Alanna Faulman (flighty_munk) wrote in light_of_may, @ 2010-03-28 22:59:00 |
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Entry tags: | 2009-07-08 |
Being followed by a moonshadow
Who: Alanna and Rowena
Where: Path in the park
When: Late morning
After typing up that Livejournal entry and locking it to private - like she wanted any of her friends to see that! Especially since some of them got talked about - Alanna changed into her jogging shorts and tank top, hopped in her car and drove to the park. She felt like running along paths surrounded by the woods, not on pavement. That took half of the fun out of it and after a night cooped up in a cage trying to tear her own aunt apart she really needed to unwind. Especially before she did what else she meant to and started firing off the mass texts. Because somehow? Those always ended up taking a solid few hours out of her day when she never got anything done. Jogging was serious business and her phone could not be distracting her by beeping every three steps.
It was probably way too hot to be running. Not that that really matters. July was always hot and August could be worse; August also meant pre-season track camp and Alanna was so not going to be caught out of shape for that. Full moons getting in the way or not she was one determined redhead. She also had a Nalgene bottle full of mostly ice and some water, knowing it would melt if she was out for as long as she normally was.
Rowena had spent the night doing... well, she wasn't really sure what she'd been doing, but that morning, she'd found herself again and once she'd been let out of the cage, Rowena had to get out. Caius was spending quality time with his grandparents and Rowena, well, Rowena was just walking. She wanted to get out of her head, out of her thoughts. Noah and the full moon were a deadly combination and it made her nauseous to even think of either one. The park hadn't been the best idea for her, as it wasn't far from the path she now walked that she'd met Noah in the first place, but something always brought her back to that place. Something always brought her back to him.
Trudging along slowly, she tried her best to think of other things, music or movies, or maybe giving Owen a call. She wondered what he'd been up to since the last time she saw him, but for now her brain just swirled with the things she was unable to remember from the previous night. At least she hadn't escaped. That was better than nothing. When the woman jogged past her, it took all Rowena had to not open her mouth and say what her brain thought. She smelled like a rodent. She wasn't sure what kind, but some sort of tiny furry thing and Rowena stopped in her tracks, her eyes flicking back as the woman passed by her. A squirrel maybe? A field mouse? She wasn't sure. Maybe she was a hamster. Whatever she was, it was rodent like and more so than just a pet. She was a were and Rowena could smell it on her.
Alanna had almost managed to get lost in the music playing on her iPod, bobbing her head along with the tunes. Her lips even started to move along with the song and she inclined her head slightly as she passed by a woman on the - wait. Alanna's steps slowed and then she stopped, eyes amazingly wide as she turned her head to find that whoever she was, she had stopped too. Were. Alanna's nose twitched and she took in a deep breath, unable to help herself. With the moon having just happened it was hard to not give into the urges to sniff and figure things out. Cat! Then it took her a moment to steady herself and not run off at a dead bolt. Human and a cat, remember. Were just like me. Which meant that she was not about to jump on her and claw her to bits like her inner chipmunk was insistently telling her was exactly what would happen if she stayed still. Licking her lips, Alanna reached up and flicked her earbuds out. "You stopped walking," she remarked, nerves showing in her voice. She could not help herself. Mostly because she had never met someone who smelled so much like a cat, only more wild. "You, umm... you're... you're a cat." With claws!
Rowena shouldn't have been surprised to see the girl stop as well. For a moment she just stared at her like Alanna seemed to do in response. Rowena didn't have any intentions of eating her - no matter what her inner lynx might have wanted to do - she didn't like rodents for dinner after all. At least the human part of her didn't. When the girl started speaking, Rowena could hear the nervousness in her voice as well as she could feel it radiating off of her skin. "Sort of." she told the girl, glancing one quick time around them to make sure that no one was listening to her conversation. "And your a rodent of some sort."
Rodent. Ugh, Alanna hated getting called a rodent. It was a term that she associated with rats and their whiskers and little paws and carrying around parasites with diseases... she shivered visibly, goosebumps popping up along her arms. "Technically yes," Alanna answered. Really, rodent? Did people just not know what a chipmunk was these days? They were everywhere! "I prefer chipmunk though, lot cuter than most rodents with better instincts." Instincts that were telling her to run away. No, not up a tree because cats could climb and that had bad news written all over it. "So if you're not a cat then um, type of cat? Not a housecat, but something more wild." Her scent of smell was good yeah, excellent compared to humans, but she could not pick up the same subtle undertones as, say, a wolf could.
