miracle (miracle) wrote in luke_noah, @ 2009-01-06 15:14:00 |
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Entry tags: | -[luke/noah]-, challenge #2, challenges, fanfic, fanfic: [atwt], fanfic: rating: mature, » by: luvflix |
Original poster: luvflix
Title: Worth the wait…again.
Author: luvflix.
Rating: R?/NC-17? …you be the judge
Warnings: Spoilers for December 30th episode, fairly angsty to start but promises of a happy ending! Just pure mush I guess. Okay, and a little porn *hee*.
Disclaimer: Luke and Noah are not my characters and I make absolutely no money from them (I wish I was that inventive!) And I've borrowed Jeff from a number of fics I've seen flying around the community (not sure who I should credit here!)
Beta: none used, didn't know who was available, and a bit nervous to ask
Author's Notes: written for luke_noah monthly challenge #2. This is a long one (8.8k!!) better have a coffee ready.
Please be gentle; this is my first fanfic and probably a fairly predictable, long-winded POV of events during and following the episode mentioned above (those who've read my comments know I tend to get a bit 'wordy'!). I thoroughly enjoyed the writing process and getting inside of Luke's head, but original ideas that leave you guessing are not my forte, so please feel free to comment and provide feedback. It's the only way I'm going to get better. Obviously the dialogue in italics early in the piece is not mine, but belongs to the writers of ATWT.
Luke felt the sharp edge of the paper like a blade rasping against his face. It was the letter Noah had written, the letter he should be reading now whilst lying in bed next to Noah, the letter that was written before Luke had made a complete mess of everything.
The pain was all consuming. "Idiot!" he yelled to himself, not quite believing he could be so stupid as to kiss Brian, the returned memory made him wince as a sharp pain lanced his chest. He knew all he wanted was Noah, that Noah wanted him, so why the hell would he be so stupid? Tears welled in his eyes as he realized all the potential this night had held for the two of them had now vanished. He replayed their last moments together, like a vintage film reel in his head…
"You look kind of out of it, you know, Brian might have spiked your drink" (even with Luke's history of drinking, Noah's renewed trust in him just made him ache even more).
"I should probably get some ice for your hand" (Noah had defended his so-called honor, and now he was hurt, but Luke still felt irrationally pleased that Noah had been so…physical…in displaying his confidence in Luke's innocence, even if it was misplaced).
"This is all my fault" (this was almost the worst part, Luke knowing his own guilt, but Noah thinking that the blame was on his own shoulders).
"That's not how it actually happened" (Luke bowed his head in shame, as he tried to muster the courage to set the wrong right, even then he couldn't get the words out as he knew how much the truth was going to hurt Noah).
"No, no, no, no, no you wouldn't have done that! You wouldn't have done that – to US!!! Why Luke WHY???" (on that last 'why' Noah's voice reached a fevered pitch, as he began to absorb the enormity of what had happened, and his boyfriend's [huh! that's a joke – what boyfriend would act like this?] part in it).
And the worst moment of his life…"Do. NOT. TOUCH. ME!!!!" (it was like a knife stabbing him, the pain made even worse by the letter he was now reading, as he heard Noah's trusting, loving voice in his head like a distant echo, telling him he was his future).
The tears ran freely now, attempting to but not succeeding in washing away the pain, the guilt, the agony of losing Noah, knowing this time that it was entirely his fault. He couldn't blame it on Maddie or Ameera or the Colonel or any of the other reasons that had kept them apart in the past…and especially not Noah. Luke could only look inward at the confused, broken parts of him that had made him act with such callousness, treating their newly reformed relationship with such disregard.
A tiny voice inside his head tried to blame his behavior on the alcohol. Also blaming his anger and insecurity that spurred him on to drown his supposed sorrows in too many champagnes in quick succession. He remembered wanting to feel numb from the pain and jealousy of thinking that Noah still felt something for Maddie. The memory of that numbness, dragged Luke's eyes to the liquor cabinet in the back of the living room. This pain was too much, he couldn't bear it. It was clawing at his insides, making him feel like a hole had been ripped out of his chest. He dragged himself up to his feet, unsteadily making his way past the couch to the decanter holding the desired amber fluid, beckoning him like a homing device. There was comfort in the sound of the expensive crystal clinking together as the whiskey seemed to pour itself into the glass. As Luke raised the glass to his lips, he thought of the last time Noah's lips had touched his, at Metro….
Noah looked so heart-meltingly handsome in his suit and that tie was just begging to be toyed with. And Noah in red! Guh! The contrast between the deep crimson of his shirt and the cobalt blue of his eyes was just breathtaking. As Luke drank in the vision of his boyfriend, he was already picturing himself peeling the shirt of Noah's broad shoulders, following the path of the red fabric with his sensitized fingers as it made its way across his toned pecs and down his sinewy forearms, trailing his tongue to his nipples flicking them to hardness. He dreamed of hearing Noah's gasps as his mouth caressed every inch of his abdomen, outlining every muscle.
