Thank you/birthday gift for McKay
Title: Making a List and Checking it Twice Pairing: Lupin/Snape, Hermione/Neville Rating: NC-17 Warnings: mpreg, hermaphrodite!Snape, some sappiness, partially clothed sex. Summary: It's their first Christmas together, and Remus wants to make it as memorable as possible for his pregnant mate. Note: this is an outtake from "Of Mutual Benefit," a long Snape/Lupin mpreg I wrote for McKay a few years ago. I was looking around for prompts from Snusa and the other fests she signed up for, and found one that just seemed to fit with a crucial scene. I probably should have written this back then but I was under heavy deadline pressure for a conference paper and couldn't due to time constraints. Please accept this as a token of my gratitude for all that you do for fandom, especially Snupin Santa.
"Remus. What are you doing?" Severus frowned slightly at the sight of his partner bent over what appeared to be a small notebook. "The 25th of December is rather too late to update your Christmas card list."
Remus adjusted his reading glasses and looked up. He wore the soft wool jumper Minerva had given him during their blessedly brief visit to Hogwarts, paired with a hand-knit cardigan produced by the manumitted elves at Longbottom House. Granger and Longbottom, who looked as if he were carrying Hagrid's child and not his wife's, had made an appearance as well, and Severus had not had to fake nausea when Longbottom cornered him by the non-alcoholic punch and began going over their "birthing plan" in detail. Water birth? What are they, plimpies? he had complained to Remus as they'd made their way to Minerva's fireplace, and for once Remus had looked properly horrified instead of amused.
Now they were back at Spinner's End, Remus with his notebook on Eileen Snape's old sofa, Severus in the armchair with his feet up and a book on Muggle politics propped on his stomach. The baby was sleeping (how odd, that they slept before they were born), which meant that he didn't have to glare down at his midsection whenever his reading material was dislodged by a well-aimed kick.
"Doing?" Remus paged back through the notebook and worked a kink out of his shoulder. "Taking notes, actually. According to Poppy, the last few weeks of pregnancy are supposedly the least comfortable."
Severus pursed his lips. "I never would have guessed that eight months and onward would be uncomfortable." He glanced down at the swell that had replaced his waistline and made a face. "Have you learned a charm to help me get out of chairs without assistance? That would be useful."
"I'll ask Poppy. She has two of her own, you know." Remus licked the end of his pen in a most lascivious way. "Regardless, I want to do everything I can to make sure that you and Sir Andrew - "
"We are not naming him 'Aguecheek'!" Severus did his best to sit up. He flopped back into the chair as he realized, not for the first time, that two extra stone centered in his pelvis was not conducive to quick or graceful movement.
"- happy and healthy for the next few weeks," said Remus. "That means keeping notes on the best ways to pamper you until you deliver. I'm making lists of your favorite food, drink, recreation - "
"Recreation? Is that what you call 'imitating the statue of Buddha from the Chinese takeaway'?"
" - massage positions - "
Severus turned slightly pink at the memory of the previous night, when a most satisfactory massage had turned into something much more.
" - sexual positions - "
The pink turned to blazing red, and that damnable low grade arousal that had been present since late August flared to life. Severus squirmed and hoped that the stiffness between his legs was not noticeable pressed against the underside of his bump.
" - that sort of thing," Remus finished. His eyebrows went up as he got a good look at Severus. "Well. Should I read the list back to you? Some parts are rather interesting."
"I'm sure." Severus tilted his head back as Remus walked over, notebook in hand, pulled an extra ottoman over to the side of the armchair, and took his seat. He was close enough now that Severus could smell the cologne he'd splashed on before they'd left for Hogwarts, and the faint scent of wood smoke from the Headmistress' fireplace. "Food and drink are obvious, one would think."
"Oh yes. Jaffa cakes, ginger tea, chicken with vegetables, the occasional bit of chocolate when you think I'm not looking." Remus leaned over to pat his stomach. "Remember when you couldn't keep anything down? You were convinced you wouldn't gain an ounce, and now look at you."
