Skylar Larken Tallis (sirensongbird) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2010-04-08 22:48:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-07-09 |
I always say how I don't need you but it's always gonna come right back to this...
Who: Sawyer and Skylar
When: Late
Where: Skylar's house
Sawyer hadn't wanted to go on the date, but saying no to his father always came with a price. Still sore from the last time his father had gotten wind of him doing something he didn't approve of, Sawyer opted for the less painful choice and just went on the date. Of course he'd called Skylar to explain, but she wasn't happy about it and he didn't really get to explain himself or beg for forgiveness before he had to get dressed and go to the Collins' home to have dinner and then be forced to watch movies afterward.
His father wasn't even awake when he got home from the 'date' and that was a blessing. It meant he could sneak right back out again. He didn't bother changing out of his 'nice, wholesome clothes' that his father had forced him to wear. Even the tie still hung in place when he got up the tree by Skylar's window, only to find the window closed and locked and the curtains drawn. "Well fuck." he sighed to himself, reaching up and knocking on the window. She just had to come to it. She had to forgive him. He didn't even like Anne and hadn't wanted to go on the date in the first place. He didn't do anything with the girl and he certainly didn't want to. "Skylar..." he breathed, hoping she was listening. "Please come to the window..."
Skylar was a less than happy girl, she'd figured it was inevitable that something would happen to take that little bit of happy she'd felt when Sawyer told her he wanted them to have the official title of boyfriend and girlfriend -- only, she hadn't quite expected it would be taken away in less than twenty-four hours. They hadn't even gotten to go out together on an official date-date as an official couple and he'd called her up, not to ask her on one, no, that would have been a happy thing and happy things came in small almost invisible to the naked eye doses. No, he'd called her to tell her he was being forced to go on a date with Anne on the first night of their official 'couplehood'. First she was hurt, then the hurt turned to anger and the anger into a hybrid of both corresponding emotions and then she'd just hung up on him.
This was so not going to work.
She tried not to think about it, but it was all she could think about. What were they doing, was he actually having fun, would spending time around the other girl show him that Anne was exactly the kind of girl that he wanted? It hurt, she already didn't feel near good enough and he'd gotten his ass beat cause of her and now his dad actually wanted him seeing this other girl. This other girl who was nothing like her. It seemed to Skylar just a sign of things to come.
She was already in bed, the TV was on but she wasn't really paying it any attention it was just background noise. He hadn't called her back or even texted her and it was getting late, he had to have been home by now... not that she planned on answering the call or texts if they came, she was still plenty pissed off, so much so that she'd closed and locked her window tonight, drawing the curtains as well for good measure if he even dared to wander by -- not that he would, but still. She'd even cried a little earlier on, then got pissed off about that and yelled at herself and had promised no more of that crap. Of course, that was before there no calls or texts and the time kept getting later and later. The tears were coming every so often, only to be wiped away angrily, not even caring that the eye make up she'd put on earlier was smudged all over her cheeks. Not like anyone would see it, right?
Or not... the tap on the window didn't so much startle her as just plain surprised the girl. Hadn't she made it perfectly obvious that she did not want to see him? (only she totally did.) She sat up in bed and stared at the window for a few moments, she couldn't make out the muffled words coming from the other side but she did recognize the voice as Sawyer's. She pondered for a moment about just leaving him out there, show him she didn't need him, she didn't need anybody -- but -- what if he left and never came back? She really didn't know if she could handle that, as much as she hated the fact, the fact was, she was pretty ridiculously crazy about the boy.
She tossed her teddy bear she'd been clinging to aside and made her way over to the window, only opening the curtains at this point, the look on her face did not exactly say 'I'm happy to see you', more like 'Seriously?'
Well that look certainly wasn't the most welcoming. And the fact that she threw the curtains open suddenly startled the hell out of him and Sawyer nearly fell out of the damn tree. A broken bone would have been pretty damn hard to explain to his father the next morning. Thankfully though, he managed to keep his balance and only look slightly startled at first. The startled look, however, drifted quite hastily into a look of remorse. "I'm sorry." he told her. "I didn't want to go with her. You know that. You know if I could have gotten out of it, I would have. Please just let me in?"