His fantasies continued as the two of them gently swayed to the music. Luke's head had found its home on Noah's strong firm shoulder, Noah tilting his head so he could feel Luke's soft hair tickling his ear. Luke's mind wandered further south to how the cool metal of Noah's belt would feel under his fingers as Luke unbuckled it and what it would be like to finally give in to his aching desires and hold the silky hardness of Noah in his palm.
He gently thrust his hips forward so Noah would feel his arousal, wanting him to know how much he was looking forward to later that night. Luke glanced up to Noah's eyes and felt the meeting heat of his gaze in every pore of his body, Noah acknowledging his own excitement as he pressed his matching erection against Luke's. The heat of the moment intensified as they both knew the other was thinking the same thought 'how much longer until we're alone?'
Noah bent his head and softly swept his lips across Luke's, only allowing a trace of tongue, wanting to deepen the kiss but holding back his rising passion, partly because they were in a public place, but also wanting to savor the moment and relish the anticipation that was building with every second, waiting for the culmination of this night (and many other nights) to come. For now they took pleasure in the holding, touching, breathing….
The memory of that last kiss lingered, its warmth remembered. Luke could feel the whisper of hope on his lips, and then suddenly, with a jarring of reality he felt the coldness of the glass as it touched the same place that Noah had been only a few hours before.
Suddenly, Luke realized he didn't want to feel numb anymore. Sure, the alcohol might deaden the gut-wrenching pain he was feeling, but it was also taking him further and further away from Noah. A barrage of memories began to hurtle past him; punching Casey at the bar, Brian kissing him, his obnoxious behavior at Thanksgiving, Noah not believing him about Brian and of course remembering the physical pain his self-destructive behavior was causing his remaining kidney; the pain of these memories was only intensified by the knowledge they were all undeniably linked to his drinking. And the realization that Noah had been witness to this downhill spiral and would be fully justified in never wanting to see Luke again. Noah was right, there were some unresolved issues with Kevin that prompted this latest binge and they would need to be dealt with in turn, but as Luke was now trying to be glaringly honest (at least with himself) he understood that if he was ever going to feel right in this world and perhaps be worthy of Noah's love, he had to finally stand up as an adult and take responsibility for his actions, particularly the cataclysmic effects his drinking was having on him and those around him.
With new resolve and will power he didn't know he possessed, Luke tipped the contents of his glass back into the decanter and firmly replaced its stopper. He was desperate to resolve his issues with Noah immediately, but also recognized the need to sober up and to take steps in righting his life first. He wasn't sure if Noah would forgive him, but he at least wanted to try and become, again, the person that Noah had fallen in love with.
As Luke made his way to his bedroom, he spied his computer in the corner and he realized what his first step would be. With determination he turned his notebook on and googled the website he was searching for. He agreed wholeheartedly with the first line he read "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable". Unmanageable was an understatement for his life right now! As he scanned the website, he picked up his cell and dialed the 24 hour phone number displayed on the screen, "Hello? Alcoholics Anonymous?"
******
The next morning Luke felt like the waking dead. Not only due to the hangover that felt like an elephant was tap dancing on his skull, but largely due to the residual pain he felt from his previous night's actions, and the certainty of the hurt he had caused Noah. But amongst all this angst was a glimmer of hope. After talking to one of the AA call-centre volunteers last night, he felt a burgeoning sense of peace, that his life was about to take a turn for the better, and it was his choice that was driving this change, that somewhere deep inside him there was a strength of will that could turn his life around and help him face his demons head on.
Underlying these emotions was a deep yearning to talk to Noah. Not to argue and reason with him, and certainly not to justify his actions, but to discuss his recent life-changing decision with his best friend. Because he knew above all else that Noah was an amazingly generous and decent man, who, once given a chance to cool down, may at least want to hear that Luke's life was steering back on track. At this stage he wasn't expecting forgiveness, as he still felt he didn't deserve it. He just knew that somewhere in his future there had to be a Noah, in whichever shape or form he would allow.
With that thought in mind he dragged himself to the shower to help clear his head and direct his thoughts on how to contact Noah without him slamming the phone down in his ear. As the steaming water rinsed last night off him, he began to see a plan in his mind's eye. Stepping out of the shower and grabbing his favorite fluffy towel, he dried himself off; the hope that was bubbling away under the surface began to make his heart race with anticipation (and some trepidation) on seeing Noah again.
After dressing and pouring a much needed coffee, he sat down at his desk and began to write his own letter.
Dear Noah,
I know I have no right to even ask you to read this letter after everything that happened last night, but I'm asking you to anyway.
I know there is no reason you would want to listen to my apologies, but I'm asking you to anyway.
I know I don't deserve for you to forgive me, but I'm asking you to anyway.
I know my life is a mess and you will probably never want to be part of it again, but I'm asking you to anyway.
I know there is probably nothing less that you want to do right now than meet with me to discuss something, but I'm asking you to anyway.
Please Noah, I promise after this discussion if you never want to talk to me again, I'll try to understand. There's just something I really need to tell you, but I need to in person, so please give me just a few minutes and after that I'll try to give you the space you no doubt want from me. Text me if you decide this is ok.
Please.
Luke.
