spidermoth (spidermoth) wrote in lupin_snape, @ 2008-03-10 01:19:00 |
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Current mood: | sleepy |
Current music: | The Vaughn Brothers "Family Style" |
Everything Ventured, Something Gained
Title: Everything Ventured, Something Gained
Author: Spidermoth
Word Count: 980
Rating(s): PG-13
Warning(s): Slash
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns it all
A/N: Found an abandoned fic I'd started for Snupin100 (#140, A Spot of Bother) and thought I'd clean it up for Remus' birthday. It's Severus' POV but I think Remus wil be pleased!
Adding final ingredients to the brew, Severus thought with resignation of the stacks of 4th & 5th year scrolls awaiting marks in his office, as well as the newly delivered potions ingredients still in need of measuring, labeling, and storing in the classroom—tasks which would occupy him well into the late hours of the evening. Add
Murmuring a final incantation over the cauldron, Severus reversed the direction of his wand for the final counts, and attempted to dredge up an angry resentment over being required to brew the complex Wolfsbane potion on an evening already so laden with the responsibilities of his post. Brutal honesty however, forced him to admit that the reason for his inability to work up a credible pique was quite possibly his increasing weakness for its recipient.
Remus Lupin.
Bitter self-loathing at this admission nearly caused him to falter in his incantations.
“As if I don’t have enough to do…” he goaded himself, attempting in vain to add fuel to the reluctant fire of his indignation. Reminding himself that brewing the Wolfsbane, as well as receiving Lupin, was an imposition was becoming an increasingly futile task.
He glanced at the clock. Within the hour Lupin would be upon him.
He mentally stamped on the spike of eager anticipation which shot through his chest.
“And then the bloody beast will hang about” he muttered viciously—hoping that investing the words with the proper vitriol would somehow bring his foolish imagination to heel.
“Probably lingers here to escape the clutches of that bloodsucking girl,” he added, with what was finally true resentment.
“I wonder what color her tentacles are tonight?” he bitterly asked himself.
oo00O00oo
Sounds of entry into his chambers finally relieved Severus of the unsettled feeling he had been reluctant to identify as worry when Lupin’s expected time of arrival had gone past by two hours. His instant sense of relief however, was followed almost as quickly by a rush of indignant outrage—most of it cast inwardly at the ridiculousness of his concern. “The werewolf has others, more welcome than me, to worry over him,” he reminded himself.
“Sorry I’m late…”
Lupin’s apology preceded him into the small circle of light thrown by the work candle on Severus’s desk.
“As you should be,” Severus growled, looking up from his desk and surreptitiously bringing his hands down to his thighs where he clenched great handfuls of robe to still their trembling.
“What took you…” His harsh inquiry was cut off as Remus stepped into the circle of light. Severus’ eyes widened in surprise as he gave the werewolf’s more than normally crumpled appearance a pointed inspection.
“Lupin! You look like hell!” he barked.
Alarm gave his words more heat than he’d intended.
“Were you required to do battle disentangling yourself from your amore this evening?” he forced himself to add sneeringly to cover his concern.
“Wha…? Oh, Tonks…no.” Remus answered a bit stiffly. “We, ah…we’re no longer together, Severus. I thought you knew.”
Severus was taken aback by the information and hoped the sharp jolt of… triumph? elation? joy?…which shot through him at Remus’ disclosure was not evident in his face.
“I see,” he ventured, attempting to collect himself and relieved that he still possessed the fortitude to allow only those two syllables to pass through his lips—holding back the torrent of impetuous words piling up in his throat.
Remus smiled ruefully. “Lost my digs as a result, of course.” He shrugged. “I’ve been…roughing it a bit,” he added, by way of further explanation.
“I see,” Severus said again, clamping down even harder on all the foolish words trying to escape his mouth.
Ludicrous hopes of Remus returning his “interest” began to fog his thinking.
Finally, with a rashness born of desires too long suppressed, Severus selected one glittering possibility and transfigured it into an inquiry…
“Have you a place to stay?” he asked with uncharacteristic softness, unable to stop his eyelids from shuttering at the audacity of his emerging plan. (…you will stay with me, Remus, and I will care for you and keep you …love you…)
“Actually, uhmm…” Remus cleared his throat and looked away before adding, “Albus has been good enough to offer me use of the shack.” Something like a grimace ghosted over Remus’ face.
Severus was adept enough at deciphering all things Lupin to perceive the barely visible shudder which skimmed Remus’s shoulders at mention of the hated shack.
He gathered his courage and prepared to risk all.
“Is this…acceptable to you?” he whispered, his mouth had become dry and his throat worked painfully through a nervous swallow before he could continue… “You are welcome to stay here…” (‘with me’ his fervent heart supplied)
Severus only just kept from bolting from his chair and pacing furiously at the exquisite torment of awaiting Remus’ reply. His careful work of years—of constructing barriers and defenses—was in ruins.
Remus gave him a deep look—close and piercing.
Had there been a flash of knowing…of hope, in those eyes? Severus sat gripping his thighs hard enough to leave bruises—unable to look away. He was sure his future was held in depths of amber.
Remus began... “I don’t want to trouble you, Severus. I can just…take my dose and...”
Severus felt himself stiffen in horror at his miscalculation.
“Since when have you concerned yourself with troubling me, Lupin?" He spat the words, attempting to conceal his mortification.
"It is the Hallmark of our association."
Remus looked consideringly at Severus for a long moment before an enlightened smile began to soften his face...
He gave a soft chuckle before adding... "... well then…if it is not a bother…”
Ohhh!
Severus almost collapsed in relief.
“It is no bother, Remus.”
…not a spot of bother, at all.