thank you for seeing me through. [Cain lays back down, tucking his head into the pillow, settling into the towels underneath him.]

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 06:29 pm UTC (link)
[Rion scoots back so that his arms are around his knees, his socks on top of the bed as he watches Cain settles back down.

he's still trying to push it all to the back of his mind; the heavy sadness, the terrible emptiness.]

...You're welcome.

Is there anything else you want?

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 06:33 pm UTC (link)
...Hold me. [Cain's back is turned to him, his face still half buried.]

I don't want to go out alone. [Cain cringes, noticing the strangeness that now he's able to die that he doesn't really want it, either. He didn't use to be afraid of dying. Then again, he figured it would be masked by adrenaline and the feeling of knowing he was dying for a cause.]

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 06:42 pm UTC (link)
Hold you—?

[it shows on Rion's face a little that he finds it an unexpected and kind of weird request, but thinking about it for less than a second, it makes sense.

after all, Rion almost died in Lilia's arms, hadn't he? that would have been better than dying alone face down on the floor of Dorothy's path.]

...Okay.

[so, not without some awkward hesitation, Rion goes onto his side. and with uncertainty, Rion puts an arm around Cain's hollowed middle, his arm brushing jagged ribs. he's not close enough for their bodies to touch, but he's close enough so that the modest inch or two between them is thick with warmth.

he wonders if Cain will die while they're like this, if he should hold on while Cain sleeps.]

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-09-20 06:50 pm UTC (link)
[Cain closes his eyes, his empty stomach and weary body latching onto the medicine as quickly as it could. He had already started metabolizing it, feeling himself go completely loopy. He reached his arm back placing his hand over Rion's, silently explaining that Rion was in it for the long haul.

His breath becomes steady as he stops talking and lays still. He falls asleep soon after.]

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[info]abelminded
2012-09-20 06:57 pm UTC (link)
[Rion holds Cain as his breathing evens out, and wide awake and anxious, continues to hold his quasi-twin. he rests his forehead against the bony notch on the back of Cain's neck, staring at nothing.

he wonders when it's going to happen, and hopes it won't. two hours later, and Cain's still sleeping. and Rion is still very awake, listening to his heart beat, his lungs expand.

as this all goes on for what feels like forever, all Rion can think about is whether or not he should live, himself. he thinks about Lilia, and something inside him hurts.

he pulls Cain a little closer.]

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-10-03 10:38 pm UTC (link)
[hundreds of grueling minutes later, Cain is beginning
to stir. He managed not to expire in his sleep. Surprisingly, really. He wakes, turning and shaking Rion. He must be dead. He was absolved of his pain, after all. At least the worst of it. He was suffering hunger pangs.]

Rion. Rion, if I'm dead, why are you here? [he was clearly confused in his groggy state]

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[info]abelminded
2012-10-03 11:00 pm UTC (link)
[awaking with similar bleariness, Rion's just as confused—but mostly because he's half asleep. he grunts and gently swats at Cain, wincing grumpily. but then his eyes snap open wide, and Rion sits up just as suddenly. he stares at Cain, recalling everything before this.

without words, Rion suddenly pushes Cain's greasy bangs out of the way to feel his forehead. maybe Cain hasn't died yet, but is delirious?]

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-10-03 11:17 pm UTC (link)
[Cain feels normal to the touch. The drugs and Delmetor from last night are still carrying him through.]

Do you have anything to eat? [Cain gently pushes Rion's hand off his head, not really understanding the gesture.]

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[info]abelminded
2012-10-03 11:32 pm UTC (link)
[Rion looks twice as startled.]

How are you okay!?

[he remembers something Cain said a while ago about either going totally through the withdrawal or being killed by it... something like that. Rion is just totally mortified. he's mumbling into his hand, looking away.]

Ugh, I can't believe I said all that stuff...

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-10-04 01:54 am UTC (link)
What do you mean? [gives Rion A Look] Okay? [pause, stare] I'm dead, right? is that really okay?

I'm just hungry, too. And I don't know why you're here.

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[info]abelminded
2012-10-05 12:02 am UTC (link)
[Rion sighs Very Wearily, holding his head. he scoots towards the edge of the bed, his elbows on his knees.] You aren't dead, stupid. You're fine. You're alive. Why would you be hungry if you were dead?

It was just a really bad fever, I guess...

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[info]toomanyzippers
2012-10-07 07:42 pm UTC (link)
I don't know! I've never been dead before. [that he knew of or was aware of from his point of view]

[shrugs] I guess that was it. Three weeks of hellish withdrawal, and that was that. I feel a lot better.


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[info]abelminded
2012-10-08 12:04 am UTC (link)
[very stiffly,] ...That's good.

What do you want to eat?

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