Lumi Theiss (visionarydreams) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2010-11-29 14:24:00 |
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Entry tags: | #solo, 2009-08-04 |
Come on baby can you bleed like me?
Who: Lumi & various people NPC'd in the dreams
Where: Her nightmares
When: Early morning
Warning: Slightly disturbing content
Saying that it took Lumi forever to fall asleep would have been an understatement. She had done all of the things that the doctors recommended - warm milk, soothing music, boring television shows, stilling her mind, counting sheep - and none of it was working. There were only two things that ever guaranteed that she would be able to steal off to sleep every single night. One was having another person to cuddle up next to so that she was safe in the knowledge that she would be able to share their dreams instead of living through her own. The second were the small blue pills on her nightstand that she had been prescribed. At least three times a month she would give into them. Doctors claimed that they would give a deep, dreamless sleep but apparently doctors had never done studies on oneiropaths because they never granted Lumi such a mercy. All they did was allow her to finally rest. And she felt like she needed it that night so, around three in the morning after she heard her father's steps creaking in the hall downstairs as he got up for a glass of water and Liam cough down the hall as he rolled over she gave in and popped two of the blue things into her mouth before settling down into the sheets.
It did not take long.
When Lumi opened her eyes she found herself seated on the edge of a dresser, kicking her small feet and beaming at the shiny, brand new red Mary Janes that her mother had bought for her the previous week with the promise that she could wear them to church if she behaved. She had behaved the entire week, going so far as the even offer to share her chocolate bar with Viuly when her sister finished hers quicker. She thought that was good behavior and deserved the shoes so she had pulled them on herself and now she was just waiting for her mom to come and finish putting the rest of her outfit on. Ooooh, maybe she could wear that - oh hey, there it was, her favorite white dress with the black polka dots and the black ribbon belt that had loops big enough to stick her entire arm through. But how had she put it on when she was just in her bunny pajamas? Oh well, it didn't really matter then. She was dressed and ready to go! But where was mom? Frowning to herself Lumi slipped off the dresser, not even noticing that she seemed to float down until her feet landed lightly on the floor instead of hard so that she tripped. Creaking the door open she peeked into the hall and started for the stairs. A terrible feeling was building up in her stomach and she pressed her hands to it, whimpering a little as it seemed to spread the further down the hall she went. By the time she had reached the stairs it felt like she was going to throw up. But she kept going and managed to reach the bottom, trembling from head to foot as she turned towards where her father was slumped on the couch with his face in his hands, shoulders shaking as what sounded an awful lot like sobs came out. And over there curled up in the chair was Viuly, red hair fanned out as she kept her face pressed to the cushion.
"Daddy?" Lumi asked in her little girl voice. "Daddy, what's wrong?"
Before Zazriel could answer there was a flash of movement and Viuly, who'd always been bigger and stronger, had a hold of Lumi by her shoulders to slam her against the wall. The girl cried out as pain flared along her shoulder, wriggling in an attempt to loosen the hold that felt more like iron. When had Viuly gotten so big? When had she gotten so small? "You did this," Viuly hissed, her eyes flaming just like the candles on the table. Flickering and flaring and burning into Lumi just like the pain that was spreading out along her arm as Viuly tightened her grip and slammed her into the wall again. Lumi knew better than to ask her to let go, she never let go unless Zazriel or mom made her. Only mom wasn't there and Zazriel was consumed by what seemed to be grief, not even hearing his youngest daughter's cries that she was trying so hard to keep quiet. Viuly didn't like it when she cried.
"What did I do?" Lumi managed to ask, biting at her lower lip to keep it from trembling, to try and give herself something to focus on so she didn't start crying. Her voice had changed in an instant. No longer did she sound like a child but like a woman grown and she was bigger, the same size as Viuly now but no stronger. That grip was still iron, those fingers like flames as they scorched into her skin. She could smell the burning flesh and it made the blackness in her stomach roll. Why couldn't she get away? And... oh. The beautiful red shoes her mother had bought her were ruined, Viuly had stepped on them, scuffed them and now they didn't shine like they were supposed to.