After re-reading it a few times to make sure he had said everything he wanted to, he neatly folded it and placed it in an envelope. With his heart breaking as he realized the different emotions that must have been running through Noah's head as he had sealed his own letter, he dropped his head on to his folded arms on the table, temporarily giving into despair. Now, what? If he mailed the letter, it could take days by the time it reached Noah in his dorm room. He guessed he could get Maddie to deliver it to Noah for him, but his embarrassment over his jealousy halted that thought process. And the thought of involving anyone else just seemed too high school. He was sure Noah would probably run in the other direction if he saw Luke, but he could see no way around it, he'd have to drop it off to him at Java. Making his decision he raised himself from the table, grabbed his keys and headed to Old Towne.
*****
The nerves Luke felt as he wrote the letter were nothing to the staccato drums playing now inside his chest as he paused outside of Java. He hoped his sweaty palms wouldn't make the letter he was clasping illegible. 'It's now or never' he thought as he crossed the threshold and saw Jeff behind the counter.
"Hey Luke" Jeff greeted with a friendly but tenuous smile, alerting Luke to the fact that he was probably aware of some of their dramas last night. He knew Noah was a private person, but he also knew Jeff had a way of cutting to the chase where Noah was concerned.
"Hey Jeff, um, is Noah around?" at that moment there was movement behind Jeff as Noah came out from the backroom carrying a sack of coffee beans. Noah had heard the exchange as he was coming down the ladder and knew he couldn't handle this, so he avoided making eye contact with Luke, asked Jeff to cover for him, grabbed his coat and stormed out of the coffee house, almost running into another customer in his desperation to steer clear of Luke.
"Noah, wait!" Luke yelled out as he desperately tried to keep up with Noah's long legs. "Noah, I know you don't want to talk with me, but just wait up for one second!"
The wounded look on Noah's face as he spun around to face Luke was so full of hurt that Luke almost wept again for having caused so much pain to his boyfr- no wait, he hadn't earned the right to call him that after what he did.
"Stay AWAY from me!" The anger in Noah's voice from last night was still there, but had lessened to a degree and was replaced with a tormented edge that Luke had never heard from him ever before.
"I will, I will Noah, I promise, just…here" Luke held out the letter to Noah. "I know you don't want to talk to me now, and I honestly don't blame you. Just read this for me and … let me know…" with that Luke took one last look at Noah's anguished face and walked away, following through with his promise he made in the letter about giving him space.
Noah felt an overpowering urge to find the nearest trash can and dispose of Luke's letter, telling himself angrily that he had every right to do so after last night. His anger was still simmering at the surface like a pressure cooker and he took great pleasure in crushing the letter in his fist, remembering that sense of satisfaction when the same fist connected with Brian's jaw. However he quickly remembered that as much as Brian may have been responsible for the earlier kiss, this time the blame was fare and square on Luke's shoulders.
As he walked towards the nearest bin his gaze landed on what he had long considered 'their bench' where he and Luke had shared many memories together. The crushed, sharp edges of the envelope bit into his hand and Noah was reminded of the look on Luke's face as he gave it to him, it was genuine pain…and… something else…he saw there. 'Good' he churlishly thought, realizing how childish he sounded even to his own ears, and regretted the thought almost instantly. He also had to admit that he appreciated the fact that Luke had not tried to engage him in conversation as he was still caught up in this swirling tide of emotions and knew he was beyond rational thought right now.
As his gaze lingered on the bench and moved back and forth between it and the trash he grudgingly made a decision. The least he could do is read it. If it was a waste of time and changed nothing then he would throw it away. A little voice inside his head mentioned this was unlikely to happen, even with the hurt that had recently been inflicted the icy façade he had erected around his heart was already slowly beginning to disintegrate after seeing Luke.
Noah sat down on the bench trying not to listen to the Noah/Luke voices that swirled around him like hazy ghosts of times past. He took the crumpled envelope and flattened it out on his thigh, ironing out some of the deeper creases. As he sat and read Luke's thoughts he felt his heart softening once more. He could almost hear the firm resolve in the voice from the letter. This was not written from a man who expected the easy route, there was something different in his writing that made Luke sound…more decisive. And although he hated to admit it, the requested 'discussion' intrigued him, this sounded bigger than just a drunken kiss (he stopped himself there, not willing to let him off the hook for that yet), and although Noah was no where near ready to forgive Luke he felt he wasn't losing anything by agreeing to meet him. He pulled out his phone from his back pocket and texted Luke…
MEET ME AFTER WORK OUTSIDE JAVA 6PM – NO PROMISES.
NOAH.
The quick reply came back as though the person on the other end had his phone open ready to receive the SMS.
OK C U THEN
*****
The icy blast whipping through Old Towne did nothing to encourage Luke's hopes for this conversation. This was not going to be a romantic tête-à-tête between two lovers, lost in the warmth of each others' gazes. This had little hope of ending in a passionate walk in some treed park, one - it felt as though the thermostat was dropping below freezing and two - Noah's text had prepared him not to hope for anything. He waited outside Java, stomping his feet and thumping his hands together trying to encourage circulation to his extremities, but it was also a ploy to keep his heart beating as it almost stopped for the fifth time as Java's final customers left with their take-out coffees.
