Jainie (spooky_cupcake) wrote in lilpinkfic, @ 2008-08-17 21:02:00 |
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Current mood: | busy |
Entry tags: | jenny, jodi, shane, shenny, silence is golden |
Silence is Golden (3/?) - Nightmare
Title: Silence Is Golden - Nightmare
Summary: AU fic. Includes spoilers for the season five finale! Shane turns up on Jodi's doorstep after the Lez Girls wrap party. Can Shane's new confidante help her to put the pieces together after she's made the worst mistake of her life?
Fandom: The L Word
Pairing: Shane/Jenny (in the future!)
Rating: R for language.
Notes: Italics indicate sign language.
Shane could taste something sweet and strangely earthy on Jenny's tongue as she kissed her – as they kissed – and her perfume was something delicate and girly and probably French. Definitely French. The scent of it grew stronger as Jenny's skin warmed and from the way she was wriggling on Shane's lap, it was obvious that the kisses were affecting Jenny just as much as they were affecting her.
The bed creaked and they broke apart, Jenny giggling softly as she drew her arms from around Shane's shoulders, reached back and pulled one arm from the little blue sweater she was wearing. One arm and that was more than long enough and she fell forward, lips crashing into Shane's with delighted abandon, her bare right arm looping around the back of Shane's neck.
Reaching up, Shane pushed Jenny's other sleeve down her arm and off, tossing the garment to the floor, hands stroking both of Jenny's bared upper arms, noting how Jenny's skin seemed almost feverishly warm, now. Jenny purred her thanks into the kiss as more tiny, girlish giggles escaped her and Shane couldn't remember when she'd heard a more wonderful sound.
Jenny rocked back on her heels again, breaking the kiss, and braced her hands on the bed behind her. Her blue-gray eyes were large and shining and Shane could see the desire in them. Desire for her. Biting her lip, Shane reached out and rested her hand on Jenny's stomach, right at the spot where the hem of her white schoolgirl-style blouse met the waistband of her skirt, thumb slipping beneath the thin cotton to brush against the much softer flesh of Jenny's belly. Jenny had been trying to quit smoking for some time and she'd gotten a very healthy appetite back in trade, but Shane loved the results it had on Jenny's figure: the way the extra weight softened the spare physique of the once literally starving artist and filled out her already lovely, womanly curves.
Looking up from where her hand rested on Jenny's stomach, Shane's eyes met Jenny's and locked there and the connection was something she felt course through the very marrow of herself. Right at the very pit of her, Shane felt something twist and tighten and she let out a soft, shuddering breath, feeling aftershocks fluttering and echoing along her every last nerve. Jenny wasn't smiling anymore, she wasn't laughing anymore, and her eyes were dark like the moon caught in a puddle – glowing and bright and soft and wild all at once.
Jenny drew her bottom lip between her teeth, holding it there as she finally managed to draw her eyes away from Shane's, lowering them and following the sleek line of Shane's arm. From shoulder to bicep, bicep to elbow, elbow to forearm, forearm to wrist, wrist to the hand that was sneaking beneath her white, white shirt to settle on her skin. She expected to hear a hiss, like water hitting a blazing hot stove coil, but there was none... just the deliberate stroke of Shane's soft palm and the pads of her fingers as they slowly traveled up beneath her shirt.
Shane's hand reached an obstacle in the form of the bottom-most button on Jenny's short-sleeved blouse and, with a careful upward flick, the button was eased out of its hole so that her hand could continue its journey. Jenny's body twitched almost imperceptibly as the button was undone and as she met Shane's eyes again, Shane watched as Jenny's lips drew back into another one of those brilliant smiles, her lower lip still gently caught between those smiling teeth.
One by one, each of the buttons were undone and then, at last, Shane was able to smooth open the halves of Jenny's unbuttoned shirt, palms skimming over the silken skin of Jenny's stomach and sides.
Eyelids fluttering, Jenny's head fell back as she let out a low moan. “Ohh, fuck...” she sighed, body shaped into a provocative arch. The ends of her jet black hair - drawn back in a tight, neat ponytail – brushed against the well-worn denim at Shane's knees with the softest illicit whisper as Jenny's head lolled back on her shoulders.