"Mom's dead," Viuly hissed, her face not even an inch away from Lumi's. "She died because of you. Look at what you've done to dad." Suddenly she was off the wall and spun around, tripping as her arms were yanked behind her chest, crying out at the new pain as she was forced up on her toes from the way her arms were gripped. "See what you've done to our family? We were better off without you. If it wasn't for you mom would still be alive." Zazriel was crying and it felt like a knife was twisting inside of Lumi's chest at the sight of that. Her father never cried. He was too strong to cry. He was unbreakable. But everything was changing, spinning so fast that Lumi felt dizzy and suddenly the grip on her arms was gone and she stumbled as she seemed to land on grass. What? Her shoulder still burned and when she looked at her arm there were angry red marks where Viuly had been gripping.
Tears were blurring her vision when she looked up to find Zazriel and Viuly gone, replaced by the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. Lillian Theiss had always and would always be beautiful to her youngest daughter. "Mom!" Lumi declared, her tears fading because look - she wasn't dead! Viuly had lied to her and made up that thing about their dad crying. Lumi'd already forgotten that she had seen it with her own eyes and was rushing towards her smiling mother, ready to apologize for the scuffs on the shoes she wasn't even wearing anymore. Throwing her arms around her mom's waist, because suddenly she was five again and only just up to her waist, Lumi was confused when she heard a pained gasp and felt warmth washing over her hands. "Mom?" she asked, pulling back to stare up at the now pale-faced Lillian. Lillian who wasn't smiling, who was going to her knees with her hands on Lumi's shoulders, pain clear in her eyes. Opening her mouth to speak Lumi stopped, horrified at the sight of blood trickling out of the corner of Lillian's mouth as she slumped over onto the grass. Lumi moved to be closer to her when she felt something in her hand. Looking down she felt the blood drain out of her own face at the sight of a bloody knife falling from her fingers to the grass. Her hands were covered with a sticky red liquid that matched what was blooming out from the wound on her mother's side.
"You've killed me," Lillian spoke, her eyes wide and staring at nothing as her voice came from lips that no longer moved. "Lumi, you've killed me."
"I told you," Viuly spoke up. When had she gotten there? She was kneeling on Lillian's other side, holding their mom's hand with tears in her fiery eyes as she glared at Lumi. "You went and killed her just by existing."
"No," Lumi denied, stumbling back and falling to the ground. "I just wanted to hug her. That's all! She's not dead, she's not! Please God..." God would hear her and answer her prayers. Her mother always said that if she prayed then He would hear and answer if she had been good enough to deserve it. And she had been so good.
"She is," a gruff voice said from behind her. Horrified, Lumi turned to see her father's grief-stricken face. "My wife's dead because of what she went through to have you." A scream of denial came tearing out of Lumi's throat but it didn't help. The blood continued to spread, an impossible amount of blood that was somehow only surrounding her, little waves lapping at her ankles and steadily working their way up past her knees and further still while her family pointed and accused her of what she hadn't ever met to do. She loved her mother, she'd never want to hurt her. Never. She hadn't meant to, she hadn't...
Lumi whimpered and rolled over in bed, her shoulder protesting the slight movement as a bruise began to form. But she had needed to roll to get away from that sharp ache on her side where only the slightest trickle of blood flowed from, an old wound that had scarred over years ago.
Everything felt real and everything was flashing. Oh, that was her doing. Lumi giggled as she rolled over on the couch and pulled her fingers away from the lamp that seemed to go brighter before shutting off every time that it was touched. She had never seen one of those before and was definitely going to need to get one for her room. Only pink instead of black because black so wasn't her color. "I like your lamp," she complimented Ulysses as he came back in with two glasses in hand. Each was a pretty amber color that she knew to indicate... wait, was that brandy? Her nose wrinkled a little as he settled down next to her. Oh wow, he was sitting so close that she could feel the heat radiating from him and when he handed her the glass that she presumed to be hers he shifted ever so slightly and his knee was touching hers. A flush started on her skin and she looked away shyly. They shouldn't be sitting so close. He should have sat over in that other chair instead of right next to her even if he'd brought her a drink. He was married. Only that seemed remarkably unimportant right then and she vaguely remembered having talked about it. Alexandria had lied to her. They had gotten divorced and that was why he didn't have a ring on his finger but she did. She just liked them and had been messing with her. Lumi felt herself pouting as she remembered that. Why would anyone want to lie to her when all she did was try to help them? People needed to have better manners.
"Do you like brandy?" Ulysses asked, reaching over to tuck a loose piece of hair behind her ear. Lumi could have told him that motion was useless because it would just pop right back out in a minute but decided not to. It felt nice to have someone paying a pleasant sort of attention to her for a change instead of negative or nice in the friends-only way. No one had done that for a very long time. "I could always mix you up something else if you'd like it. Or even just a pop if you don't want to drink."