"Sorry." Rowena said, frowning a little. She hadn't really meant to insult the girl. "Chipmunk then. And no, I'm not a housecat. A lynx." All because of the beast that had attacked her. She wasn't going to go into the details of her attack with this chipmunk girl, however. Taking a step towards her, she offered out a hand. "I'm Rowena." she told her. "And I'm not going to eat you." she promised.
A lynx! Definitely a wild cat and not a house cat, which meant even more dangerous. Though truth be told, Alanna was more curious than anything. Sure the scent scared her and the chipmunk inside really wanted her to go running, but her human side was mostly winning out. Because this woman did not really seem all that frightening. Until she stuck her hand out and Alanna realized that she was not wearing gloves. "Nice to hear that you're not going to eat me but, ummm, I can't shake your hand. Not because I think you're dirty!" But freaking out over a lack of images when she was just freshly out of the full moon? Bad idea. Reeeaaally bad idea. "My name's Alanna though and it's nice to meet you."
Rowena just stared at Alanna when she said that she couldn't shake her hand, but she didn't prod too much. "Alright." she said, dropping her hand back down to her side. "Nice to meet you too." She wasn't sure why she didn't want to shake her hand, but Rowena decided that leaving it be was probably the best thing to do. "Sorry that I wasn't more friendly right off the bat. Last night was a little difficult..."
Oh good, no pressure. Alanna had had some really awkward greetings when it came to that whole not shaking hands thing. Rowena just accepted it so hey, maybe people were getting better at things? One person is not the world. She did perk right up at the mention of last night being difficult. Hey, don't jump here, maybe she just had a bad hunt. If there was something that Alanna had learned from meeting were's it was that sometimes the borns could have a bit of a superiority complex. They, after all, did not change into monsters. Just animals. And they could have parties to celebrate the whole thing. "Did you, ummm, not have a good hunt?"
Hunt. Right. She wished she was a born were and not a bitten one. Being bitten was so much more difficult than being born, at least in her opinion. "No." she said, shaking her head a little. "I was bitten." she explained. "I spent the night out of my head. I don't even remember anything aside from the painful shift." she went on. "What about you? Born or bitten?" It probably wasn't best to have this conversation out in public, but she didn't hear anyone close by so she figured that it was alright, at least for now.
Bitten like her. Alanna did perk up, then realizing what she did instantly felt ashamed of herself. How dare she be happy to meet someone else who went through what she did? Jerk, she thought at herself, looking down at the ground and scuffing the toe of her shoe against the dirt. That smelled nice, fresh overturned earth. She knew how terrible it was to be a were so why would she be so happy to be face to face with someone who suffered like her? Because it means that she understands and who doesn't want to be understood "I'm a bitten," Alanna admitted slowly, her fingers twitching out a little dance on her hips. She shoved them behind her back to hide her little nervous tic. "About a year ago now so I'm almost... used to it I guess. Are you, are you new?"
"New, yes." Rowena said. She could tell that Alanna had perked up at hearing that she was bitten and upon the admittance, she understood why. It wasn't a bad thing to want to have people around that were like you and she didn't get angry at the girl. "Not long ago. It was only my second full moon actually." she admitted. "It's still hard. I'm not used to it. I wish I was, but honestly I can't even imagine getting close to used to it. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. I hate being a danger to the ones I love. To my child. It's awful."
New, ohhh Alanna remembered that. Though one thing to be glad about was the fact that Rowena seemed to be handling it a lot better than she had. Like she was out and about on her own the night after a full moon. Alanna had not been so lucky when it came to that, what with the whole losing her psychic abilities and freaking out over that on top of it... it had just not been a good time. "I don't think we ever get used to it," Alanna said. She was not. Okay so she had a routine but a routine did not mean that things were shiny and happy. It just meant that she knew what had to be done. Had to be even worse if there was a child involved. "But I know what you mean, exactly what you mean. And even without the moon it's like you're a ticking bomb just waiting to go off." One of her hands came up, fingers flying open to mimic an exploding bomb. "Just like that. Have you ever... just been the animal? Not the monster?" Not that Alanna even knew if Rowena thought of it as a monster, maybe that was a personal thing.
