InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Dollfies ate my brain"

Helena Wells-Quinzel is H.G. Wells (indelibleink) wrote in makebelievecomm,
@ 2013-11-06 17:55:00

Entry tags:

h.g. wells, joan watson, myka bering

>> Did you receive a very cryptic message scrawled on your wall this morning?

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indelibleink
2013-11-09 03:06 pm UTC (link)

While Helena was learning new and better coping mechanisms through her therapy, it was certainly slow-going. It was difficult to change how she traditionally handled her negative emotions, which tended to be either by making others suffer by lashing out or she'd lock her emotions away and pretend to be fine. Helena was a woman of emotional extremes, she had a very difficult time maintaining a stable middle ground. But with her current efforts in therapy and with being around Myka, she was getting better at finding and maintaining that middle ground.

"Alright," she responded, stepping into the hall, closing the door to her room. She then led the way out of the castle, not speaking on the way. Largely, Helena was mentally trying to find the words to properly express what was going through her mind and heart. Despite the command she had over the English language, it was largely difficult for her to put her thoughts and emotions into words, especially when they concerned Christina. After all, there were no words to describe the pain of losing a child. That was only something that could be experienced, not explained.

Once outside, Helena decided to head away from the castle. She didn't have a set destination in mind other than being outside and as far from the writing on the wall as possible. Once they were away from the castle, somewhere near the lake, Helena glanced up to the sky momentarily as one hand took hold of her locket.

"Those words were wrong. You and I both know the past is there, we have both traveled to it. It does not exist only in memory." She looked to Myka. They both had used her time machine, though for very different reasons. Myka had used it in order to find an artifact. Helena had used it to try and change the past. Only Myka's trip had resulted in the desired outcome of getting the artifact in question. Helena's trip to the past had left her completely broken. If one were to pinpoint the exact moment in time where Helena crossed the line from grieving mother to psychotic woman, that was it.

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agent_bering
2013-11-10 07:36 am UTC (link)

Myka noticed the way Helena gripped her locket. An indication Helena was thinking about Christina. Myka was thinking the words were more metaphorical rather than literal, as humans seemed to be creatures with a fixed experience of time in a linear fashion. But, Helena didn’t need someone starting off with ‘Actually, this is how I see it.’ That’s not what this conversation was about.

“Given how many people here seem pulled out of time, I’m not sure any of us can really say the past isn’t there.”

She walked a few more steps. “Are you worried that whatever the castle might be doing to us, it will involve Christina in some way?”

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indelibleink
2013-11-10 10:10 pm UTC (link)

Myka did have a point there, though that wasn't completely the point of the conversation. No, there was a more potent subject they needed to discuss. Helena had taken the writing rather literally, but it was difficult for her not to when some of the still-bleeding wounds she had related directly to the literal interpretation of them.

Looking at Myka at her question, she gave a nod. "How can I not? This place is not always benevolent, and I already went through having a child die in my arms here. What's to keep it from involving Christina directly?" As much as Helena was attempting to work through her grief, she was still fairly certain she couldn't handle Christina being involved.

"If it does involve Christina," she said, stopping in her tracks and looking at Myka with deep emotion in her eyes, her fist clenched around her locket tight enough to make her knuckles turn white. "I don't think I'm strong enough or ready to handle that." Helena obviously knew she had to face it, but it was a completely different thing if this place decided to make her relive Christina's death all over again or be somehow confronted by Christina herself. Christina was Helena's Achilles' heel even with the progress she had started making.

Christina would always be Helena's undoing.

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agent_bering
2013-11-12 07:07 am UTC (link)

Myka put a hand on Helena’s shoulder. “I hope it doesn’t come to that, for your sake. But if that happens, I’ll be here to help you. I know my help won’t make everything all right. Nothing can do that. But I’ll do my best to take as much of the pain away as I can. I wouldn’t leave you to handle it alone. And I will see you through to the other side.”

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indelibleink
2013-11-12 07:32 am UTC (link)

Looking at Myka, Helena set her free hand over the hand Myka had placed on her shoulder, giving it a little squeeze. "Thank you. Without you, I would stand no chance to get through that. I need your strength." And she did because Helena was so tired of fighting by herself. Her strength was waning, but she'd found rejuvenation when she was with Myka. There were many days when she very much felt every single minute of her one hundred and forty-six years of life.

"If...if this place makes me relive that day again...I don't know what will happen. When I was there when Christina died, that's what sent me into insanity." There was a tremor of emotion in her voice as well as tears starting to well up in her eyes. But as was usual, she didn't let the tears fall. For all the progress she'd made and how strong she pretended to be, Helena was exceedingly fragile, and Myka was the only one she would ever let see that. Myka was the only one who really knew how scarred her heart was, how haunted of a woman she was.

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agent_bering
2013-11-14 07:30 am UTC (link)

“I know. It’s…” Myka tried to gather the right words. “I can’t lie to you, even if it hurts. If that happens, it will be painful – and that’s an understatement but there’s no other stronger way to explain it, because you just can’t explain it. But this time you will have someone who knows you are suffering, who will be there trying everything to help you through, and I won’t leave you to deal with this on your own.”

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indelibleink
2013-11-14 08:39 am UTC (link)

Helena did appreciate the truth, and while it did hurt, it wasn't something she hadn't been aware of. She knew it would hurt, most things regarding Christina still hurt her so deeply. One hundred and twenty years on and that knife still cut her deeply.

"I am glad for that. I want you here with me. There is no other way that I could get through it." Which was the truth. Without Myka, Helena knew she wouldn't be able to deal with it and she would lose herself all over again. "Whatever may come, whether it's related to Christina or not, I need and want you here by my side." She knew Myka would push her when she needed it, and if she was confronted by Christina, she would undoubtedly try to close up on herself to keep the pain to as much of a minimum as possible. Helena needed someone like Myka that knew when to push her. It was one of the many reasons they worked so well together, they knew when to push the other and when not to.

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agent_bering
2013-11-16 04:39 am UTC (link)

Myka pulled Helena into a hug and simply held her. She knew it wasn’t much, and the anticipation of waiting to find out if the ordeal to come would involve facing Christina, again, was getting to Helena. Myka couldn’t take away the pain that always accompanied Christina, but she could help Helena see that she wasn’t alone this time.

“I love you, okay?” She rubbed Helena’s back. “We’re going to get through this.”

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indelibleink
2013-11-16 12:52 pm UTC (link)

Wrapping her arms around Myka tightly, Helena leaned into the embrace. While a hug may not be much in the grand scheme of things, it meant the world to Helena. She found great comfort in the embrace and in knowing Myka was there for her. It certainly helped to have these physical reminders at times, reminders that she wasn't alone anymore.

"I love you," Helena responded before she closed her eyes and buried her face in Myka's neck. It was something that she didn't typically do, but she wanted the comfort, the grounding that Myka's presence and scent gave to her. It was also silent acknowledgement that they would get through this together, come what may. Alone, Helena knew she couldn't withstand whatever was coming, but with Myka by her side, she could.

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