Severus snorted. "As if I could do anything else. Mirrors are not my friend right now."
Remus ran his hand up and down over the bulge. "You've put on weight for the best reason in the world, love. There's nothing wrong with that."
Severus grunted, as much to distract Remus before he made a complete fool of himself as to register disapproval. "What about recreation? This should be a short list, considering that I can't go outside in this neighborhood except under a glamour."
"It's not quite as short as you think." Remus stopped stroking, which was mildly disappointing. "You've been getting plenty of exercise in Wizarding areas, especially supervising the work on the new house. You read more than most, so you're probably looking forward to the library at Brewer's Rest. Am I right?"
"I suppose." Severus did his best not to react as Remus took his time licking a finger and turning to the next page. "Pray continue telling me about myself."
"But of course." Remus adjusted his reading glasses. "You enjoy visiting museums and galleries, especially the Wizarding ones. There's an alchemical art exhibition opening just after Twelfth Night at the Canterbury Court Museum in Kent. I assume you'll want to attend."
"Only if you bring a chair. I am not risking a back spasm by waddling about for three hours without sitting down."
"There's that." Severus had barely spoken to the couple in question, mainly because the partner was a former student who had turned an alarming shade of green at the sight of his old professor in maternity clothes and had spent all his time talking to Neville Longbottom about nappies.
"There is indeed." Remus leaned against the arm of Severus' chair and continued to read. "You enjoy developing new potions and medicaments, and heaven knows there's enough pregnancy-safe materials for you to potter about with at Brewer's Rest after we move. You also said two weeks ago you couldn't wait for spring so you could get to work on the garden, so you could start raising seedlings in the greenhouse. I can't imagine that being a problem unless you're planning to start a crop of Devil's Snare."
"You must be mad. Even Pomona has trouble with that lot." Severus let his head rest against Remus' shoulder, unable to resist the body contact. The exhibition announcement slipped unnoticed to the floor "Gardening and brewing should be fine as long as I stick to medicals and non-toxic bases."
"Then there's the nice conversation you had with the vicar at Brewerton over the angel ceiling, so clearly you know something about church architecture." Remus turned just enough to give him a sidelong glance. "Shall I go on?"
"No need. You've made your point." It was something of a surprise to see how much Remus had discerned. He had thought his activities would be restricted as his pregnancy advanced, but it seemed he still had plenty to keep him occupied. "As for massage, I think we covered that last night."
"I daresay. Your back certainly needed work, and your shoulders, and your neck," said Remus, his voice dropping to the husky register that curled Severus' toes. He set the notebook aside and hitched himself as close as he could, kissing Severus first on the cheek and then lightly on the mouth. One hand sneaked down to caress the rounded belly. "And something else."
Another kiss, this one open-mouthed and deep. Severus moaned softly, unable to help himself. . "Remus - "
Remus breathed a laugh into his temple. A charm widened the chair, and before Severus could protest at the lack of contact, Remus had left the ottoman and was there beside him, kissing him in earnest and reaching under his clothes to feather the most delicate of touches across his skin. Severus shuddered and bucked as the touch went lower and lower, tracing the ripe curve of his abdomen all the way down and under to his aching erection. He gave Severus' cock a quick squeeze that promised more, then leaned in close enough to nuzzle his ear.
"You love having your belly touched," Remus murmured. He laid a possessive hand over the tight smooth swell that had only gotten more sensitive as it grew, thumb lazily teasing the pushed-out navel until Severus clutched at the arm of the chair. "I noticed it almost as soon as you started to show, all the way back in August. You couldn't get enough of me kissing and touching and nuzzling it, even when we were the only ones could tell the difference."
"Oh God." Severus shuddered. Remus knew exactly how much pressure to exert before pleasure became pain. "You - "
"It's only gotten more obvious, you know, even when you were trying to hide how big you were getting. Last night you were positively moaning when I used that cream on you." Remus shifted in place and waved his hand in a banishing spell. Severus' clothing disappeared from the waist down, freeing his cock and baring his lower abdomen. Remus pushed his jumper up to expose the whole bulge, almost reverently tracing the dark line that stretched from groin to ribs.