Trying not to turn around every five seconds, Luke missed Noah exiting Java and heard the firm timbre of his voice "Hay".
"Noah! ….hay". With all of Luke's mental preparation for this moment, his mouth suddenly felt like cardboard and his brain turned to mush as he realized the gift that Noah was offering…hope. He was soon shaken out of his reverie.
"So what did you want to tell me?" If Luke thought he was off the hook he was in for a rude awakening.
"Um, well, ah, I'm not sure where to start, with the apologies or the news".
"You can skip the apologies, I'm sure I know what you'd say," Noah couldn't help the spiteful edge his voice was taking.
"Do you, do you really?"
"Let me guess, you got jealous again of me and Maddie, after me repetitively explaining to you she's just a friend, then you decided to get drunk, yet again not facing up to and dealing with your issues, and lo and behold Brian was a willing victim for your frustrations, so for whatever reason – I mean, it doesn't really matter does it – you kissed him," Noah let out his breath in a rush after telling his take on the night's events in one breath.
"Um yeah, that's pretty close to it actually, it's just missing the actual I'm sorry and do you forgive me parts" Luke said sheepishly.
"Well I think we can both agree that we're not ready for those".
"Agreed, ok, so on with the 'news' I guess. Where do I start… last night after you left, I read the letter I wasn't supposed to open until we were… you know… together… I realized how stupid I had been, how much pain I had caused, and how much I had ruined our plans for that night." Luke glanced up to see if there was any reaction yet in Noah's features, but all he saw was the continued pain and anger etched there.
"Then I decided to have a drink" at this Luke saw out of his peripheral vision Noah rolling his eyes skyward as if to say 'what a surprise!'
"But Noah, something clicked inside of me… this drinking was the cause of so many of my problems, it was hurting you, it was hurting me, it made me look inside myself and I really didn't like what I saw," Luke could see he had Noah's attention now. Luke barreled on, feeling some sort of cathartic release as he unloaded some of his burdens.
"I was seeing that I relied on drinking to take away the pain I was feeling, over past issues with Kevin, losing the election, being kicked out of school, to name just a few, but it was also dulling my reality so that I was blaming you for things I should have taken responsibility for".
"And that's when last night I made a decision. I realized I was failing in making the right decisions in my life and this was mainly due to my drinking…so… (he took a deep breath) I called Alcoholics Anonymous". Luke let out his breath in a gush, not sure what Noah's reaction would be.
He rushed on. "I'm not sure if you're disgusted by this idea, of me admitting that I'm an alcoholic, but at this point, I need to go ahead with this, with or without you. But first I do need to tell you how sorry I am, not for kissing Brian as I'm not sure if that's worthy of forgiveness yet, but to make amends for all the times I've hurt you because of my drinking".
Luke felt the weight of a package in his jacket pocket. The one he had brought with him for this very moment and almost decided not to go ahead with this next part, not wanting to separate himself from one of the best moments of his life.
"So part of this making amends thing, is for me to let you know how serious I am in taking responsibility for my actions and making steps to changing my life". Luke reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box that held his much cherished Christmas present from Noah.
"I want to give this back to you Noah, not out of spite, but realizing that in the state I'm in I'm not the person who deserves this, who deserves your unquestioning love. I only deserve to get it back if you ever feel again that I have been worth the wait".
Luke stretched out his arm and Noah as if in a dream reached out to take it, noticing the note taped to the top of the box…When and if you're ever ready. He slowly pocketed the gift.
The tension in the air fairly crackled as Luke waited for Noah's response. His eyes were deep pools of ink blue that were intense but unreadable. As the seconds ticked by Luke began to doubt he would get a response.
"I…I…just wanted to let you know that" his mind returned to his promise of giving Noah space. "I know you probably don't want to be part of this…with me…as a friend…but…I…I guess I'll leave you to think about it". Luke's initial resolve was flailing in Noah's silence. He panicked and realized he had to leave – now.
He turned back and started walking towards where he'd parked his car but hadn't got far when he felt a firm grasp on his elbow, stopping his progress and turning him around.
Noah's gaze was still hard and unrelenting, but had softened somehow.
"Luke, wait." Luke's breath hitched as Noah spoke his name for the first time since last night. It still held remnants of inflicted pain, but something else was lingering underneath the surface.
Noah searched for the words…"Luke, I…I'm kind of speechless. I didn't expect this…I…I'm really proud of you Luke".
"After all I've done I-"
"Let me finish, I'm really proud of you making this step Luke. I can't believe I didn't suggest it before. You know, watching you get drunk and all that, I could see your drinking was ruling your life, but I guess I thought it would just right itself – somehow – I should have known that you needed help".
Luke couldn't believe his ears. This was so typical of Noah, even after all the anguish he'd experienced, he continued to take responsibility for those around him, bearing it without grudge on his formidable shoulders. That fledgling flame of hope he'd felt earlier today was beginning to burn brighter, warming his insides, repairing the raw edges of yesterday.
"Noah, I have so much to tell you, about what the AA volunteer and I talked about last night, about the program, about…"
Noah interrupted him, "Why don't we walk and talk, I'm freezing my butt off standing here". Noah's lips turned into a shy half-smile, and Luke saw a renewed warmth in his eyes, one that he'd feared he'd never see again.
