Mad World Mods (madworldmods) wrote in madworldrp, @ 2007-10-05 21:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | remus lupin, sirius black |
Sirius and Remus
LJ-SEC: (ORIGINALLY POSTED BY insidiousgrim)
Characters: Sirius & Remus
Setting: Their Dormitory, middle of the night
Summary: Sirius, plagued by bad dreams, cannot sleep. And so decides that Remus shouldn't sleep, either. He's thoughtful like that.
Nightmares were bad enough, when left solely to the subconcious imaginations of a person. Nightmares that stemmed from something that had previously occurred, something in which the individual could feel as they slept.. that was another story. Sirius wouldn't have been able to say that why this night, of all nights, would be the first that he had dreamt, rather unfortunately, of the cruciatus curse, and the pain he had been subjected to. Perhaps it was the agitation of everything going on.. Meghan in the hospital wing, hexed... Shiver dead, the very band that wrote a song about him... dead. His friends getting in the biggest fight they had ever been in recently... Sirius might act cool outwardly, but the fact that he was waking up in a cold sweat after having such a hellish dream - reliving such a nightmare - it was clear that things were stressing him out and agitating him, perhaps more than he, himself, even really knew.
It took him awhile toget reorientated with his surroundings. He lay there, willing his breath to even, his heart to slow to normal... He listened to the deep breathing of his dorm mates, wishing he could be sleeping as peacefully as they sounded to be. Then, when realizing there was no way he was going to fall back asleep in his bed, alone, Sirius crept out of bed and walked, without hesitation, over to Remus's bed.
James might have been as close to him as a brother... Peter, Remus, and James were all his best friends... but for some odd reason he couldn't really picture himself climbing into bed with either James, nor Peter. Yet, with Remus he thought nothing of it. Perhaps it was the by product of the many times, as a young boy, Sirius would hop into Remus's hospital bed in attempts to cheer him up. Perhaps it was something else entirely. Regardless, one thing was for certain, it was, in fact, Remus's bed that Sirius was walking quietly too.
He didn't necessarily try to wake Remus up, but he didn't avoid it either. In fact, he had to nudge Remus over a bit in order to climb into the bed. In doing so, Remus was jostled quite a bit, and Sirius should have felt bad for likely waking Remus up, but he was a bit selfish. If he couldn't sleep alone in his bed, than either he and Remus would both be sleeping in Remus's bed, or they'd both be awake... either way, Sirius wouldn't be alone and therefore his problem was solved. (Might not be the perspective from Remus, but Sirius never claimed to be skilled in legillimancy.)
Remus made a soft groaning noise when he felt a large and warm figure nudging him over on the bed, and as a result, nudging him awake. Sleepily blinking his eyes open, he rolled on his back so he could better see who the visitor was -- not that he exactly expected it to be James or Peter and especially not Kingsley. Thus was he was hardly surprised to see Sirius making himself comfortable in the bed.
Rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hands, he asked, "Sirius? What're you doing here?" His voice was a little groggy but more curious than accusatory.
Sirius wasn't about to admit that he had a horrid dream, nor was he going to admit what it was about... He certainly wasn't going to admit that he just couldn't stand to be alone.. none of those were "manly" enough confessions.
"Well, you know, using my superb skills in divination, I could See that you were missing me far too dreadfully to sleep, and how could I be a selfish prat and force you to continue missing me when I could just come over here?" Sirius smirked at the sleepy Remus. He knew his so-called lie was far from believable, but it really hadn't been said to convince Remus of an untruth, but said to avoid the question and, hopefully, amuse his mate at the same time.
"Oh, right, of course. The sleeping thing was all an act to cover up my true suffering," he said lightly, giving his eyes another rub before blinking them opening -- already his eyes were adjusting to the dark. "I suppose since you came for such a noble and thoughtful cause, it's alright."
The closeness was unavoidable, as the beds really weren't very big at all, but they had spent many an hour co-habiting. He tended to feel comfortable and familiar with Sirius visiting his bed over the years, but all the same, there was something oddly different about it. Or at least it felt different, and it was the sort of different that brought a slight blush to his cheeks, so he was quite grateful for the darkness.
Had he seen the blush, he likely would have teased Remus and thought nothing of it. However, luckily, for Remus's sake, he hadn't seen it, and Remus was, mostly, off the hook of said teasing. That didn't keep Sirius from ruffling up Remus's hair. "Fake sleeping or not, I know better," he said quietly, his hand still lingering in the ruffled mess of hair.
"You know me too well to be fooled by my tricks," he whispered back as Sirius mussed up his hair, not bothering to swat away the hand, even as it remained a bit longer than it normally would. His mouth pulled up a bit at the corner, and he blinked his eyes again, still getting used to being awake.
Maybe it was the encouragement from not being swatted away. Maybe it was the fact that Sirius was always a bit impulsive. There could have been a number of reasons to explain his actions, what he did next, though he wouldn't have been able to explain it if he tried.
There was something different about the night, compared to all the other times Sirius took over Remus's bedside. That difference was the fact that this night, Sirius act upon impulse and desire alone. Suspended his judgement, his worry for consequences (which, honestly, he did quite often, just never before with Remus).
Before he could second guess himself, change his mind, or chicken out, Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus. Pulling back ever so slightly after he felt his lips on Remus's, Sirius froze... a bit.. panicked. What was he thinking? Other than the thoughts that he really didn't want to pull away, Sirius was afraid to breathe, waiting for the reaction from Remus.
