Colonel Jack O'Neill (jack_youbetcha) wrote in madisonvalley, @ 2022-07-15 16:10:00 |
|
|||
Entry tags: | !completed gdoc, !log, [plot] cruise2022, ~2022 july, ~jack o'neill (jack_youbetcha), ~~~ samantha carter (samanthacarter) |
Who: Sam Carter and Jack O’Neill
What: Dealing with some slight ptsd
Where: Deck then Hot Tub
When: Cruise Day Six - Glacier Bay National Park
Warnings: references to trauma
Status: complete gdoc
The first few days of the cruise had been pretty nice, despite the fact that Sam was awkwardly sharing a room with Martouf instead of being with her family. At least Six was with Jack and not off on her own somewhere. They, of course, allowed her to do some exploring on her own, with frequent check ins, but Sam had heard too many stories of people disappearing from cruise ships to be entirely comfortable with her daughter running wild.
Each day the ship sailed further north and the snow capped mountains and glaciers that had been distant scenery were much closer. After breakfast, Sam took Six to participate in some children’s programming. She and Jack had been talking about disembarking, but as she strolled the decks and saw the ice surrounding them, she found herself getting anxious. By the time she met up with Jack again, her arms were covered in goosebumps even though the temperature wasn’t that cold.
“Would you be okay if we stay on board today?” she asked, unable to keep the slight tremor out of her voice.
*
Jack wasn’t particularly thrilled that Sam was rooming with Martouf, but he was pretty confident he wasn’t going to have to kill Martouf over making a move on Sam. This was mostly because Sam could handle herself better than he could anyday.
He turned to look at her. They were close to the exit for embarkment, but he wasn’t surprised when she said that. He had been feeling uneasy all morning and it had occurred to him about thirty minutes ago just exactly why. Since he figured it out, he couldn’t quite shake it.
He closed the distance so he could pull her to him and wrap his arms around her. The fact that it was bothering Sam meant it made him even more uneasy. “How bad is it?”
–
It didn’t surprise Sam that he immediately knew both that something was bothering her and what it was without her needing to say a word. Their years working in the field meant they were particularly attuned to each other even before they became a couple. She knew that Jack could read Daniel and Teal’c just as well as could she.
She wrapped her arms around him and gave a squeeze, taking a moment to absorb the steady safety he represented. “Not too bad,” she said. “At least not yet.” Sam had a feeling that she’d be having some nightmares though. “You?”
*
“Wishing I had my side arm.” He had shown up without it and while he was annoyed by it on the one hand, rooming with Six meant he felt better there were no guns anywhere near her. He did always feel slightly more in control when he had a firearm close to him though, whatever that said about him.
He held her without worrying about anything else at the moment. “We don’t have to leave, but eventually, Six is going to want to go on land.” Weird for them to be the ones not wanting to go ‘off world’ so to speak.
–
Sam nodded against his chest. Their daughter deserved to explore and she would pull it together for her sake. “I know,” she said. “And I want to make sure she gets to do everything she wants.” Maybe they were spoiling her a little, but given what Six went through in her life prior to Madison Valley, Sam figured they were making up for years of abuse.
“Maybe a little later,” she said. They were in port all day so she could take a few hours to get used to their surroundings before venturing out. “”We could hang out in one of the hot tubs.” Adapting to the sight of all the ice from an exceptionally warm and comfortable place might be exactly what she needed.
*
“Let’s do that then.” Jack thought it was smart which wasn’t surprising since Sam suggested it. He held her hand back to the rooms where he made a joke about Martouf and her in a bathing suit which had been made more for her to relax a little than any actual worry. Soon after, they were back on deck, this time near the hot tubs. They conveniently had ‘good views’ of large glaciers.
He lowered himself into the hot water which he was pretty sure felt hotter since it was cold outside. Once he settled in, he exhaled. He wanted to talk to Sam about their time in Antarctica, really talk to her now that they could be more open, but first he decided to ask, “Better?”
–
The joke did relieve some of Sam’s tension, though she rolled her eyes and slugged him in the shoulder, though it was half-hearted because she appreciated his attempt at levity. She changed quickly and while it was tempting to hide away in her cabin, or rather in the one Jack and Six were sharing, she knew that wasn’t a long term solution.
Sam settled into the hot tub next to Jack and let out a sigh of contentment. The air hitting her face was crisp, but not cold, and being enveloped by warmth meant her brain didn’t try sending her back to that cave.
