InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Who let the nutjob out?"

Bucky Barnes (notzimniysoldat) wrote in madisonvalley,
@ 2018-12-10 11:27:00

Entry tags:

!closed, !log, ~2018 december, ~25 points, ~~bucky barnes (notzimniysoldat), ~~steve rogers (neverdanced)

WHO Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers
WHAT Stress cooking
WHEN Monday morning
WHERE The Rogers-Mars-Barnes household
WARNINGS TBD, probably not much
STATUS Closed | Incomplete

Monday had started out like any other day. Bucky'd woken up with the woman he loved, had slipped out of bed and made breakfast for his family, all like usual. He'd seen everyone off until it was just him and Steve left in the house and that was when he finally had the chance to check the network. Seeing the network post from Evie, and Quill's response, had him assuming the worst and he immediately went to call Kate. The call didn't connect and the subsequent messages he sent were bounced back.

Kate had gone home.

Bucky just stared at his phone for a full minute and then just set it aside. He was going to need time to process this, because if she was gone? He'd lost his sisters all over again. He couldn't think like that right now. She could just be gone for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even months. He couldn't just give up hope at the first sign of Kate being gone. One of the best ways he knew to distract himself was by baking so he started to gather the ingredients he'd need to make cookies from scratch.

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neverdanced
2018-12-10 09:22 pm UTC (link)

Steve didn't tend to check the network much unless someone told him to, and in this case he hadn't needed to. Almost as soon as they'd sent the girls off to school he'd gotten a text from Molly telling him what had happened, and he had no reason at all to disbelieve her. Kate was family and Molly kept track of her family better than anyone. She could better than anyone.

Glad that, at least, it was winter and there wasn't too much construction work to be done this time of year, Steve didn't feel badly at all for postponing heading to work himself, tracking Bucky down in the kitchen instead.

"You heard." It wasn't a question. It was clear as day from the tension in his friend's shoulders to sudden baking.

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notzimniysoldat
2018-12-10 09:52 pm UTC (link)

"Yep." He was curt, but not because of anything Steve had done. It was a slippery slope that he knew didn't necessarily need to start out on right away. Usually, he was the one who stood firm and encouraged others to not just assume the worst right off the bat. Following that advice right now seemed impossible and he really needed Steve to talk him down.

"Chocolate chip cookies okay?" He had a couple of other ingredients that he could throw in instead, like Reese's pieces or M&Ms. Chocolate chip was Kate's favorite though, if she could ever really pick a favorite out of all the food that she ate. She really wasn't the most picky person around. Except now, she wasn't really around at all.

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neverdanced
2018-12-10 11:13 pm UTC (link)

He knew better than to take it personally, so Steve only moved to lean against the counter. "Sure," he agreed, not fussy about whatever Bucky wanted to make, knowing all the girls would jump on them when they got home, unless Molly was on a kick of not wanting to get fat, which was exhausting. "Whatever we've got."

He paused a moment before just reaching out and letting his hand rest on Bucky's arm. "Don't let it get to you too much yet," he cautioned gently. "Give it a few days to see if she'll be back."

He didn't want to make any promises that she would be, but they could wait and see.

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notzimniysoldat
2018-12-11 12:04 am UTC (link)

Chocolate chip it was. He grabbed them from the pantry and then went back to mixing the flour into the butter, sugar and egg mixture. He usually used the mixer but right now he wanted the distraction of doing it by hand. The more energy he expended right now, the better.

Bucky tensed when Steve said exactly what he needed to hear. It was just that he needed a little while to process it all and find a way to do that without feeling like he was lying to himself. Time would tell if he was. Usually, he didn't have any problem being patient but the reminder helped.

"I'm worried about her. About what she might be going back to. She doesn't exactly put herself first." It was endearing when it was within the confines of Madison Valley, but in their world? In their world, anything could happen. And anything included Kate coming back dead or dying. Or worse.

