Even if you fade Who: Kajsa and Linnea Where: Grocery store, cemetery When: Afternoon
Going to the grocery store was something that Linnea did on a very regular basis because, well, she had children to take care of and those children happened to be growing and somewhat fond of food. There was also an addition to the family that needed to be eating more to make up for the weight she had lost. Glancing over at the passenger seat the water elemental found herself smiling fondly at her eldest daughter, Kajsa, utterly delighted that she was there. Jokull was gone and Kajsa was there, even Leif having moved into town for whatever reason - Linnea was unsettled about the possibilities that were there - could not disrupt the fact that now everything was so much closer to perfect. Sure, Kajsa was a little damaged right now - Linnea’s hand twitched with the desire to reach over and smooth back a piece of hair like she would have done when the girl was younger, a little bit of probably unnecessary comfort - but she was still there. Finally. Best birthday present ever.
“Is there anything that you’d like for dinner tonight, Kajsa?” Linnea asked as she parked the car and looked into the mirror to readjust her sunglasses. “The family will be there, along with Bradley and perhaps Nikita. I don’t know if you’ve ever met Nikita-” Dagmar has, Jokull made sure of that, didn’t he? “-but she’s an old friend of mine and quite a delight.” She would also be drinking something special since she was a vampire, but Linnea did not feel a need to share that just yet. Or possibly ever. “Since it’s been forever since you’ve had my cooking I don’t think that anyone will mind whatever you choose.” And if they did, well, too bad, Linnea had made her mind up. That was one of the main reasons she had asked Kajsa to come shopping with her.
Kajsa sat in the passenger seat, looking out at the passing scenery. She held the seatbelt that ran across her chest in both hands. She sat quietly, listening to the sound of the cars outside and the wind as it rushed against them. Her mother was talking, saying something...she had better pay attention or her mother would be upset. Kajsa blinked to try and refocus her brain into listening. “Hernekeitto, lihapullat and Koskenkorva,” Kajsa smiled at the end, teasing her mom gently with the mention of the vodka. Of course, both of them knew neither one of them needed to be drinking, especially not Kajsa.
She leaned her elbow on the side of the door and rested her head in her hand, watching her mother. Leaning forward just a little bit, she switched the radio on, letting it run in the background softly. Kajsa had given up listening to the sound of silence. A weird buzzing filled her head when everything was too quiet. She hummed along to the popular song, watching her mother as she drove.
Listen to me.
“What?” Kajsa blinked twice. She didn’t even see Linnea’s lips move.
Linnea usually tried her best to entertain her children and give them what they wanted, but alcohol when it came to Kajsa? No, no she was going to stay very far away from that and she had a feeling that her daughter knew it. “I’ll see what I can do,” she promised. Though the sudden question of what caught her off guard and she blinked at her daughter. “I’m sorry? I didn’t say anything. We are here though so you can unbuckle and we can do the shopping.” That was odd, Kajsa was not usually the sort to hear things that were not there. Perhaps an after-effect of the accident. That was a saddening thought, realizing that an accident might have messed with her daughter’s brain when she had had such hopes that it would not after all.
Satisfied that she appeared more than acceptable, because Linnea did not care where she was she had to look good, the water elemental opened her door and slid outside. The heat was like an unwelcome slap in the face and she made a face at it before stepping around the car to open Kajsa’s door. “Come along, sweetie.”
Kajsa nodded when Linnea asked her to unbuckle and she did, letting the seatbelt retract into...wherever it went when she wasn’t using it. She bent down to pick her purse up off the car floor while her mother went around to open her door for her. Being taken care of gave Kajsa a little beam of joy internally and the fact that Jokull was gone was an even bigger beam of light. Heck, it was a supernova for her soul.
She waited as Linnea moved to open her door and then...a cold wind brushed past her face and a hand pressed against her shoulder. Get me out of here. Kajsa nearly jumped out of her own skin and spun around, wondering where the voice was coming from. “All things holy,” Kajsa muttered under her breath, heartbeat racing a million miles a minute as she realized there was nothing and noone in the car. The door opened and Linnea stood outside with her familiar. Kajsa took a deep breath and smiled at her mother as she got out of the vehicle, hoping Linnea hadn’t seen anything.
Linnea’s eyes were concerned because Kajsa was acting oddly, it seemed as though she were becoming much jumpier than she had ever been and Linnea did not understand. A side-effect of the accident. That was something that the doctors had warned her about but she had not actually expected it could happen. What if it’s like what happened to Valterri? The water elemental had not been present for the change in her son, having been in Australia, so she was not sure what the transition was like. But that, even if it changed how Kajsa acted, would be preferable to her being damaged.