When she just stared at him in response, he sighed and looked off in the direction of his house and back at her again. "I would have rather been with you here. Or anywhere for that matter. Skylar, you know that I didn't want to go on a date with her. And I didn't do anything. It wasn't even a date. I spent all evening sitting with her stupid parents, eating crap dinner and watching halmark channel movies. Come on. What do you want from me?"
Sure it was all perfectly innocent, it would be wouldn't it? And though it sounded absolutely dreadful and like he'd perhaps been punished enough for one evening -- she was still hurt and upset and well, pissed. She stared at him for just a few more moments, deciding she'd rather open the damn window than he just wander off back home. Of course, all she did was unlatch it and turn her back, padding her way back to her bed, climbing back in it and under the covers.
Sawyer drew in a short little breath and waited until she'd climbed back into the bed before he dared reach over to open the window and climb into her room. Closing it back again and shutting the curtains, he tried to figure out where to start. "I'm sorry." he said again. That seemed like what his brain kept screaming over and over again. The words that bounced around his brain back and forth and back again made him almost feel dizzy with emotion. "I wanted to tell him no, but I didn't want to fight with him. I didn't know what to do. I mean... I wanted to scream at him and say 'no, dad, I have a girlfriend and I really like her' but all I could see is the look on his face and if he did what he did for me being seen with you... I was afraid that he'd do worse if I told him you were my girlfriend."
But that just sounded awful and like it was bad to be thought of as her boyfriend. That wasn't the case at all. Sawyer was just afraid of his father and of what the older man could do to him. He'd beaten him so severely for just the word of an over-sized woman that went to his church. He was his son and he'd chosen to take that woman's word over his. Regardless of who he was with, he shouldn't have hurt him like he had. Either way, that didn't excuse the words that had just come out of Sawyer's mouth and he regretted them immediately.
"Not that I'm ashamed of being your boyfriend." he told her, eyes already starting to brim with tears because he knew this was going to go nowhere fast. "I want people to know that I'm you're boyfriend. I just... I didn't want him to hurt me again." he breathed, his voice cracking a little towards the end. He didn't know what to say to her to make things better. He didn't know how to put the pieces back to the puzzle he felt like he'd spilled all over the floor. For all he figured, there was no way to put the pieces back together and she'd kick him out without a second thought.
"Please don't be mad at me." he begged her. "I don't like her. I don't want to be with her. I want to be with you. I am here with you. Doesn't that count for something?"
Well damn if he wasn't off to a really poor start, if she wasn't hurt and upset already, she sure as hell would have been after that -- in fact, she was hurt even worse now that he'd actually said those words out loud, breathed life into them. The reminder that he'd already been beaten to hell just for being seen in public with her was not a reminder that Skylar needed or wanted, she already felt bad enough, now she just felt selfish that she was hurt and upset that he'd spent the first evening of their official courtship as the date of someone else. God she didn't need the reminder that she wasn't good enough, she knew that already. Still, rather than articulate her feelings, she tried stuffing them down and the easiest way to do that was to just not look at him -- and so she didn't, she rolled over on her side, turning her back since those stupid fucking tears were starting to fight their way out again.
His voice cracked and that hurt all the more. She hated this, feeling like this, feeling anything. Why'd she have to let herself fall for this boy? Feeling things sucked, she should have left it with fuck buddies and not put her stupid heart on the line and his ass on the spot with his dad. "You should go home, Sawyer..." she murmured, her voice low and obviously tearful. "I don't want him hurting you again because of me." she added, reaching for her teddy bear again, curling herself into a little ball under the covers.
"No." Sawyer said, shaking his head a little. "I don't wanna go home. I wanna be here with you. If he wants to hurt me for that... fine. He can hurt me for it." he muttered. It would be worth it for Skylar. Everything was worth it for Skylar. "Please don't make me leave..." he whispered. The simple sound of the tears in her voice made his heart ache, twisting uncomfortably in his chest. "Please..."
