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Tweak says, "..."

Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells (indelibleink) wrote in makebelievelog,
@ 2013-06-05 15:55:00

Entry tags:

h.g. wells, myka bering

Who: Myka and HG
What: A talk and HG avoiding a certain topic.
When: After this exchange
Where: HG's ~~disaster area~~ ~~nuclear fallout ground zero~~ sitting room
Warnings: Angst galore, largely from HG's side, anything else TBA

Not many people would notice the difference, but Helena was slightly better with Myka being back. Even if she was still going to keep the past relationship a secret, Helena was more than glad to have her friend back, the woman who knew her better than anyone else. Which was also part of the reason Helena needed to be careful when they were around each other. Myka could read her like no one else could, and she needed to ensure that she didn't let certain things slip yep. No doubt Myka would be able to tell she was keeping something a secret, but in Helena's favor was the fact she had several such "secrets" to tell Myka and hopefully those would help curb any pointed questioning on the deeper secret she held for the time being. She knew she couldn't just not tell her at all, Myka deserved to know why Helena was so sad, but revealing such a thing now was a bad idea.

Upon receiving Myka's initial text message, Helena braced herself and stuck with vague references. Hopefully opening up about some other things would help ease the burden she carried. After Myka was on her way over, Helena glanced around at her sitting room. Currently it looked more like a disaster area. Crumpled paper with discarded story ideas, half-finished sketches for inventions that went through her mind and various other things were strewn on the floor. There was also the remnants of a destroyed invention scattered on the floor. She had pulverized the poor, unsuspecting thing a couple nights earlier in a fit of frustration and emotional turmoil. Standing up from her couch, Helena picked up as many of the paper balls as she could and tossed them in a waste bin, though there were still some strewn around. She then went and gathered the remnants of an invention, she couldn't even remember what it was supposed to be, and set them in a box. She had taken some parts from her area of Anakin's workroom so she could work on things here when she couldn't sleep and didn't want to leave her room. She grabbed a partially finished grappler and set it in the box as well as what was the shell of what looked to be a sonic screwdriver from Doctor Who. She set the box down near the fireplace, then she grabbed a few notebooks and a couple books, one covering the topic of Biochemistry and the other covering Differential Calculus. She put them in an orderly stack on the table before she picked her tea back up and took a drink of it.

Grappler was draped on the back of the couch, lazily eyeing Helena as she did a quick version of cleaning. Given Myka was in the room next to her, she didn't have much time to actually put things away. Reaching out, Helena pet Grappler and debated putting her in her bedroom and closing the door so Myka wouldn't have to deal with her if she didn't want to. But that thought was interrupted by a knock, which she knew could only be Myka. Striding to the door, Helena opened it, a smile finding its way to her face without any effort on her own behalf despite the fact she was very much not okay at the moment. No doubt she looked a bit out of sorts given the news about Clint and James had sent her reeling again.

"Come in," she invited, moving out of the way to let Myka in.

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agent_bering
2013-06-06 01:03 pm UTC (link)

Myka knocked and waited.

She’d known something was off with HG, the woman usually full of clever retorts and humorous insight had been so very direct without any witty flare. Intelligent, as always, but Myka knew HG to have a wicked, and sometimes irreverent sense of humor that she always knew when to interject.

The fact even HG couldn’t make a joke about not thinking up a place like this for a novel had Myka worried. HG was her friend, there was something about the woman that Myka just understood, and the same went for HG about Myka. Myka couldn’t not reach out to her.

And it was just the three of them – Claudia, HG, and Myka – from home, if they didn’t look after each other, who would?

She opened the door and peaked around, offering a brief smile for her friend. But it slowly melted to a look of concern when she saw the state of HG’s room. It was a bit messy, adding weight to Myka’s conclusion something was not right with the Victorian woman. But Myka didn’t strive to be impolite and she quickly moved on from that shock.

“So,” she tried to say brightly, coming fully into the room and shoving her hands into the pocket of her jeans. “You do have a cat… That’s just, you know, a shock.” The cat was cute, Myka would agree to that. But she’d never been a cat person herself, and she thought HG harbored the same feelings.

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indelibleink
2013-06-06 08:11 pm UTC (link)

Helena well knew she could still utilize her humor and put a smile on her face, it would fool most people. But Myka would see right through such a front, so Helena wasn't even bothering to appear fine. Besides, the last time she put up a front to hide her inner emotions, she'd been trying to destroy the world. The Victorian woman had no desire to follow the same path. It was a difficult struggle to keep herself from falling back into that person she had been. That anger, that darkness would always be part of her, and it was an active fight with herself that she could never stop waging. It was because of that anger that she'd been destroying things she'd been building. But better her inventions take the brunt of her emotional outbursts than another human being.