“Is everything alright?” Linnea asked carefully, setting her purse in the front of a cart that she grabbed from nearby, not wanting to wait until they got into the store. “On second thought, maybe you should push, so that you can lean on it and not strain yourself.” And because it meant that she could watch or any little oddities like the flinching and talking to nothing. But the last thing she wanted was for Kajsa to think that she was looking for something to be wrong with her. “I’m glad that you’ve come home for awhile at least. If you plan on staying in Scarlet Oak I know there are several firms who could always use someone with a good head on their shoulders.”
Kajsa nodded obediently and set her purse in the cart like her mom had and pushed along the parking lot, trying not to look too scared. She shook her head gently, trying to clear it of cobwebs and...whatever it was in the car. She realized she’d received some form of head trauma, but that didn’t necessarily mean she had developed schizophrenia overnight. It was something to have her doctor look into, however. Just in case she had actually knocked something important around in there. “I’ll stay however long you want me to stay,” Kajsa responded. Now that Jokull was out of the picture, she could stay comfortably in her mother’s home and not feel out of place.
The airconditioning in the store was a great relief from the annoying heat outside, not to mention the heat and her own sweat made Kajsa’s stitches itch and burn. Ignoring the pain in her shoulder, she pushed the cart along, looking at the things on the shelves. Turning her head back to the front of the cart, she half-screamed as a man stood in front of her cart and she nearly bumped into him. Nearly falling over herself as she struggled to steer the cart away from the man who was just standing there like an idiot, she went straight through him. “I’m sorry, sir--” she began until she realized that that was not normal. You don’t go through people.
At the strangled half-noise and Kajsa’s babbled apology, Linnea came to a stop and reached out to grab the cart, making sure that it did as well. No, that was not normal. Her daughter had most definitely just apologized to something that was not there after screaming... at something that was not there. Ignoring the looks that they were receiving - Linnea had gotten very good at that over the years of being married to Jokull - she reached out and touched her daughter’s face lightly, concern edged all over hers. “Kajsa... there’s nothing there. Nothing at all.” Was she beginning to see things? Did that even make sense? None of the doctors had said that her head injuries were so severe that she should actually see things that were not there. Unless... maybe... “Did you see something?” God, she did not want to have to take her daughter to a psychologist.
Kajsa shook her head and waved her hand dismissively, breathing silently to regain composure. “No, I’m fine; I’m fine,” she insisted. “I just...probably just a light trick,” she lied through her teeth. She’d run herself over with a shopping cart eighteen and a half times before she’d distress her mother any further or admit that she was hallucinating. “I thought I saw someone in the way, silly mistake...anyone could make it.”
Straightening up, Kajsa inclined her head to the people that were looking as a sign that everything was okay and they had better go back to what they were doing before. She smiled confidently at her mother and nodded. “I’m okay, I’m sorry,” she said gently and then started pushing the cart in the direction of the vegetables.
For some reason, Linnea did not believe her daughter and that was odd in and of itself because very rarely did she think Kajsa was telling her a lie. Dagmar or Satu were much more likely culprits for that. But don’t push, she told herself silently, appearing to accept what Kajsa had said. It was easier to accept that, letting her worries roll off her back for another time and another place. “There’s no need to apologize when you haven’t done anything wrong. Now let’s see to these ingredients. Perhaps we should pick up a cake as well. We are celebrating a birthday after all and everyone knows that cakes are necessary.” It would not hurt for her children to have something sweet; especially Dagmar and Kajsa who always seemed to be so wispy. “Good idea?” Already what had happened with Kajsa’s scream and seeing things that were not there had faded from her memory, rolling off like a droplet of water because that was just how Linnea had learned to deal with things. It had nothing to do with her level of concern.
Kajsa tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and smiled wryly. “Of course, Father must deserve a cake. After all, we are celebrating,” she said in a sing-song voice. Kajsa had not bothered to play pretend after she had managed to leave the house that she did not approve of Jokull and, now that he was (thank the divine beings that be) DEAD, she did not see one bit of a reason why she shouldn’t speak her mind. He was not her father--even though kicking the habit of calling him “Dad” was a come-and-go sort of thing--and there was no lost love between himself and Linnea. Win/Win.