"Yes." Rowena said, nodding a little. That brought up old memories of Noah. He'd been the only one that had seen her as a lynx. "Just a few times though. I'm still getting used to that too." she admitted. "I didn't know how to for the longest time. At least I've figured out the who's and what's of that part of it. Have you? Ever been a chipmunk I mean?"
If it was only her second moon then yeah, Alanna could see why she was still getting used to it. Alanna had been nowhere used to all of the changes until she actually started to regain her sanity. "Yeah, I 've played around as a chipmunk before because it seemed like a good idea. But not often. I kind of... don't know how much I like it." Being an animal. Sure she was cute and fluffy and all of that but she was still an animal and the cuteness was temporary. The truth of the matter was that she was not cute and fluffy, she was a dangerous monster and needed to remember that. "It's like masking what I really am by being adorable and having fun. I don't feel... sorry, I don't think you need my issues dumped on you. You're so new that you definitely have your own."
"I doubt that being that small feels very safe." Rowena said. "I'd be afraid of being eaten or something." Though she probably shouldn't have said that out loud. It wasn't nice or bright to go ahead and make the girl a nervous wreck, she already seemed a little bouncy on her own. "I don't mind." she admitted, shaking her head a little. "Hearing other people's problems is a lot better than having to focus on my own."
Alanna's mouth dropped open and worked for a moment, nothing coming out but something that sounded a whole lot like a squeak. Afraid of being eaten, yes she was that. Totally afraid of that. She was afraid of that when she was a fully grown human! "Yeah that's pretty much one of the things that bothers me," Alanna agreed, rubbing at her arm to try and help the goosebumps go down. "Practically everything I come across smells like a predator and makes me want to bolt. I've been getting better at it clearly." A wry smile flicked across her face. "Otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you. And saying that you don't mind might as well be a free license. Ever heard a chipmunk chatter? I've been told I sound the same."
Rowena smiled at her and shook her head. "I don't mind." she assured the woman. It was actually nice to have chatter of any kind. It made her head stop reeling with all the other mess that tended to run through it. "It must be difficult to feel so jumpy all the time." she said. "I can't imagine what that's like. If it makes you feel better, I want to rub on things." she admitted. "Like press my cheeks against people. It's difficult to hold back."
So she did not mind. Huh. Alanna clearly should have moved to Scarlet Oak a long time ago because she had come across more people willing to accept her as she was, chatter and all, then it was definitely the place for her. For awhile. Shifting again she returned Rowena's smile in full. "I've gotten used to it, and actually, I've always been jumpy even before I got turned into this." When everything you touched set off a flash of memories and feelings not your own you learned how to avoid them even if it meant moving really fast. "That's actually... really cat-like and almost cute. Do you do it, rub against people I mean? Or things? To like, mark them or whatever?"
"Yes." Rowena admitted, scrunching up her nose a little. "It's an urge and I just do it. My son gets it so much that he expects it every night." she smiled. "And I've done it to complete strangers actually. More than I want to remember. It's hard to even talk to you without having that urge. It's like a constant state of resisting."
Cats had a reason for doing that, did they not? Alanna was sure that there had been something about that on the Discovery channel a few weeks ago. Like a need to claim or something. "It's like you're staking out territory," Alanna hazarded the guess, hoping Rowena would not get too offended. Or mad. "Just a cat thing, I guess, be grateful you're not a guy or you'd want to go around spraying... uhh..." Her cheeks turned a shade of pink and she looked down again. "At least it's something you do and get done with. You should see my apartment, there are little caches of nuts all over the place. It's ridiculous! I mean, convenient for snacking and all but still. It's like I tell myself to stop and then before I know it they're all back." She shrugged her shoulders, a baffled look on her face. "Animals urges are so strange."