"I never thought I'd say this, but I can't believe how gorgeous you are - don't you dare laugh or snort, I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life. This is our baby, love, ours, and the bigger you get the closer he is to being born."
Severus was beyond speech as Remus slid down to kiss and lick every inch of his belly, whispering endearments that blurred together as his arousal grew. He cried out as Remus began to squeeze his cock again, and when Remus went to work on the soft wet velvet between his legs, the cries became an incoherent scream.
Remus shuddered at the sound. His own breath was coming in short pants, and as Severus grabbed at his head and begged for more, he tore open his flies with his free hand and began fisting himself even as he continued to lick and suck and finger. Soon, too soon, he cried his own pleasure aloud, and the vibrations against clit and cock sent Severus over the edge in a climax that left him limp and gasping and barely able to move.
Remus forced out a cleaning spell on himself, then waited until the last spasms had faded to lick Severus' belly clean and kiss his way back up over the curve. He summoned a throw from the sofa to cover them both and wrapped himself about Severus against the room's chill.
"And that's what you like sexually, love." He smiled as Severus, still dazed, blinked at him. "It doesn't matter what position we use or whether you're in a chair or on the bed. As long as I pay enough attention to all of you, even the female parts, you're happy.
"And so am I." He kissed Severus thoroughly enough that he could taste his own fluids on Remus' lips. "Maybe it's the wolf or maybe it's me, but right now all I want to do is take care of you and our cub. I meant what I said last night. You're both mine, now and always."
Severus managed a feeble snort, more for form's sake than anything else. He was warm, sated, and pleasantly relaxed, and the tiny wisp of doubt about last night faded away as Remus murmured something that sounded amazingly like I love you. "As long as you remember not to read fairy stories to our son until he's actually born, you'll get no argument from me. Even if you are too sentimental by half."
"One of us has to be," said Remus. He gestured at the ottoman under Severus' feet, which obediently expanded and merged with the armchair to make a temporary bed. "Time to settle down for a long winter's nap, I think."
"As long as the neighbors didn't hear us and call the police, I agree." The baby had roused during their lovemaking, and without conscious thought he pulled Remus' hand down to soothe the kicking. "They already think we're odd."
"Let them. We'll be somewhere else soon enough." Remus settled against him. "Besides, I soundproofed the whole building back in November, just in case there was a delay setting up Brewer's Rest and we had to live here with Fortinbras for a few weeks."
"Good idea." Severus quirked his lips at yet another ridiculous baby name. "We're not calling him Fortinbras. Even my grandfather would have drawn the line at that, and his name was Theophrastus."
"Hm." Remus chuckled. "What about Banquo? Escalus? Hortensius? Florizel?"
"Not a chance." Severus did his best to look innocent. He had taken advantage of his lunch break two days ago to arm himself against his lover's peculiar sense of humor. "There is one I think we should consider. It's Augustan rather than Shakespearean, but it's old and has a distinguished lineage. Would that do?"
"Really?" Remus, interested, propped himself on his elbow. "What is it?"
"Chrononhotonthologos." Severus looked smug as Remus gaped. "Come now, it's not that difficult. It only took me two hours' practice before I could pronounce it perfectly, and we could always call him 'Chrononhoton' for short."
"You - " Remus went white, then red. He summoned a throw pillow from the sofa and held it up in a mock threat. "I should - "
"No, no. Didn't you just say you were going to take care of me?" Severus wiggled a finger at the pillow. It was one of his grandmother's, and he would be perfectly happy if they left it behind when they moved. "I can't think of a better name than from the main character of the most tragickal tragedy ever tragedied by tragedians."
Remus laughed, tossed the pillow aside and kissed him again. "That's another thing for my list, you know. 'Tease him until he teases back.' Can you think of anything else?"
"Give me time." Severus kissed him back. "I'm sure I'll come up with something."