She rolled the cart along, leaning her forearms on the handle, leaning forward. She tried to focus on the task at hand, ignoring the sudden cold air breezes that sifted her hair or touched her leg. Air conditioning. Air conditioning. “Is it true Leif is back in town?” she asked her mother, trying to distract herself from the strange chill creeping up and down her spine.
Celebrating indeed. Perhaps the first birthday of the man’s that Linnea was actually looking forward to. Because he was not there. A smile broke out on Linnea’s face and she directed it at Kajsa. One of the many, many reasons why she and Jokull had never gotten along was the girl, Jokull being aware that she was not his and Linnea refusing to let her be gotten rid of. Her good mood did vanish suddenly, eyes darkening as Kajsa asked about Leif. The only child that Linnea had not managed to connect with, the one that she thought she had failed despite her best efforts. So maybe she could have tried a little harder, but Jokull had been there with him as well. “He is,” Linnea said at last, voice strained as she reached out to pick up a can of green beans she was not even sure she needed. “He is coming over tonight and I... expect good behavior.”
Kajsa leaned on the cart and watched Linnea shop. Honestly, Kajsa had done most of her grocery shopping in the frozen foods and spirits sections. She could cook when she had to but she was rarely in the mood to do anything more than toss a plate of food in the microwave and wait three minutes. She tried not to twitch or look guilty as Linnea told her that Leif was not only back in town but also coming this evening. Good behavior. “Of course, mom,” Kajsa said, through clenched teeth. “He is still my brother...blood of my blood -- or at least the good blood part of him.” She ignored the fact that the temperature of the entire shopping center had suddenly dropped ten degrees.
Once upon a time Linnea would have made an offhand remark about how Kajsa should not talk about that sort of thing. But with Jokull gone it seemed like an inconsequential worry. There was no one left who would take offense at the knowledge, no one that mattered at least. Ah, except maybe little Satu, but she did not have to know. And since she was not there the comment could be allowed. “You could at least try to enjoy yourself,” Linnea sighed, perusing the shelves and smiling again at seeing her favorite brand in stock. The littlest things could prove to be such blessings. “For my sake if for nothing else. I’m glad to have you back in Scarlet Oak and I want you to be happy here with us. Like I said, there will be others, you don’t even have to acknowledge him.” Linnea harbored no illusions that all was well between her children... she just did not want to know about it.
Kajsa shrugged. She adored all of her younger siblings, even during their darker moods. Leif and her, however, had never gotten along and while she would have liked to be on better terms with her brother, they simply did not get along and Kajsa simply took it for fact. He didn’t want to seem to bother and so neither did she. Besides, the younger ones loved her and she them. Leif seemed inconsequential and could be pushed to the back of her head, just like her stepfather (as Kajsa had taken to calling Jokull in her head since she was ten). “I don’t place all my happiness on the gamble that Leif likes me, mom,” she said, picking up a head of lettuce even though she had no intention of purchasing it. “I realize that my older brother and I are not exactly the best of friends but it’s not like I’m going to try and make dinner awkward. Like I said, he’s still my brother at the end of the day.”
Sometimes Linnea really did forget that Kajsa was not a water elemental like her and the other two girls. If she was then maybe the differences between her and Leif would have affected her more. “I just want to make sure,” Linnea pointed out, glancing over the cart and nodding, satisfied she had what she needed from this area of the store and could move on towards the bakery and that cake she had decided on purchasing. Already her mind had flowed off of the topic and she turned an appraising eye on Kajsa’s clothes. While nice and tasteful they were out of date. “Might need to take you clothes shopping sometime soon. If you’ll let me this time.”
Giving her mother a rare ‘oh come on’ look, Kajsa pushed the cart along. Her high heels made comforting click-clack noises on the floor. She had always tried to be nice to Leif. Until, well, she couldn’t even remember when she decided to give up on her half-brother. Nevertheless, she wasn’t going to ruin one of the most joyous occasions of her or her mother’s life just because they had some form of sibling dislike for each other.
Kajsa bristled a little bit at Linnea’s comment about clothes shopping, which she knew was a polite way of telling her she needed to go shopping. “Perhaps,” Kajsa responded evasively. In truth, while she did not mind moving back into the home, it was all still theoretically Jokull’s money and while she could live off of it, squandering it was not exactly in her plans. “Maybe if we take Bradley with us~” she hinted heavily. The cook did, in her opinion, need clothes that didn’t smell of whatever he had been cooking. And, Kajsa argued to herself, she did need a slightly altered wardrobe that would keep her stitches (and, later on, scars) out of sight.
