InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Singing on uranus."

lily evans (ungilded) wrote in loremrpg,
@ 2011-03-31 00:02:00

Entry tags:

!incomplete, james potter, lily evans

Characters: Lily Evans & James Potter
Setting: Thursday, September 30, evening, fourth floor corridor, en route to Hogsmeade...in theory.
Content: ~~SFW, for now~~ NSFW for some pretty heavy snogging ;)
Summary: Lily and James have their first "date"...sort of.

The concept of lying to oneself was an interesting one, Lily had always thought. If you knew the truth, really knew it in your heart, then how could you convince yourself otherwise? It simply had never made sense to her...at least, not until she decided to offer James Potter a blank slate.

Ever since the day he had stolen her wand, Lily had been at war with herself. Part of her, the part she didn't like to acknowledge was probably her heart, was pointing out that James didn't seem that bad these days, and it looked like he genuinely cared for her, and she ought to trust the judgment of her friends, who all said he was worth her time. The other part, though, was stubbornly insisting on playing her a mental film on loop whenever she was in his presence: Everything Awful James Potter Has Ever Done (the highlights). It made interacting with the boy very confusing, because he would do or say something unexpectedly sweet and Lily would be touched for a moment, and then she would remind herself of the time he stole all of the Gryffindor girls' underwear and hid it around the castle. She consistently tried to ignore her memories of the past so she could analyse if he had actually changed, but the harder she tried, the more vividly she recalled these past incidents. If Lily were honest with herself, she probably was attracted to him a bit. Yes, he was handsome, and charming, and clearly taken with her, and so she couldn't help herself. But she was fully convinced that that was the extent of her feelings towards him.

At this moment, though, her feelings towards James weren't particularly relevant. She had agreed to go on "a proper date" with him today in exchange for his aid in getting out of the castle for Sunday brunch with the girls. The brunch had been lovely, and Lily was glad she had done it, but she probably would have been looking at her date a different way had that been the end of things. It had wound up being James' friends who showed them the way out of the castle because Lily had had a row with James over Merwyn Spinnet, of all people. She had been sure his influence on her life had ended with fourth year, when she had gotten over her little crush through "out of sight, out of mind" over the summer. All it took was a compliment from him and a positive response from Lily to set James off, though, and Lily had predictably snapped right back, but then, for probably the first time when arguing with James, she had felt guilty. Once it was clear that she had upset him, it actually took Lily several seconds to identify what she was feeling. She had apologized and tried to make things right, and it had seemed to placate James, but she had seen distinctly less of him in the week between that confrontation and today than was ordinary.

These events had allowed Lily to convince herself that the reason she felt just a little nervous for this evening was just lingering guilt, hanging on too long because she was such a bleeding heart. As always, when she was nervous, Lily focused her energy into her appearance, trying on multiple outfits before making a choice, and actually tying up her hair for a change so she couldn't play with it. If Lily were really just suffering the effects of lingering guilt and not any attraction to James, she would have been worried that James would take this as a sign that she was interested in him, but this thought never crossed her mind, nor did it even occur to her that she should have this worry.

Really, at this moment, Lily was living proof that it was, in fact, possible to lie to yourself. Of course, as is usually the case, she wasn't letting herself realise this. Instead, she was leaning against the wall of the corridor, fingering the hem of her left sleeve, and idly studying the painting on the opposite wall. It was fairly abstract and extremely busy, and the only conclusion Lily had managed to reach about it when James arrived was that it was ugly.

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ungilded
2011-04-04 04:19 am UTC (link)

Lily's bout of laughter was half-amused at James' state of undress, but also half-relieved, because for some reason, just seeing James standing there, having got up to the girls' dormitory at this time of night because he simply had to see her...it made Lily feel that somehow, she knew everything was going to be okay. If she had to guess the reason, she might have chalked quite a bit of it up to James' lopsided grin, one of the few flashes of sincerity she'd recently learned to identify from among his usual arrogant posturing. She recovered from her giggles, though, when he indicated the letter. Lily's hand dropped to rest atop her other arm again, and her expression turned a bit more serious. When James asked if she would come to the common room, she nodded and followed him.

