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OMFG! Anakin might do ~something~ *pearl clutch* ([info]darkforcerising) wrote in [info]makebelievelog,
@ 2013-07-04 22:18:00

Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:anakin skywalker, obi-wan kenobi

Who: Anakin Sr. and Obi-Wan
What: Bro-time. Obi-Wan just keeps learning terrible news about home. He’s upset.
When: Shortly after this
Where: A balcony.
Rating/Warnings: Maybe medium – possible discussions about war and violence. Will update if necessary
Status: Complete


Anakin found his former Master easily enough. The man’s emotions were like a beacon, though, he was trying hard to mute them. Anakin just had the benefit of knowing him for more than thirteen years. He knew when Obi-Wan was upset.

He stepped out on the balcony and leaned against the stone balustrade.

“I am sorry,” he started. “There’s… so much that happened back home. I don’t know what you want to know and what you don’t… But I should have told you this.”


(Post a new comment)


[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-04 01:34 pm UTC (link)
He didn't look at Anakin; he continued looking out across the landscape.

"I suppose if she had never shown up, it would have been a happy ignorance," he conceded. "If she fell so early... we must have lost many and often."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-04 01:49 pm UTC (link)
“The first battle, over two hundred Knights and Masters participated. Only thirty-three survived,” Anakin said, his voice quiet. “The war proceeded much like that for the majority of battles.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-04 01:56 pm UTC (link)
"...Because the Sith Lord orchestrated it to wipe us out," Obi-Wan whispered.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-04 02:11 pm UTC (link)
Anakin was at a loss for words. That was the main reason the Jedi lost so many each encounter with the Separatist forces. Individuals failed, certainly, and there were mistakes the Jedi made in strategy and policy that Palpatine didn’t implement; but they shouldn’t have lost so many. They should have been more successful.

They shouldn’t have gone to war. There shouldn’t have been a conflict.

Anakin simply nodded. He couldn’t add anything that would make their hearts lighter, and he didn’t want to make them heavier.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-04 02:27 pm UTC (link)
"Anakin, how long do people stay here before they're sent back?" Obi-Wan asked. Curiosity. Wondering what kind of time they all had.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-04 02:41 pm UTC (link)
Anakin understood Obi-Wan’s underlying motivation for asking that. He’d asked that very same question so many times. Whenever he asked that around Padmé she, too, understood his fear; and she always answered she would find a way to find him again when everything was said and done, on the other side of where ever it was Jedi went to re-collect their consciousness when they died. That helped calm Anakin’s mind, but what would calm Obi-Wan’s?

Couldn't they stay here forever?

“There is no fast rule. Some people are here for a few months and then they disappear. Some have been here years. One boy tells everyone he’s been here eight… A few months ago, we even all glimpsed possible futures ten- twenty years from now… Some people leave and then return.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-04 02:53 pm UTC (link)
So possibly they had close to no time at all.

Even the devastating loss of the war might be mitigated if he knew he could go back and at least save Siri or prevent Anakin's fall. But they wouldn't retain their memories, or so he'd been told.

"I see."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-04 03:04 pm UTC (link)
Anakin wanted to say something to make this right. But all he could think of to say withered from inadequacy when he held it up against the gash a broken galaxy left in the tapestry of right and good. He really could not fix this.

“Do you want me to tell you anything more about your future? Lest it shows up unexpectedly.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-04 03:25 pm UTC (link)
Obi-Wan gave him a pained look. "What could possibly be as profoundly affecting as your fate or Siri's? There's nobody else that means as much to me. I think I've had enough future knowledge, don't you?"

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 03:00 am UTC (link)
Anakin couldn't argue with that. He'd yet to tell Obi-Wan Padme's fate, but he held back. He nodded.

"Most people here try to ignore the life waiting for them when they leave and make this their home."

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 03:20 am UTC (link)
"Easier for people who chose a normal life; they live for themselves and those close to them," Obi-Wan countered. "I chose to devote my life to service. What am I supposed to do here?"

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 04:54 am UTC (link)
Anakin shot Obi-Wan a look. His former master made it sound like everyone was self-centered and didn’t struggle with the same problem he was faced with now. Anakin resisted the urge to tell Obi-Wan to open a school for meditation, knowing useless, flippant answers wouldn’t be met with a warm reception.

