you see, I heal quickly Who: Melody When: Late morning Where: her house
What is this I’m feeling?
Melody had been having a lazy morning. With no appointments until the evening, she moved at a leisurely pace through the house. From bed to the shower, from the bathroom to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and from the kitchen to the porch to get the paper. She’d taken both coffee and paper around to the back porch, where she liked to sit and listen to the water. The lake was tiny by Michigan standards, but she’d always found the location peaceful. Relaxing. Soothing, though Melody was rarely ever rattled enough to need soothing. She’d fought hard for her little home on the lake. It was the first thing that had ever felt like it truly belonged to her. Her favorite place in the whole world.
After casually skimming through the paper, her peaceful sanctuary suffered a breach. The article hadn’t warranted a place on the front page, but it stood out to Melody as if written in blood.
Consequences Feared in Case of Missing Bitten Were
It was so impersonal, but Alanna’s smiling face was underneath the block words.
Melody felt strangely sick as she read. Once she was done she was left staring into space, a confused expression settling with her unblinking eyes. She was trying to keep up with the questions racing through her mind.
Alanna’s gone? Where did she go? What am I feeling? Why do I feel so strange?
Inside the house the phone started ringing, so Melody rose to answer. By the time she reached the sliding patio doors the caller seemed to think better of it; the ringing stopped, and so did Melody. She was on something like auto-pilot as her mind raced, and the world struggled to catch up with the break-neck pace.
Her cheek was wet. She reached up and touched her cheek with the index and middle finger of her left hand, and held it back to examine it. Where did the water come from? It wasn’t raining anymore.
I’m sad, Melody realized. I remember sad. I think… I think I remember this. I think I remember how this works. I think I know what comes next.
Trouble was, she realized, that her brain didn’t work the same way. In the old days, when Melody got sad, Melody got numb. Not naturally, of course. You had to work for numb. Pop a pill any time a feeling broke through the skin. Numbness kept the world at a safe distance. Numbness had also meant, one March morning, that Melody Hathaway couldn’t have cared less whether she lived or died. The chemical numbness had been preferable to the melancholy of her life at the time.
She didn’t do that anymore. So how did you deal with sad? What came next, once the shock wore off?
Melody stood on her back porch, waiting for that moment. Waiting for the shock to fade away and leave the world a darker place.
Her own brain and inner defense mechanisms worked faster than the fade.
She’s not ‘missing’. She just… went away for a little while. Weird things happen around the full moon. She went somewhere, and things got a little crazy, and that’s horrible. I’m sure she’ll b a wreck. But it’s preferable to the alternative. Losing control for one night is better than lying dead in a ditch, so that’s what happened. Everything will be okay. It always is. It has to be.
Melody nodded. It was decided. Everything would be okay. It always was. Like someone had hit an ‘on’ button in her brain, she turned back on and resumed her walk back inside. She needed breakfast. She was hungry. She had leftover pizza. Cold pizza was the best breakfast. Alanna would be back soon, and she’d need her friends, and Melody would be ready for that.
I think I could be lying to myself, she thought, as she closed the door behind herself. This thought made her pause. What about that? Could she be? Lying wasn’t really something she did. The truth was always better. So why did it feel like she was lying to herself?
Wouldn’t be the first time, she thought, and found humor in the idea. She smiled faintly, rolled her eyes at herself, and went on her way again. But I’m not. I don’t work that way anymore. Everything will be okay.
It had to be. She didn’t know how to deal with the alternative anymore.