Fic Post: Fractured Fairytale(s)
Title: Fractured Fairytale(s) Pairing: Snape/Lupin Rating: G Summary: Being a selection from Mother Minerva's book of fairytales, real and imaginary… Note: these five drabbles were in response to the Fairytale challenge over on Snape100.
Diamonds and Toads
Little Remus didn't have a sweetheart, so he set off to see the wide world. He walked and he walked, and soon enough he came to a well.
He'd leaned over to drink (walking is thirsty work!) when a greasy head rose from the water and began to sing:
‘Wash me and comb me, And lay me down softly -
"Oh bugger. It's you."
Little Remus hauled Little Severus out of the well. "What are you doing here?"
"Little Sirius dumped me here until my true love combed my hair."
Little Remus pulled out a comb. "Happy Valentine's Day!"
*****
Little Severus was so happy he kissed Little Remus. When Little Remus kissed him back, diamonds and pearls fell from his mouth! They went back to town and lived happily ever after.
Little Sirius saw them and ran to the well so he could have his own jewels and his own sweetheart. Another head rose from the water and sang:
‘Wash me and comb me, And lay me down softly -
"Little Bellatrix? Eww, you're disgusting!"
"So are you!" she cried, and poor Little Sirius! Snakes fell from his mouth!
"Love sucks," he said, and became a snake charmer.
*****
Backstage at the Pantomime
Snape stumped down the corridor, his costume shedding feathers like a rabbit blowing coat. He glared at Lupin, who was grinning like the idiot he was.
"Why so happy, wolf?"
"Love is in the air. Look, Neville just proposed to Hannah!" Lupin seemed oblivious as one of the feathers on his duck suit drooped past his eyes.
"Wonderful. It's not enough that Potter has spawned. I'll have more Longbottoms to look forward to. I could just - "
"We're on!" Snape rolled his eyes as Lupin gamboled out, quacking, then honked and followed.
Playing the Ugly Duckling was not fun.
*****
Little Red Riding Wolf
"Minerva?" The safe house was ominously quiet. Severus twitched Minerva's House cloak aside and took a step forward.
"In here, darling!" trilled a falsetto. Severus cast a detection spell and cautiously moved forward. "I've been waiting for you!"
"Darling?" Severus rolled his eyes at the sight of Lupin, in a frilly nightgown and mob cap, sitting up in bed. "What are you doing?"
"Dora threw me out. Minerva said I could stay here as long as I pretended to be her." Lupin sighed heavily. "Love sucks, as the children might say."
"So does that disguise," said Severus. "Have some chicken."
*****
Fabulously Ever After
There once was a Prince who was ugly and greasy. He got so used to the insults that he spent all his time scribbling in his diary.
On Valentine's Day he lost his book in the woods. A wolf said "Prince, I will bring you your book if you kiss me."
The Prince did not like wolves, but his book was precious to him. "Oh, all right!"
The wolf did, and the Prince kissed him. Bang! The wolf was a handsome man who taught the Prince how to wash his hair and use makeup.