"No no," Lumi defended, "it's fine. I totally drink all of the time." She even went so far as to take a big sip to try and prove herself, only to feel herself gagging as the taste overwhelmed her, the amber liquid burning as it slid roughly down her throat. Eyes filling with tears she looked at Ulysses who had already moved to get her a glass of water. Before she had even set the glass back down her was there, pressing the glass to her lips and tilting so that she could take a drink. His other hand went to her back and rubbed as she gulped water and then air, leaning down with her forehead nearly touching her knees as her head swam. His fingers were careful on her back to avoid the bandages that she couldn't quite remember putting on, or where the wounds underneath had come from, but she felt their ache and was glad he didn't touch them. "I... don't think... I like... brandy," she gasped out at last. Rubbing at her eyes she started to sit back up. On her way her eyes caught sight of a statue bust across the room. Maybe her imagination was just playing tricks on her but that looked a lot like Alexandria with a crown that seemed almost serpentine. Just my imagination. No one would keep a statue of their ex-wife in their house.
"If you didn't chug it like it was water then you'd like it more," Ulysses teased with a smile. His hand was still rubbing her back and Lumi, enjoyed the feeling, tucked her feet up under herself before she leaned over to place her head on his shoulder with a quiet sigh. "You know, even when you're choking and gagging you're still very pretty." His free hand had come up to tuck that unruly piece of hair back again, fingers lingering against Lumi's cheek to send a shiver down her spine.
Lumi laughed almost nervously and shifted to place her chin on his shoulder, peering up at him through long lashes. "You're just saying that because you want to kiss me," she replied. Because right then she knew that he'd always compliment her before he did that. Compliment - kiss - compliment - kiss. It was his mode of operation and she didn't really mind it at all. Even if part of her denied that it was wrong because part of her still painted his face as Cael's while another part was imagining one of her friends, friends who'd never and wouldn't ever have an interested in her. Ack, why am I thinking about them? Out of my mind! The thoughts were chased away like little wisps of mist.
He was still smiling that same charming smile, someone it was just enhanced by that scar on his face, as his fingers stilled to cup her cheek and tug her up just a little so that she could feel his breath on her lips. Breathing in she had to focus so she didn't recoil but the scent of brandy, mesmerized by his eyes. "Do I still need to compliment you?" he asked. Lumi shook her head, not trusting herself to speak with him that close, one of her hands having somehow slid around his waist so that she could curl in closer. Though a surprised little squeak found its way out when he shifted and tugged, pressing just so that Lumi found herself sitting in his lap now. "Comfy?" A few wriggles, her hand winding its way into the material of his buttoned shirt and she nodded, cheeks a bright shade of red that she just knew was starting to spread to the rest of her body. Because she knew, oh she knew, exactly where this was leading before Ulysses even claimed her mouth for a kiss that was almost possessive and more charged with electricity than anything else they'd shared before then. When they separated, her heart beating so hard she knew he could feel it, she felt his hand go down to her face, fingers pressing over her shirt where her heart was thundering out its pattern. A smirk curved his lips as he leaned down to claim her neck. And not just with a kiss, she felt his teeth dig in as he sucked and a quiet cry slipped out of her mouth, knowing that her skin was bruising. Make-up, she was going to need make-up to cover that or else she'd get teased mercilessly at work the next day. Ulysses's fingers slipped a little and her cry turned into a coo when she felt his fingers pressing lightly over the swell of her breast...
Lumi's skin was a dark shade of pink starting at her hairline and working its way down to her toes as she arched off the bed, fingers grasping at the sheet despite her shoulder's protest, the skin at the base of her neck darkening.
She was flying. There were no wings but she was flying and Lumi let out a delighted laugh as she realized that. Sometimes when she figured out that she was in her own dreams things like this could happen. Those were the dreams that she could handle every night. Nice, peaceful ones where she was flying over what looked like a desert, just watching the sands shift underneath of the wind. Even if... oh no. Her laugh faded as she felt that all-too familiar pulsing through her veins and the feeling of realism that signified the dreams that were not quite just those. A frown creased her brow as she tried to remember if she had had any others recently. Had there not just been one with that man with the scar on his face...? Eh, she'd remember when she woke up if it was that important. Right then she had to focus on, oh, nothing, there was the tug pulling her over the next sand dune and suddenly her feet were touching the scorching sand. With a glance she changed her bare feet, surprised when her entire outfit shifted to be that of what she recognized from pictures as some sort of military garb. There was even a gun in her hands that she threw away immediately. She didn't shoot guns. She didn't hurt people.
