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Myka Ophelia Bering (beringandwells) wrote in makebelievelog,

The silence was becoming a common theme with them. Like with Christina, Myka wasn't going to push for Helena to talk to her, she'd let it flow at whatever pace her girlfriend felt the most comfortable. If that pace was to not speak at all then that is how it would all go. From the moment she had seen Finnick's post Myka had anticipated this. She'd even begun to think of ways to make Helena believe she was forgiven. There was no doubt in her mind that the Victorian woman knew that she was loved. Myka had made it a point to tell her each and every day just how much she was loved. But now that she lay there in silence waiting for Helena to speak, Myka remembered how Claudia made her realize that she had never once expressed just why it was that the Victorian woman was forgiven. It was something that had just never been verbalized and truthfully ignored. And now it seemed that was bringing it all full circle.

At Helena's words, Myka's grip tightened around her. This was what she had been waiting for. The prompting to jump into a discussion that should have happened long ago. But as she lay there holding her girlfriend in her arms, Myka was at a loss for words. The woman who was a bookworm and had an answer for everything couldn't find the words to express why the woman she loved was worthy. Knowing that not answering would make things worse, Myka shifted and pulled Helena even closer to her body.

Twice she opened her mouth to have words fail her once again. On the third try she was finally able to voice a response, emotion evident in her voice. "You gave your life to save me, Helena. Anyone who so willingly would give their own life for another deserves to be worthy of forgiveness. And when I look in your eyes I see beyond what you've done and see the woman you once were before losing Christina. The fact that she is still a part of you shines through every time you help someone."

Taking a breath, Myka lifted Helena's head up off her chest so she could look her in the eyes. It was an awkward position but she felt more comfortable saying this when she could look into her girlfriends eyes than into her hair. "Helena, you were a mother, who had her daughter ripped away from her, and then had to watch it happen later and be helpless to prevent it. Everything that you've done has been because no one really thought to see how much it was affecting you. Grief manifests itself in so many different ways." Closing her eyes, Myka sighed because she was doing the worst job of making Helena believe she was worthy. But this whole situation was bringing emotions up that not even Myka knew were lurking beneath the surface. She wasn't joking that grief manifests in different ways. When Sam had died she'd buried herself in work and became closed off. But there was always the feeling that if she ever ran into Leo again that she would kill him instantly. Maybe the reason that she was so sure that Helena was worthy of forgiveness was that they were so much alike.