Omni (omni_sama) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-09-06 00:57:00 |
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Current mood: | sleepy |
Entry tags: | fic: r, prompt: darkfic fest '08 |
Darkside Challenge Fic: "The Castle Gate" (R) part 3/3
Title: The Castle Gate
Part: III: "Lancing Wounds"
Author: me (aka: omni-fabulae and rip_von_christ on lj)
Rating: R
Pairing(s)/character(s): Snape/Lupin; Bellatrix, Tonks, Teddy Lupin (more or less), Harry
Challenge: Dark Challenge
Prompt: Teddy Lupin
Summary: Severus wonders what he finds to be more difficult--breaking out of that cell or having to be civil to Potter.
Disclaimer: I own no rights. I am merely borrowing the characters. I'd hand them back in one piece, but that might not be entirely possible...
Warnings: spoiler, highlight to read-- Cannibalism. Character death (NOT Snape or Lupin).
Notes: loxianbeliever got the challenge of identifying the title's inspiration, and has been duly rewarded.
Part 1
Part 2
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“There, now you know why I did it. Satisfied?
“No… No, I suspect you’re not. There’s another matter which needs detailing. You want to make certain I really had nothing to do with what happened to Remus. Yes, Remus. I’m fairly certain he probably revealed to you our relationship, so I hardly have to keep up old pretenses. I’m also fairly certain you don’t believe a single thing he said. At least, not when it comes to me.
“You are so very much like your father. While Black may have said such things as compliment, you can rest assured I say it as insult. I should thank you for that, however. You made it far easier to pretend to loathe you. Were you to have taken after Lily, I would have found such a ruse quite difficult to maintain.
“Ah yes, that’s right…more history which was kept from you. Your mother and I were childhood friends. She was like a sister to me. Even though I had to push her away for her own sake back when we were teenagers, I never stopped loving her. And before you jump to the conclusion that I was jealous of your father, I should stress to you that I have never had romantic feelings towards Lily. Potter merely was not good enough for her, and I was a very protective brother. The only person for whom I had romantic feelings is Remus Lupin. Though I will say there were times back in school when I thought he was a complete and total coward and an idiot for letting his friends walk all over him.
“The reasons I could not woo Remus back then are quite obvious, I’m certain. There is a reason that you most likely are very unaware of, however. He was a taken man, and his lover was your dear old godfather. Ah, did Black never tell you? How surprising. It wasn’t like he had a reason to keep the relationship secret, as I did. Oh, save for the fact that he most likely thought it would ruin his image—what with being with a werewolf and all. Before you open your mouth, let me remind you that Sirius Black convinced your father to make Pettigrew the secret keeper because Black thought Remus was a spy. He thought this because Remus is a lycanthrope, a dark creature, so surely he must work for the Dark Lord. Black’s tolerance was as existent while alive as his body currently is now in death.
“But I digress.
“The point is that Remus and I had been together for quite a while. I had to sacrifice this for Albus’ plan. Not that Albus had any idea what he was asking me to give up. Not even he knew that Remus and I had been involved, let alone in such a long-term relationship. I’m really quite exceptional at secrecy and deception, you see. No one knew about us. At times I worried that even Remus would doubt that we had what we did. I worried he had no idea what it meant to me.
“These worries were shoved in my face the day I heard that he had married Nymphadora Tonks.
“You see, I had hoped that despite how hard I tried to make myself look like the traitor Albus wanted me to appear as, Remus would still have faith in me. We had been together for so long, surely he would know when I was playing false. Seems he thought I was playing false, alright—but he thought the farce was the truth and the truth was the farce.
“I do not blame him. I did not then, nor do I now in retrospect. Though I must admit that I was hurt. And bitter. And… Well, I was lonely. I missed him. I had already given up so much for the cause, was I really to give up him as well? What I did during this time of weakness was very foolish and extremely selfish.
“I wrote to him.
“I composed a letter with utmost care. It was ambiguous enough to be read either way, but with language I had hoped he would recognize and properly interpret. I made a bid for aid, but in reality I just wanted to see him again. I wanted to make it clear to him that I was and always would be on Albus’ side. On Remus’ side.
“I wanted… To tell him something I had never actually vocalized before.
“So. Everything which followed was entirely my fault. Had I never written that letter, things would be so very different now. He and his wife would be cooing over their baby, and I would still be at the school and hated by him and all my allies.
“…I would still be useful to this war.
“But instead, I was imprisoned by Bellatrix. At the time, I had no idea what they were going to do with Remus. I actually hoped they killed him, quickly and without much pain. It was a foolish desire, because I knew Bellatrix was not so merciful.