With a devilish grin, Shane drew up her knees, which caused her thighs to press up and against Jenny's rear as it hovered mere inches over Shane's lap. The movement was sudden, causing Jenny to hurriedly straighten and sit bolt upright so that she didn't fall, letting out a surprised squeal as she did so. She settled her slight weight more squarely on Shane's lap, sliding along Shane's denim-clad thighs to press her whole body against hers.
Shane's lips parted and slanted over Jenny's in a deep, unhurried kiss as she eased the starched cotton off of Jenny's shoulders and down her arms, tossing the shirt away to join Jenny's sweater. Jenny's arms looped around Shane's neck and Shane was rocked backwards ever so slightly with the intensity of Jenny's insistence. Slipping her arms around Jenny, Shane slid her hands up along Jenny's back, feeling the muscles shift and relax beneath her hands as they traveled up, locating the clasps on her bra and unhooking them in a few deft motions.
With her lips still determinedly pressed to Shane's, Jenny bowed her back, giving herself enough room so that she could reach up and disentangle her arms from the bra's straps. She impatiently threw the troublesome thing away from her, not bothering to see which direction it went, unwilling to relinquish Shane's lips for even a moment. Shane slipped her arms around Jenny's waist, pulling her in close and tight, Jenny's breasts crushed up against the silkscreen decoration on the front of Shane's t-shirt, her hardened nipples catching and clinging to the fabric paint there.
Now that Jenny's bra was finally out of the way, Shane was free to explore every inch of Jenny's skin that had been bared to her, palms stroking over the smooth, soft skin of her back unimpeded. There was a soft hum of encouragement from Jenny and she ran her own hands over Shane's shoulders, squeezing and molding the shape of Shane's muscles through her clothes, her touch gentle but at the same time unmistakably reverent. Almost... possessive.
Their kisses grew progressively more heated, Jenny writhing shamelessly on Shane's lap as her hands traveled down along Shane's arms. She used the full width and breadth of palms and the full length of her fingers to feel the swell and tone of muscle beneath Shane's shirt. Jenny finally drew back, lips parting from Shane's with a tender, wet sound as she reached down, fingers scrabbling at the hem of Shane's t-shirt, intent on stripping it off. Jenny darted in, lips parted as her tongue licked into Shane's mouth in a quick, teasing brush before she drew back again, eyes gleaming with undeniable wanting as she grasped the hem of Shane's t-shirt and pulled it up, Shane unwinding her arms from around Jenny's waist and holding them up over her head to assist her.
Jenny peeled off her shirt and her smile was bright and sweet, with a slightly naughty edge to it as she flung Shane's shirt away. It smacked against the closed bedroom door and then landed on the floor in a soft heap. Reaching up with both hands, Jenny trailed her fingertips along Shane's jawline ever so lightly, dragging them down along the length of Shane's throat and down her chest to cup her small breasts. Shane sucked in a soft, sharp breath as Jenny's fingers cradled the slight weight of each of her breasts, her thumbs stroking over the top of each soft mound and deliberately circling each nipple.
“Fuck,” Shane sighed, parted lips just a hair's breadth from Jenny's, the muscles along her shoulders and back tensing, nipples going instantly hard at Jenny's touch. “Jenny...”
“Shane,” Jenny whispered, voice overlapping hers, but not quite interrupting. More like a shared thought than anything else. “Shane, I want you to tie me up.”
“What?” Shane's eyes widened slightly as she drew back, meeting Jenny's eyes squarely.
“I want you... to tie... me up,” Jenny said again, lightly and playfully nipping each of Shane's lips each time she paused. “There's nothing to be worried about, Shane. I trust you...”
Twisting about on Shane's lap, Jenny stretched, reaching her arm behind her as she slipped it beneath one of the pillows plumped at the head of her bed. When her fingers finally closed on what she seemed to be looking for, Jenny began to sit up and it was then that Shane could see Jenny's pale, pale fingers grasping the coils of soft black rope as she drew it out from underneath the pillow.
“I trust you...”
Shane awoke with a violent start and a sharp, sudden inhale of breath as she bolted up in her bed. Almost as soon as she did so, her mind muzzily put two and two together and she remembered where she was and how she'd gotten there in the first place. Letting out a noiseless sigh, she scrubbed her hand over her face and stifled a shiver as the memories of the rest of her dream began to coalesce behind her closed eyes. No way she was going back to sleep, after that.