As she walked, Lily internally steeled her resolve. Over and over in her head, she repeated the things she had written in that letter to James, because she knew James had a tendency to tug at her heart and make her want to ignore her mind, but she would regret it later if she didn't make him give valid answers to all the problems she had posed before she caved to the question they both knew he would ask. Even though she had suggested he should have nothing further to do with her in her letter, Lily knew James well enough to know that he hadn't even considered it.

Whatever she was thinking, she couldn't help but chuckle under her breath when James intentionally activated the slide enchantment. Lily was a step behind him, so she sat down and rode the slide properly, a smirk working its way onto her face despite herself. As if to prove that she meant the confession she had admitted in her letter, Lily accepted James' offer of his hand and allowed him to lead her to the couch, something she surely would not have done had she disliked him as much as she liked to claim.

Once they reached the couch, Lily took a seat close to the arm, curling her feet under her and crossing her arms protectively once more. She didn't say anything, just looked at James and gave him a stiff little nod, indicating that she was ready to listen to whatever it was he had to say.

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1/3?

stagswagger
2011-04-04 06:09 pm UTC (link)

The silent nod of her head told James he certainly had his work cut out for him. It was a given the boy would rise to the occasion, but it was difficult not to get so wrapped up in her that he lost his direction. James had every intention of leaving Lily in a more comforted state of mind. She had already shed far too many tears over this tonight from what he could tell, and none of them were necessary. He wasn't going anywhere, and some way or another James was going to get Lily to see that. When Lily took his hand, he smiled at her again before leading her over to the couch. Their physical contact broke when Lily finally sat, and James immediately went over to to start up the fire in the fireplace. The tower was always drafty at night, and he didn't want Lily to feel any less comfortable because of that. Besides, unlike Lily, James was one article of clothing shy of complete nudity.

As much as James wanted to sit right next to her, he decided to at least begin on the other end of the sofa. He wanted Lily to realize he had no intention of playing his usual cards this evening. James meant business, and he had to make her see that. Sitting on the arm of the couch, James propped his elbows on his knees as he held Lily's tear-stained letter in front of him. "I know you're probably anticipating it, but I have a few things to say about this if you don't mind," he added while raising the letter to show her what he was referring to. "I'm going to ask you a favour before I start, though. Hear me out until the end before responding?" James wasn't trying to be bossy, but rather was concerned they'd get hung up on one or two little things and Lily might talk herself out of being there with him. Rather than risk that happening before he was able to say everything that was on his mind, James tried to give himself a fighting chance by asking her to agree to this condition. Giving her another encouraging half-smile, James' eyes shifted down to the letter. He decided to pick out pieces in sequential order so he didn't chance missing anything massive.

"Right. Here," he said, pointing to the letter as if Lily had it memorized. "About the fighting..." He looked back to the redhead before continuing his thought. "It's not a matter of 'if' we fight, but 'when' as you mentioned. I know you say it will be different, and that's good and well, but I think I know you well enough to confidently say you won't do the one thing that could hurt me more than anything else. You might call me every profanity under the sun. You might even leave me. The one thing that would hurt me most would be you telling me you don't want me anymore and there's someone else. Because, Lil, all those other things I could work through. Even if you walked away, if it was just out of anger, I'd follow after you until you got a few good hits in, and then we'd make up. If you needed time, I could give you that, but if you truly fancied some other bloke and he was a good guy, say if you still fancied Spinnet..." James had to stop and take a proper breath before continuing, trying to force out any disdain for the boy that might be written on his features. "Despite myself, I wouldn't interfere. I realise in the past my interference has cost you something that meant a lot to you, and I don't want to be the reason that happens again." It wasn't necessary he say the boy's name because they both could make out what he was talking about. James still justified the loss considering Snivellus was too, well, Slytherin to love Lily properly. That didn't change the fact James had done wrong by her, though. "I reckon I say all that just to go back to the fact that I know you wouldn't be at this point if you fancied someone else, so you couldn't hurt me in that respect. When we're fighting, even if you go off and flirt with some other sod, you'll have me apologising faster than he has time to respond, and that will be that." James smiled again, this time his typical smirk as he cocked an eyebrow at Lily, as if to say he'd worked through their first issue and was moving forward.

