Guys, I need a job, so I think I'm gonna post my resume and y'all let me know if you think I'd be a good fit at your place!
The United States of America, Alfred F. Jones
I am a 240-year-old male looking for gainful employment! I have work experience in numerous fields including construction, agriculture, government, office work, and the military, to name only a few.
Skills include super strength, English, Spanish, and American Sign Language proficiency, extensive knowledge of American history, experience in aircraft, motor vehicle, and locomotive maintenance and repair. I am also very skilled at both construction and farmwork, and I am totally proficient with Microsoft Office, including Excel. I have a can-do attitude and I'm good at working with others!
Awards and achievements:
-Member of two-time World War champion alliance -Permanent member of the UN security council -Largest GDP in the world since late 19th century -Pentagon employee of the month October 1985
Work history available upon request (but it's really really really long).