*****
Maddie, Noah and Luke sat around a table at Al's diner discussing what the day had held for each of them. It had been four weeks since Luke had been attending AA meetings and both his friends had been incredibly supportive, allowing him to lay bare his addiction without recrimination.
Maddie was home visiting Henry and to see her friends who were helping her deal with her continued feelings of loss over Casey. Luke and Maddie's renewed friendship was tenuous as he still felt embarrassed over his thinking she and Luke still had feelings for each other, but his AA program was showing him that trust was a big part of the recovery process.
Noah and Luke had been spending a lot of time in each others' company lately; Noah had even attended one of Luke's AA sessions with him. Their relationship had returned to a comfortable friendship, but there was an ever present but never acknowledged underlying tension between the two, that neither of them had been ready to deal with as yet.
Luke was beginning to feel like he could finally come up for air, like he'd spent the latter part of last year with his head being held by an unknown force under tumultuous waters. He had battled almost all of his demons and felt as though he owed much of his success to his best friend that (metaphorically speaking) had held his hand through it all. But that was the point. It was just a saying, a turn of phrase that Noah had held his hand, as he hadn't touched him once since that fateful night. Luke tried to tell himself that he was ok with that, but part of being a recovering alcoholic was the constant moral inventory that was part of the process that forced you to be 100 percent honest with yourself, and deep down Luke knew he could never exist on this planet without wanting something more…physical…from Noah.
Maddie got up to leave as she wanted to catch Henry before she flew back to classes at Wesleyan. She hugged both the boys outside the diner, looking longingly at them both, wishing that one day she would find such a love for herself, as although she knew the current state of their platonic friendship, she felt it wouldn't be long till they were back together, for good.
After saying goodbye the boys fell into what was a comfortable routine, walking and talking about everything and anything as they reached Noah's truck. He had to go back to his dorm to pick up some library books that needed returning so he invited Luke along for the ride.
Luke had not been a stranger to this room during his recovery. Noah's roommate was no longer living there as he'd decided college life was not for him and had left to travel the world, so Noah was enjoying the peace of being on his own till the university found a replacement.
Luke sat on the bare mattress near the window and flicked through a course catalogue still feeling a longing to one day return to the academic life that he had found so stimulating. Noah was fumbling around under his bed looking for what Luke supposed was one of his library books and then came to sit next to Luke, and took his hand. Luke's breath hitched at the unexpected contact.
"Luke, I want to tell you again how proud I've been of you. I've watched you work through your problems over the last few weeks and the one thing that has been constant is your striving to be honest with yourself and others about what you've done, about how you've felt." Noah's intense gaze captivated Luke, and that combined with his warm hand on his, had Luke's insides melting into little pools of want.
"And I wouldn't be a true friend if I couldn't be just as honest, about how I feel." Noah moved the hand that wasn't holding Luke's into view, and in his palm he held a box. The box.
"When I first gave this to you it was to symbolize what we had both needed – time. And for the last month that's again what we needed and what we've both given each other. With you working through your program I didn't want to interfere with your progress, so I kind of backed off, but I also really enjoyed being your friend again." Noah took a deep breath. "Because more than anything Luke you're my best friend in the world, and definitely worth the wait".
He handed the package to Luke and with his free hand he accepted it, as though it was the most precious thing he had ever touched. It almost was. Luke opened the box and again felt the crinkle of the red tissue paper as he unveiled the watch. He felt the inscription under his fingertips not needing to read the words that were etched forever in his heart.
Luke's fingers were trembling as he tried to put the watch on so Noah offered, "Here, here let me" mirroring those moments that felt like a lifetime ago, but at the same time felt like yesterday. This time though as his fingers lightly grazed Luke's wrist he lowered his head and brushed his lips to where he could feel the warm pulse.
Luke looked down at the brunette's head and felt almost giddy with the emotions rushing over him. His palm stretched out to caress Noah's face, feeling the scratchy five o clock stubble that he longed to feel against his own. He gently pushed Noah's head up to his and at that moment as their gazes locked they both silently acknowledged that it was time for their platonic relationship to be over.
The kiss started slow, their lips finding the other's with a simple soft brushing of skin on skin, like the one on the dance floor at Metro. A tongue came out to caress, a hand reached behind a neck, knees bumped together, a catalogue and box fell forgotten to the floor. Soon hands were everywhere, grasping, pulling, squeezing, needing. The kiss deepened allowing tongues to explore, to thrust with want, with all the pent up passion they had both put on hold. One of them whimpered with need, neither knew who, as they both felt their needs shared, their wants answered in the other.
They fell back on to the bed, legs dangling over the side, wanting to feel each other's body pressed against their own. Noah raised himself up on his elbows so he could look at this glorious creature that was, again, his boyfriend. Luke's hair was in its usual messy state, but further tussled by Noah's hands plowing their way through it. It was then he noticed the bare mattress they were half lying on replete with stains from who knew what. He pulled Luke up and gestured with his head to join him over on his own bed.
Words at this stage were unnecessary, both boys just followed their instincts to what felt…right.