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2/3

stagswagger
2011-04-04 06:10 pm UTC (link)

James' eyes sifted through the note again before he pointed to another spot, glancing at Lily as was his fashion when speaking to her. "You're not a horrible person, and I don't care much for the term 'sorry.' So we're good where that's concerned." Glancing back down to move a wee bit further in the letter, James stopped again with his index finger in another location he wanted to mention. "Of course you are stubborn. Could you see me with any weak-willed bird? No. You can hold your own against me, Lil, and I reckon I could do the same if you were out of line. When it comes to you '[letting me] win,' that's not a problem either. I've already gathered that when you win, I win. If that's where we stand on that, I don't foresee any issues there."

True to the manner in which he approached the letter, James continued to reread Lily’s words as she sat in front of him, stopping upon another part to clarify how he felt about it. This time he didn’t point to the information but rather held the note firmly in both hands while looking quite amused, probably irritatingly so by Lily’s standards. His eyes caught hers, and try as he might, he couldn’t wipe the cocky expression off his face. “You? ‘Stupid and immature.’ Come now, Evans. Now I know you’re just pulling my wand. Do you realise who you’re talking to? I think that’s all that needs to be said about that,” he teased, moving on.

As he continued, he didn’t look up for the next few minutes. He had a bit more to work through, and from all he could tell, Lily was still paying attention. His time recently had been limited with the girl, so rather than risk her bouncing off before he had a chance to finish, he worked through it a little quicker, deciding to really pause and focus in on the things he thought could be underlying concerns for her. “No one would laugh if you worried about me. Hell, my mum worries about me often. I figure they’d just think you had your head on straight, and sympathise with you. Um…” He kept reading, his eyes following his finger so he could work through the letter quicker. “You may be able to hold grudges until the hippogriffs come home, but I have at least that long to wait for your forgiveness, so no worries there.”

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3/3

stagswagger
2011-04-04 06:11 pm UTC (link)

When James got to a heavier portion of the letter, he slowed himself down to take in the words Lily had written. He could see she was concerned about him discovering her to be something she wasn’t, but James was beyond convinced she’d only ever been 100% Lily Evans around him. He was confident in his thought that he had nothing to fear, no skeletons in the closet if you will. Sure, Lily would change as time went by, and they would grow as individuals as well as a couple, providing she accepted him that was. That aside, James figured if they were together, that’s what mattered more than anything. “Being with you isn’t going to change who you are. You’ve only ever been yourself around me, Lily. I realise you’re human, you know. I don’t expect you to always be on your top game or even interested in seeing me, but I fancy you because that’s who you are, not despite it. If it helps you, pretend I said ‘you’re perfect for me.’ I don’t want you to change how you react to me for the sake of being gentle. I’m a big boy. I can handle Lily Evans’ criticising. I have for years now, and I’m still here, right? Besides, I fancy you because who you are inspires me to work harder than I have at damn near anything else, and maybe that’s a good thing.” James realized Lily could twist his words a bit in her mind at this point, so he decided to try to clarify prior to. “And before you say something about it, it’s not the ‘thrill of the bloody chase.’ I want to work harder to be what I think you deserve. There’s a difference. That’s why when you sincerely ask me to do something, I actually do give it my best go.”

Looking back down at the letter, James followed his finger a bit further until he approached the end. He then looked up again and began to fold the piece of parchment up. “You didn’t ruin our date. You just gave me a rain check that you’re now required to follow through on.” He smiled cheekily as he held the letter firmly in his hands, as if to say he wasn’t letting it go any time soon. Then allowing his smile to fade into a little more serious of a face, he added a final note. “I don’t want you to think I’m writing off your worries. I have my own, you know. None of them involve mistakes on your part. This isn’t about me, though. It’s about you. And even if it takes the rest of my life to get you to stop thinking about all this and living in the moment, living with me, then it will be well worth it. It’s my aim one day you’ll feel secure enough in me to stop thinking about all of this because, honestly? I’m not. I just want you, Lil.” With that, he studied her eyes a second longer in silence before readjusting on the arm of the couch. “All right. You.”