As her eyes flicked to follow where the gun had gone she saw a man walking, his eyes almost empty and his hair a mess. Her heart gave a painful thump and her hand flew up to cover her mouth as she realized just who she was looking at. He'd changed. Oh, he'd grown up and the war hadn't been particular kind to him. Her feet moved before she realized it and she was walking next to him, fingers going out to feel the material of his shirt and sliding down to his hand. Her small hand fit easily into his. Breathing in raggedly Lumi looked up again at him. That was a face she'd know anywhere. Even as a child she'd been able to tell the difference between the two. This was the face of the man that she'd fallen in love with in high school. The one who everything had been ruined with because of his twin. And because of Viuly. Hot tears splashed down her cheeks when she tugged him to a stop and slid her hand up to touch his cheek, frowning at the stubble that was there. He needed to shave.
His eyes blinked down at her, his face still hard. "Lumi? You shouldn't be here."
"Cael... you're alive." Her heart was in her voice as she just stood there looking at him, counting the individual beats. Everyone thought that Cael was dead. Viuly thought that he was dead and poor little Liam didn't even know his father because he'd been gone for so long. Cael is Viuly's now, remember? That voice sounded oddly like Nibbles. Not yours. Lumi bit her lip but she couldn't look away from his face nor tear her fingers away from tracing out his features to ensure that he was really there. I know. I'm just glad he's alive is all.
"I am," Cael agreed. Lumi felt her heart breaking all over again when she realized his face was not softening for her. There was no smile there for her anymore and his fingers had shook her hand out of his before going up to wrap around her wrist, pulling it away from his face. The only change was a flicker of pain in her eyes that she remembered all too well. Pain that had not been there until he had learned what had happened with Leon. I'm sorry. "Not for you though. I have to go back to her." To her. To Viuly. The tears came faster and her heart seemed to stop as Lumi finally managed to look away from him. He had his hands on her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and smoothing her hair back before he stepped around and continued walking. He seemed to almost know where he was going. To her.
To her, to her, to Viuly. And what had she ever done to deserve anything so solid and good as Cael? Lumi felt the anger that never came when she was awake burning through her veins, causing her hands to clench into fists at her sides as she watched her tears fall to wet the sand. All that Viuly cared about was her power and her element and getting what she wanted when she wanted it. She didn't care about anyone else and didn't even take good enough care of her own son. The son that should have been Lumi's. Not hers. Cael shouldn't be going home to her, he should be coming home to her. If it wasn't for Leon... if it wasn't for her dreams...
"I want to wake up now," Lumi whispered as she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the winds kick up again. But oh, it was never that easy, she could never just wake up because everything hurt.
Lumi's tears wet the pillow as she tossed in her sleep, the blankets tangling all around her as she murmured Cael's name and a plead that she'd be grateful no one heard.
Now this was familiar. The rain had soaked her right through but Lumi wasn't even a little cold as she stood there with one hand on the trunk of a tree. Glancing around she didn't recognize her surroundings but the flash of lightning told her that yes, it was storming. Just like it'd been doing for the previous few days and would likely continue to do for at least one more. Or for longer. The thought of what that would do to the houses on lower ground made her stomach clench and she wondered if there was anyone who was going to help those people who would need ti. 'Watch.' And this time she knew it was Nibbles even if she couldn't see him. Her own conscious.
A flash of movement caught her eye and she turned to see a very large someone emerging from a house. Oh, so it was a yard of some sort. Curious, she stepped forward to get a better look. He had a strong face that didn't even seem to react to the rain despite the fact that it was soaking him just the same as it was her. Her eyes swept from head to toe and that was when she realized he wasn't wearing a shirt. That was odd and she tilted her head, wondering why he would be in jeans and no shirt in the rain. Now maybe swimming trunks she could understand. If there was a pool. But no, there were just various puddles and trees and - what was he doing? Lumi's curious face was replaced by one that was slightly horrified as she watched his face tense and his hands clench. She could practically see tendons stretching in his neck and chest - nice muscles, you must work out - and suddenly there was pain. His face didn't show it as clearly as Lumi expected but she could practically feel it in her own back. A ripping, a tearing, as something exploded out through the skin despite the protests that it made for this change. Nothing happened to her back but she slid to her knees, eyes wide with wonder. Because she was not just looking at a person. Those were wings spreading out from his back with blood dripping down and mingling with the rain, creating bloody puddles at his feet. Wings. Actual wings like she had only ever seen in pictures when she was flipping through religious books. Gray, feathered wings.