"It is." Rowena admitted. "To mark people. Mark them as mine. People and things." she sighed. "And yes, I'm glad I'm not a man or I'd be unzipping my fly every five seconds." she chuckled. "I need to realize that things could be much, much worse than they are." She grinned when the girl talked about caches of nuts being all over her house. "Well, I can say I don't have nuts everywhere." she chuckled. "So there's that. But hey, it is that handy snacking thing so not all bad." she smiled. "Animal urges are definitely strange. At least I can resist it. A little."
Good, Rowena was not mad about the remark. If anything she seemed amused so Alanna felt a little relieved. "I don't think cats are very big on nuts." Otherwise she would not be afraid of them. Wasn't like she jumped every time a squirrel came around after all. "But uhh, please don't mark me? I do really bad when people touch me and it was just the full moon so... you know how it goes." Would not be fun, the exact opposite of fun and it would probably end with a trip to the hospital and seriously? She did not need Roxy to give her shit over taking her there a second time. And it was amazingly soothing to be able to talk to someone who had not always been this way. Born weres were seriously just different because they had grown up with it as much a part of them as their hands. "I'd say it gets better with time but mine haven't. If anything I think the chipmunk is on equal par with the human now. Or getting close. Maybe it's all the shifting."
"Not particularly." Rowena agreed. "I mean I don't mind them at all. I don't go hunting in trees for them though." She listened to the girl talk about doing bad when people touched her and that confused her a little. "I'll try not to." she promised. "I tend to try pretty hard not to make people uncomfortable with it. Why do you do badly when people touch you?" she asked her. "I know what you mean about being equal. I'm just as much lynx as I am human. It's really ridiculous."
A lynx, or even just Rowena like she was, going through the trees searching for nuts made Alanna giggle for a moment before she sobered up. Because Rowena was asking why she did not like being touched. Again that was something that tended to be a coin flip. People either accepted it and thought she was weird or learned the reason why... and thought she was possibly crazy. So first she addressed the whole human/animal equalness thing. "For borns it's like they were always that way, as much animal as human and they say we're supposed to be too. But I guess we fight it more because we weren't always. Being bitten is..." Unnatural. Sighing and scrubbing at the back of her neck Alanna glanced around and chose a fallen log to sit on. "Anyhow, I don't like being touched. It's um... you know any psychics?"
"No." Rowena admitted. "I know other things, but no psychics... yet anyway. So you're a psychic?" she questioned. She wasn't sure of how things like that worked. Could weres be psychics? Being new to the whole were thing was often more confusing than Rowena liked it to be. "Yeah... they just are used to it because it's always been that way. For twenty eight years I was one way though and now.. now I'm this..." It was certainly hard to cope.
That would have been like a slap in face and the absolute worst thing in the world to be a were AND a psychic. Or at least the sort of psychic that Alanna had been. "Oh no, no no no," she said, shaking her head. "Can't be both. If you're a were then that's it for you. At least that's what I've learned. I used to be a psychic, back before I got bit." On the finger. By a pissed off chipmunk who was also her friend. Irony was not her friend. "A clairsentinent. Touch-know, name says it all pretty much. It was really strong and so now if I touch things I half-expect to see and feel and hear things and when I don't it's always a little jolt, a little reminder that I'm different." At least when she had been a psychic she could be comforted with the fact that she was a human. "So I totally get coping issues, and past just the whole being an animal things. Sucks hardcore, all the way, every analogy for fail is being bitten. People who like it? Messed up."
Rowena couldn't imagine how awful it would be to touch people and see things. It would be horrible. Especially if they were things that you didn't want to see. She could have seen cheating boyfriends, lying friends, evil murderers on the train. She shook her head to shake away those thoughts and let out a little breath. "No wonder you didn't want to shake my hand." she said softly. "I don't think there's anyone that likes being bitten. But like you said, if there are, they're outside of their mind."
It was terrible, but as terrible as it had been... Alanna honestly missed it. Sometimes. It was a confusing mess, that whole thing, and she was glad to push it away now that she had explained enough to appease Rowena's curiosity. "I wouldn't have seen anything if I shook your hand." Okay, now she was done talking about it. Really this time. "And... I've actually heard of a few people who think it's not all that bad. But they don't know because they actually haven't been." And there it was again. Ariana and Max's faces swum up in her vision, those looks of longing that made her want to shake sense into them since they did not seem to hear it. "Really, I'd be happy to be some total human who never sees thing or changes into an animal and needs to hide nuts in random corners of my room. What was it like? Just being human." Something that Alanna had never been.