No doubt the state of her room was alarming to Myka. Helena wasn't a complete neat freak, but she always did keep her things tidy and organized. And her usually impeccable manner of dress was slightly off. Her blouse was wrinkled as though she'd worn it before. It was still tucked into her jeans as normal, but the little signs that Helena was not okay were there.

"I do. Claudia claimed this was my present for all the Christmases and birthdays of mine she missed." Helena did, however, manage to roll her eyes as she closed the door and moved over to pick Grappler up before the cat decided to go greet Myka herself. It was better this way. "Believe me, I never would have asked for a cat. I prefer dogs. But Grappler has grown on me. Her companionship has been most comforting the past couple weeks." There was an undertone of sadness in her voice, and she glanced at Myka, her dark eyes carrying a note of the broken heart that beat within her chest.

Grappler, whom Helena was holding under her arm, was protesting being held back from greeting Myka. "I can put her in the bedroom if you would rather not have a cat imposing herself upon you." Despite having ensured to take her engagement ring off, Helena had not taken off the pearl bracelet that had been a Valentine's gift. It was at least easier to spin the truth of the bracelet's origins than it was a ruby-and-diamond engagement ring.

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agent_bering
2013-06-07 11:13 am UTC (link)

Myka held up her hand, waving down Helena’ offer. If the cat gave Helena comfort, Myka wasn’t going to suggest it would be removed from her presence.

Myka was, also, more of a … well, she was more of a not pet person. Pets required care, not only physical needs like food and water and a place to relieve themselves, be that outside or a box inside kept clean; but they had emotional needs too, someone to love. And Myka couldn’t readily full either of those needs at any point in her adult life. Yes, there was Pete the Ferret, but Leena had helped look after him when Myka was away on assignment. And Pete the Ferret was a low maintenance animal.

Myka didn’t hate cats, she just preferred not to own them.

“The cat, Grappler? That’s what you said her name was, right? She can stay.”

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indelibleink
2013-06-07 11:37 pm UTC (link)

"If she annoys you too much, just let me know and I'll put her in the bedroom." Helena bent down, setting Grappler on the floor. Immediately, the black and white cat moved to Myka, meowing at her as the cat rubbed herself against Myka's leg. "She got her name for a very good reason. Claudia had shoved her inside the door of my room and run off, and the first act the cat performed was to attach herself to my leg and she refused to let go." Looking back, that memory provided some amusement to her, though at the time she'd been both in pain and wanting nothing more than to know why Claudia had given her the bloody animal.

"Would you like some tea?" Helena asked, moving to the table, refilling her cup. There was another cup readily available if Myka wanted some. Flipping some hair over her shoulder, Helena looked over at Myka, deciding to steer the conversation to be about Myka. "How are you settling in?"

Helena doubted she could keep the conversation solely about Myka for very long. After all, the other woman had texted her and was obviously concerned about her. If she were to be honest with herself, Helena was already finding this place to be little better than the Warehouse. Before the Reavers had arrived, she had believed she could have a life here, free of the threat of doom that the Warehouse had attached to it. But given what the Reavers had done, and then this place having sent Myka home just when Helena was settling into a new life, she had deep reservations about letting herself live. What was the point when it was obvious this place did whatever it wanted? The next moment, Helena could be sent back home, back to her temporary fiery death in the Warehouse. Just as easily in the next moment another army could descend upon the city and kill them all.

It was exceedingly difficult to not grab onto the anger she felt over that, but given Myka was back now and was there, it was easier to fight that urge. Myka made her want to be a better person. Helena was so tired of fighting everything, especially herself, but she wouldn't give up because the thought of disappointing Myka was worse than anything she could imagine doing if she gave in to her dark side again.

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agent_bering
2013-06-08 02:09 pm UTC (link)

Myka tried to be cool about Grappler weaving in and out of her legs, it was just a cat after all, but the tale of the kitten clinging to Helena’s pant leg left Myka feeling a bit wary of the cat. Her aversion to pets not being anything akin to hatred, sure, but she wasn’t looking to be a climbing post. She moved quickly to the couch to discourage any such thought in the cat’s head.

“Tea is great,” she said.

“I’m doing well. Had that first, initial freak out. Which was hard, I’ve never crossed dimensions before.” She’d been trapped in a mirror, but this was far different from that experience. And for that Myka was grateful. It was a lesson in perspective, this place could be worse.

“But I think,” she nodded, even a smile breached her face. “I think I’ve gotten over that first shock and am settling in.” Her smile took on affection then. “It really helped that you and Claudia were here to help me figure it out. I would have been way lost without you. And probably still blaming Pete.”

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indelibleink
2013-06-08 08:49 pm UTC (link)

At Myka's response, Helena grabbed a second cup and poured some tea for Myka. There was sugar and milk available to add to the tea, but Helena would let Myka dress her tea the way she wanted as she handed the cup to her. She added a fresh dash of milk to her own tea before she settled back on the couch and took a drink.