Pushing herself up into a sitting position, she swung her feet off the edge of the small cot and rested her elbows on her knees, burying her face in her hands as she tried to collect herself and get her heart to stop hammering against the inside of her ribcage. Getting to her feet, she crossed over to the metal step ladder sitting close to the platform the cot rested on and carefully made her way down the small, rickety rusted steps. She padded her way along the hardwood floors barefoot and made her way to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. She swiped her cigarettes and lighter off of the counter and headed for the door to Jodi's work room, which let out onto Jodi's 'balcony' as she was fond of calling it.
Fitting a cigarette between her lips, Shane sighed at the feel of the chilled night air as it touched her overheated skin. The dream had left her feeling panicked, feverish and disoriented but every second that ticked by put more distance between her and the awful things her mind had conjured up. She lit her cigarette, taking a deep drag from it, as she stepped out onto the balcony – what had once been, Shane presumed, some kind of a loading dock, since the building had been, at one time, some kind of industrial warehouse of some sort – and sat herself down on the edge. There was no railing, but she liked the way the cool air felt against the soles of her feet as she idly swung them to and fro as they hung over the side.
She'd kissed Molly there. Or... Molly had kissed her. Molly had seemed so offended, so indignant, when she'd told her that she didn't want to have sex with her, only for Molly to turn to her and press her lips to hers in an unexpected, awkward kiss. If the first kiss had been any indication, she should have called a halt to the whole thing right there and then, if she'd been smart, but ... Molly was sweet and Molly wanted her and how could she say no?
Purposefully shoving all thoughts of Molly aside, Shane took a deep drag on her cigarette, smoke escaping as a rush through her nostrils as she looked up at the sky. This part of town wasn't as crammed full of people as West Hollywood – you could almost kind of see the stars, here, a little. It was nice. Thinking about it – really thinking about it – Shane couldn't really remember the last time she'd seen the stars like this. So bright and white and dazzling.
A light in Jodi's workroom came on, yellow-orange light spilling out onto the balcony and Shane twisted about a bit, glancing over her shoulder to see Jodi yawning, one hand covering her mouth as she shuffled out onto the balcony. Eyes barely open, Jodi was smiling when she lowered her hand, a mug held in her free hand. Saying not a word, she carefully sat herself down next to Shane on the edge, her shoulder brushing Shane's arm, and looked at her, smile brightening a bit. She switched her mug from her left hand to her right, freeing up her left hand so that she could smooth it over Shane's shoulders.
“Couldn't sleep?” Jodi asked, brows creasing a bit.
Shane pursed her lips and slowly shook her head as she twisted off the cap from her bottle of water and took a drink. Bad dreams, she signed, not looking at Jodi. She took one more sip and then fitted the bottle between her legs to hold it in place, bringing her cigarette to her lips for another drag.
She heard Jodi sigh, but she never stopped gently stroking Shane's back. “So when are you thinking of going back home?”
Why? You wanna get rid of me already? Shane signed, a slightly rueful grin twisting her lips as she looked over at Jodi. When Jodi didn't smile at her joke, Shane's face fell. She flicked her cigarette away, over the side of the balcony to land on the asphalt some twelve feet below and shrugged. I don't know. Never? Is never soon enough?
“You don't mean that,” Jodi tutted, drawing her in against her side to give her a squeeze.
I don't mean that, Shane sighed as her fingers flicked through the air, forming each word carefully.
“Why don't you just go and talk to her?” Jodi asked, watching as Shane bowed her head, fussing with the cap from her water bottle.
Because she won't want to talk to me. Not after what I did, she frowned as she placed the cap back on her water bottle and gave it a few determined twists before setting the bottle aside.
“Shane, you don't know that,” Jodi replied, a hint of exasperation adding a bit of an edge to her words. “How can you know that?”
I really hurt her, Jodi, Shane cast a helpless look at her friend, shoulders lifting in a weak shrug. Even if she could forgive me, I can't ever forgive myself. I made a promise to myself a long time ago, when Jenny and I first became friends: I'd do everything I could to keep her from getting hurt by anything or anyone... and that includes me.