“When the full moon came, I knew he was alive. I heard him howling, somewhere deep within the same castle in which I was imprisoned. But, I prayed again that he was dead, and that the howls I heard were from another werewolf’s throat. If it were him, he would have preferred death, I knew. You see…I heard human screaming. I knew what they had done to him. They had forced him to do one of the two things he feared most. He would rather die than take another’s life like that. So, I wished fervently that he was dead.
“About a month later, Bellatrix visited me in my cell. She had masked Death Eaters bind me, whispered a gag spell, and then told me a story.
“She… Told me what happened with Remus’ son. Do not tell him, for it would destroy him…but… There was a stew. She…fed him a stew, while disguised as me. That. Remus’ son was…
“Don’t tell him. Don’t you dare ever tell him. The man has been through enough. If you tell him, it would literally kill him. Never tell, Potter. Never.
“He’s a good man, Remus is. I should have left things alone. Never should have written that letter. Blame me, if you need someone to blame. He was and still is innocent. My selfishness destroyed his family and his life. He needs the love and support of his friends now. So be there for him. If I ever see you look at him with fear or disgust, I’ll… So help me, I’ll forget that you’re Lily’s son. So, direct any fear and disgust you may feel regarding what happened towards me, where it belongs.
“After all, all I seem to do is act selfishly…
“Though my plan to survive the night with him in my cell was more in consideration of him than of me. It would not matter if I died, since my part in Albus’ plan and in this war is finished. Besides, I would hardly be missed. I’m sure you and your friends would even have thrown a little party in honor of the occasion.
“But, I knew he would not want any others added to his list of regrets. So, I did what I could to not only calm him but to save him by saving myself. Once he was certain that it had not been me to imprison and torment him this past month, he freed me. Together we worked out a way to secure him in place for when he transformed. Had you taken a useful class such as Ancient Runes instead of something as otiose as Divination, you’d be able to understand the procedure. Since I know you to be quite ignorant of the subject, I shall not waste my breath.
“The same goes for the magic circle used in capturing Bellatrix and two others. The complexity of the spells used is beyond your scope of understanding, and you would not understand the language nor the symbols which were required for its construction. I suppose the only thing you really will be able to understand is that I am the only who can break it, since it was my blood in which it was scribed.
“It is here that I was unforgivably selfish again, however. I could have broken the chair—which was the only piece of furniture in the cell—and used a sharp sliver to slice a wound and draw fresh blood. I could have, but I didn’t.
“I sat in the corner for a while, after Remus had transformed, and waited until he exhausted himself pulling fruitlessly at the ropes. He fell asleep, sagging amongst the restraints. Cautiously, I approached him and placed my hand on his muzzle. When I was certain he wasn’t going to stir, I carefully pried his mouth open, and using a sharp fang gave myself a sufficient cut on my arm. I used the wound to supply the blood I needed for the spell, dabbing my pinky into it like an ink well. After I had finished with the circle, it was nearly dawn, and my head was spinning from the blood loss. Even so, I needed more blood in order to accomplish my plan. Squeezing at my arm, I forced more blood from the wound, and smeared the stuff along the wolf’s mouth and neck. Once I was satisfied that he looked believable enough, I worked wandless healing charms on my wound. As you may recall from last year when you nearly murdered young Malfoy, I am quite adept at healing charms. Even without my wand I was able to close the wound up until it was just a purple scab. Not perfect, no, but it was the best I could do while my head was pounding in my ears.
“The only thing I had left to do was wait. So, I huddled down next to the door, on the side which would leave me hidden when it was open, and waited. I watched Remus change back, and was alarmed to see that he didn’t even wake up for what had to be a painful experience. When he was human again, I quickly rose and went about unsticking the ropes from the walls. When I knelt down to untie them from Remus’ torso, I looked him over to make sure he was well. His chest was steadily rising and falling, so I allowed myself some relief—he had survived the strain.
“The relief was shoved from my mind, however, when I heard the footsteps outside the door. I scrambled back to my spot beside the door, one of the ropes held firmly in my hands. Bellatrix and two masked men entered.
“…You know… The entire time I was held captive, Bellatrix was the only one whose face I saw. The others always wore masks. This is very telling, Potter. It tells me that they were scared. It tells me that there is a possibility that she was acting without the Dark Lord’s knowledge. Before she showed up in my cell that night to deliver what she hoped to be my death in werewolf form, I had been considering a way out which would salvage my role in the war. I could have talked my way out, either by slowly working on Bellatrix or by appealing to the masked Death Eaters’ concerns. Obviously they believed Bellatrix enough to aid her in my capture and imprisonment, but there was some lingering uncertainty. Because of what Albus had me do, I had become the Dark Lord’s favorite. If she was wrong and I was innocent, she and all those who helped her would face the Dark Lord’s wrath. Better to remain anonymous, just in case, only revealing one’s identity if Bellatrix turned out to be in the right and the Dark Lord wished to reward his faithful followers.
