InsaneJournal

All week Remus had felt edgy and a bit off, like a cold or some sort of bug was coming on. His neck ached, knees were sore and even though he had been trying to get restful nights of sleep he woke every morning completely exhausted. As he stood over the sink in the boy’s bathroom he splashed water on his face and studied his reflection for a moment. The bags under his eyes were more prominent and he looked increasingly shaggy.

All signs that the full moon was coming.

He had never been so unhappy for a Saturday and waking with a head of lavender hair hadn’t improved his mood, at least at first. He spent a great deal of the early morning in the Great Hall, laughing with others and simply talking about what had happened with the others and watching the mayhem ensue. Around 11 he had retreated to the Prefect bathroom to get ready and was assaulted by a mirror, telling him he looked like a mutated Easter egg and should shave it all off that very instant. He had thought of it, but at some point they were going to fix it, he hoped.

After returning to the Great Hall, he quickly ate his sandwich, looking rather mournfully up at the clear blue sky above their heads. It wasn’t fair; everyone would be enjoying a perfectly lovely afternoon outside, laughing and gossiping about their hair, while he was locked up in his own personal hell. He left the table leaving grins of excitement from his mates as started to follow the familiar path up to McGonagall’s office. The door was slightly ajar, as always, but he knocked anyway then pushed the door open slightly.

McGonagall was at her desk as always, a stack of essays in front of her as always, her quill in her hand underlining and crossing out portions of the essays. Her hair was a deep plum purple, which was pulled back like it always was, so really, it didn’t make much of a difference. She seemed to be carrying on as if everything was normal. “Afternoon, Remus,” she greeted him, looking up slightly and then continued with her papers. The prefects had been gathered this morning and informed of the potion incident that had caused the color changes, so she wore no look of shock or surprise. The look she currently wore was the one she always gave him when he came to her office like this; somewhere between admiration and pity, he could never actually place it. “I dare say you and your friends saw the anti-gravity charm someone set up in the Charms Corridor the other day.”

He tried hard not to smile when she mentioned it, but managed a nod. “Saw it on the way to class the other day. Any ideas who it was? Seemed like a pretty impressive display.”

McGonagall set down her quill and Remus could have sworn he saw her smile. He was pretty sure the professors knew that it had been them, but it had been completely harmless, well, some people had flashed their knickers but the majority of them managed to keep their garments held down as they ran out of the charm. Sometimes he wondered if the professors didn’t mind the pranks so much when Remus was involved because it usually meant they were safer.

“None, but it was quite impressive, yes,” McGonagall said, shuffling her papers into a pile and tucking them into her desk. “We’re still working on breaking it. They did quite a number cloaking it. It was more deliberate, unlike this hair color changing…” Her face turned a bit sour.

Remus smiled openly as she tucked the rest of the papers away and stood at her desk. She let out a bit of a sigh and that damn look returned. Was it possible to go from proud to depressed that quickly? “We’d best be off.”

She drew her wand as she stepped toward him, but Remus held up his hands quickly. “Please, Professor, at least let me do it.” It was a little less humiliating that way. Whenever McGonagall cast the disillusionment charm it made him feel like a small child being told by his mum what to do. That didn’t sit well with a 16 year old. Remus took out his wand and gave himself a sharp tap on the head and a familiar, cold sensation trickled down his back as his form blended into his surroundings. He tucked his wand away and looked over to see McGonagall in her cat form near the door, staring at where he had been, noting there was definitely a purple tinge to the cat. She headed down the door and Remus kept pace with her. Walking through the castle like this was the worst possible feeling for him. Invisible, completely unseen by anyone at Hogwarts, no friends and alone. They reached the front doors and headed out onto the grounds and Remus tried not to see the students wandering by the lake or listen to the laughter that echoed up to his ears. Basically, it sucked.

They reached the Whomping Willow after what seemed like hours and he watched McGonagall slip under the branches and touch the knot to freeze the branches. Remus followed her down between the branches and removed the charm and faced the real McGonagall at the entrance to the tunnel. He avoided her eyes, but the look of pity had returned as she led him down the tunnel, dragging his feet and his hands stuffed in his pockets. It was hard not to sulk.

The tunnel ended at a battered door that she opened and held aside for him. Remus entered the shack without a word, but turned and looked at his professor. “I’ll come and collect you tomorrow.” Now she looked like she was going to start crying. He nodded shortly and quickly turned away, sealing the door behind him.

The shack was destroyed and dirty, scratches along the walls, destroyed furniture here and there and splatters of blood along the floor and wall. He could feel shivers traveling down the spine as memories flashed through his mind. This was his personal hell. He knew that they made him come to the shack early to protect himself and others, but it didn’t mean it didn’t piss him off. Making his way up the stairs, he gave a rather hard kick to the door, which rattled and echoed through the building.

The bedroom was no exception in the destruction, except the bed which was intact. The sheets were spotted with blood as well and large chunks were taken out of the bedposts, but there was a window that faced Hogwarts. Remus pressed his forehead up against the window for a few moments, trying to convince himself that everything was going to be okay tonight. At least his friends would be there. He felt unexplained anger bubbling up as he thought of his friends. They didn’t have the painful night ahead of them that Remus had, they wouldn’t literally be ripped out of their skin. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been standing there, watching the sun get closer and closer to setting. Without warning, without thinking he spun around, grabbed the straight back, cushion-less chair and slammed it into the wall, grunting and huffing with rage.

It wasn’t fair; the whole fucking lot of it wasn’t fair! What had he ever done to deserve any of this? It was a low point as he began to chuck whatever he could grab at whatever he could see. He ended up huddled in the corner, arms covering his head, waiting. It was all he could do at this point and he hoped his mates showed up soon.