“You have Ani,” Anakin pointed out. “And you have me to keep in line. Those combined would sap the resolve of any other Jedi. You have your own wellbeing to consider. Now, on top of that, you have a friend who more than likely needs someone to help her. And you want something more to do?”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 12:46 pm UTC (link)
The answer was yes, he did want more to do. A lot of Padawan training centred around taking said Padawan on missions to learn from experience, and there were none. But he could sense that he'd said something wrong. Anakin didn't need to make a flippant remark for Obi-Wan to feel him bristle.

"I'm just saying they don't need that life protected here," he amended quietly. "Siri is a Jedi, too. Do you really think she wants to spend all her time talking about Force philosophy with me?" His tone suggested that he didn't think that for a moment. "Padme said the Order doesn't exist here, but there are four of us now. It exists in each of us and how we choose to live our vows."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 01:10 pm UTC (link)
“Then you mean two Knights and a Padawan,” Anakin corrected, looking away. He couldn’t restrain his emotions completely and some bitterness leaked through their Force bond. He was the odd one out for he refused to end his relationship with Padmé.

It took him a few moments to gather his feelings back under his control.

“I think you should ask Master Tachi how she wants to spend her time before assuming for her.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 01:49 pm UTC (link)
"If I meant that, I would have said that," Obi-Wan retorted almost testily, ignoring his shot about Siri in favour of disputing his previous point. "I never said that the senator's assertions that there must be room for flexibility here had no merit. You'll notice the boy is still, for the most part, going to school. My issue with that was that she has no understanding of what training entails or how much time it takes and wasn't interested in knowing before dismissing it out of hand as the inferior source of knowledge." He paused. He wasn't here to argue Padme's point of view about Ani's education with Anakin. "Unless you're no longer interested in the Order, of course. Walking away is your choice to make, if that's what you want." He glanced away. "You must do what you feel is right."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 02:08 pm UTC (link)
Anakin didn’t want to repeat the argument from the day before. He knew both Padmé and Obi-Wan were concerned about Ani’s welfare, they both simply considered their approach to his care more constructive. But Anakin lacked the skill to mediate their differing opinions. He was likely to make them both angrier at each other, and at him. He let that go.

“If honoring our vows establishes the Order here, I’ve failed from the start. You know I have no intention of ending my relationship with Padmé. Are you suggesting there is flexibility in the Code to accommodate me and my choices?”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 02:18 pm UTC (link)
"I'm not on the Council, Anakin. And I'm not your Master. Not anymore. Who am I to tell you that you're wrong?" he asked. And he was genuinely asking. He wasn't even sure where they stood with each other now that they were, essentially, the same. "Attachment is forbidden by the Code, but the Code is, as your wife so bluntly pointed out, non-existent here. Except in us. And you don't agree with it. I don't have answers for you."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 02:31 pm UTC (link)
Based on Obi-Wan's earlier request to not hear any more about the future, Anakin kept Obi-Wan's promotion and appointment to himself.

“Master,” Anakin said. “You will always be my Master.” Anakin was expressing a choice as much as a sentimental gesture. He was choosing Obi-Wan over Palpatine.

"You aren't obsolete here. At least not to me."

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 02:40 pm UTC (link)
"Then stop... stepping outside of us. You haven't made the choices you've been told you'll make. Stop punishing yourself for them and stop making them sound inevitable. Here and now, your choices are yours. I'm not about to be sold wholesale on this... 'new' Order you were talking about, but we can talk about the practicality of living here and how we can adapt within the framework of our own values." He looked at Anakin. "The danger of attachment is the fear of loss. Tell me you understand that much."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 02:58 pm UTC (link)
“I know that,” Anakin said. “I do know that.” There was a poignant weight to his words. Padmé would die because he was so desperate to not lose her he was willing to indulge the manipulations of a Sith Lord. If he had been patient, or accepted her death, she wouldn’t have died. Every cosmos had a sense of humor, he supposed.

“The future will show up here, though. The things I will do have a way of becoming… relevant in this place. I can't just pretend I had nothing to do with that future.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 03:11 pm UTC (link)
"It's not 'pretending' to accept that you haven't done the things that led to that future." He watched Anakin for a moment. "Do you think you can accept the potential of her loss if you remain with her?"

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 03:35 pm UTC (link)
“If Palpatine had been the night I arrived I would have joined him. I can’t lie about that.”