Remus suddenly found that he was very, very awake. The moment he felt Sirius's lips on his own, he was fairly certain his heart stopped or something exploded in his head or something like that -- a jolt of sorts shot through him, partially from surprise. People didn't snog him -- no one snogged him -- no birds, no blokes, no one, because he didn't do the kissing thing.
Sirius was his friend. Sirius was probably stressed from the week before and confused or maybe sleep-walking and talking and thought Remus was someone else -- which was obviously not true, but perhaps -- Merlin, he didn't even know.
There was a part of him that knew he didn't want to pull away, but there was another part of him that knew relationships just didn't work with him, and a part of him that could see it being some sort of joke -- another I wasn't thinking, and he was frozen in place.
It might have been a Slytherin trait to know what you wanted and go after it at all costs, but come hell or high water Sirius Black wanted to snog Remus Lupin and he didn't give a care about the consequences. Perhaps it was his Gyrffindor tendency to act first and think later, to get swept up in blind courage, or perhaps.. perhaps this snog was so long overdue that he couldn't help but give into it.
After all, Remus hadn't pushed him away, yet. He hadn't said anything to hint that this was a horrible, horrible idea. It wasn't that Sirius was an utter ponce, it was just.. it was Remus, and-
Sirius closed the small gap between their mouths, pressing his lips firmly against Remus's again. Sirius wrapped his fingers in Remus's hair as he kissed him, this time with a bit more certainty than hesitation. He wanted this.
Remus sucked in a little breath through his nose as Sirius's mouth pressed against his again. There was a little fluttering in his chest this time, spreading to a slight shiver as fingers threaded into his hair. His face burned, and he could feel his heart thumping rather a bit quicker than normal. Sirius was kissing him; Sirius was kissing him a second time, which suggested that it was intentional and not a case of trying to kiss a girl in the girls' dorms and just sorely missing or of some other reason he couldn't think of because Sirius was kissing him.
The difference in the first and the second kiss was apparent...not that he had any other kisses to compare with, but no matter. His body was still slightly tense, but it was such a strange sensation, this kissing business, and his mind was warring. It was not a good idea. It was not a good idea, but at the same time, he just couldn't bring himself to push away because it was Sirius, who was different -- he was just different, but it just wouldn't end well because -- Merlin, thinking was hard to do.
Sirius playfully tugged at Remus's lower lip, letting the kiss linger. The sensations he was feeling, the difficulty breathing, the fear that he was going to wake up and this be just a strange (but good) dream of sorts..
Then came the realization that he, Sirius Black, was snogging Remus Lupin. One of his best mates, a bloke... Remus. His Remus
What if he just messed everything up? What if Remus was going to freak out on him at any moment, and thus, after his actions tonight, start acting strangely around him? Blokes aren't supposed to kiss blokes... he's supposed to be kissing a bird. He didn't want to go snog a bird, he wanted to lay there, kissing Remus.
Shite. A moment of panicking filled him again, feeling way out of his comfort zone, nervous.. scared... uncertain of himself. What was he doing? For the first time he could remember Sirius was completely unsure of himself, no witty remarks, or cocky jokes... Sirius didn't know what to say.
Sirius pulled away from the kiss, feeling rather awkward. "Er. Goodnight, then." He thought about just getting up and going back to his own bed (in which he knew he wouldn't actually get any sleep tonight) but then, he decided to brave it out for a moment longer and wait... the least he could do was give Remus a chance to react before freaking out about this.
Remus was frozen in his spot when Sirius pulled away. He felt like all of the usually well-ordered thoughts in his mind were disorganized beyond easy repair. Sirius had just kissed, just out of the blue kissed him! But Sirius liked girls -- a lot. Sirius liked girls a lot, and sometimes it seemed like one of the only things he ever did talk about. So why would he do that?
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out, and he was fairly certain his face was now fully burning. He didn't even know what he wanted to say, but how could he not say anything? But how could he say anything? Part of him just desperately wanted to do it again, but the logical part of him could see nothing but problems.
Shite. Fuck. Damn. Bugger. Cripes. A string of profanity started flooding his thoughts. What had he done? What on earth possessed him to jeopardize a perfectly good friendship for a snog? Well, to be fair he did that frequently , but it was different putting his female friendships at risks for snogs. He was a bloke. Blokes snogged girls. Blokes did not snog blokes unless they were utter poofs. Ponces. And Sirius Black was not a ponce. It was merely curiosity that led him to snog Remus.
That didn't quite explain why he thought that kissing him twice was a good idea. But bloody hell. He was Sirius Orion Black. Anyone should be fortunate to snog him.
It was about that time, that string of consciousness, that Sirius realized he had temporarily forgotten how to breathe. The light headed sensation that he was feeling was a the first sign that perhaps.. perhaps it was best to get up and go back to his OWN bed. Not the best logic, considering the difficulty one experiences when attempting to stand while feeling light headed, but he attempted to none the less.
Quite awkwardly, and clumsily he managed to get to his feet. "Er. Sorry about that," he said casually, as if referring to accidentally nudging him while attempting to get up.
Remus tried to swallow, and when he found that wasn't entirely possible, he decided he would settle for turning an embarrassed gaze down to the covers, perfectly still. It wasn't that he was angry, upset, disgusted -- if anything, he had thought it nicer than he would probably ever admit -- but his imagination had always been an over-reactive one, and he could easily imagine who it could all go wrong. He was terribly confused about whether Sirius even meant it -- could he have? But twice...nothing added up. Nothing added up at all.
Even when Sirius stood, he couldn't find his voice, so he simply nodded.