"I'm not making you do anything..." she said, her voice slightly muffled by the cotton stuffed teddy. "I don't want him to hurt you, not because of me." she told him again. "He's never going to let us be together, it's always going to be sneaking around and you getting a beating if he finds out and I get to be a dirty little secret... that's not going to work, Sawyer..." she sniffed, again angrily wiping those fucking tears away. "If it's not Anne it'll be someone else... face it, there's always going to be something keeping us apart or hiding out... it's not fair to either of us."
Did that mean she was breaking up with him? Sawyer's heart felt like it had sank to the bottoms of his shoes and he wasn't sure how to get it back to where it was supposed to be again. "Skylar..." he breathed, the word coming out more like a choked gasp for air than anything else. "Don't do this... please..." It didn't matter what his father thought. Not to him. He didn't care because he wanted to be with her and that was the most important thing. Moving closer to her bed, he crawled in behind her, toeing his shoes off and sliding his arms around her from behind. "Please don't do this..." he begged her again, his breathing shaky and his words coming out softly to keep from letting that crackle of tears mix into his voice.
She didn't want to break up with him, but she hated the idea of her being a reason for him to always be in physical danger, she also hated the idea of forever being the kind of girl that his father would never be able to accept him speaking to, let alone having a romantic relationship with. It hurt to even dance along the edge of breaking up with him, it hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours yet since they'd put a label and title on their little... thing. Or not so little with how much the thought of giving it and him up was hurting her. "It's not like I want to..." she admitted, breathing the words out shakily. "It's just easier on us both if I do..." which was a lie, nothing about it would be easy, her heart was already so broken from everything she'd lost all at once, losing him too... well, she wouldn't be bouncing back from that one quickly. He wasn't making it any easier when he got into bed and wrapped his arm around her, all she wanted was to cling and never let go, but that wouldn't be fair under the circumstances, would it? "Please don't make this harder..."
"Don't do this..." he whispered again. He wasn't trying to make it harder, he was trying to make it impossible so she wouldn't do it at all. "I wanna be with you." he told the girl, the tears not taking another fighting moment as they slid down his face, one slipping across the bridge of his nose and getting lost somewhere amidst the waves of blonde that belonged to Skylar. "I'm sorry I went with her. Please... please don't break up with me..." he practically whimpered. "Please..." Clingy had certainly gone into overdrive at the thought of losing the girl.
Well fuck her life, he was crying... he was actually crying. Hard nothing, fucking impossible to break up with a boy you have genuine feelings for when he's fucking crying. Goddamnit she thought, yet more tears escaping her already sore from crying eyes. She couldn't take that, she could be an epic bitch, but she couldn't not feel completely horrible for making him cry, boys weren't supposed to cry godfuckingdamnit. She wiped the tears from her face again before turning herself over to face him. "Fine... just... please stop with the waterworks... I can't deal with that..." she told him, reaching her hand up to wipe the tears from his cheeks in spite of the few stray tears that had willed their way down her own. "Calm the fuck down, okay, I'm not breaking up with you... Jesus."
Sawyer was torn between feeling better now that she'd said she wasn't breaking up with him and feeling worse because now he felt like a big baby. He'd just cried in front of her like a pussy and she had to wipe his tears. You're such a fucking girl. he thought to himself. If his father could see him begging like he was, he would have gotten a lot worse than he'd gotten already. "S-sorry." he breathed, blinking back the bit of moisture that seemed to cling to his thick lashes. "I just... I don't want him to be the reason... the reason you don't wanna... b-be with me."
"I just don't want him to hurt you because of me... can't you understand that?" she asked, sitting up slightly to reach over him to grab the box of kleenex off the bedside table behind him, grabbing a handful of the tissues and handing them to him before she settled back down beside him. "How would you feel if I was getting the shit knocked out of me for being with you? You wouldn't feel too fucking good Sawyer..." she sighed, grabbing a couple tissues for her own tears. "I hate feeling like I'm the cause of so much trouble for you... when Anne's a perfectly nice girl... and I'm well... not..."
He wiped his tears away with the tissues and then crumpled them up and tossed them aside, shaking his head as she finished what she had to say. "Anne's fucking boring. I don't like her. Not at all. Not even a little bit, alright? I don't care what trouble you cause... I wanna be with you. That's what matters, right?" At least he hoped it mattered. "I understand that... that you don't want me hurt, but leaving me would hurt a hell of a lot worse..."
