Bring me the nastiest colours known to humanity (blpaintchart) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2007-10-16 11:44:00 |
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Entry tags: | fic: pg13, resurrection fest |
Week Three has a new logo!
Hello again, friends of Snupin!
Firstly, look at our shiny new icon! It's a tag-line to be proud of, and no mistake. BIG thanks to the lovely skree_ratling for making it.
*round of applause*
Today is a very important day. It was on this day twenty years ago that the South of England woke to find complete devastation caused by the worst storm in three hundred years. It was also on this day twenty years ago that I agreed to go out with a bloke (probably just for a few weeks.) That bloke is Mr blp. I'm not sure if there is a link between the storm and the bloke, but I do know that it makes me feel very, very old.
Anyway, enough rambling! Shall we have a resurrection fest drabble bundle to cheer me up?
I think so.
How about.....
Title: Snupin goes to the Movies.
Author: blpaintchart
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 100 x 6
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, I don't earn the cash.
Summary: What happens when the muggle movie-makers get their hands on this story?
“Have you read the muggle newspapers this week, Severus?”
“No. Why would I do that?”
“It appears that we are famous.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“The battle of Hogwarts caused such a stir that even the muggles know about it.”
“Really? I don’t see why that should concern us.”
“Apparently they’ve turned our adventures into feature films.”
“I still don’t… no, you’re not suggesting…”
“Let’s go to the cinema tonight. It’ll be a laugh.”
“Certainly not!”
“I’ll treat you to popcorn.”
“I don’t care, I’m not going.”
“Lovely. I’ll pick you up at eight.”
“Infuriating bloody wolf.”
“Love you too!”
“So, this version is a western.”
“I’d gathered that.”
“Great title, eh? ‘The Good, the Bad, and the Voldy.’”
“Does it ever concern you that you are too easily pleased?”
“Not really. Especially when you’re the one doing the pleasuring.”
“I …”
“Severus! It’s you, look!”
“What on earth do you mean?”
“The bloke all in black…he’s you!”
“Certainly not. I have never worn such a ridiculous moustache. Unlike some people.”
“Well, the ‘tache might be poetic licence, but watch him sneer!”
“I suppose he is rather menacing and stylish.”
“And that rattlesnake has just gone for his neck.”
“Bugger.”
“I’m not going to enjoy this one, Lupin.”
“That’s exactly what you said about the last film.”
“But this is Chinese. I’m too weary to read bloody subtitles.”
“You’ll like it. Apparently this film is full of balletic martial arts.”
“What’s it called?”
“Crouching Thestral, Rutting Dragon.”
“Indeed? Well, then it may be worth a look.”
“I think so. Hang on, I don’t recall Dumbledore being so handy with a blade. Do you?”
“No. And Minerva used daggers, not throwing stars.”
“This bit is ridiculous!”
“Why?”
“Nobody moves like that; it looks like he’s actually flying!”
“Nobody?”
“Sorry, I’d forgotten.”
“This version should be entertaining.”
“Why is that?”
“It’s a muggle horror-fantasy. I expect the werewolf bits will be hopelessly wrong.”
“And I’ll be a vampire, no doubt.”
“Ooh, I like the sound of that!”
“Why?”
“You can bite me!”
“No.”
“Go on. I’ll get us seats in the back row.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“Very well. You can stop with the puppy-eyes now.”
“Right you are.”
“And the following film is?”
“A musical, I believe.”
“Never. I despise musicals.”
“You’ll like this one; it’s from Bollywood!”
“They’ve heard of Hogwarts in
“Yep. We are now a global phenomenon.”
“Imagine that.”
“You enjoyed that one. Admit it!”
“Certainly not!”
“It was a spectacle of colour and song.”
“You’re reading that from the poster.”
“Yes. But I thought it portrayed the battle very nicely.”
“Indeed. Except I seem to remember the real battle having fewer elephants.”
“True.”
“And I’m not convinced that the Ravenclaws actually did manage to sing and dance in formation quite so well under fire.”
“Probably not. But your character did look lovely in a sari.”
“Yes, didn’t I?”
“I wish you really had one.”
“What makes you so sure I don’t?”
“You’re full of surprises.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“That’s enough films, Lupin.”
“Just one more, please?”
“Absolutely not. I’ve had enough of daft variations on our life story.”
“I’m positive you’ll enjoy this one.”
“What is it this time? ‘Hogwarts in Space’? ‘Death Eaters: the Animation’?”
“No. It’s called ‘Wicked Wizards and their Wondrous Wands’”
“Sounds pathetic.”
“Look at the poster.”
“As I said, pathetic. Hang on… they’re naked! And what is he doing to…? Oh!”
“Our life story as told through the medium of homoerotic arthouse cinema.”
“It’s porn, Lupin.”
“Well, yes.”
“Let’s go in. I have a feeling this will be the most accurate version yet.”