That look earned a slight twist of Linnea’s lips, but she let it pass because even these little things she had missed while Kajsa was gone. And, in a small way, she understood the difficulties that Kajsa could have with accepting things that came from money she viewed as Jokull’s. Though now it was not Jokull’s, it was Linnea’s. One thing that she had been sure to do was ensure that if her husband passed before her she would be well kept, not quite able to trust that Leif would do it for her. He was, after all, his father’s son through and through. Linnea did pause, a little confused, when Kajsa said that maybe they could shop if Bradley came. Yes, she was glad that her eldest daughter did not share her middle daughter’s views on the earth elemental, but still.
“I don’t think Bradley could handle shopping with us,” Linnea pointed out at last, eyes scanning over the cakes offered at the bakery. “He’s a very simple man when it comes to that sort of thing and just knowing how much money one of us would spend on a shirt might give him a heart attack. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with how he dresses... it’s very Bradley.” She liked him just as he was and did not think he needed to be upgraded even in the clothing department. “Although if you don’t want to go shopping with just me we can always bring Dagmar or Satu along as well.” Not Valterri, she would not submit her son to that.
Kajsa laughed at Linnea’s suggestion that Bradley wouldn’t be able to keep up. Ah, but we’ll need someone to carry all the bags. “I can tell,” Kajsa said lightly. She thought Bradley was adorable in a very hipster, very indie sort of way. Nevertheless, he needed to be a little more...dressed up if he was going to be seen around town with her mother. Kajsa had no qualms about the match. She did care somewhat about keeping up a sort of appearance. It simply wouldn’t do at the office if the other lawyers joked about Kajsa’s mother dating a dishwasher. Simply wouldn’t do. Nevertheless, Kajsa left all these things unsaid to her mother and simply shrugged. “It isn’t that I don’t want to go shopping alone with you,” she clarified. “I just think it would be nice to get to know Bradley a little more and you can always tell about a lot about a person by how they shop - not just where.”
A strawberry cake in the back looked delicious. Kajsa pointed. “Should we have them create an icing dedication? Perhaps something along the lines of ‘Happy Birthday, Jokull! Glad you’re dead?” she tapped her nails on the glass gently, listening to the sound of her nails. A cold spot wrapped around her ankles. She tried not to shiver.
Linnea was glad that Kajsa wanted to get to know Bradley, and she could understand a bit of her logic, but she really did not want to take him shopping. That was a thing she simply had no desire to do with a man of any sort and especially not one that she had such an interest in. It was better if he did not know how much money she dropped in a day of shopping and better if she did not know how little he did. Kajsa could know, but only if she did not tell Linnea. “Perhaps the two of you should go shopping then.” Not that she was incredibly fond of that idea. Linnea was one of those people who really did not see the point of shopping with men. Let them do it themselves, they had such different tastes.
“Kajsa!” Linnea’s tone was a mix of shocked and amused. “I don’t think that your brothers would appreciate that very much. Perhaps just ‘happy birthday, Jokull.’ Even if we’re glad he’s gone.” And she was. That was why she had had him gotten rid of. Now she would never have to worry about what would happen to the children or herself. “Plus what would they think of me having that put on there with him so recently gone? People talk in this small town and I’d rather not hear someone say that Linnea Niemi is glad to be a widow.” Even if she was.
Kajsa smiled at Linnea. “What better way to spend Father’s money than on Bradley,” she said, pretending to ponder the idea. In Kajsa’s opinion, Bradley was wonderful the way he was, but there were simply more fashionable versions of the things he already had on. They would still be in his style, just less Wal-Mart and more Alexander McQueen. “But, maybe you’re right,” Kajsa conceded. “He’s perfect just the way he is and he is after all, your boyfriend and not mine.” Thank God, Kajsa thought for a second. She had a distaste for men -- and women at that. If she was looking for love and affection, her mother was right there. That was certainly enough. She didn’t want children as she had her siblings and so...she was fine.
And carrying on with another man with him so recently dead was...? Kajsa left that thought unvoiced, however. She was not here to censor her mom or dictate how she lived her life. It was not her place. “But she is and the people who matter know, which is happiness enough,” she said instead. “Perhaps we should stop by the graveyard on the way home. Briefly. I never did get to say goodbye properly,” Kajsa suggested.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” Linnea corrected, hoping that no one had heard her say that. Well, he was not, that was just the truth of the matter. Yes he had taken her out for her birthday and yes there was mutual attraction but that did not mean they were dating. Bradley understood as well as her that that could not happen. “And I’d appreciate if you wouldn’t think of him like that because you might slip and say something and your siblings do not know for a very good reason.” Just the thought of what Dagmar or Satu might do was enough to give the woman a shudder. Dagmar had already made her opinion of Bradley obvious before there was anything else there and Satu, well, she may feel threatened and Linnea had heard stories about what her youngest did at school when things like that happened.