While it was a bit of a relief to hear that Anne was a snorefest, and god was it, she had to wonder if the boy was fucking crazy to be so damn attached to a crazy bitch like herself. He knew she was a born killing machine where the male population of the world were concerned, that just getting as close to her as he'd already been had almost cost him his life, and now he was earning beatings for his trouble. Yeah, Sawyer had to be a few fries short of a happy meal to actually invite the sort of trouble that came along with being with Skylar. "It matters, Sawyer... of course it does... I still think you're kind of bat shit crazy to actually sign up for this shit... seriously... did your mom drop you on your head as a baby and rid you of all common sense?"
He didn't think that he was crazy. But that probably had a lot to do with the fact that he was completely and utterly infatuated with a certain blonde that lay beside him. He was caught up in a whirlwind of a romance that had almost fell apart before the dust even settled. "Who cares?" he asked her, letting his hand come up to cup her cheek as he leaned in to steal the smallest little kiss. "Sane is overrated. I'd rather be crazy with you than normal and borderline Mormon with Anne."
"Well, that's good to know... I think..." she said, crinkling her nose a little. She sighed softly, shaking off the residual emotional crazies, finally letting herself take in a good look at her boyfriend's attire. She let her hand move down from the knot of his tie down to the middle of it and gripped it, gently tugging it with an questioning expression playing on her face. "A suit, seriously?" she quirked a brow. "I thought you said it was dinner with her folks and movie watching... little over dressed for Hallmark Hall of Fame flicks on cable, eh?"
"I wasn't allowed to dress like a normal teenage boy." Sawyer muttered, heaving a little sigh. "Dad said that I needed to make an impression. I was the son of a pastor, not the son of a grocery store clerk, he said. I'm supposed to act as such. Which completely and utterly blew. "And Hallmark movies blow. Just so you know." he sighed.
"Well... you certainly make an impression..." Skylar smirked, wrapping the tie around her hand. "And don't knock the Hallmark flicks... I happen to like them... tell anyone that though and I'll end you..." she gave a mock warning look, jerking his tie to tug him in for a firm and proper kiss. "Anne ever so much as tries anything like this and this Siren will start killing females... Hallmark movies, fine, kissing my boyfriend, very much not fine. Ever."
"She sat next to me on the couch." he told her. "I think our thighs might have touched. Gonna rip her head off and put it on a platter?" Sawyer teased, giving her a little smirk before kissing her lips again. "Didn't know you'd be so jealous of someone that you don't have anything to be jealous of. I'm just not into Anne. At all."
"Thighs touching? That whore!" Skylar snorted, rolling her eyes. "Not so much jealous of her, she is a rather mousy little thing... just jealous that you could go out in public with her and not get your ass handed to you by your dad..." she sighed. "The man hasn't even met me and he's deemed me unworthy... it's hardly fair to be seen as trash without actually having been seen at all."
"He's just... super... old school." he sighed. "I mean, he thinks that any girl who isn't wearing a skirt and a tucked in blouse that shows absolutely no cleavage and doesn't have her hair in braids is a whore. I think it's because of my mother and him wanting me to end up with someone completely opposite of her. I mean she wasn't like skanky or anything, at least not in the pictures I've seen, but she kinda... I don't know. She ran off with some other guy. She's a whore as far as he's concerned and that's like what he doesn't want me to end up with. Not that you're a whore, because you're obviously not, but that's what he assumes because he's a douche shnozzle."
"Well thank you for clarifying I'm not a whore," she told him, sticking her tongue out. "Old school... more like bigoted old jackass." she scoffed. "He is a douche, obviously... anyone who would use their child as a punching bag is beyond a douche." she said, unwrapping her hand from his tie so she could reach up and caress his cheek with the back of her fingers. "Still hate that it's cause of me... that offer to kill him still stands, just so you know..."
"Don't tempt me." Sawyer told the girl. He liked that little touch and the way her backs of her fingers felt as they brushed across his cheek. The softness of her skin was fascinating. She put on such a rough outer appearance most of the time, but she was still so soft. It wasn't the girl that everyone else saw when she was out on the streets that Sawyer was falling for, but instead, it was this girl before him. The one that only he got to see. The one that everyone else wasn't lucky enough to know. "But if anyone's going to kill him, I should just light his ass on fire." he muttered. "Or the whole house and the church. I'd come out unscathed after all."