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ungilded
2011-04-04 06:38 pm UTC (link)

To be blunt, Lily had absolutely no clue what she had been expecting to hear from James. Certainly not 'all right, I'll give up on you, I never realised how utterly mad you were'. That simply wasn't James' style. On the other hand, she certainly hadn't been expecting him to approach her letter in this way, either.

The way that he sat down and went through everything she said...it was almost logical. Lily hadn't been entirely sure he was capable of such thinking, but it was more or less exactly what she needed. Judging by her Amortentia, James had already won over Lily's heart, and what he was doing now was persuading her mind. As he had asked, she remained silent as he talked, merely drinking in the words and observing his body language carefully. The tension flowed slowly from her own body, and she turned more towards him as she listened, shoulders relaxing and arms settling loosely on her knees.

The things he said made her concerns seem ridiculous at best. Lily even tried to form rebuttals for when he was finished, but James answered her concerns before she could even raise them. When he did finish, declaring that none of it mattered anyway, because he just wanted her, his serious expression really drove the point home. Lily was a little overwhelmed, but in the best possible way. She simply had nothing she could say. In his typical grandiose fashion, James had rendered her entirely speechless.

Lily bit her lip, and her green eyes flitted back and forth between James' hazel ones. For a long moment, silence settled between them. Then all at once, Lily felt some dam in her brain break. What was she waiting for? She liked James, of that she was sure. He had just proved how much he cared about her, speaking her language, but all she had done was say that she fancied him, which meant that the ball was definitely in her court.

Well, then.

All at once, Lily all but launched herself across the couch and flung her arms around James. One arm wrapped around his back and the other tangled into his hair, and for lack of a better term, Lily Evans did her level best to snog the life out of James Potter.

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stagswagger
2011-04-04 07:38 pm UTC (link)

By the time James had actually taken a breather, he could tell Lily was sifting through what was said. He didn't make the connection between her more comfortable body language, but the fact she was still there and not crying was more than enough to leave him elated. The silence between them ran a bit long, and his urge to fill the void grew by the second. He quickly ran through everything he'd just said, attempting to think like Lily in hopes of seeing where she might be caught up. If there was a way he could alleviate her concerns before she had a chance to mention them, maybe she would be more receptive to the idea of the two of them. James had to force himself to look down at his feet when she began chewing on her lip like that. He had to work out what to say next, and looking at her only left him even more at a loss. It was far too easy to get caught up in those eyes or stare longingly at her lips. He couldn't afford to be sidetracked, not when it was so crucial he showed her how he truly felt.

When the couch creaking broke the silence, his eyes darted back to Lily. He caught sight of her movements just in time for his hands to meet her body prior to her lips planting on his. Showing her how he truly felt was no longer an issue at this point, and though his initial reaction was to be remotely embarrassed at his excitement, his impulse to react kicked in. James' hands moved to either side of her face as he tilted his head deeper into the kiss, his fingers catching in some of the loose strands of her hair that had fallen out of her hair tie. He then moved both hands down to her waist to pull Lily up on his lap so he could move them down to a more comfortable position on the couch. Merlin forbid they go flying backward! His hands caught under the edge of her camisole as he continued the snog of his life, their lips only rebounding briefly off one another's to allow him a slight break in between to open his eyes and sneak a glance at her expression. Snogging Lily was far more pleasing when the feelings were mutual!

After a few minutes, James broke from the kiss to begin lavishing her cheek and upper neck in kisses, hesitating above Lily's jaw to nuzzle his nose against her cheek briefly before pulling back and looking into her eyes. He raised a hand to her face to brush away some strands of hair before resting his palm over her ear. James' thumb grazed her cheek gently before his touched the tip of his nose to hers. "Be my girl, Lily." It wasn't near as demanding as it seemed, more or less a plea. He figured it was a given at this point in time that they were official, but James wouldn't leave something so significant up to assumption. He wanted to ensure Lily Evans was his. Before allowing her a chance to respond, he leaned in for another brief kiss on her lips, and then pulled back with a smile.