But it was acceptable for her to carry on because Linnea had never been appreciated by Jokull and the feeling was nearly intoxicating, a new and healthier addiction. “I’ll take that cake right there,” Linnea told the man behind the counter with a smile. “With the words ‘Happy Birthday, Jokull’ on it if you could.” Turning her attention back to Kajsa she nodded. “We can swing by on the way. Pay our... respects.” Dance on the grave. Laugh at it. Either or.
Both.
“Mother, really,” Kajsa laughed a little. “Would boy-space-friend work better for you?” Kajsa redistributed her weight before speaking again. “All right, I’ll drop the subject. We can talk about it later. Or I can ask Bradley at the party,” she said and then dropping the matter because she had said she would. She rubbed her shoulder just above the stitches, trying to get rid of the discomfort the wound was giving her. It was going to be a constant reminder to her to never drink and drive again...or even get into a car with a drunk driver. It was quite enough to bring anyone to sobriety.
She looked at the cake Linnea pointed at and approved. It looked like a much better cake than Jokull deserved in life. In death, though, oh~ he deserved all the celebration they could give. “I feel like this moment should be a lot more...nostalgic,” Kajsa observed. “I feel like there should be tears...or at least a desire to cry. It’s lacking the general air of desolation grieving families exude from their pores. I do believe that if there is a hell, we are all going to it...which bothers me, because I don’t ever want to have to see Father again.”
This talking about Bradley was making Linnea uncomfortable and she shifted, decidedly not looking at Kajsa. This isn’t the sort of thing I should be talking about with her. or anyone! I’m not dating anyone and Bradley knows that. At least she thought that he knew. Maybe that was one of the things - “You will do No such thing.” Shocked at the suggestion, Linnea gasped at Kajsa. Rarely did she ever full out forbid anything from her children that was not dangerous to them or others, but this... “Kajsa, please, don’t do that to me. It’s... difficult.” As a water elemental her emotions could fluctuate from moment to moment and only very careful concentration kept her from having a small breakdown right there.
“We would cry,” Linnea said simply, accepting the cake and placing it in the cart. “If not for the fact that he drained mine and Dagmar’s blood, fed us to vampires and beat me on a regular basis.” Why sugarcoat it now? Jokull was dead and she had a feeling that Kajsa already knew. “We won’t go to hell for not mourning that.” Oh, no, Dagmar and Satu... and Leif. They had the blood of demons in their veins. Did that mean that they were destined for hell automatically?
Kajsa made a face at her mother but let her have her way. She knew better than to push when her mother started to get distressed. It was a little like fighting a waterfall. You could dam it up for a while but if it breaks, run. And she never really meant to get her mother to the breaking point either. She didn’t. She just...wanted to make her mother happy and if that meant Bradley, she was going to try and include him as much as she could in their life and now she was so confused! Did her mother want her to be nice to Bradley or not? Kajsa’s head was starting to hurt. “I didn’t...realize,” Kajsa said at length. “I’m sorry.”
She winced when her mother laid it out straight and clear for her. She’d known. Oh, she’d known. She’d been lucky enough to be deemed unworthy and escape her father’s notice for the most part...but her other sisters. Kajsa looked away for a moment as she composed herself. “No, I suppose not,” she responded. And this was why she didn’t quite believe in an “Almighty God.” She believed there was something, yes, but not a benevolent good Lord that cared about his children. Because there wouldn’t be Jokulls in the world if there was. Suddenly, she was tired and her stitches ached and her head felt heavy and she slumped up against the cart, leaning her weight into it.
Thankful that her daughter caught on and did not press the subject, Linnea smiled at her. Until she realized what they were talking about. Accepting the cake from the person behind the counter Linnea nodded and set in in the cart. “Are you alright, sweetheart?” she asked when she noticed what Kajsa looked like. Her hand went out to stroke her daughter’s hair lightly, a concerned look on her face. “Come on, we’ve got everything and we can go home now. If you don’t still want to stop by the graveyard then we don’t have to. You can go lie down.” Her daughter’s health came first.