Why did Obi-Wan have to ask these difficult questions? He couldn’t answer straight away. He wanted to be honest, but the truth wouldn’t exonerate him. He finally sighed and scrubbed at his eyes.

“I’m trying to accept that potentiality. I really am. I know what can happen if I don’t. But saying I accept it, and actually accepting it is not the same thing.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 03:46 pm UTC (link)
"No, it isn't. And you have a child on the way. I don't think I need to point out the things a parent would do to protect their child. You'll be vulnerable. I'm willing to negotiate on certain aspects of the Code here, Anakin, but you have to convince me that this isn't a dangerous arrangement," he said.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 03:58 pm UTC (link)
Like sacrifice myself to save them, he thought to himself. He already knew how he would die back home, what he would do for Luke.

“I know there isn’t anything I can say right now that will convince you of that. But I am trying. This isn’t something I can just be good at overnight. I’m better than I was a year ago, and I’ll be better tomorrow than I am today.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 04:10 pm UTC (link)
"You're making it sound like I don't want to be convinced, Anakin." He looked away again. "Which isn't the case at all. You're choosing to walk a dangerous line. Maybe you can do it, but my concern is for you. I know you think I only care about the Code, but the Code exists to protect us from temptation and from ourselves."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-05 05:31 pm UTC (link)
How could he tell Obi-Wan that fear of killing him and Padmé (of doing atrocious things while under the influence of the Dark Side) kept Anakin well back from that temptation, when fear, to a Jedi, was the first step down the path to the Dark Side?

“I know that. I don’t want to hurt you or Padmé- Ani, anyone else here.” He knew why Obi-Wan was asking these questions – Anakin had within him the potential to wreck tremendous havoc on this world. But Anakin still didn’t like them; though answer them he might try, his agitation was perceptible. “I don’t… I don’t know how to tell you that the thought of me losing control and harming you or Padmé scares me enough I’m constantly guarding myself, not without you thinking this is fear and will just lead to the Dark Side anyways. This isn’t the same; it’s not fear of losing something or someone I’m attached to. I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone. I don’t think, anymore, the Dark Side is something I can control if I just try hard enough, it’s something I don’t want to give into.”

He straightened and placed a fidgety hand on the banister. He needed to be moving, some way to work out this tension building within him.

“So, yes, alright. I am still afraid of losing you or Padmé, I don’t think I can’t not be. But I’m more afraid of harming you or her, or anyone.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-05 06:41 pm UTC (link)
"You influence him in other ways," Obi-Wan said. "When you take on responsibilty for those crimes, you make him believe he's responsible for them too. There's something he wants to be in his life and he feels like you've taken his chance away. He'll treat you with more understanding if you can let him see that you and he share that struggle and if your choices have been removed, it's a Sith Lord and a man who hasn't been created that removed them. It's not you, Anakin. The two of you are in the same boat. He needs to see it, and he won't until you accept it first."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-06 12:10 am UTC (link)
Anakin was shaking his head long before Obi-Wan had finished.

“I can’t keep blaming everyone else for my actions. No one is holding me back or being unfair with my privileges, no one is doing that to him either. And he needs to realize that, too. Palpatine may have manipulated the truth, lied to me, and used the Dark Side to twists my thoughts so I didn’t know who to trust or believe anymore. But my reasons for joining him didn’t include thinking he was a good man, or the Sith were good. I thought falling would be a necessary evil to save the Republic and Padmé. I thought once I’d completed those things I could simply turn on Palpatine and end that problem and still be a good person. And that’s not something he led me to believe. It’s something that started years before- I’ve been thinking for years I was strong enough to control the Dark Side and come out the other side still good. Because-” Anakin paused, he couldn’t look at Obi-Wan has he finished, “Because I’ve been doing it for years. In smaller ways than what I will do. But all the same...”

Anakin shook his head, again, but not out of defiance this time. It was a concession. “I don’t know. Maybe Palpatine had a hand in creating that idea, too. Looking back… He was always there to encourage me by subtly discouraging your instruction.” This was something Anakin had suspected for a long time, clearly Palpatine’s manipulations didn’t start on the Invisible Hand, but it made Anakin wonder where he ended and Palpatine began.