"You're too good to actually do something like that, Sawyer..." One of them had to be the 'good' one, it would only be a matter of time before her innate need to kill would need her to satiate it with the death of someone random. She didn't want Sawyer to become a killer too, he didn't have to be, she did, there was a difference. "I wouldn't be this into you if you were... it'd be best if you left the killing to me... if it comes to it, that is." she added, letting her finger lightly trail across his bottom lip. God, she really was crazy about the boy, oh the complications she was inviting into her more than complicated already life.
"How bout we don't worry about killing anyone just yet?" he suggested. "Let's worry about other stuff like... where our next date is gonna be." Sawyer smiled. "Or about how I can perfect that whole kissing thing." he went on, pressing a kiss to the tip of her finger as she trailed it over his lower lip.
"Okay... less killing talk... date talk is good... buuut... I think I could really get into the whole kissing thing..." she replied, tapping his lower lip with that finger before pulling her hand back so she could lean in and press her lips to his. "Though... your kisses are already nearly perfect already..."
He smirked a little against her lips and even more when she pulled away again. "Something about me is actually perfect?" he asked. "Or nearly perfect?" Well wasn't that a lovely thing to know? "I think your kisses pushed past perfect a long time ago." he admitted. And it wasn't just him telling her that because he wanted more kisses, but because it was true. "I think the kisses are worth just about all the issues we've had."
"There's a few things, actually." she admitted, lightly nipping his lower lip. "But if I gave you a list, your head would likely explode... only so much ego that can fit in there, you know." she smirked, kissing him again, sucking gently on his lower lip. "Oh? Well, that's good to know... and yeah... I think we found something we can agree on with that... shock."
"So no more issues then." he told her, letting the arm that still was around her tighten a little and pull her over as he rolled, positioning her on top of him and smirking up at her. "I think kissing is a much better thing to do than thinking about all the bullshit anyways. Besides... eventually I'll have to leave and I wanna get in a ton of those kisses before I have to ride my bike home and climb another tree." he teased. "I'll just have to start coming over here to sleep and then going home."
"If you come over here just to sleep, we eventually will have issues... I kinda like when you come over to, well... you know..." she half teased, or quarter teased, cause yeah, she really did like when he came over for a little between the sheets action, one of those things she found he was nearly perfect at after all. "But, kisses by the ton can definitely be arranged... think you've earned them with the torment you've been through tonight... dinner at Jabba the Hut's qualifies for all the kisses you can sneak in the time allotted." she nodded, leaning down to give him a right proper kiss, trying to be mindful of the injuries still healing up from that beating his dad had given him.
Sawyer wasn't opposed to the between the sheets type things they did when he came over either and he smiled at her. "I don't want to come over to just sleep." he grinned. "But a little sleep is nice every once in a while." Especially when he had been spending his normal sleeping hours spending time with Skylar instead. He still had to get up early like always as his dad was blind to the fact he was up til all hours of the night. "I'd rather have been with you tonight." he murmured once she'd pulled back enough for him to speak. "Here with you."
"Sleep is good, I agree... you'll have to make up another sleep over with one of your other Church boy buddies so you can stay the night again... and preferably most of the morning and day..." she suggested with a conspiratory grin. She liked waking up with him, even if it had just been that one time, it had been... well, nice. She could get used to that, of course, she wasn't going to admit that part. "I would have rather that too... your dad sucks donkey balls, I wanna kill him, but we were gonna not talk about the killing and focus on the kissing... sooo... let's do that..." she trailed off, murmuring against his lips as she stole another kiss from the boy.
The thought of waking up to her again certainly sounded like a wonderful thing to Sawyer and he'd do it everyday if he could swing it. "Maybe I will." he agreed. And he planned on doing that ASAP. "Soon as I can move without it hurting." he sighed. But there wasn't time to think about that because right now there were kisses and kisses were a lot more important than the slight bit of pain he still felt and certainly a lot more important than his father.