The backs of Noah's knees hit the edge of his mattress and he sat down never allowing his gaze to leave Luke's. He dragged Luke down with him reclining back on the bed and allowing Luke's body to stretch alongside his. The kissing was renewed with fervor. This was no longer the time for soft brushes and whispered touches. Their mouths pressed together hard with want, mirroring the pressure of their hips aligned with the other's, desperate to feel the matching need.
Noah leaned up on his elbow without losing contact with Luke's lips and rotated his body so it was now angled on top of Luke's, sliding a thigh between the legs beneath him. He used his new position to his advantage, allowing his free hand opportunities in renewing memories of the landscape of Luke's body. The snug fitting, finely knitted sweater that Luke was wearing outlined his broad shoulders, firm pecs and slim waist. The soft angora wool of the knit almost matched the texture of Luke's babyfine hair at the nape of his neck and made Noah's fingers itch to return there, but for the moment he wanted to feel everything south of his neck. As his hand explored Luke's chest and abdomen, he realized that he couldn't feel enough of Luke, the sweater, although fine, was restricting his need to feel the outline of Luke's muscles, to feel the heat of Noah's skin. He broke the kiss to tug Luke's sweater off him leaving the shirt underneath and renewed his exploration.
The need between the two was escalating like an inferno's need for oxygen. Noah thrust his tongue into Luke's mouth feeling himself harden to almost breaking point and pushed his hips against Luke, rubbing his erection against Luke's through the two layers of denim. At this point there were mutual groans as they both knew they wanted more than this, but hadn't yet discussed where this grope-fest was taking them.
They both simultaneously came up for air, Noah's hand remaining on Luke's waist, both of Luke's hands draped loosely around Noah's neck and back.
"God Luke…I want so much…I need …but… I don't know if we're ready". Noah's words tumbled out with his panting breath, knew they should talk about this, but not wanting to break their bodies' contact.
"Noah, I feel the same, I do, but all I can think of is being with you in every way possible that two people in love should be". Luke's matching heavy breathing was only accentuated by the nervousness he felt, but at the same time the absolute 'rightness', in his declaration.
"But Luke I wanted it to be special, I wanted to plan a whole romantic evening, dinner, candles, walking, talking, and then making slow passionate love to you". As Luke looked into Noah's eyes he could see a need to make everything right, but underneath that he could sense there was no regret. That was for times past, for times where circumstances allowed for such grand sweeping romantic gestures. As Luke gazed up at his romantic boyfriend he knew in his heart of hearts that the time was right.
"Noah, this is special, you are special. You giving the watch back to me now is special. To me this means that we're at the beginning…again…(he smiled ruefully) and no matter where we are or what has lead up to it, this (he tightened his hold on Noah's back) is special. Don't you feel it too?" Luke asked the question but already knew the answer.
Noah decided that actions spoke louder than words, as his answer came in a kiss that was full of warmth, tenderness, passion…and need. The answering rush of emotion in Luke was almost overwhelming as his hands clawed with more eagerness than before, his hands seeking purchase on every hard plane of Noah's body. He tugged Noah's shirt up his body, itching for the need to touch. He could feel the muscles in Noah's back twitch and stretch at every movement as he rolled his body above Luke's thrusting again at the juncture of their thighs.
Luke's legs spread to accommodate his man on top of him. Luke's moan answered Noah's at the exquisite torture of the friction on their cocks, both of them mindlessly thrusting into the other's warm hardness. Luke brought his hands around to the front of Noah's shirt desperately wishing he could unbutton the shirt with more finesse but speed being the operative need here. As Luke's fingers fumbled again on the second button Noah stopped to watch, a mixture of heat and amusement in his gaze.
"Need a hand?" the smirk now evident on his face.
"Shut up. You try this when your hot boyfriend is lying on top of you and then you'll see it's not as easy as it looks."
Noah chuckled and waited patiently (ok, so not so patiently) while Luke continued.
"I really like that" Noah whispered.
"Like what, me undoing your shirt with ten thumbs?" Luke's frustration in himself was beginning to show.
"No. You calling me your boyfriend." Noah always had a knack for saying the word boyfriend with such intensity and love that Luke just melted right there on the spot.
"Done!" Luke finally accomplished his mission and looked triumphantly up at Noah, "now shut up and kiss me".
"Gladly", Noah resumed his soul melting kisses whilst Luke continued to drag his shirt off his shoulders.
"Need this off, now" Luke pleaded for Noah to help him take off the ever-present t-shirt under the open shirts Noah favored.
As Noah half sat up to assist him, he realized this was the perfect opportunity to devoid Luke of some more of his clothing, so with little warning he yanked the long sleeve top Luke had been wearing underneath the sweater in one movement.
This was not the first time they had seen each other's bare chests, but now it held more significance as this was purposeful, meant, planned, a means to a very promising end.
Their matching groans as their upper bodies slid against each other were as intoxicating as the feeling of skin on skin, hard muscle against hard muscle. Both hands clamored to take in this feeling, to absorb the others want into their own selves. Soon, it wasn't enough. Both sets of hands began to move lower. Luke's stopped at Noah's hip, but for no planned reason, Noah became the aggressor and reached underneath to grab Luke's amazing ass, kneading the firm flesh, pulling him upwards to meet his grinding thrusts.