“But it doesn’t matter if it was him or not, I can’t keep thinking I’m stronger than the Dark Side. And Ani can’t think that either.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-06 12:42 am UTC (link)
"I agree, Anakin, but it's important that it's tempered with the notion that he can choose, that he can make different choices than you did and come out whatever sort of man he wants to be. Particularly if he ends up staying here for any length of time. He'll need his own permission to grow his own way."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-06 01:50 am UTC (link)
“I’ve never told him he can’t. And neither has Padmé. She tells him all the time he can make different choices. This is an improvement; he used to not say a single word to me.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-06 02:46 am UTC (link)
"No, now he tells you that you ruin everything." He looked at Anakin. "He'll come around. It always took you longer to let an idea in when your emotions got in the way."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-06 02:53 am UTC (link)
Anakin gave Obi-Wan a look, one might even call it a scowl. He didn’t like agreeing, but it’s not like he would have any leg arguing against that statement. Everything his whole life, this current discussion even, was a testament to the fact that Anakin Skywalker’s emotions controlled him more often than not.

He snorted and looked away.

“He just thought that once I told you everything, you would hate him. More fear of losing attachments.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-06 03:06 am UTC (link)
"Do you think my training him is counter productive?" Obi-Wan asked curiously.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-06 03:10 am UTC (link)
“I think you’ll be more successful here where you and he don’t have a Sith Lord unraveling everything that you do.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-06 03:16 am UTC (link)
"What did you mean when you said he was 'subtly discouraging' my instruction?" Obi-Wan asked. "Discouraging how?"

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-06 12:21 pm UTC (link)
“He’d tell me you were wrong- Not directly. Those moments when I was discouraged- my age-mates were ignoring me, I was struggling with some academic lesson, or you’d reprimanded me for not listening, for sneaking out, or the thousand other reasons you had. It didn’t matter why I was upset. On the surface it sounded like encouragement; but really, what he was saying was you were wrong or an active block against me reaching my full potential. That you didn’t understand or accept that I could to more or should be given more understanding. He’d say similar things about the Temple as a whole, too.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-06 01:58 pm UTC (link)
"Actively blocking you?" Obi-Wan didn't think he'd ever been more wounded by an accusation in his life. "That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard." But it did explain some things. "Why would anyone in the Temple hold you back? That doesn't make sense."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-06 02:34 pm UTC (link)
“Really?” Anakin’s eyebrows knit together. He could feel Obi-Wan’s affront through their Force bond, but didn’t fully what he was saying. That’s, the most horrible thing you’ve ever heard? He let that remain a thought. He was sure Obi-Wan caught it.

“I was ten, no one wanted me there but you, and half the time I wasn’t even be sure of that. And he was someone the Order supported. I had no stunning insight about him at that time than the rest of you did. I thought he was just being nice to me.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-06 02:44 pm UTC (link)
Obi-Wan was suitably chastened by the thought. Anakin's revelations about his fall barely seemed real, though. They hadn't happened. Their time training together, however, had been the most significant endeavour of Obi-Wan's life. The idea that Palpatine had convinced Anakin he'd been sabotaging it was shocking.

"It's not true that nobody wanted you there," he murmured, glancing away.

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-06 02:59 pm UTC (link)
“Besides you, who else?” Anakin wouldn’t accept Ahsoka for an answer, she wasn’t even aware of his existence when he was a youngling at the Temple.

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-06 03:07 pm UTC (link)
"Anakin, don't confuse the Council's concerns - valid concerns - about what your training could mean with them not wanting you there. They gave me permission to train you. And many of your instructors spoke very highly of you often."

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[info]darkforcerising
2013-07-07 07:45 am UTC (link)
Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, considering his answer. He knew for a fact Masters Yoda and Windu adamantly did not want him at the Temple, even if in the end they reluctantly agreed to side with the majority decision of the Council. He knew other members of the Council felt the same. His knowledge of this was separate form Palpatine leading him to believe the Temple was holding him back. He could tell the difference now.

Anakin looked away. No, they were your family, Master, never mine.

“There is a social gathering tomorrow.” He was changing the subject. “Down by the lake. Ani was invited before you arrived. He will be expecting to go. You’re welcome to go, too. The whole castle is.”

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[info]master_kenobi
2013-07-07 02:16 pm UTC (link)
You grew on them. Master Yoda, in particular, developed a great fondness for you.

"He's informed me. I expect to attend, he said he would rather like me to."

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