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ungilded
2011-04-04 07:45 pm UTC (link)

The stereotypically Gryffindor part of Lily that loved risk-taking, acting on impulses, and living in the moment was absolutely ecstatic...but then, so was the rest of her. Finally, she had stopped lying to herself or keeping up walls. She had let James in with her letter, and he had more than lived up to her expectations, he had done far better than she could have hoped. That, and the kiss was pretty bloody spectacular as well.

Lily let James pull her on his lap and move them down the couch, which really just gave her better leverage to kiss him even more passionately. When he broke the kiss after a couple of minutes and began to kiss her neck and cheek instead, Lily let her hand drop from James' hair to his shoulder, arched her neck to give him a better angle, and let out a soft, involuntary noise of pleasure. After a moment, though, when James raised a hand to her face, Lily looked back to him, smiling as he touched their noses together.

Before she could answer his heartfelt request, he leaned forward and stole another kiss. Lily laughed softly at that as they broke apart, shaking her head just a bit. "Yes, of course I will, James." As if to seal their relationship, Lily raised her small hand to mirror James' by cupping his jaw, then leaned in to kiss him again, though a bit more tenderly this time.

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stagswagger
2011-04-04 08:27 pm UTC (link)

There was no telling whether or not Lily was intentionally making noises as James kissed her, but that only provoked him all the more. He was able to control his lips as they trailed over her skin, but the same couldn't be said for the rest of his body. He could tell the two of them would have no problem when it came to those times they'd be forced to kiss and make up, but whether or not he'd be able to endure it was another option entirely. In the midst of his examining her skin as he kissed her, James made a mental note to work on that problem of his with Sirius' expertise. His best mate could test the waters out for him and provide any feedback prior to any potential 'first time' with Lily. Maybe a proper potion would do the trick? Another gentle, yet plainly audible noise escaped Lily's lips, causing James to shiver slightly when he went to meet her eyes again.

Though any sane boy would be flipping out if he'd received that shaking of the head following his proposal, James could tell Lily was simply amused. Her laughter paired with the gesture gave him that much, so he didn't freak out on the spot. Much to his pleasure, she followed through with her 'yes' immediately after, so as to cast out any further concern. James could hardly contain his smile at that point, and when she moved in for another kiss, he reached his hands around to her back and pulled Lily more snug against his chest. The brilliant thing about boxers and pyjama pants: no resistance. As embarrassing as it might have been, he didn't care at that point. She wanted him back, which was all that mattered. Besides that, Lily was intelligent enough to guess what this was doing to him! With one of his hands at the middle of her back and the other slipping around her waist, James continued the snog. There was little need to break it at this point. Thankfully their peers were all happily tucked away in their rooms. It would have been quite a sight for any third-party, particularly seeing as James and Lily were very plainly 'getting along' at this point.

Shifting around underneath her, James straightened his legs out so Lily's could fall on either side of his body. Convinced he could hold her like that until morning if she allowed, James continued the kiss a little longer before breaking again rather abruptly. This time it was more or less to control himself because as they continued it was getting harder for him to keep himself in check. He smiled softly before placing a kiss just to the side of her lips and then nuzzling his head into her shoulder as he hugged Lily close to him. With the aid of his nose, he nudged the spaghetti strap of her shirt to the side briefly to place a kiss on her skin where it hand been. Then he reached a hand up to the same spot and repositioned it before pulling back to look in Lily's eyes. "And you thought we'd never get along," he teased, lacing his hand in her hair once more with the other still glued to her back.

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ungilded
2011-04-04 08:52 pm UTC (link)

As they continued to snog, Lily's hands shifted so they were both in James' hair, something she was quickly discovering she very much enjoyed running her hands through. He still wasn't allowed to mess it up for looks, but that didn't mean she wouldn't, from time to time. She shifted along with James, enjoying the warmth of his chest against her, but also enjoying the effect this was clearly having on her new boyfriend. Hearing him say she drove him crazy and having this very tangible reassurance of that were two very different things.