Noah was past the point of being tentative and reached between their bodies and lay his palm flat over what was now, Luke's very obvious erection. Pressing the heel of his hand down over Luke's lengthy cock was just about the most erotic feeling he had felt in his life. The answering jolt in his own pants let him know that this groping could not last forever.
His kisses were now peppering their way down Luke's jaw and suckling on his neck not really caring if he left a mark there or not. His hand was now moving up again, trying to undo the button at the top of Luke's jeans. It took a couple of goes, with Luke giggling into his ear, "See? It's not as easy as it seems is it?"
"I think this is harder for some very obvious reasons!" Noah bit the side of Luke's neck in response to his cheeky comment.
The rasp of Luke's zipper being undone filled the air as did Luke's moan of ecstasy as he felt Noah's fingers dive into his pants and clasp around his cock. "Oh God, Noah, god, aaaahhh…"
As if he wasn't turned on enough Luke's scent of pre cum was a weighty aphrodisiac, spurring Noah on to squeeze Luke with his fist, meanwhile thrusting his cock against Luke's hip.
"No, God Noah, no, stop, this is too much" Noah's heart stopped at these words, fearing that Luke was running scared, that they had gone too far, but his fears were soon put to rest when Luke began to undo Noah's jeans, reassuring him when he said "I'm too close to coming Noah, if you touch me like that for much longer this will be all over, besides…it's my turn".
With that he used his position to grip Noah's thighs and turn him around so he was now on top and able to grab the waistband of Noah's jeans and drag them off. Noah's cock tented his boxers and Luke hypnotically licked his lips in anticipation of seeing his gorgeous boyfriend, completely, for the first time. His bravado was wearing off, but he purposefully made himself grab the elastic of the boxers and carefully lower them down his legs and off his feet.
Noah thought he would feel self conscious lying here for the first time, fully naked, under the steady scrutiny of a man, but seeing the cautious need in Luke's eyes undid him and he pulled his boyfriend down to the bed, again taking control and pulled off both his jeans and underwear.
He could have spent hours just drinking in the perfection of Luke, but he knew they were both near breaking point and he needed to feel again skin-on-skin but this time from head to toe (and everywhere in between).
They resumed their initial positions with Noah on top and Luke's thighs gripping Noah's hips, hands again seeking new sensations for both the giving and receiving of pleasure. The feel of both naked cocks slipping together aided by the accumulation of pre-cum was another new experience for them both, their sensitive heads leaking on the other.
Noah couldn't go another moment without tasting his boyfriend's cock, he had dreamt about it (and jacked off to it) countless times but he was now here, with his boyfriend, both naked on his bed, and the time for this was now. He gripped Luke's hip to hold him in place as he peppered kisses along his collar bone then moved lower; grazing his tongue down his body, stopping briefly to lick the sweat pooled at his chest, to tease his nipples with his flicking tongue, to feel the course hair that pointed him to the direction of his desire.
He gripped the base with a firm hand, delighting in its silky smoothness yet rigid strength and couldn't resist a quick tug, smirking as he heard his lover grunt with warning. He tested the waters (so to speak) by sticking out his tongue and playing at the slit, finding he was enraptured with the taste he found there. Dark, warm, salty, Luke. He became more bold and licked around the head drawing more of his cum onto his tongue and then took the head fully into his mouth.
"Oh fuck! That is, oh my god, fuck!" Noah chuckled as he'd never heard Luke swear like that before but he agreed that this time it was warranted and a huge turn on for him which he hadn't realized. As Noah was attempting to swallow more of Luke's cock in his mouth he felt firm but shaky hands digging into his hair, not sure if they were meant to stop him or encourage him. He soon worked it out when Luke whined "No more, please, fuck that's so good, but please stop!"
"C'mere" Luke's voice was pure sex as he pulled his man back up his body and laid a desperate, yearning kiss on his lips, thrusting his tongue as he thrust his hips upwards. "Fuck me, Noah, please now, I want to feel you inside of me,
I don't want to wait any longer."
Noah felt his erection pulse wildly at the desperation in Luke's voice. He knew they had been fast reaching this stage, but hadn't known who was going to top who or how they were going to work that out (the thought of both positions turned him on to no end) but Luke's request had laid these questions to rest - for now.
Noah reached for the supplies in his bedside drawer that he had kept stashed for many months now, just waiting for this moment. He had also read up on some porn and erotic stories on the internet to prepare him on ways to please his male lover. He flipped open the lid of the lube and squeezed some on to his fingers, rubbing them together to warm the cold fluid and working them between Luke's legs. He lightly brushed past his balls feeling Luke's swift intake of breath and continued down to his puckered hole, rubbing gently on the outside trying to get Luke's muscle there to relax. He slowly pushed for entrance with one finger, feeling Luke tense up "Sshhh, baby, that's it, relax now". He nuzzled Luke's cock as he worked his finger back and forth trying to get Luke used to the intrusion and when he felt he was ready added a second finger. As he was moving his fingers around inside of Luke he felt for a place he had read about and knew he had struck gold when Luke practically pushed him off the bed as his hips arched up with a "Fuck, what was that?" Noah smiled into Luke's curly hair absorbing his scent and continued playing with the bunch of nerve endings inside of him.
