COUNTESS ZERO (countesszero) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2009-08-25 09:35:00 |
|
|||
Current mood: | tired |
RETROFEST ENTRY
Title: THE ADDICTION 05/14
Rating: NC-17
Author:countesszero
Beta:schemingreader
Pairings: SS/ES, SS/RL, SS/SB, RL/NT
Genre: AU, Drama, Tragedy, Romance, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Challenge: Retrofest 2009 Prompt No. 05
Canon: Compliant with PS, CoS and 90% PoA compliant.
Wordcount: Approximately 2,300 words
Summary: When Harry, Hermione, Ron stun Severus in the Shrieking Shack, they don't know there is a Sleeping Beauty Spell on the bed already. It interacts and Snape wakes up a woman. Remus who already is attracted to Snape finds this even more intriguing and begins to woo Snape.
Warnings: Incest, Heterosexual sex, (Child) Abuse, Drug abuse, Alcoholism, Mental illness, Non consensual sex, Sex with dubious consent, Gender switch, Attempted suicide, Character death (no main character)
A/N: At this point I would like to express my gratitude to schemingreader who has despite her very busy life supported me greatly in my first attempt of writing fanfiction.
Disclaimer: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin and all associated characters from the Harry Potter universe are the property of J.K. Rowling. The author is making no profit by this story.
Lupin took Severus' face between his hands and caressed his lips with his fingertips. Severus stared at him, wide eyed. Lupin's eyes were dark with desire. But his lips were still smiling. Severus closed his mouth around Lupin's caressing finger and tasted it a bit. Lupin's face changed. His skin looked a bit darker, and he could see a vein pulsing in his forehead. He seemed to breathe differently, harder. And his expression was odd. He almost looked a bit angry. Did Severus imagine it or looked Lupin more wolfish than just a minute ago?
Then Lupin took his hand and entwined their fingers.
It was dark in the hallway and it smelled less of dungeon, more of wooden classroom floors and the lemony scrub the elves used to polish them. Severus hesitantly pushed a door open and Lupin entered the bed room.
Suddenly Severus realized that this was going to happen.
The last minutes, no, the past weeks had been spent in a dreamlike state, one day had followed the other, and gradually he had felt more at ease with his new body. Only six weeks ago it would have been unthinkable for him to invite Lupin into his quarters, and let him kiss him, touch him, and now Lupin was standing in the middle of his bedroom, a room nobody other than Severus had entered for the last 15 years. Nobody else had ever shared this bed and now they were going to have sex, intercourse, as a man and a woman, and that would mean ...
It was really going to happen.
And suddenly he didn't know if he was ready for it. But he had to, since not being ready for that, would mean to lose Lupin, and he must not lose Lupin.
All the preparation of the last weeks, the reading, the research, the fervent studying (Severus had never in his life gone unprepared into a battle) seemed sadly inadequate. Only this afternoon he had stared at vivid illustrations of a mating couple and had thought to himself, that he could do it. After all mating was not a skill that needed to be acquired or learned or trained. It was a base instinct, like eating or pissing. It was friction and moving and - well, it should be easy.
He could end it here and now. He could say that he had an upset stomach or that he an early morning and Lupin would surely understand. The brief arousal he had felt before was gone entirely and instead there was a heavy ice cold lump of fear.
Lupin was a wolf. How could he have forgotten that. He was not even human. He was a dark creature, uncontrollable, vicious, murderous. He had to stop it now, right now, he told himself, even as he was taking Lupin's outstretched hand and was being led to sit at the end of his own bed.
When Severus was seated Lupin looked at him, his head tilted to the side in a wolfish fashion. None of them spoke for a while although Snape's mind was racing.
Lupin started stroking his face. Finally Severus found his voice again: "Lupin, actually I don't think ..."
Lupin silenced him with a kiss. Severus realized that he really was not a very good multi tasker. It was either thinking or kissing, and although reason dictated the former, every other fiber in his body wanted the other. He liked how Lupin kissed him. Lupin pushed his finger into Severus mouth. And only after the briefest moment of hesitation Severus stroked it with his tongue and then sucked on it. When he saw how much Lupin enjoyed it that he could not bring it over himself to stop.
But Severus' heart felt heavy, as if a door had fallen closed behind him, and a lock had turned.