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neverdanced
2018-12-11 04:05 am UTC (link)

"If something happens, if," because that was important, there was no guarantee that it would, "then it happens because she's doing her job, Buck. No less than any of us would."

He respected Kate in that, for doing what needed to be done whether she got herself hurt or not because of it. If he had the choice, he'd be at her back to order her down from doing something stupid, he'd be right there to protect her, but if he couldn't be he was okay knowing that she was out there helping people.

"And she's got people watching out for her," he reminded. Kate wasn't on her own.

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notzimniysoldat
2018-12-11 09:51 pm UTC (link)

Some people deserved better, though. For him and Nat, Steve, too. They had lived the sort of lives that were better to put at risk instead of other people. Bucky couldn't bring himself to think of Kate like that because she was too young for that to apply. The rest of them all had blood on their hands, for better or worse, and he wanted better for her. Madison Valley made a lot of things easier, but this was one of the harder parts.

Kate wasn't alone though. Steve was right about that. She had a bunch of teenagers for backup, but at least she had backup. The tiniest bit of tension left his shoulders and they sagged as much as they ever would. This was one of the worst parts about Madison Valley. One he'd never get used to, no matter how long he was here for.

"If the worst does happen, then I'll hope she ends up back here so we can help her through it."

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neverdanced
2018-12-11 11:07 pm UTC (link)

"So do I." He hoped that she ended up back with them regardless of what happened. He hoped that this was just going to be a quick trip home, like so many people had experienced. It was never going to be easy for the people left behind to wait and see, but it only hurt more if they gave in to it right away.

At least Steve felt like it hurt more to give in to it. He always waited, always hoped that a few days would turn everything around and things would go back to normal. That they'd come back.

"In the meantime, I know it's asking a lot but try not to worry abut it too much. At least until we know." If too many days passed without her being back, they'd know for sure she wouldn't be, and if she did come back they'd deal with whatever shape she was in then.

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notzimniysoldat
2018-12-12 12:20 am UTC (link)

"I know," he replied, and although he wanted to pretend like everything was fine, he knew he couldn't get away with that. Bucky truthfully didn't want to get away with it. Baking was a way of still providing for his family and with something he loved to do while distracting him from worrying about things outside of his control.

The hardest part was that as upsetting as it was for Kate to be gone, the same could happen to Steve or Kara or Veronica or Molly. He couldn't lose them. He couldn't lose his family, even though that was a possibility every time he closed his eyes. He hoped that it wouldn't come to pass, that trips wouldn't be long or would just be memories so that it would be easier to work through.

"Just don't go disappearing on me until after the new year, alright?"

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neverdanced
2018-12-12 03:34 am UTC (link)

There was nothing more in that moment Steve wanted than to be able to say there was nothing to worry about there. That he wasn't going anywhere. "If I could promise that, Buck, I would."

In a second, he'd make that promise to any of the people he loved, if he knew it was one he could keep. Steve wasn't going to lie to any of them, even if it was to spare their feelings or offer some comfort. It wasn't right and he couldn't do it.

"It's gonna have to be enough to say that I don't have any intention of ever going anywhere." Not with the family they'd built and were continuing to build. He wasn't just going to leave any of them if he had any say in the matter whatsoever.

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notzimniysoldat
2018-12-12 11:33 pm UTC (link)

He knew that, too. Just having Steve remind him that the promise would be there if it was something he could control was enough. He'd no doubt extract the same promise from Kara when he saw her next. This was one of those things that he knew he'd probably never get used to, no matter how painful it might end up being.

"It's enough," Bucky replied. He left the cookie dough momentarily to reach for Steve, to wrap his arms around the other man's waist and just hug him tightly. Bucky knew he was probably going to be a little more clingy than usual for the next few days, until either it was time to face facts or Kate returned. He was hoping for the latter. "Thanks," he murmured softly, and after another few moments he pulled away to return to his cookie dough. It was good to just have some reassurances, even if it was only a little bit.

[ooc: and wrap!]

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