"No, no more, fuck me Noah, fuck me now Noah NOW!" Noah found he was enjoying this bossy and forceful Luke in bed and knew he'd have to explore that revelation another time. With his slippery fingers still inside Luke he threw the condom packet up to him and said "Here, help me with this".
Luke wasn't sure his brain would be able to find the right pathways to his fingers for such a task but he tore open the wrapper with his teeth and shakily rolled the condom onto Noah's cock.
Noah slowly withdrew his fingers, added some extra lube to his cock and made his way back up his boyfriend's body, using his hands to raise Luke's hips in the process. He gave Luke another mind altering kiss then reached between them and held his cock firm, placing his head at Luke's entrance. He pushed just the tip of him inside, waiting for Luke to adjust to the new sensation, feeling his sphincter tense up again. He tried the same words he had before "Sshhh baby, just relax" and moved inside him a bit farther so his head breached the hole completely.
"Aaaargh, oh god, Noah, it hurts" Luke clasped Noah's shoulders holding him still, especially as he tried to leave Luke's body "No, no, no, don't leave, I just have to get used to it is all". There was no fear in his voice, only honesty, which spoke directly to Noah's heart.
Noah let go of his own cock and reached between them to caress Luke's slightly softer erection, no doubt from the initial pain he'd experienced. He began to kiss him again, this time with a tenderness that needed to convey his love and willingness to stop if necessary. Their kiss had a life of its own, transforming the pain on Luke's face back into need, want and ultimately love. As Luke's tongue made its way back into Noah's mouth, Noah's body automatically responded by moving slightly where their bodies were connected. This time there was no pain, only a fullness that made Luke feel more complete than he had in his entire life.
Noah felt Luke harden in his palm and decided to try moving again, this time he felt Luke's gasp in his mouth as he again connected with his prostate. Noah was trying to hold back as he was still worried of hurting Luke, but when he felt Luke's hands grab his ass and pull Noah hard into him he felt all the energy he had left unleash with hot driving passion.
Instinct took over and his hips tilted back and forth, eventually pounding into Luke with more force, encouraged by his lover's sighs and groans. He took a moment to look down where their bodies were joined and almost lost what little control he had left.
"Fuck Noah, aaahhh harder, oh fuck" with this sort of encouragement all Noah could do was slam harder into Luke, feeling his balls slapping against Luke's formidable ass.
The combined sweat and lubricant were making slick wet noises as they ground their bodies, finding their rhythm together. Luke knew he wasn't going to last much longer with his boyfriend pummeling his ass hitting all the right places and his hand still clasping his cock. He began to feel that familiar tingling in his balls racing up to the tip of his cock and yelled "Oh fuck, Noah,fuck, FUCK, I'm coming…."
This was all it took for Noah to feel his own release driven on by the amazingly sexy screaming and swearing coming from his lover. He gave one more pump of his hips and felt his seed emptying into the condom and felt Luke's semen cover his hand in warm spurts.
The lovers lay there, all energies spent, coming down from their amazing highs and trying to catch their breaths. Noah knew he had to leave Luke's body but did it with regret wanting to stay in this moment, reveling in all these new sensations. He dutifully disposed of the condom in the bin next to his bed, grabbing some tissues from the nearby table to clean them both up. He saw Luke watching him during all this, with such tenderness, love and…satisfaction that he felt his heart swelling in his chest with a combination of pure and utter contentment and maybe a little pride.
The chill in the air was beginning to become noticeable, so Noah reached down to retrieve the blanket and quilt at the foot of his bed and drew it like a safe cocoon over them. He lay back as Luke nestled into his shoulder, their limbs lovingly entwined, hands gently petting each other in the after waves of their lovemaking.
"You know you should call your folks" Noah said in a dreamy and sleepy voice.
"Why? Oh hi mom, yeah, just letting you know, your son has been well and truly fucked for the first time."
Noah chuckled. "Well that, and not to expect you home for dinner, or breakfast."
Luke looked up into the well satiated eyes of his lover, and wondered, how on earth did he get this lucky, to be lying here with the most gorgeous man he had ever laid eyes on, and that man was gazing back at him with more love than he knew was possible. At that moment he realized he could happily gaze into these eyes forever.
"I'll call them after a brief nap" he reached over to the table where he had thrown his phone earlier to set an alarm and noticed the watch on his wrist. His new watch.
Noah's eyes were already closed and he could hear his breathing getter deeper, slower. Luke couldn't resist taking his watch off, to see the inscription again one more time before he fell asleep. He ran his fingers over the etched letters and remembered all the times that he and Noah had said that to each other in the past. He read the words over and over, taking in their new significance at this moment. He placed the watch on its side, on the bedside table, tilting it so those words would be the first thing they would both see when they woke up. As he fell into a deep and satisfied slumber, stretching his warm body alongside Noah's, his last thoughts were those etched words had never been more true.