“But I could have convinced them she was wrong. I could have turned them against her. I could have convinced them to set me free. If the Dark Lord found out about the situation and made an appearance in order to assess things, I am confident I could have convinced him of my innocence and even had Bellatrix executed.
“Things did not go that way, however. I had to act on my feet, creating new plans for the moment and unable to fully evaluate the long-term affects. My head was pounding and I felt ill, but somehow I found the strength to do what was necessary. Gripping the rope taught between my hands, I rushed forward and used it to wrench Bellatrix to the ground, where she choked and sputtered. I caught up her wand and disarmed the other two. Remus finally seemed to wake up and he was soon at my side with the two other wands in hand. Nothing could stop us from escaping now, aside from modesty over our mutually nude states. So, I ordered the two male Death Eaters to strip, taking their robes for Remus and myself.
“Bellatrix recovered from her coughing by this time and she attempted to charge at us. My barrier is strong, however, and I thrilled at watching it throw her back. I may have well and truly destroyed any chance of returning to my role as a spy by trapping them like that, but the thought of them never being able to break free fills me with an oddly savage glee. You see, it’s quite a poetic justice. Consider other cases of people getting trapped together. What inevitably happens once hunger becomes too much to bear? Ah, I see that you understand the irony now. May they choke on each other’s bones, I say.
“In any case, once Remus and I were clothed we fled the fortress and Disapparated as soon as we could. Honestly, I’m surprised we didn’t splinch ourselves in the process, considering our conditions at the time. Perhaps it was adrenaline fueling us onward, allowing us the energy and strength we needed to do what was necessary. It was not until we were clean and fed and hiding somewhere safe that my body felt the strain of all it’s had to endure. Not only that, but I was mentally distraught. My mission was ruined. Everything that Albus planned was ruined. What was there left for me to do?
“I did not allow Remus to see my distress, however. He had issues of his own, and they were obviously destroying him. All my own concerns were pushed aside as I did my best to comfort him. Quite frankly, I was at a loss as to what to do. How do I comfort someone over the loss of his wife, when the very thought of him being with her produces personal pain? So, I avoided directly addressing anything to do with her or their child, instead focusing on convincing him that he is not a monster. This is when I revealed to him my method of obtaining blood.
“He was…furious, to say the least. I thought for a wild moment that he would leave and never speak to me again. He didn’t. Instead he threw questions at me, his voice loud and pained and desperate. This was something I was denied when Albus died—a chance to explain myself to him. So, I did. To the best of my ability, I explained my motivations. They seemed to calm him. He seemed particularly pleased with the explanation that he would no longer be a risk to me.
“The real reason I did it was far too selfish. I wanted to keep him as mine and mine alone. I wanted to tie us together in some way, so that he could never offer up another pathetic excuse for us to be apart. His self-pity is notorious and tiring, and hopefully I can break him of it over time. If I am beside him, going through everything that he goes through, he will not be alone in his suffering. Indeed, I hope to show him that there does not even have to be any suffering. Black could be there for him to some extent, morphing into a dog while Remus was the wolf. I, however, will be there for him every bone-breaking second of the transformation, every terrifying evening beneath the full moon, and every morning of pain and exhaustion. He has no excuse now. Nothing he can say will turn me away. He and I are the same. His struggles are now my struggles.
“But there you have it, Potter. The whole messy tale. He is blameless and a victim of my selfishness. His wife and child were killed by Death Eaters because of me. He underwent torture of the mental and physical variety because of me. Albus’ plans are dashed to ruins because of me.
“Hate me, curse me, whatever you deem fit as punishment. When you are finished, rest assured I will work out a new plan. Remus will help. Perhaps, if you can be rational, you may assist. Or, if you do not believe a single word Remus or I have said tonight, you are perfectly welcome to aim your wand at me and utter those two little words which I know you’ve had planned for me since that night on the tower. Just bear in mind that you’ll have to answer to the werewolf in the next room as to why you’ve taken from him the person he cares for most in this world.
“Smart boy. Perhaps Albus was right, and you truly are more like your mother than I have previously assessed.
“…
“She would be proud of you, I think. Well… Excepting certain incidents…”
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The End