"I would love being human again." she sighed. "It was lovely. At least now I think so. When I was human and didn't know anything about all of this craziness that's out there, I thought my life was dull. Now it's certainly not dull, but I'd love to go back and just be 'normal' again. Of course then I think that there really isn't anything 'normal' about anyone. Everyone's got their problems no matter what they are. Humans aren't any different."
But humans only had the problems of life. Alanna was sure that she could have dealt with those problems so much easy. Only worrying about school and her internship and her family and friends... that was more than enough for anyone. It was adding on everything else that made it all so very confusing and headache-inducing. "That's one way to look at it, I suppose," she remarked, fingers tearing off a piece of dead bark to toy with. Her fingers never stood for being still after all and this was better than tapping out another senseless beat. "But then you stop and wonder... how many people are really just human? I re-met up with a friend I fell out of contact with for a year just to find out that she's like us, bitten that is. It's like humans can't just stay that way, almost." That totally made sense - to Alanna at least.
"That's true." Rowena said with a little sigh. "For all I know, there aren't any 'human's out there anymore at all. Hell, all those 'human rights activists' are probably just vampires or weres in disguise. You never really know anymore. I'd really love for one of those bastards out there hunting us to get bitten and become what we are." Stupid bastards. Rowena certainly didn't approve of the hunters she knew existed out there. Sure, they were maybe protecting people, some of them, but certainly others were evil and just in it for the cashflow and the murdering that they did. "Sorry, I rant apparently." she sighed.
Alanna was not sure she quite believed that. She was pretty sure her own family was full of humans outside of herself and her aunt. If not then her aunt would have known thanks to her abilities. Unless none of them knew... good question. Though Rowena's little rant made Alanna wince, the bark crumbling in her hand as her fingers clenched. She had never met a hunter, and hoped to keep it that way, and while she feared anyone who might kill her for being dangerous - which I am, I know that - she could not be hateful enough to wish that on someone else. Not after going through it herself. "Everyone rants... gets things off the chest and makes you feel better. Trumps holding it in, right? Do you, um, know a hunter or something?" Alanna hoped not because that would mean there was one there. Possibly.
"Sort of." she said. "Not a bad one though, I'm sure they're out there, but I got out once... and one tranquilized me... I bit him..." she sighed. "I didn't know!" she swore, because, well, she hadn't. "I wasn't in my head and I bit him and... he says he forgives me and it's alright, but I still bit him..." she frowned. That probably was the worst thing she'd ever done in her life. She certainly wasn't proud of it. It still bothered her to even think about it now. It had been a month. An entire month and yet she still thought about it. "I'm sorry. You probably don't want to hear about all that."
So Rowena had bitten someone. A bitten biting and making a bitten. Not really the sort of thing to make little jokes with herself about, but that was something Alanna herself feared doing. "So you still know him and he's like you?" Alanna asked. "And I don't mind hearing. I always talk so much that sometimes it's nice to listen. Like I said, there aren't really a whole lot of bitten's that I know and everyone's story is so different that I guess I want to know. And I know I'd feel guilty too so hey, can't say I blame you. Though it's not your fault since you didn't know!" Alanna could not apply the same standards to other people that she did her own self. That would be terribly judgmental.
"He's different. Not a lynx." she explained, letting out a breath. "But a feline. And yeah, I still know him, I feel guilty every time that I see him." she sighed. "I know it's not my fault, but still... I just wish I'd not have done it. I feel so bad for him. I feel like I launched him into this world and I didn't mean too." she muttered, brushing her hands through her messy waves of hair.
Alanna had no idea how Rowena must feel, and she was glad. She never wanted to know how that felt. Oh sure, she had a bit of an idea because she had seen the guilt in Jamie's eyes, but an idea was not knowing. "I'm sorry that you have to go through that. Especially so soon after getting turned yourself. Guess that's just proof that we need to be more careful than everyone else." Sure born's could change with a bite and that was the reason bittens existed in the first place, but they did not lose their minds when they were shifted. They were not dangerous. "I mean, I don't know what it's like but I don't mind listening if you need to get it out. Since I can understand the fear of, like, doing it."