“Well, don't you think she feels the same way about you? You know, she's probably worried. Wondering where you are,” Jodi pointed out, giving Shane an expectant look. “You don't just stop caring about someone just like that. Even if they hurt you. It's not a light switch.”
She's in love with Niki, Shane signed and a bit too quickly for Jodi's liking. I know she said she wasn't, after what happened at the studio, but... it's just... it's just better this way. Just make it a clean break, you know? It's better for the both of us.
Feeling an aching twinge of sympathy in her chest, Jodi reached up and gently stroked Shane's hair, uncertain of what else she could say. Jodi hadn't known Shane for very long, but one thing she'd come to understand right away was that Shane was a loving, generous person who, mystifyingly enough, didn't think much of herself. “You can't hide here forever,” she said quietly, palm carefully smoothing the soft, dark shards of hair out of Shane's face. “Sooner or later, you have to go to her.”
I can't, Shane's hands moved in strong, emphatic sweeps as she looked over at Jodi. I don't have the right to ask for her forgiveness. How could I ever? After what I did?
“People do all the time, Shane,” Jodi replied, slipping her arm around Shane's shoulders again and drawing her in against her side, hand stroking up and down along Shane's arm as she spoke. “They make mistakes and then they're forgiven. You're allowed to make mistakes, too.”
I've made too many already, Shane signed, holding her hands out a few inches in front of her so that Jodi could see. And this... if I did it once, I'll do it again. That's how this always goes. They were right about me.
“Who was right about you?” Jodi asked, giving Shane a nudge, silently entreating her to sit up so that she could meet her eyes. “Huh? Did someone say something?”
Shane's shoulders heaved in a sigh and she shook her head. No, no – forget I said it. Forget I said anything.
“No, tell me! You told me Phyllis said you weren't good enough for Molly, but did someone else say something to you?” Jodi insisted, leaning to one side a bit and ducking her head, trying to catch sight of Shane's expression. “Please, Shane. I only want to help.”
Telling you about this won't help, trust me, Shane continued to shake her head, lips pursed into a thin, stubborn line. It would only make things more complicated.
“Why?” Jodi asked, genuinely confused.
Because it was BETTE! Shane signed angrily as she turned her head to meet Jodi's gaze. Okay?! It was Bette and Alice. They told Phyllis about me not going through with marrying this other girl I was seeing and Bette told Phyllis I'd leave Molly for another woman as soon as I had the chance.
Jodi's mouth dropped open in shock but she soon regained her composure and reached out, placing her hand on Shane's, taking hold of her fingers. “Oh, Shane. I'm so sorry. But... do you really think that Phyllis was telling the truth? Do you think they would say those things? About you?”
Shane's fingers curled around hers, clutching them tightly as she averted her gaze for a moment. Lifting her free hand, she hastily signed 'yes' and then covered her eyes with her hand.
Sighing, Jodi rested her forehead against Shane's shoulder, rolling it back and forth for a moment as she tried to gather her thoughts. “I don't understand,” she said finally, lifting her head to look at Shane. Her profile was silvery and sharp in the moonlight, but beautiful, and Jodi had a fleeting thought about asking Shane to sit for a sketch or two, sometime. Pushing the thought aside, she gave Shane's fingers a squeeze. “I don't understand why they would do that.”
Me, neither, Shane's expression was stricken as she lowered her hand so that she could sign back to her. I thought they were... they've been my only family... for years, Jodi. They were all I had.
“I know,” Jodi said softly, reaching out to lightly brush the backs of her fingers over Shane's cheek in a comforting caress. “I know.”
Lower lip trembling, Shane's eyes welled with tears and she soon squeezed them shut, doing everything she could to hide the hurt, but it was too late. Jodi had already seen and immediately slipped both of her arms around her friend, holding her tightly and feeling the way her body shuddered and jerked against hers. She didn't need to hear to know that Shane was crying and part of her was almost grateful, because hearing those sobs would have been more than she could bear, at this point.
Slowly rocking Shane back and forth, she made soft soothing noises as she rubbed her back and meanwhile, in her head, she'd made up her mind that Dean Porter would definitely be getting a visit from her very soon.