“Much,” she said. “Thank you.”
*
“Got to say this bathing suit is better than standard issue.” He glanced at her with a smile in his eyes - a subtle sort of playfulness that was all Jack.
He let them sit there for a bit, enjoying being in the water with her and their surroundings. Eventually he decided to speak. “You know, when we were stuck. The thing I hated the most was how it was going to be my fault that you were going to die.” Not that he said that.
–
His admission drew a snort of laughter from Sam, which probably was not the reaction he was expecting. “That’s exactly how I felt too,” she said. “I felt like I was letting you down by not being able to get the gate working.” Sam’s brains got them out of a lot of tight spots through the years, but Antarctica always lingered in the back of her mind as an abject failure.
That was the first time she’d ever thought about kissing Jack O’Neill. No, she hadn’t been in love with him yet, hadn’t even had a crush, but believing they were both going to die, Sam thought they may as well indulge in a little physical comfort before the end. For a long time after their rescue, she was grateful that they hadn’t crossed that line. Eventually, she came to regret not taking advantage of the opportunity.
*
He shook his head while smiling - his own form of a laugh because they were both ridiculous, weren’t they? “Had I known I could have passed the buck…” That wasn’t true and Jack had known the amount of pressure she had put on herself to try to get them out. He knew the pressure she put on herself daily.
“You know what helped after?” He glanced at her. “Skating. After I healed up, of course.” Maybe a little too soon after he was healed enough. “I went out and played some hockey. Made me feel like I had control over ice again, as stupid as that sounds.”
–
Sam leaned over to steal a quick kiss, grateful that none of the other passengers were using the hot tubs at the moment. “That doesn’t sound stupid at all, Jack,” she said. In fact, it sounded pretty damn smart and she wished she’d had something similar to help. “And considering how many ways we’ve almost died, we need to have good coping mechanisms.”
The flashes of memory that occasionally cropped up and triggered a bit of ptsd were nearly impossible to identify. Some of them, like the ice today, were easy to figure out. Others, she just had to power through and hope whatever set them off wouldn’t happen again.
Talking about near death experiences wasn’t exactly standard vacation fare.
*
“You mean you don’t wish we could have just had a lot of sex after each of those?” He looked over at her with a half amused look, but he was semi-serious. He had no idea if it was considered ‘healthy’ using sex to cope with death, but it felt like a natural reaction to the situation. One neither of them could partake in most of the time except for the few occasions where they had dated or seen other people. Laira was probably the only serious of any of those, but even then Jack had picked Sam over her.
–
“I mean, yes, that definitely crossed my mind on many occasions,” Sam said, nudging his shoulder with hers. “And there was more than once I thought that it would be worth tanking my career for.” Part of her regretted that it took them so long to take the plunge, though she knew they had done the responsible thing by waiting.
*
"I'm glad you didn't." He was serious for a moment. "Despite the fact I would have gladly accepted, I'd feel terrible after the fact that I cost you your career." Jack knew it was important to her and because of that he often worked toward helping her achieve it. Being in her way sounded like the worst solution.
"I guess they were right about good things and waiting." He reached for her hand to hold under the warm water.
–
Ultimately, Sam was also glad that neither of them broke regulations, even if she did lament for all the time they lost together. In a perfect world, they could have been together and stayed on SG1. The world wasn’t perfect though so they did the best they could.
“You were certainly worth waiting for,” she agreed, squeezing his hand. Sitting here together, immersed in warm water, Sam felt a sense of security and peace that she desperately needed. “Thank you for today.”
*
"I'd go anywhere with you and that includes going nowhere too." He meant it even if he was also being funny. He was glad it helped. This helped him too, even if he wasn't aware that he had needed it as much as Sam had been aware. "We've got lots of time on this ship and we're stubborn." Meaning even if they didn't get completely 'over it', they would likely push through.
–
If for no other reason, they’d put aside their own trauma for their daughter’s sake. Sam liked how that sounded. “I guess we should probably get out of here before we shrivel up into nothing,” she joked. “Maybe go back to your room and take a nap?” The way her eyes were twinkling made it clear she did not mean sleeping.
*
He nodded emphatically. “I could use a nap.” He liked that kind of napping with Sam. It was even easier to nap when you didn’t have to worry about a child hearing you nap.