Kady Orloff-Diaz (kadymaybe) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2023-11-12 14:11:00 |
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Entry tags: | !log, !open, ~~2023 november, ~~kady orloff-diaz (kadymaybe), ~~nina zenik (paymeinwaffles) |
Who: Kady & OPEN
What: Her cracks are showing...and not the sexy ones
When: Sunday
Where: The Wyrm
Warnings: All of Kady/depression/thoughts of self destruction
Status: Incomplete
Life had kicked Kady in the ass almost every day since she'd been born. She'd gotten used to it until she'd been shown that life didn't have to be that way. But once she'd allowed herself to hope her life could be better, she'd been shown that having hope was just another form of self-destruction. And yet, over and over Kady found herself in situations that rekindled that hope, fooled her with the tease that this time will be different...this time will be better. Each time she got knocked right back down. Even here where she was surrounded by people who swore they had a second chance to have everything they couldn't have back home she'd been kicked. Again. And again.
Hope set you on fire. Disappointment plunged you into cold water to temper you. Make you stronger. Harden your armor. But damn it, Kady felt she was hard enough, thank you!
There were ways to numb herself. Activities she'd learned to distract herself from the shit show that was her life. Drugs, alcohol and meaningless sex were the trifecta she'd turned to in the past. After having a kid show up from an alternate reality, Sex was crossed off the list. She had also learned that these days, Sex was brushing elbows with emotions she didn't want to feel.
That left Drugs and Alcohol, things she indulged in so hard it bordered on abuse. Memories of her mother kept her from falling solidly into reliance on them. Kady would sober up when she felt too out of control. It would last for a while until she sought their promised oblivion again.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Kady had spent the week sober. The hollow feelings began to creep in again, especially with all the talk of the holidays coming. She'd never had a Christmas. Never had a gift, a tree. Nothing. Ever. She shouldn't miss it...except for that teasing promise that kept being thrown up in her face every time she turned around. She wasn't ready for the drugs yet, so alcohol it was. Kady went to one of the places she knew she wouldn't be noticed or get attention for hammering back shots and whiskey sours with a heavy pour. The White Wyrm.
The faces she knew at the door and behind the bar got the barest of nods from her before she darkened a seat at the corner of the bar then began her trek into oblivion. Her sanity, on the other hand, had other ideas. Two shots into things her armor began to crack. That hollowness that burned like acid against her heart worked its way into her eyes and made them water.
Kady continued to fight against it.