Lumi was looking at an angel. His name flashed across her name with a sudden conviction and she shook her head to try clearing it as she rose back to her feet, not feeling the liquid trailing down her own back to mimic a lesser version of what had happened to him. "Jared," she murmured, eyes filled with tears of wonder. What had she done to deserve such an image? His name was Jared and he had the wings of an angel sprouting from his back and they were so beautiful. But before she could come closer, before she could touch the wings or tell him who she was, before she could hear him speak to her, she felt herself yanked out of the dream as she only ever was when -
Lumi woke up screaming as she struggled with her tangled sheets, landing on the floor with a thump, tears falling from her face as she pressed her forehead against the carpet and sobbed a the pain that was pulsing out from both of her shoulders. Hot, sticky liquid was soaking her nightshirt and she could not even stand to move for the mirrors she had set up so she could see her entire body. They were there to let her know what injuries she had sustained during her dreams but she did not need them now. She knew without a doubt that her back was bleeding from what she had seen happened to that man, that angel, to Jared. It was not that they were terribly deep, they just burned as all new wounds did and she was completely unfamiliar with these. There had never been a dream where she had witnessed someone who had wings come out of their back. I never want to see it again. And within a few moments she heard the click of her light and her father's voice swearing. Then he was gone. Lumi couldn't hear him in the hall over the sound of her sobs. All she hoped was that she hadn't woken Viuly or Liam like she clearly had Zazriel. Viuly would be pissed and Liam didn't need to see his aunt like this anymore than he already had. It couldn't be helped with how often the dreams came but she still didn't want him to.
Then Zazriel was back and Lumi laid still as she was commanded. The sound of scissors clipping reached her ears and she felt him cutting the back of her shirt open, peeling it off her back as she gasped to tend to the wounds. They were not so deep that she needed to go to the hospital but nor were they particularly shallow. When one of his arms started to lift she pushed her hands down and helped as best as she could. But in addition the the cuts her right shoulder protested the movement. Biting her lip hard enough to break the skin, Lumi managed to move herself so that she was kneeling, wrapped her arms around herself as she rocked against the pain, her cries silent now. Zazriel said nothing as he wrapped the gauze around the bandages that he had pressed to her twin wounds. A thick layer and then he tore it off, moving it together before he began to replace anything.
"I'm sorry," Lumi whispered the apology, voice thick with tears as she gathered her ruined shirt and rose to shaky legs, helping her father stand as well. It was too early in the morning for him to be awake and helping her. She hated when this happened but she was grateful that he had come to help her. She would not have been able to bandage those wounds properly, nor clean them as he had done.
Zazriel shook his head and tucked the kit under his arm. "Don't apologize, you can't help it. Go back to sleep Lumi." Even thought they both knew she wouldn't be going back to sleep tonight. He gave her a quick hug before turning back for the door, closing it not quite all of the way. A crack so that he would hear if she had anymore nightmares. When she turned her head to look at her bed she realized that the sheets she had expected to be bloody were changed. Thanks, dad. He took such good care of her sometimes and she would have to buy him one of those little pies he liked so much to make up for this. And for the fact that he never asked what she dreamed of. It was one of those small blessings she found herself grateful for.
Despite the pain in her back, in her side, on her shoulder and the bite mark that she could see on her neck - her skin flushed all over again at the memory of that fragment - Lumi was already moving for her desk, pulling out the plain black leather bound journal that she wrote her dreams in. There was no need to write about the first, it was nothing more than a nightmare she had practically every time that she closed her eyes, but all of the others. They had that real feeling that she could not deny. Did that mean... with Ulysses...? But Cael was alive. And coming back for Viuly. The anger that Lumi had felt in her dream was not there but she still felt her eyes tearing up at the thought. She would need to tell her sister that he was not dead. Even if she didn't believe her.
And she needed to find that man with the wings. Were there really angels in Scarlet Oak? An angel who gave me two new scars. She could forgive this Jared that if she found him.