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Tweak says, "candy mouuuntaiiiiin"

Siri Tachi (neverlosefocus) wrote in makebelievecomm,
@ 2014-01-29 20:30:00

Entry tags:

mara jade, siri tachi

[AUDIO; LOCKED TO MARA]
Could I ask you a question?

[She sounds... just the slightest bit uncomfortable. And it’s hard for her to even broach the subject; this is personal, so very personal. But Helena’s flowers, and her note, and the admission... There are emotions now, new ones. One she hasn’t dealt with before; not to this degree.]

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	lifeyoulive 2014-01-30 03:46 am UTC (link)
	Of course you may. (Reply to this) (Thread)

neverlosefocus
2014-01-30 03:51 am UTC (link)

[It takes her a moment to find the words.]

How do you manage them consistently? The emotions that come with... attachments. Especially the... deeper attachments.

[Love. That comes with falling in love with someone. She doesn’t know what to do with this. The... jealousy (because that’s what part of it is, what came with the arrival of the flowers and the note. And the explanation.), and concern, and confusion. They’ve chosen to accept attachments, and everything that brings with it. To accept their... attachment to each other. But there’s nothing to say he couldn’t... find someone else to... become so closely attached to. Instead of her. And he’s worth it, worth every possibility of being hurt, he’s worth everything... but she doesn’t know what to do with these emotions right now. It’s sharp and new and she’s... conflicted. She knows this is a part of it, part of the package of attachments... and while she might have a better handle on emotions in general... she doesn’t right now. Not with this. Helena’s flirting has made her realise the possibility of him ~~falling in love with~~ getting attached to someone else. She knows how he feels for her, has felt how he feels for her; and he’s told her, in a distinctly Obi-Wan manner. But the thought of this... turns her stomach with fear.]

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lifeyoulive
2014-01-30 04:38 am UTC (link)

It isn't easy. It is a battle that doesn't always end. While you should let yourself feel them and embrace them, even negative feelings, you cannot let them blind you to the here and now. When you are blinded by the emotions, that's when it isn't healthy. And that goes for both positive and negative emotions. Having an attachment to someone else makes that far more complicated, but there is a balance that needs to be found.

What I've found that helps me is that I let myself feel it and then approach it logically. For positive emotions, I put my trust in them and why I am feeling them. For negative emotions, I confront the source of it and try to resolve it to the best of my ability and let it go as best as I can. It takes practice, but it can be done.

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neverlosefocus
2014-01-30 05:00 am UTC (link)

I’ve been managing, but since... [She trails off; for now Mara doesn’t need to know what happened. It doesn’t matter.] I’m having... difficulties. [Talking about emotions to someone else is... incredibly difficult. Even for her. Even when it needs to be done.] I don’t know what to do with what I’m feeling. I'm trying to approach it... logically. It's just... [She sighs.] I know that it doesn’t make sense, that there’s no reason for me to be... [It’s paining her to even think about admitting what she’s about to admit. But she does.] afraid, or... jealous.

[Her voice is quiet, and there’s just a touch of something like shame in it.] But I am.

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lifeyoulive
2014-01-30 05:48 am UTC (link)

[Mara's very patient, letting Siri just talk. Emotions are certainly tricky, especially to Jedi who aren't used to embracing them. But she easily picks up that something happened, and she picks up on the touch of shame in her voice.]

That is what emotions do sometimes. They may have a legitimate reason for being there, but sometimes something may happen to trigger them. There is no shame in feeling afraid or jealous, do not let yourself think there is shame in it. [Her tone is gentle as she doesn't want to push Siri away when she's just trying to offer advice on how to deal with emotions.] Jealousy can be tricky to deal with, I know from personal experience. Do not let the fear or jealousy consume you. If you are feeling that it's becoming too much, you should talk to the person who caused it.

If you want, I could teach you some meditations that could potentially help? The Order in my time has some different ones than were used in your time.

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neverlosefocus
2014-01-31 04:31 am UTC (link)

[And Siri listens carefully. This is something she needs to hear, advice she needs. So she listens.] I’m trying. I just... [Emotions are kriffing complicated, and it’s that feeling afraid and jealous feels like doubt in what she shares with Obi-Wan as much as the being afraid and jealous itself causing the shame colouring her voice.]

That’s... complicated. It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. The real cause was... what happened. [She stops again, struggling to find the words. Needing to find the words.] It just... made me realise something. [And that’s where the fear comes in.] That hadn’t crossed my mind before. And it should have.

I’d like that. [She laughs softly] Although I should warn you, I’ve never been very good at patience exercises.

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lifeyoulive
2014-02-02 05:43 am UTC (link)

[Mara is more than patient as she lets Siri find the words she needs to express herself. She knows emotions aren't exactly easy for the other Jedi here to handle. While Mara isn't going to impose the New Jedi Order's way of doing things upon them, she will offer her knowledge to them when needed.]

You shouldn't feel as though it should have crossed your mind before now. People don't always realize things until later on. It's part of dealing with emotions, it's an on-going learning process as well as being self-discovery.

Patience has never been my strong suit either, so don't worry about that. [She laughs as well.] I know of a few meditations that should help you.

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neverlosefocus
2014-02-13 12:03 am UTC (link)

[It’s difficult, after a lifetime of being told that emotions are dangerous, that feelings and attachments will lead to you Fall unless you’re careful. And even though she knows better, even though she knows that what she feels for Obi-Wan isn’t wrong, that as long as she’s mindful her attachment to him will not make her Fall, will not make either of them Fall, dealing with emotions that you’ve been instructed to let go of, ignore, not have is just the slightest bit overwhelming sometimes. Especially when it’s something new. Something like jealousy. And the fear of loss. Heartbreak.

And she’s still probably better equipped to deal with them than a lot of her peers. Not that that’s saying much. She’s still has the same lifetime of learning. Of instruction.] And it’s a learning process I’m painfully behind on, probably. [She sounds less uncomfortable now, and there’s even a note of teasing, of amusement in her voice when she says that.] It still seems like something I should have... realised, when we made the decision to set aside our agreement and accept... attachments. Even if I know better.

I’d appreciate that.

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