"I understand, the dimensional travel was a new experience for me as well." The Victorian was a time traveler, not a dimensional traveler. Though she could add the latter to her long list of things she'd done in her life. Though at least Myka was over the initial shock and confusion that this place tended to bring about.

"You are most welcome, darling. I am happy to have been able to be of help to you." A soft smile crossed Helena's face. Inwardly, Helena was glad she could do something to help Myka, even if all she felt were pangs of pain knowing the other woman didn't remember anything about this place. Helena knew she needed to deal with those emotions, but she would rather continue to push them out of sight and out of mind as best as she could. She was going to force herself to settle for being a friend to Myka and nothing more. "Have you started thinking of what you are going to do while you're here?" It was a question that served a double purpose. It's actual intent was to see just how settled Myka was.

With the two women seated on the couch, Grappler resumed her earlier position, leaping up onto the back of the couch and draping herself along it. She was facing Myka, though at the moment she was occupied in cleaning one of her front paws.

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agent_bering
2013-06-10 01:05 am UTC (link)

Myka accepted the cup graciously and settled for milk as well. She took a sip before answering Helena.

“I… haven’t thought that far ahead?” she admitted with a small embarrassed smile. Myka was usually the one with a plan. And usually she could come up with a new plan on the spot. But crossing dimensions, being uprooted from all her family (save Claudia and HG), had been a bit of a blow. She figured she would take the rest of the weekend to gather her bearings again, and then setting out to organize that next stage of settling in.

“I guess I could always see what the local law enforcement needs.” Though, as Myka said it, she made a slight face. Something about the suggestion didn’t hold promise for Myka. She wasn’t sure why, just then, she would have to think about that.

“What do you do here?”

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indelibleink
2013-06-10 04:05 am UTC (link)

It wasn't surprising that Myka hadn't thought that far ahead. Clearly she was still trying to wrap her head about this place and what she and Claudia had told Myka upon her arrival. Sometimes this was a place that took some getting used to. For Helena, the hardest part about adjusting to this place was adjusting to being alive. Being in a new, strange world she didn't know was something she had previous experience with. This place wasn't home, the Warehouse wasn't home. What Helena considered home was long since gone and she was left adrift and not feeling like she really belonged anywhere. Of course, before Myka had been sent home she had started to settle in, started to feel as though she belonged somewhere. But now that had been undone, and she was right back where she'd started.

"There are plenty of options available. You can do whatever you wish to." Helena sipped her tea again. "Though just so you are aware, when you were here before, you had a job at the university teaching English." Helena thought Myka should know that just in case anyone from the university recognized her or if she wanted to get that job back. Myka could take that information however she wanted, but she deserved to know that and know she her options were open. She didn't have to go into law enforcement if she didn't want to.

"I work as a waitress at the O, Brittania pub. And don't laugh," she quickly chided, casting Myka a look. "It reminded me of home, and that is something I needed when I arrived here." Helena had needed that grounding of something familiar. True she'd never spent her spare time hanging around in pubs in her day, but the general atmosphere of the O, Brittania pub was the closest to Victorian England that she knew she would ever get. "Though I have begun thinking of finding another job, I just do not know what. I may try to publish some things I've written, not under my own name of course." Which came with mixed feelings on her part. She couldn't very well write under the name H.G. Wells, and even Helena Wells could raise potential questions. Which was why Helena had a clever pseudonym picked out for if she published anything she'd written since being here.

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agent_bering
2013-06-11 12:54 pm UTC (link)

Myka nodded to herself. Teaching English at a university could be something she saw herself doing. She loved books, and her know-it-all attitude put her right at home in the position of professor. Of course, the same attitude made her perfect as a law enforcement agent. But could she really do that here?

“A waitress?” Myka practically burst out. Yes, Helena had told her not to laugh, but Myka couldn’t help it. Helena, The H.G. Wells, the Father of Science Fiction, who had invented devices that surpassed just about every other inventor of her day, who had more adventures than the characters in her books. And she was a waitress? Myka clamped a hand over her mouth to keep from saying anything more until Helena was done talking. If her friend had needed a place that reminded her of home, then who was Myka to disparage the choice?

“This time you get to take all the credit,” Myka said, raising her eyebrows. “Do you have any ideas of what, other than publishing, you’d want to try?”

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indelibleink
2013-06-12 03:03 am UTC (link)

When Myka had her outburst of laughter, Helena gave her a little look then drank her tea. It no doubt sounded absolutely ridiculous. Well, it was probably a little ridiculous that the famous author and inventor and Warehouse agent was now a waitress, but the fact was that Helena was good at her job. Dexterity served her well there as did her observational skills, to the point where she knew what regular customers would order when they came in. But she didn't deny that she was starting to have that feeling of something missing from it.

