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Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells (indelibleink) wrote in makebelievelog,

The silence was not uncomfortable, which Helena was grateful for. Sometimes it did take Helena time to properly put into words what she was thinking or feeling. Even though she was an author, there were times when words did fail her when she needed to express herself. So she was glad that Myka didn't push in those moments and was instead patient. While there were times when Helena would make some vague metaphorical reference to a subject she didn't want to talk about, she was becoming more open to talking when she needed to, though even then there were still periods of silence as she put her thoughts together. It was perhaps a bit more difficult for her to string her coherent thoughts together currently given she was ill, but she was still trying.

Feeling Myka's hold of her tighten, Helena drew in a slow breath, careful not to agitate herself into a coughing fit right now. The silence that followed her question was met with patience on Helena's part. She knew Myka was trying to find the right words. But Myka was right that not giving any answer would make all of this worse. So Helena waited and wondered about the answer.

When the answer did come, Helena listened, but it prompted yet another question. There were many doubts and demons that needed to be defeated in this, and Helena knew they would not all be defeated in one conversation, but she needed to know what Myka saw in her. And she didn't quite understand how Myka could see past everything else she'd done. Though perhaps that spoke to the fact she knew Myka had a good heart. Myka was Helena's moral compass because her own had been broken when she'd lost Christina and descended into madness.

When Myka lifted her head, Helena looked her in the eye. Though the words Myka spoke caused tears to well up in her eyes. What Myka had said was true. Helena couldn't remember a single person, aside from her brother, that had even tried to see how grief was affecting her. But Charles had given up far too easily, letting Helena push him away. Myka was the only one that pushed back when Helena pushed, which is what Helena needed.

"But does dying to save another truly make up for a lifetime of wrong doing?" Helena still felt as though she had much to prove to those she'd wronged that she wouldn't fall back into that pattern again. The road to redemption was a very long one and Helena wasn't entirely certain she could ever redeem her soul. "I don't understand because when I look at myself, all I see is the wrong I have done, the demons that haunt me. I have trouble seeing that there is still a part of me that is not tainted by the blood that I have stained my soul with."