At the end of his third year he came back from Hogwarts all bruised and with a black eye. His mother had taken in his state and retreated to the living room shaking her head and muttering. The next day when he awoke early because the shower in the bath was running and he could hear her singing he forgot about his injuries and skipped down the stairs. It was going to be a good day, and he waited sitting on the stairs for Eileen to come out. When she opened the door she stared at him, and then he remembered and he cursed himself for having forgotten to heal the black eye he had received from the Black boy.
She took his hand and led him into the kitchen where she pulled out her wand (She kept it wrapped in a dish washing cloth in a drawer under the kitchen table.) and carefully healed his face. All the while she said nothing but after she was done, she took his hand.
"As long as you play their game, you will lose." she said. "That's why they make you play their games. They wouldn't win otherwise."
He shrugged. He did not want to waste this day with this.
She seized his hand.
"Listen to me." she said intently. "I am not so naive as to tell you to not provoke them, or to not respond to bullying. I know how it is. You are alone against them and you are neither strong or tall enough. That's why they choose you. If you go to the teachers it won't really help you. Not in the long run. You have to learn to defend yourself."
"I can't." he said. "It's four of them. And they are Gryffindors, like the Headmaster was once."
"Play your own game. Make your own rules. Only then you can hope to win. You got sorted into Slytherin, so be a Slytherin."
"But ---" he said, cutting himself off. 'But Lily wouldn't like him anymore if he did that,' he wanted to say but he was smarter than to mention this name.
"But what?" asked Eileen and for a moment he saw the shadow of the Other gliding over her face.
He pulled himself together and said: "Nothing. You are right."
For a very long while Severus just sat there. Then he came to a decision. He raised his chin, in a defiant manner and started undressing himself.
From the back of his mind memories flooded his mind, more violently than he had expected and he felt lost and helpless without his medication. Everything was painfully sharp and clear.
But after this, Lupin would be his.
Lupin pulled his wand and whispered a lumos. The flick of his wand was low, and warm, yellow light just enough to lighten Severus' features. Severus bent his head and glared at him. He preferred the dark.
Lupin said: "You never did this before, did you?"
The way Lupin said it was almost comical. As if Severus was a blushing bride wearing a white dress.
"I have been a female only for six weeks. Of course I am not experienced." Severus said, deliberately utilizing his voice.
"And before?" Lupin looked at him.
"I had sex. But not often." Severus said no more. He didn't dare to lie. "Will this be a problem?"
Lupin shook his head: "Not for me. You want this?"
Severus blinked away his panic and said firmly:"Yes, I do." and before Lupin could search for the truth in his eyes he started fumbling with Lupin's trousers to appear determined and collected.
Lupin let him, leaning back on his hands, watching him with a soft smile.
They resumed kissing, although Severus felt Lupin's impatience, his urge. After a while Lupin pushed Severus on his back, and Severus to hide his discomfort grabbed Lupin and pulled him.
"You do want this," Lupin whispered.
Severus said nothing not trusting his voice and hoped Lupin would take it from here. Then Lupin sat between Severus' long legs and spread them with both hands, and this almost rough, quick movement made Severus flinch.
Lupin looked up."Are you alright?" His voice sounded thick and Severus felt suddenly as if he were with a stranger in his bed room. The friendly gentleness of Lupin had gone, and instead there was this greedy, dark creature between his legs, who even seemed to sniff his ... his female organ.
Tentatively Lupin caressed his legs up and down and stroke his thighs and pushed the robes back. He pulled Severus' utilitarian underwear off, and bent down. The tip of his tongue touched him.
His mother moved underneath him. She pressed his head against her chest, and obediently he sucked her nipple.
"My baby." she whispered.
Severus almost leaped out of the bed, kicking Lupin's nose with his knee in the process.
This was a mistake. He thought he could go through with it but it was impossible. The fear that had been lingering in the back of his mind now filled him with a wordless scream. Panic engulfed him. With widened black eyes he covered himself again.
Lupin sat back, breathing heavily visibly trying to calm himself down.
"Sorry," Severus said, almost desperately. He closed his eyes. If he could have his medication he could go through with this. He stood up and smoothed his robes down.
"There is something I forgot to do." he said and walked to his bathroom. Behind him he could hear Lupin exhale in frustration and flop down onto the pillows.