"Yes I will, though I will still use a pseudonym. My books are available in this place, so H.G. Wells suddenly having a new book would raise questions. Given Helena Wells might still raise questions I'd have to lie about, I am going to use Georgia Neal." Where Georgia came from was obvious, but Neal had been her mother's maiden name, which Myka would no doubt know. Though Helena could not help the slight sneer that momentarily crossed her face at being reminded of her mother. "I have no idea. It's still strange to me that I even have choices in the matter."

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agent_bering
2013-06-13 07:57 am UTC (link)

Myka raised an eyebrow at Helena for the pseudonym. Yes, Myka caught it was a reference to Helena’s mother, but she could have sworn Helena was closer to her father. And she was proven right when she noticed the sneer.

“I’m sure whatever you write will be as fantastic as your other books.”

There was a short pause before Myka spoke again. She was trying to figure out how to word her question as best as possible. She wasn’t trying to push HG, but she knew the woman bottled feelings and let them fester until they burst out in dangerous ways.

“Helena,” Myka said softly. “You said in your texts some people you cared about were sent home. If you want to talk about that now we can.”

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indelibleink
2013-06-13 09:24 am UTC (link)

"Thank you," Helena responded with a smile, looking at Myka. It was a genuine sentiment, much as the thank you Helena had given to Myka shortly before her death. Only Myka wouldn't be aware of that particular instance because to Myka, that never happened. Helena had never died and the Warehouse had never been destroyed.

At the mention of the texts, Helena nodded slightly. Loss was something Helena could never handle. She tended to keep everything locked deep inside until it came out in horrible ways. This topic was difficult for her, especially when it came to James. Taking a breath, Helena moved her hand, intending to take Myka's but she stopped herself mid-movement, remembering this Myka didn't remember having been here before. Helena redirected her hand to pick up her tea.

"Clint was a good friend. He was a good man. James was an exceptional young man. They are at least home now." Sipping her tea, Helena leaned back against the couch, her gaze fixated on the tea cup she held in her hands. "Both of them were killed in March, and I bore witness to both deaths. James died in my arms. He was only fifteen years old." Helena's voice was filled with pain at recalling the memory that hung so vividly within her mind. And she knew she wouldn't have to explain any further how badly she'd been affected by James' death. Myka knew what she'd been through with Christina. Despite the fact James and Clint had come back to life after the Reavers had left, that did not erase the memory of their deaths and both of them still weighed heavily on the Victorian woman. Tears began to well up within her dark eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

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agent_bering
2013-06-15 04:19 am UTC (link)

Myka set down her tea then. She wanted to reach out to Helena, squeeze her hand again and express comfort through familiar touch. But Helena picked up her tea and Myka kept her hands to herself. She did scoot closer to Helena.

“That’s a hard thing to watch. Especially for you.” Myka was thinking about Christina, knowing how much HG was probably equating the two. Though Myka fully recognized how tragic it was for James to die so young and in such a horrible fashion, it seemed this place saw fit to make that death right. Whereas Christina’s death was never fixed. “A life potentially cut short that early is traumatic... doesn't mean you shouldn't be happy. It's okay to feel upset, and to let yourself feel the upset. And you can talk about it with me. I’m here to listen.”

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indelibleink
2013-06-15 10:05 pm UTC (link)

Witnessing those deaths was a trauma that Helena had not fully dealt with. It wasn't surprising that she'd pushed the pain away when she hadn't even really dealt with the pain Christina's death had left within her. In a way, the experience with Clint and James had perhaps only deepened her pain in regards to Christina because both men had been brought back to life, saved by whatever power rested within this place whereas Helena had been unable to save Christina. Bending the laws of time had only left Helena a deeply scarred and broken woman. This world was doing wonders for both healing her then breaking her again and she didn't know how much more she could take before she gave up altogether. Which was precisely why she needed Myka.

Looking at Myka, Helena just wanted to lean against her, to draw comfort from her, but that was a line she shouldn't cross yet. It helped having Myka there, knowing she wasn't turning her back on her even if she had plenty of reasons to. "That is rather the thing, is it not? I do not know how to let myself feel that. I had started to, but then this place brought them both back to life. Why should I have grieved when both of them were alive?" There was also the fact that Helena had done what she could to help them with the memory of dying, so Helena had to put the grief aside to help those she cared about.

"I know they are alive in their own world, for which I am thankful. But I cannot forget what happened the same way I cannot forget what happened to Christina." Setting her tea aside, Helena lifted a hand, slipping it around her locket and clutching it. There was also the fact her feelings over Christina, while ever-present, were going to be rearing their ugly heads the closer the fourteenth of July came. But she knew that as long as she had Myka on her side, along with her other friends, she would somehow be okay eventually.

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