InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I haven't slept in six years."

Kara Danvers (flyinggirl) wrote in madisonvalley,
@ 2017-07-24 11:26:00

Entry tags:

!closed, !log, ~2017 july, ~25 points, ~~bucky barnes (notzimniysoldat), ~~kara danvers (flyinggirl)

Who: Kara Danvers & Bucky Barnes
What: Talking about AU Madison
Where: Their room
When: Monday morning
Warnings: probably references to torture and death
Status: Closed/Ongoing

After finally getting released from the clinic, Kara and Bucky headed home, too exhausted from everything that happened to really talk about their experiences. Being forced to kill her sister was something that Kara would prefer to forget ever happened. She also didn't really want to think about Bucky trying to kill her or about the twisted relationship between him and Alex. Or the fact that she and Barry were a thing in that universe. It was all just too weird.

Kara took a long shower and then collapsed on their bed in an over-sized t-shirt and her underwear. Even though she'd spent nearly a week unconscious, all she wanted to do right now was sleep, but she was worried about Bucky and how knowing what his alternate self had done was making him feel.

When he got out of the shower, she propped herself up on her elbows. "I guess we should talk about stuff."

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notzimniysoldat
2017-07-25 12:59 am UTC (link)

Bucky didn't want to talk about any of it. He said what he needed to so that they could be discharged and quietly checked the perimeter of the house while Kara took a shower. Then he traded places with her and showered, the water as hot as it could go. His skin was red afterwards, but he hardly noticed. Kate was gone, had been since the Soldier and the Widow had killed Amberle and forced Bishop to kill herself. Somehow, Amberle was fine but Kate. Kate was gone. He wasn't sure if Natasha knew about the other world, about them, but he had a feeling Kara already knew about Alex. Did she know Veronica had been the one to help her reprogram him?

When he couldn't delay going back to his bedroom any longer, Bucky wrapped a towel around his waist and moved toward their dresser so he could pull on sweats before he crawled into bed with her. He carefully kept himself apart from her but it was instinctual, not deliberate.

"Probably," he replied, and took a deep breath. "Thank you for not hesitating when I came after you."

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flyinggirl
2017-07-25 01:55 am UTC (link)

Kara wasn't about to let him keep his distance and she immediately scooted into his space so she could curl up against his side. "It wasn't you," she said. "None of it was you." It had been easy for her to separate the mindless drone from the man she was currently in bed with. He was nothing like her Bucky.

And despite knowing plenty about what his alternate universe self was up to, she wasn't going to hold it against him. He wasn't at fault for what happened in that universe.

"I love you," she said. "Nothing that happened over there will change that."

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notzimniysoldat
2017-07-26 01:03 am UTC (link)

He was a little surprised when Kara just curled up next to him, but he smiled faintly and wrapped his arms around her to hold her close after a few long minutes. Bucky appreciated that she was so forgiving but he couldn't help the pit in his stomach at all the things he'd done as the Soldier there. "It felt like what I could be," he replied quietly.

That was what scared him the most. Especially what had happened between himself and Natasha. That wasn't so far outside the realm of possibility and it was something he'd thought he might have wanted for a brief moment when he'd first arrived. It wasn't possible here, not with Kara and Bruce in the picture, but that didn't stop him from feeling guilty that he remembered what it all felt like courtesy of merging with his alternate reality self.

"I love you too. That hasn't changed. It's not ever going to change." Bucky was always going to love her, whether she was right there next to him or if she was sent back home. "It's just hard to reconcile everything I remember from there with what's real here." He had enough problems with his memories. This was just messing with him more.

"I killed Kate."

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flyinggirl
2017-07-26 10:01 pm UTC (link)

"I know," Kara said. It was hard enough for her to process everything she'd experienced plus all the memories she inherited from her alternate universe self. Add to that the fact that she'd had to put down the two most important people in her life and, well, she wasn't even sure what to think. She knew that it had to be even harder for Bucky, given how badly Hydra messed with his mind.

When he said that he killed Kate, she winced. That was something she'd been unaware of and she could only imagine how it made him feel. "It wasn't really you," she said gently. "And it wasn't the Kate you know and love." She had some vague recollections that Kate was some mercenary type who was only out for herself in that other Madison. That didn't gel at all with what she knew of the Kate here.

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notzimniysoldat
2017-07-28 01:27 am UTC (link)

What helped was that he wasn't going through this alone. He knew a little of Kara's life in that alternate reality but only insofar as it would have helped the Soldier take her down. Those two simple words reminded him that it hadn't been a walk in the park for Kara and he shifted to pull her closer.

He swallowed down the urge to argue, to say that she was gone, had disappeared instead of waking up like her elf friend when she'd died. Because of him. "The way I- he was in that version of things, that kind of cold, calculated determination to see a mission through, that's what I could end up like if I'm ever triggered here. The Soldier is dangerous, no matter who gives the orders." Veronica had hacked his programming somehow and Alex had become his Mistress. That was complicated on more than a few levels.

"Alex didn't merge, did she?"

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flyinggirl
2017-07-28 06:50 pm UTC (link)

If they could just forget everything about that universe, it would be nice, but Kara knew that wasn't possible. "No, she didn't," she said. "So she doesn't know anything about what she was like there." And Kara really, really did not want to tell her sister about her evil vampire alter ego. That was sleeping with Kara's boyfriend.

"Do you think I have to tell her?" she asked. Killing her sister was probably the hardest thing she'd ever done.

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notzimniysoldat
2017-07-28 09:18 pm UTC (link)

He thought about it for a few moments, his thumb stroking her arm absently. "I think that depends on if you think it'll make things better or worse, but she might need some kind of explanation. I can't-" Bucky took a deep breath and tried to center himself so he wouldn't get worked up. "I don't think I can be around her right now, not yet." He wasn't sure it could look at Natasha right now either, or Banner, and it was all he could do to keep his arms wrapped around Kara.

That was when it dawned on him. "Happy anniversary," Bucky murmured. It was hard to believe they'd been together a year but it was crappy that the plan he'd had wasn't something either of them were up for now.

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flyinggirl
2017-07-29 02:11 am UTC (link)

Kara understood why Bucky felt that way. Even if neither of them told Alex about what happened, it was entirely possible someone else would and Kara definitely didn't want her finding out about things from anyone but her. "I'll give it a few days," she decided.

"Huh? What?" she said, giving Bucky a confused look. With the coma, she'd sort of lost sense of time and didn't realize what the date was. "Oh, wow, this was not how I planned on spending our anniversary."

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notzimniysoldat
2017-07-29 07:39 pm UTC (link)

"Does that mean we can stay here for a few days?" He was half joking because he was never one to just stay in bed, but he owed her a much better anniversary than what they'd gotten because of the dome.

"Not even remotely close to what I had planned, but I'll make it up to you." Bucky pressed a kiss against her temple. He was still unsettled in a lot of ways, but it was easier to focus on Kara and making sure she was alright. Everything they'd been through had been a little insane of late and focusing on her made things better. He wasn't sure he'd have been able to recover from this without her by his side so he knew he was lucky. His chances were a lot better this time around.

"I love you."

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	flyinggirl 2017-07-31 12:29 am UTC (link)
	"Mmm, I wish," Kara said, curling up against him. She was content to stay here for the moment, at least, but their appetites would compel them out of bed sooner or later. "We'll do something to celebrate next weekend." That would give them time to adjust back to everything and process what they'd experienced. Hopefully. "I love you, too." (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notzimniysoldat 2017-08-06 02:40 am UTC (link)
	[ooc: thats a wrap!] (Reply to this) (Parent)