"Well, I have a cage now that can hold me and I don't have to worry about getting out. I refuse to let myself get into that position again." Rowena told the woman. Having that little bit of piece of mind made things a lot better in her opinion. "What do you do on the full moon?" she asked. "Do you have a cage?" Alanna seemed sweet and the way that she was listening to her was nice for Rowena. She could talk to Raina all the time, and her sister would listen, but she'd never really understand fully. "Thank you. For listening to me."
"Oh, I have a cage." Alanna nodded, picking off another piece of bark and making a face when she realized that she had found a little grouping of grubs. Her inner chipmunk was delighted with the find but Alanna? Was so not eating those. Come on seriously? Having a conversation here! She replaced the bark and looked up at Rowena. "My friend locks me in and stays with me since it's her fault I'm like this; or my aunt comes down and does it. They switch off moons. And seriously, I'm fine with listening! I know what it's like to not have another bitten around to chat with so... I like being able to help, I guess."
"At least you have someone to stay with you." Rowena said. "My sister would stay with me, but she usually watches Caius, my son, and I'd really rather him not be anywhere around me if possible." she explained. "I guess I'd really rather no one be around me when I'm like that. I get someone to lock me up early and get out and then come late to unlock me the next morning. At least that's what I did last night and it worked for me. And it is. Helping me." Rowena told her. "Just listening. Even if you don't say anything, just being able to get it out... feels relieving."
Alanna had not really asked for her aunt or Jamie to stay with her. Her aunt had decided that first shift that she was going to stay and Jamie had jumped in to help too. Jamie needed to help though because it helped alleviate her sense of guilt. Alanna understood that. "Jamie's the one who bit me so I think it makes her feel better to be with me, you know?" Alanna had stopped hating Jamie and they had been friends forever, why would she deny her that? "But I get it with the kid thing..." She cheered up visibly at the idea of being helpful by hardly doing anything. "Like getting a rock off your chest. Tell you what, I'll give you my number and that way you can totally talk anytime. Though I warn you, I have a habit of mass texting when things happen. And things happen a lot to this chipmunk. Funny things... usually."
"Exactly." Rowena said with a nod. It was like lifting a great weight off of herself just letting it all out and having someone actually understand what she was going through. "I don't mind the mass texting." Rowena smiled, pulling her phone out of her pocket and getting the number from the girl. "I'll actually look forward to it." she said. Taking a brief moment to send a text to the number she was given, she smiled at Alanna. "And now you have my number too. And the whole talking thing goes both ways." she assured her. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm always around."
One more person to text and talk with. Seriously, Alanna doubted that she had ever had so many contacts in her life! It was a nice little feeling, a warm glow to take away from the chill that the full moon always left. "Well then I'm sure we'll be hearing from each other from before too long, huh?" she asked, smiling as she repocketed her cell and bounced to her feet. "But since we've had such a nice little chat, I need to get back to my run. Have to keep in shape for the season since it's coming up pretty fast. You going to be alright? I mean not that there was anything wrong in the first place but, uh... you know." Never hurt to ask.
"I'll be alright." Rowena assured the girl. "It was nice to meet you. Maybe we can do something sometime." she suggested. One more friend would certainly help her feel a little less moody she was sure. "And I'm not always such a pile of sad." She went on. "Maybe next time we see each other, I'll be in a much better mood. Go on though, get to that run of yours." she said, motioning on in the direction the girl had been going. "I'll catch you later. Well, not catch you, but you know what I mean."
Good that she would be alright, not so good that her simple use of the word 'catch' made Alanna's breathe catch in her throat as she tensed up a little. She's kidding and talking like a normal human. Oh my god, Alanna, get a better grip on yourself! You're not really a chipmunk!! Sometimes it just happened to be a little hard to remember things like that. Offering a weak smile she laughed and nodded, "yeah, right, totally. Have a good day, Rowena!" She waved a hand to give a little wave before starting back off the way she had been going, muscles warming back up rather quickly since she had not been stopped for too long. Huh, maybe things weren't so bad after all if she could just talk and forget her problems. Awesome.