Gonna break my heart anyway Who: Alanna Where: Her apartment When: Late evening
It felt a lot like breaking.
"I'm leaving."
Two words, it had only been two words and Alanna was 99% positive that she had been told more damaging things in her life. "You'll turn into an uncontrollable monster every full moon." That had been a pretty bad one. Or the remembered conversation brushing up against a teammate, "Bet Red's never kissed a boy because they refuse to get within twenty yards of her, just too strange." Things like those hurt. One because there was nothing she could do anymore to change it and the other because, well, she fully believed that it was true. And she thought of it now of all times because it seemed that that girl - Brittnie? Bethany? It had been something that started with a B - was right after all. Guys were not attracted to her because she was just too strange and the ones who were clearly had no problems cutting all of the ties that were not friendship so that they could, oh say, up and leave the entire state. Leave everything that was there, from their family to their church that had been claimed to be oh-so-important... and her.
Normally Alanna was the one who broke ties and ran away. She had done with her own family and her church after the incident nearly a year ago. But growing up she had never really made friends that she was so close to that their leaving would hurt her. Oh sure, there was Jamie, but Jamie always had and probably always would be there. She counted as family and Alanna did not even think of the possibility that her family could go away. Friends could do that - Kiley, Roxy, Fortun - but they had not. They were still there. None of them had called her that morning and told her that they were leaving. There was a job offer that was too good to pass up, a calling that they just could not ignore because it was their purpose and God wanted them to and...
Alanna sniffled and turned on the couch, pressing her face into the pillow as she fought to keep herself from crying. There was nothing wrong with tears but she knew that if she cried then she was going to get sad and then she was going to get mad and that just was not allowed. Callalily was in the apartment and besides, the last thing the tenants of the Court needed was for a bitten were to go raging through. Last thing that everyone needed really. Herself included. And all of the bitten were's who were fighting to prove that they could be normal just like everyone else despite the monster thing. Some half-chipmunk killing someone would not look good. Especially since all it would be over was something like this. Alanna was sure that in a few weeks she would be able to say it was senseless to be so hurt, so upset over this.
Over Aaron. Over Aaron leaving her. Oh sure he had left his church, his precious youth, but did Alanna care about that or them? No, it was a church and she no longer did religion, but she did care that she was so easy to leave. That he could just go.
No, it still hurt to realize that, like a little tiny jab right in her heart. One hand came up to press there and a muffled noise slipped out against the pillow. She had done nothing wrong! Nothing to deserve this. Had she known that he was just going to leave so soon after they started up their relationship then she would not have let it happen. She would not have gone into his office that first day and wound up curled on his lap, wouldn't have dated him or let him kiss her or hold her hand or... any of it. Aaron had been her first everything and now it looked like he was completing the circuit by being the very first person to figure out how to break her heart.
And it had been a good day! The demons were gone, she had gone to the shelter and gotten all sorts of things for Callalily, met a nice young were-wolf by the name of Alex... and then this. Why did something bad always have to come along and ruin the good things?
She knew that she should tell someone. Pick up her phone and send out a text, see which one of her friends was around and available so that she didn't have to be alone. But every time she tried to pick it up she was reminded again. Aaron had called to tell her goodbye, he had not even come to see her, he had already been on the road to Alaska. What kind of chipmunk even lives in Alaska? It's too cold up there! She would never go. Not that he had asked her. She was a graduate student with an internship that could exist anywhere. I wouldn't have gone with him. But it wouldn't have hurt so bad if he had wanted me to. If I could have told him no, shoved that in his face so that I'm not the one hurting. Not that it would stop the hurt completely but it would have helped. Maybe.
"Meow?"
The sound caught her attention and Alanna lifted her face from her pillow, eyes red with tears she had yet to shed, to find the newest addition to her household perched on the arm of the couch, staring at her. "Not now, Callalily," Alanna managed to say, pressing her face back down. She loved that Ian had trusted her so much and let her have the huge cat, but just then the last thing that she needed was for Callalily to be whining for her attention.
The cat was not listening, stepping off her current perch to settle onto Alanna's shoulders while giving a more insistent mew. Finding it suddenly more difficult to breathe, the were reached around to pick the cat off of her and stumbled to her feet, eyes narrowed as she glared at the now-purring cat. "You and I will have issues if you don't learn how to listen, missy," she informed Callalily, her frown breaking when the cat mewed again. She looked so ridiculous hanging there from Alanna's hands and the redhead could not keep a weak giggle from slipping out. "Okay, okay, I'll get you something to eat?" Setting Callalily down, she padded over to the kitchen and pulled out the bag of cat food to pour into the rather large bowl that had come along with her. Callalily made a content noise and started eating while Alanna leaned against the counter.
"I always liked you."
So Aaron had said, that look on his face and in his eyes that made Alanna believe him. Apparently once he had seen what she was like when it came to relationships, how hesitant she was about everything, he had realized that liking her was a problem. Once upon a time Alanna would have been able to understand how important a 'calling' was, but that time was before she stopped believing God even existed. Angels and demons could, apparently, but not God. And yet this non-existent thing was important enough that Aaron left her because of it. Or so he said... what if he took it because he just couldn't be with her for any other reason and couldn't tell her? No, no, that couldn't be it. She had not done anything wrong! She was even completely unaware that Fortun liked her, thinking his gift of flowers and company to be something that anyone would do. The only one she liked, had ever liked, was Aaron and that did not even matter to the other chipmunk.
"I got left for a figment of his imagination." Normally Alanna had no problem with people believing whatever they wanted, but Aaron had always talked about it, always insisted on praying with her, and a little vindictive streak reared its head as she stared at the wall, one hand going up to tug at a piece of hair. It was so ridiculous a thing to think about, to realize, that Alanna found herself giggling. Soon she was laughing so hard that she slid down to the floor, not noticing that Callalily stopped eating to stare at her.
"I'm leaving. I don't know when I'll be coming back. There's a new church opening in Alaska and they need a pastor - a full one - and they... offered me the job. I'm sorry, Alanna, but I really feel like I need to go. It's my calling and I can't just ignore it." The unsaid words had been 'not for you.' Or so Alanna's mind insisted.
And then the laughs changed into sobs, her shoulders shaking as she buried her face in her hands and finally cried. Her new cat, finished eating, nudged her arms aside and curled up in her lap, purring at her as Alanna clung onto the large creature until eventually she cried herself right to sleep.