As James broke off the kiss, Lily was just a bit short of breath, but she was also grinning at him, excitement and enthusiasm and just a bit of mischief clear in her eyes. His soft, tender kisses on her face and shoulder made her grin soften to an impossibly warm smile, though, and once he pulled away to look in her eyes, she pressed a quick, chaste kiss to his lips. "Well, I didn't think there was anything underneath your arrogant toerag exterior," Lily teased back, her voice and words soft. She leaned forward again to tenderly kiss along James' jawline and down to his adam's apple, then nuzzled her face into the crook between his neck and shoulder. "I'm glad I've changed my mind," she said into his neck, then amended her statement after a pause: "I'm glad you changed my mind." Truth be told, Lily would be quite content to stay here all night, but it was more than likely that her responsible Prefect side wouldn't let that happen.

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stagswagger
2011-04-04 10:12 pm UTC (link)

Lily's shortness of breath wasn't lost on James, and truthfully left him feeling as if this was his tangible reassurance she returned the sentiments as much as he'd always hoped. Her mischievous smile was enticing to say the least, and it caught James off guard. He continued what he was doing, but by the time he'd raised his face back to hers, she had pressed her lips against his another time prior to another word being uttered. James smiled against her lips before they pulled apart, his eyes trailing from them toward her eyes again. "I'm a man of many mysteries, Lil," he softly retorted, smirking at her for a brief minute before she leaned forward to place kisses on his jawline and then his neck.

James swallowed as he attempted to keep his composure the best he could, his eyes falling shut in that feeble attempt to do just that. His hands both slipped down to where her shirt met her pyjama bottoms, and to his amusement it had crept up ever so slightly in their moving about. James placed both palms flat on the lower portion of Lily's back, the fingers on the topmost hand gently caressing up and down the portion of her exposed spine. When Lily burrowed her face into the space between his neck and shoulder, he smiled to himself and opened his eyes to afford himself the opportunity to take it in. She fit rather perfectly in his arms, if he could say so himself! After remoistening his lips with his tongue, James shifted his chin down to place a kiss on the top of Lily's head. "I'm glad you gave me the chance to," he added with a smile against her hair, raising a hand to the back of Lily's head as he held her there, incredibly still so as to try to allow himself the chance to calm down in the process.

The hand that was formerly still on Lily's upper back was aided by his other one as James slowly urged his girlfriend's shirt down. He had liked feeling that glimpse of her skin on his, but his more protective side of her had already begun to kick in. If anyone else happened upon them James didn't want make Lily out to be one of his conquests. No, he cared far too much about her for such games anymore. Rubbing his hands over the top of her shirt before they wrapped around her snugly, his hazel eyes shifted back to her brilliant emerald ones. "As laughable as it is being the voice of reason, I reckon I should get you back to your dorm soon huh?" he interjected again, his mouth saying one thing but his actions hardly mirroring the words as he nuzzled nose into her hair before placing another kiss.

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ungilded
2011-04-04 10:35 pm UTC (link)

When James placed his palms on her bare back, Lily shivered, delighting in the warmth and the skin to skin contact. If James moved his hands up much further, she would stop him (just because she had an impulsive side didn't mean she didn't have some sense of propriety, after all), but for now, she was revelling in the feel of his fingers on her spine, his lips on her head, his arms around her...really, Lily had always been a very physically affectionate person, so it was nice to be able to express that with James. In this moment, she felt truly content.

Of course, it was a sign of the coming apocalypse that after a few moments, James should be the one to act as the voice of reason, suggesting they probably ought to go to bed at some point. After all, it was Thursday night, or technically Friday morning, and they had a full day of classes ahead of them, not to mention that their current location was less than ideal as far as privacy was concerned. Though she knew he was right, Lily made a soft noise of complaint, but then angled her head back and up, kissing James again, almost lazily.

"You're right, it is ridiculous that you're being reasonable, and you're also right that we probably oughtn't be found here like this in the morning," she said when they broke apart, but she left her agreement hanging there and chose not to act on it just yet. Lily would get up in a couple of moments, but right now she just couldn't bring herself to.

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